As I mentioned in a previous post, I had an appointment with a new OBGYN today. Now, first I have to say this: while I do feel the time was right to change, that in doing so we increased our chances of getting pregnant by being proactive and seeing someone who will help us know what to do…I still felt like I was cheating on my previous OBGYN. He has seen me through two pregnancies, two deliveries, both healthy, happy little girls. I felt odd thinking I will not see his office, his quirky smile or soft, soft hands (hey! That is a valuable tool for a gynecologist to have, OK!) again.
OK, I admit it. I have always been that person, afraid of hurting other people’s feelings. Will my leaving break his heart? Doubtful. Will he even notice? Also doubtful. And I will definitely miss the sweet, friendly staff…
Still, even with all of that being said I had a wonderful appointment. My new doctor was very surprised that we hadn’t had any tests run yet after this amount of time TTC. He has ordered several to check my ovulation, my tubes, blood work to look at my PID…each question I asked he already had an action plan for. I feel like I can breathe a big sigh of relief—no, we’re not pregnant yet, but I am feeling a small bud of hope begin to bloom where I once felt like I had none left.
Even if we never conceive again, for whatever reason, at least I won’t be left wondering. At least I will know I did everything I could. And that in itself is worth a little guilt.