Can I Move On?

Posted 08-27-2012 at 12:44 PM by Krista

As some of you may recall from my previous writings I experienced a miscarriage in December of last year. We were not trying at that time, and were actually still using birth control consistently. I stopped taking birth control pills two months ago, after my husband J and I decided we were ready to expand our family. It has been two days since my last miscarriage.

The last one nearly destroyed my husband and I as a couple. I had strong feelings for this child I have never met, and my husband does not consider it to have been a child at all. We dealt with our guilt in different ways: I cried, I mourned, I became depressed. He became angry and cold at times. We distanced ourselves from one another.

I am hoping we have learned from our past mistakes. Now will be the test. Though I am upset, I do not feel nearly as strongly as I did before. For one, I had no idea I was pregnant, whereas before even though we had not been trying I knew I was

Diaper Swapers

Living on a Budget

Posted 08-23-2012 at 01:21 PM by Krista

I don’t know about you, but there are months that I find it really hard to stick to the budget. And once that happens, you end up using the emergency credit card—just this one time, you tell yourself—and then are in the hole next month because now you have to pay off said credit card. Is it just me? It feels like we’re on a spiral lately.

So bad, in fact, that my husband who allowed me ninety-nine percent management of our finances has gotten involved. Now, don’t get me wrong: I am not completely awful at this. I have improved our credit scores greatly. However, I think like most people I don’t always watch where our money is going. Once J told me he wanted to help me with the finances I began to spend more freely. I’m not sure why, entirely. I thought that if he was “watching” it then it was under control. I think it goes the same with him when I am keeping track of it. We both want to do better, we know what we need to do, it just seems hard to put into practice.

We do have a game plan: it’s called a budget. Our biggest problem is impulse spending. I am especially bad about this when I am upset. Recently I experienced my second miscarriage in seven months, and our plan went out the window. I bought new clothes (on clearance, but still, we couldn’t afford them) and cooked expensive dinners every night that week despite the leftovers in the fridge. It wasn’t until I began tallying up our expenses for the month that I realized how out of hand it had gotten.

So, the first thing you have to do if you want to get your finances under control is to figure out where the money is going, and where you can tighten up. Secondly, make a budget. Since my husband and I cannot just have no money, I am allotting each of us a seventy-five dollar monthly allowance. This is for things like my Starbucks or his Monster energy drinks. Maybe it seems a bit juvenile, but we’re really hoping it will help us get things cleared up—mainly, get those credit cards paid off!

The third thing to remember is that it is so important for both you and your partner to be a united front where your money is concerned!

Miscarriage: Part 2

Posted 08-23-2012 at 11:07 AM by Krista

Here we are again. Back in December of last year I had a miscarriage that left me reeling for months both physically and emotionally. I have written about it frequently, and had wonderful support from you ladies. Now, I find it is that time again. This past Friday, during a movie with a girlfriend I began experiencing horrible cramps. She noticed my discomfort and asked me what was wrong.

“It feels like something is tearing,” I explained of the pain.

Of course, I knew what it felt like; I’d felt it before, and those memories rushed at me. I didn’t start bleeding until the following night, which confirmed my fears. My husband and I have not been trying, per se, but have been off birth control for the past two months. We jokingly refer to my husband’s sperm as “super sperm” and he proudly calls it the “one shot, one kill” because we usually get pregnant within the first month, whether we want to or not.

When the Kids Are Away

Posted 08-23-2012 at 10:55 AM by whitneywalters

My oldest two children went to their grandparent’s house for a couple days recently. My husband’s parents live a couple of hours away from us and while we still see them fairly often they like having the older kids come and stay a few days in the summer. Usually my three year old daughter is not phased when her brother and sister are gone since they like to spend the night with my parents at least once every two weeks but this time it was much different.

The first night they were gone Kairi was fine. We took her and Amelia to the zoo and spent some extra time playing with just her. When she woke up the next day I noticed she was not happy with them being gone. She asked for them a couple times and I told her they would be back soon. She cried a little but I was able to make her happy by letting her watch a couple extra episodes of Dora.

Day two came a long and she was a nightmare. She was being naughty, not listening, throwing major fits and overall she was not a happy girl. I had Chris call his parents that night and let them know we needed to have the kids come back the next day. They had thought about keeping them a couple more days but we knew that Kairi really wanted them to come back.

Define Normal

Posted 08-22-2012 at 10:15 AM by Krista

What is a normal mother/daughter relationship? I have been thinking on this quite a bit lately. As some of you know, I have been having family issues that have been causing me to revisit troubled parts of my past in hopes of making a different future for my girls. My mother was told that she would never have children. She and my father tried every infertility cure they could find, and in the end they did end up having two girls. I was the firstborn.

My mother and I have rarely gotten along. There are few good memories about her and me while I was growing up. While we have come to a better relationship since I moved out and had children of my own, there is still a lack of closeness between us. She and my sister, on the other hand, are like sisters themselves. My sister calls my mom her best friend. They have matching tattoos, they are planning on being baptized together and my mom is even coming to my sister’s bachelorette party next month (please note: we will be going to a strip club!).

