Posted 08-4-2015 at 06:08 PM by admin
Sibling Rivalry Happens | Tips To Get Through It
Sibling rivalry happens in almost every family. It doesn’t matter the kids ages, from toddlers to adulthood, siblings will have days of jealousy, arguments, and some will compete with one another. This is normal. However, it can get out of control.
Coming from a family of 9 kids, I’ve had my share of sibling rivalry. And, I’ve seen it crop up in my four children as well. Below are some tips to help:
One on one time – It’s very important for kids to feel independent and loved by their parents. Consider taking some alone time with each child to do something special. Choose an activity that the child likes or is interested in and spend the day one on one together enjoying that activity. Once a month or every other week is a great place to start.
Acceptance of feelings – It’s normal for siblings to get angry or jealous of one another. That is normal human behavior. Let your children know that you understand their feelings. Validate them. And listen instead of constant reprimanding or punishment. Open communication is just as important for children as it is for you and your partner.
Family discussions – Discuss issues as a family. Let each child speak openly and help them problem solve. They will need these skills for life. Allowing them to talk it out with one another with the parents facilitating the discussion will work wonders.
Family Praise – Encourage your children to compliment each other starting at a very young age. Encouraging and complimenting one another as young children will continue through their teenage years, which tends to be very hard years.
Role Model – Be a role model. The way you and your partner treat one another is seen by everyone in the house. If they see positive relationships they will model your behavior as well. Keep heated discussions away from the kids eyes and ears if possible.
Financial change is hard on most people, but it’s hardest on smaller children They don’t quite understand what’s going on and why things are changing. They want old luxuries that are no longer available to the. It can be hard on mom and dad too, as they try to help their toddler accept the new reality of their life. Here are a few things to keep in mind if you should ever find yourself in such a situation.
Talking About It
Toddlers don’t understand the concept of money. What they will understand is that some of the things they are used to will be taken away. That’s why it’s important to take away as little as possible. For example Netfilx and cable may be downsized and with them shows your child likes to watch, but you could find some free shows on Hulu. You could also have DVDs or downloads of favorite shows or activities so there isn’t an expense attached to the luxury.
Look On The Bright Side
Rather than saying that you won’t be able to afford pudding cups, talk about how you will get to make pudding together. Instead of saying that you will spend less time at museums or water parks talk about discuss how you will spend more time in the back yard working on the new garden or at the local public park. This can introduce a sense of calm to your child and the assurance that they will not be giving up all the fun in their life.
If Changes Require A Move
Try to keep the things your toddler owns. Use the same bedroom furniture, stuffed animals and night light. Make sure they keep their special toys on hand, so they know it’s not being left behind and make a big deal about it. This won’t just save money. it will give you child a sense of security when they are on the move and settling in to a new place.
It’s one of those mornings. Everyone is crying. Someone didn’t want toaster pastries for breakfast. Or at least not the toaster pastries on their plate. Someone who is learning to walk has fallen down again. They keep trying to use mom as a steadying object but mom moved because she didn’t know. Oh the betrayal! Mom is longing for a time when she made people happy and the world was quiet.
We have all been there and it’s not the Disney Land of parenthood. So how do we get through the gauntlet of tears without losing our own minds?
Remember You Tried
It’s so easy to forget that five minutes ago your child made the choice of what he was eating for break fast, or that you spent fifteen minutes walking your daughter around while holding her hands. Then before you let go you made sure she was steady. Some days the storm of the toddlers is coming no matter what you do. You tried anyway and responded in love.
During the season of tantrums it’s difficult to find your funny bone, but when you do you can turn all those tears to laughter. Pretend to cry too. Throw yourself on the floor. Tell your child to make you breakfast. It often throws you children off guard and they begin to laugh themselves. When all else fails start a tickle war. You may not have a whole lot of time, but this could make the rest of your morning routine easier for everyone to get through.
Hold Your Ground
In spite of the tears of your little one, you need to hold strong on family rules and how they treat others. Enforce a quick time out and tell them that angry or sadness doesn’t buy rude or violent behavior. Then hold on until the storm blows itself out.
Your second child is turning one. Congratulations. You want to throw a great party for them and that’s your right as a parent. Your older child ( most likely in their toddler or preschool years) aren’t so sure what that means. How can we make their siblings birthday a special day without making or older child feel left out? Here are a few tips.
Plenty Of People Your Oldest Knows
One of the best ways to keep an older child from feeling left out at your one year old’s birthday party is to have plenty of family and friends around that they know. Even though your little one year old is getting a whole lot of attention, your older child will also have plenty of attention.
