I wake up and my eyes widen as they catch sight of the clock: 8:34. I haven’t slept past seven in two months. What is going on? My first thought: what happened to the kids? I jump out of bed, race down the hall, only to see that my daughter’s door is already open. I’m leaping down the stairs two at a time, and I come to a halt at the bottom.
I have some vague memory of her trying to wake me, but for once, my mommy autopilot was shut off. And I will pay dearly for that extra sleep, because while I was enjoying some much needed rest, Ms. Alison had to keep herself entertained. It looks like she succeeded marvelously.
An entire bucket of formula is poured out onto the counter. She has sprayed water on the counter, and attempted to scrub the goo into the countertop using a Brillo pad. I might as well have flushed $30 down the drain, and I know I will have to work all day on that countertop.
She has pulled out the candy jar, and little pieces of golden foil form a trail leading into the living room. Her hands, face, and anything she has touched are smeared with chocolate. These include the computer, the phone, and every toy we have. Speaking of my computer, my monitor is now green, courtesy of her flair for art.
I take a couple of deep breaths to stop myself from screaming. Am I the only one who has these days? I feel like such an awful mom every time I think to myself I need a
break from my life. Or, worse still, When did this happen? When did my life turn into endless days of cleaning up poop stains and comforting crying children?
I feel like a traitor. My husband and I struggled to get pregnant, and I was so sure I would love each and every moment. I don’t. I was sure I would be able to wax poetic about everything, from the joys of potty training to their temper tantrums. I could try, but I doubt I would be successful.
Parenting can be so hard, so frustrating and unbelievably challenging. I ask myself every day if I am even doing it correctly, and I doubt I will have that answer for many, many years.
Sorry for the vent, ladies, but I chose to share this so that if there are others who feel like I do, that they can know they are not alone.
Thought I would also show you what I found at the end of the trail of destruction.
Yes, moments like this make it seem all worthwhile.