While I was pregnant, a few people cautiously warned me that some friendships wouldn’t endure motherhood. I had no doubt they were right, but sort of put it in the back of my mind, thinking I’d cross that bridge when it was in front of me. As it turns out, the bridge was crossed within days of my son’s birth.
Sadly, there are friends who no longer return my calls, who no longer want to hang out with me unless the baby’s at home. They don’t acknowledge his presence or ask how he’s doing – they ignore him. And while I don’t understand it and want to question it, I don’t. I’ve always felt so obligated to do everything in my power to save a friendship since I so strongly feel the urge to be able to walk away from a friendship with the sense that I have given it my all and that its failure is not due to a lack of effort on my end but something bigger and deeper. I hate abandoning friendships, I hate having to walk away, but that’s a decision I have to make if the relationship is no longer healthy for me. Because in the end the decision is simple: if you don’t love my child, you don’t love me.
Some friendships have become even more amazing since my son’s birth; for a few people, I’ve seen a new and amazing side to them. I love that there are people who can shed their friendship and love on both me and my son; these are the people who genuinely make me feel like our lives are richer, healthier, and more wonderful because they’re in them. His face lights up when he sees these people. They ask to hold him and cuddle him like he’s their own.
New friendships have grown because of my son, too, and I’m incredibly thankful for those. I love having like-minded mamas and papas in my life. I love having people with babies my son’s age to share our experiences with. So I guess in the end if I’m short a few old friends it’s ok because I’m ahead a lot of love from new ones.