Make The Oldest Part Of The Ritual
Have your toddler pass the presents to their younger sibling to unwrap. Let them “help” unwrap some of the bigger items that you know your one year old just isn’t going to be able to tear into.
Let Your Toddler Play With The Presents
Often there are more presents than a one year old can play with at one time. Let your little birthday baby pick a few to play with and then let your older children play nicely with the rest. make it clear these are the one year old’s toys, but also let your child know that sharing goes both ways.
What Is The Oldest Looking Forward To?
If your older child is looking forward to cake on your one year old’s birthday use that to get them excited about the party. If they are looking forward to seeing grandparents, use that to help them look forward to the party. Make sure that they get plenty of time playing with Granny or that favorite uncle, or that they get a nice piece of cake. Older children look forward to the fun of a party, not the birthday baby turning one. That’s a parent thing.
It’s finally happened. Your toddler has been put down for their nap. You sit down with a blanket and a good book. Then a shadow crosses the doorway. There stands your defiant toddler. Nap time is over before it began and this is becoming the normal routine. How do you adjust to the lack of nap time in your life?
Try transforming nap time into quiet time. Your child doesn’t have to be in bed and the bedroom door doesn’t even need to be closed. It’s just a time for them to play quietly in their room. It gives them time away from you, the ability to entertain themselves and you a little peace and quiet. It can also lengthen the time that your child can remain patient. Don’t make quiet time as long a nap time, but forty five minutes to an hour can be beneficial to both you and your child.
Fun Time Afterwards
Quiet time should immediately be followed up by something fun and possibly out doors. It could be blowing bubbles or water play. It could also be going into the kitchen and making a snack with mommy. Use a child friendly recipe so you little one can be a big help in the kitchen. Another thing that you could do is give your child a choice between three activities after quiet time. This give them the opportunity to pick what fun activity to have, but leaves you in control of the choices.
Not A Punishment
Quiet time should never be used as a punishment. This doesn’t teach your child to play quietly or to keep themselves occupied. It teaches them they will be put in their room every time the act up and quiet time should be avoided at all cost. Instead, when putting a child in time out, use a chair the have to sit in rather than their room. Make sure there is a defining difference between timeout and quiet time.
Picking a park used to be as simple as walking down the street to the park closest to you. It’s not quite so easy anymore. There are many other things that need to be considered when picking a park for you and your little one to visit.
One of the first things you want to look at when picking a park to visit with your child is the number of other children there. While you may not want an overcrowded park, you don’t want you child playing there only with you either. Make sure there are plenty opportunities for along side play. You can do this by picking a time after work hours or after school when more parents come out with their children. You can also schedule a park group with like minded friends to ensure that someone is there to play.
You need to make sure that the park area is clean and maintained regularly. This can be done by visiting a park a few times. Check for broken glass, cigarette butts and other debris. Also check for adult materials (used condoms or needles). Many parks are great at first glance, but under more scrutiny are not a place you want your child to hang out at.
Condition Of Equipment
Are the swings broken or unhinged? Is the equipment old? What kind of material will your child be falling on if the should jump out of the swing or go down the slide to quickly? Also consider the bar gaps of the play equipment. I know it sounds silly but you don’t want anyone one’s head stuck between the bars.
You want the park to be a t least partially closed off from the parking lot. It keeps kids from running out in traffic. It also corrals them a little and makes it easier for you to keep track of them.
We would all like to say that our children would never do that. My child would never bite, hit, scratch or kick someone. If they did it was in self defense and the other child must have done something to instigate it. It’s sad when we are faced with the reality that’s just not true.
Toddlers can be violent. I know from experience. My little one went through a phase where he seemed to want to knock my teeth out with the back of his head whenever he didn’t get his way. How do we deal toddler tantrums and nip that tendency for physical violence in the bud?
More Violence Is Not The Answer
In many countries corporeal punishment for children is outlawed. In many states in the US the same applies, and the number is growing. Whether you believe that spankings or hand slaps are a proper form of punishment or not, you have to acknowledge that this way of punishment will soon not be accepted by our society.
It’s just as well. It’s incredibly difficult to teach children the value of not behaving violently by behaving violently towards them. The only thing that teaches our children, is that violence is not acceptable until you are big enough to get away with it. They may obey you for now (for fear of physical retaliation) but they will start testing that line again when they are old enough. Not only that, they may incorporate it into their parenting style later in life.
