Being a parent is so, so hard. You know, today I had several moments where I wondered what I ever was thinking when I decided to reproduce. You know those Facebook statuses about people needing to pass a test before being allowed to become parents? Today I wondered what my score might have been.
I know these last few sentences sound like I am throwing myself a pity party, and trust me, at some point I’ll get over it. I’m not looking for attention, I swear. I’m just feeling very overwhelmed, and when wondering who to share it with I thought, who better than other mothers?
Today at my daughter’s speech appointment the director came out to speak with me—uh oh!—about my daughter’s progress. She first asked me how she was doing since beginning therapy. I absolutely raved about how much better she was doing, how much better she was able to communicate and how it had given us a better relationship. She seemed simply conversational…
Until she dropped the bomb she’d come to deliver. She said that my daughter was far behind her peers. She needed to be able to write her name—seriously? She just turned four. I had no clue. She needed to be able to organize things into a pattern…be able to use a computer mouse…some of you are probably laughing at me right now, but I honestly had no idea. She told me she will be expected to read by kindergarten! What?
I feel so out of the loop. I feel like the worst parent ever. How could I not know these things? And now I feel like I’ve disadvantaged my girls because we can’t afford preschool, and because I’ve apparently been living under a rock. What do parents who can’t afford preschool do?
At this point it feels like my options are taking out a loan to pay for preschool—good Lord! And I was worried about college!!—or quit school so I can get a job. Neither one will make me happy, but we do what we have to for our kids. The “simple” solution is for me to teach her, but how good can I do when I thought that matching games, coloring inside the lines, and knowing her numbers and colors was good?