Babies + Friendships

Posted 11-3-2010 at 08:56 PM by brewanothercup

While I was pregnant, a few people cautiously warned me that some friendships wouldn’t endure motherhood.  I had no doubt they were right, but sort of put it in the back of my mind, thinking I’d cross that bridge when it was in front of me. As it turns out, the bridge was crossed within days of my son’s birth.

Sadly, there are friends who no longer return my calls, who no longer want to hang out with me unless the baby’s at home.  They don’t acknowledge his presence or ask how he’s doing – they ignore him. And while I don’t understand it and want to question it, I don’t.  I’ve always felt so obligated to do everything in my power to save a friendship since I so strongly feel the urge to be able to walk away from a friendship with the sense that I have given it my all and that its failure is not due to a lack of effort on my end but something bigger and deeper.  I hate abandoning friendships, I hate having to walk away, but that’s a decision I have to make if the relationship is no longer healthy for me.  Because in the end the decision is simple: if you don’t love my child, you don’t love me.

Some friendships have become even more amazing since my son’s birth; for a few people, I’ve seen a new and amazing side to them.  I love that there are people who can shed their friendship and love on both me and my son; these are the people who genuinely make me feel like our lives are richer, healthier, and more wonderful because they’re in them.  His face lights up when he sees these people.  They ask to hold him and cuddle him like he’s their own.

New friendships have grown because of my son, too, and I’m incredibly thankful for those. I love having like-minded mamas and papas in my life. I love having people with babies my son’s age to share our experiences with.  So I guess in the end if I’m short a few old friends it’s ok because I’m ahead a lot of love from new ones.

Filed Under: General

Comments

5 Responses to “Babies + Friendships”

  1. ChicanaCoqueta on November 4th, 2010 4:14 pm


    it definitely changes your life in more ways than you imagined

  2. Kbunz14 on November 7th, 2010 1:57 am


    oh I totally know! I would say I lost one of my best friends that I’ve known since 4th grade the week I had my daughter. I can’t really remember life before my DD and obviously my friend (who lives the opposite life that I do) can’t realate to what I’m going though. We went from talking everyday, to maybe once every couple months and I dread talking. On the other hand, I’ve met amazing women (and men) who are at the same place in their life as me and our friendships have blossomed in ways I couldn’t have imagine!
    In the end, my baby means more to me then any friendship (hubby is a close second lol).

  3. porcelain on November 13th, 2010 11:13 pm


    “In the end, if you don’t love my child, you don’t love me.” Well said!

    And, we’ve become friends with so many people that we wouldn’t normally have met, because we have children the same age; our babies have brought us together.

  4. koobie on December 14th, 2010 8:13 pm


    Just a thought from the other side of the coin.

    Have you ever thought that maybe some of the friends that you have lost are infertile?

    I have suffered from infertility for over four years. When some of my best friends had babies, our relationship ended. Not because I wanted it to, not because I didn’t love their babies, but because the pain was too great for our friendship to continue.

    There are friends that I love dearly, and I love their children. I really do. I love them to the depths of my soul. But my inability to have children at that moment in time colored our friendships. I couldn’t ask about the baby. I couldn’t visit him or go shopping with mom and baby. It was easier if I could continue my friendship sans baby. And, since that isn’t really possible once someone becomes a mom, our friendships ended.

    Just another perspective to think about. It might not be that they don’t love your baby or you, but that it is just to difficult to acknowledge what you have and they don’t.

  5. burtonbaby on December 20th, 2010 5:47 am


    I have found that since I have had children, my family has become my friends and I have found it really hard to make new friends with kids. We moved back home after having our first child and left all our good friends 8 hours away and the old friends in our home town seem to be strangers now.

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