The answer is not getting our way by acting in the way we are telling our children is not acceptable.
There are many ways to get through to a child without the use of physical punishment. There are time outs, taking toys away, or removing them from a fun situation. Insist on apologies when a child does something wrong. Take away television, internet or device privileges.
Set rules and limits as well as consequences and post them in a place your child will see often. Make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page and work together. Together follow through with the consequences. Remain calm as you explain to your child why they are being punished, even when the child is having a melt down over the consequences of their actions.
When all else fails call in the professionals. I don’t mean your parents. Talk to your pediatrician about tactics to use with your child.
This will take a great deal of patience and, most likely longer to get through to your child, but it will be worth it.
We all love it when our little one displays any evidence of becoming an upstanding citizen… Well, mostly. Toddler’s have a way of helping, and sometimes not in the best ways. They break things, spill things, and make huge messes all in the name of helping. How do you help your little helper become less of a disaster and more the hard working little person they want to be?
Points For Trying
Little ones should be complimented on the things they are trying to do right. Did they help put the laundry away (in all the wrong bedrooms and drawers)? Compliment them on helping with the laundry and teach them the proper places for the laundry to go. You can also compromise your routine to make helping easier. For example have then carry the socks to a family member’s room and place them on the bed, even if previously you have put the socks into a drawer yourself. This way your little one has something to help with that comes with simple requests.
Little ones are okay doing a different job to help out when you make a big deal about it. They may come in ready to help cut vegetables for dinner, but when asked to stir the salad until the ingredients look really mixed they can puff out their little chests and do that instead. Be sure to lather on the gratitude for helping you and the praise at dinner time. Little ones love to know their help was well received.
Say An Age Limit
There may be a certain activity that your little one is really excited about helping you with. The only problem is that they aren’t old enough and it’s not a safe job. Instead of telling them that they can’t help, tell them they can when they reach whatever age you deem appropriate for that activity. For example, if my toddler wants to help me pull things out of the oven, I tell him he can when he’s five, but for now he can get me the pot holders out of the drawer.
My little son and I had a conversation about clothing the other day as I was picking out my outfit for the day. I learned a lot about his point of view when it comes to clothing, make up and the purpose of wearing clothes. Here are a few of the the things he told me ( cleaned up and clarified).
Make Up Is Stupid
Mommy was in the bathroom putting stuff on her face. It takes time and she’s worried about getting it just right. The problem is she’s also trying to look like the stuff isn’t on her face and I really don’t see the point. Why put it on at all if you want to look like your wearing it? Now I’m all for the dramatic look accomplished by smearing the lip stick across your face, but if you just wearing it to wear it, don’t bother.
Mommy should wear flowers. They need to be bright colorful flowers. It needs to be flowers because flowers always smell good. Oddly the flowers on your shirt smell like your perfume. It makes sense since I think perfume comes from flowers.
If you aren’t going to wear flowers you need to wear something equally pretty and colorful (because you’re a girl, and regardless that you have taught me color has nothing to do with gender, I still think mommy is prettier in color) like butterflies.
You will notice that I like to rub your back. That’s because I like the various ways your clothes feel. I like when you wear soft velvet like clothing in the winter months. It’s like petting a rabbit when I pat your arm. In the cooler months you wear rayon. It feels smooth like I imagine a snake would feel. That was a compliment.
The object of getting dressed is not to wear the same color together. It is to get as many colors into your outfit as possible. This can be done with mismatched socks and bright neon prints. If you also want to throw in a Ninja Turtle or a super hero (Hello Kitty counts) you can’t go wrong.
Mommy… What happened?
The art of Motherhood seems to be a thankless job (unless, of course, you threaten to make your spouse do it for a week) but there are some moments that define the job. In fact it isn’t likely to happen anywhere else, except in the work place of mom. You just have to laugh and chalk it up to motherhood.
You know you’re a mom when:
– You yell “Don’t put the dog’s tail in your mouth!” in a public place.
– Your toddler is following so closely that when you stop they bounce off your backside and into a wall.
– Part of your laundry system involves disassembling a car seat, washing the cover, and reassembling it again. If you have more than one child you can do each car seat assemble in about five minutes.
– You wake up at 5am without setting an alarm clock. You also wake up to little eyes and a teddy bear staring at you from the side of the bed.
– Part of your toilet routine is attacking the little fingers that appear under the closed door.
– You still feel anxiety and guilt coupled with exasperation for closing the bathroom door.