Wasting Food

Posted 08-22-2012 at 09:52 AM by whitneywalters

This is a subject that I am sure all moms can relate with me about. My kids waste a lot of food and it is driving me insane. I have tried just about everything out there to get them to eat their food. I start with small portions and offer more if they are still hungry, I try hard to come up with healthy dishes that everyone will like, I have covered the plates and given it to them again the next day and I have even tried the starving children in Africa talk ( which got me nowhere since they just looked at me and said they would give them their food ).

I am also ashamed to admit that my kids are not the only ones that is guilty of wasting. I recently cleaned the fridge out and we threw out more food than I want to admit. I have a bad habit of cooking too much, then it goes in the fridge and we rarely use it again. My husband does take left overs to work with him but we still end up throwing out a lot. It has become my goal to stop doing this. There is no excuse for us to be wasting as much as we are.

The first thing I am going to do is start cooking smaller amounts at meal times. I am trying to make enough for that meal and one extra plate so Chris can take it to work with him. When we have soup I will freeze whatever does not get eaten that night in small bowls and then he can take it with him at a later date.

You Need Therapy

Posted 08-21-2012 at 12:56 PM by HollyRay

I have a unique situation. Recently my mother had been harping that my husband and I needed to go to therapy, her reasoning holds no water, she is projecting in the worst way, but that’s not the point.

Therapy can be a great thing, but I think some people need to realize that therapy doesn’t “fix” a person into someone you want them to be. Therapy isn’t where you just go “get it off your chest” and suddenly nothing bothers you anymore.  Therapy is a place for you to work on things you need/want to work on, it allows you the ability to be human without judgement, and at the end you hopefully come out with a few tools to help you in your day to day life. Tools such as ways of handling stress/anger/sadness, a new view point, a sense of self worth, etc.

I’ve been to therapy for various different reasons at different points in my life, recently I spent a few sessions in therapy for one reason: to get my extended family off my back. My dear ole’ mom while harping about couples therapy also decided it would be a grand idea to tell my mother in-law and my grandmother in-law that she wanted us to seek counseling.

I Choose To Stay Home

Posted 08-21-2012 at 12:48 PM by whitneywalters

I have been a work out of the house mom and a stay at home mom in the six years I have been a mother. When I had my first son I worked full time but was lucky since I was able to bring him with me until he was six months. I worked at a coffee shop owned by my family. I am really glad I had a job that allowed him to come with me, on the days I did leave him with my husband I always missed him so much.

My parents sold our shop when my son was six months old and I started working part time at our  local US Cellular. At that time  I was also pregnant with my second child. I hated working there, I missed my little boy so much and I was miserable. When my little girl was born my husband and I made the choice to have me stop working. This would mean less money for us but we wanted me to be able to be with them. It was amazing. I was so happy to be with them all the time.

Fast forward four years and two more children I was still home, we were starting to do really well and then the unthinkable happened, Chris was laid off. After a lot of talking we decided it would be best for me to work part time while he looked for a new job.

To My Junebug Mamas

Posted 08-21-2012 at 11:41 AM by HollyRay

Nearly three years ago I stumbled into a Due Date Group, I had found out I was pregnant and I was really lonely, no one was going to be excited about my baby. My husband and I weren’t sure how to feel, on one hand we were OVER THE MOON excited, on the other we had been seriously considering not having any more children after a huge amount of drama with our first child so we didn’t want to share the news with anyone.

The women that formed the Junebug group were a rare bunch, I immediately liked them, and what was awesome is we all shared a need to hurl our lunches on a regular basis. We cried for the losses, prayed through the close calls, and clung to the moments when we so desperately wanted the child inside of us to take a break from kicking us in just one spot, yet we would have had a pregnancy meltdown and drank a gallon of orange juice if they ever really did.

Baby Sign Language

Posted 08-20-2012 at 10:07 AM by Krista

Both of my children have been signed up for speech therapy due to language delays. It’s ironic that before I had a baby I always said I would do baby sign language because I’d heard it was so good for them. I never got around to it, and what does the therapist suggest is the best thing to do to increase my youngest daughter’s language skills? Yep, that’s right: baby sign language. While she is signing she will not only say the word as she does it, but she also is empowered to be able to communicate with me which has decreased some of the daily frustration we have.

My oldest won’t begin her speech therapy sessions until next month, but even she has picked up on the signs I have taught her sister, and she is just doubly reinforcing them, which is great. It has helped them both to better communicate with us, and since communication is so important it really has helped us not have as many tantrums. I have noticed that since learning sign language my youngest who, when we began said absolutely nothing but an occasional “Mama” now talks more. She has added words such as “mine” (of course—a toddler favorite!) “me”, “alright” and “you’re welcome.” I am so thrilled with her progress.