Every Marriage Needs…

Posted 07-19-2012 at 02:17 PM by Krista

You know what I think marriages need more of, particularly mine? Sex. Yeah, that’s right, I said it. I’ll say it again, because I think it’s just that important: marriages need more sex. Now, first let me say that I do not believe sex is a cure-all or even the most important thing in a relationship. I definitely don’t think you can have a relationship based on sex alone—at least, not a lasting one. In fact, if any of my friends, let alone my husband knew I was writing this article they would be shocked. Typically I shy away from discussing sex and am not a fan of public displays of affection.

So, what has changed my mind? Well, as some of you know my husband and I recently separated. We are back together now and while I am still skeptical some things have changed. One of those “things” is me. For whatever reason, I am constantly affectionate and ready to go to the, um, bedroom. While sex has never been at the top of my list priority wise, that is slowly changing. For the first time in our relationship we are having sex with regularity.

It was never a matter of not being attracted to one another, but rather, we always seemed to choose the “wrong” time to initiate with the other person. Since we weren’t getting our needs met we would become irritated and even hostile toward the other person, which would only grow the longer we went without our needs being met. We both got used to handling it in other ways. Typically, J and I had sex maybe once or twice a month.

Now, am I saying we will keep doing it every day? No. But I am saying that now I realize the importance and its place within a healthy marriage. It is a great way to stay connected to your partner and feel more united as a couple. It can be great as a stress reliever, or just a way to have fun. The key is to keep your relationship as balanced as possible.

Filed Under: General


8 Responses to “Every Marriage Needs…”

  1. strongwoman on July 19th, 2012 10:32 pm

    Amen to sex- definitely needed in a marriage! More than just about procreating, it’s the most special bond you can have! Glad that things are better for you and the hubs :)

  2. knibert on July 20th, 2012 6:30 am

    in relation to your article, this is interesting. This is what we are having the most trouble with and I am unsure how to make myself want to have sex more. I wish there was some switch to turn to help this along and get us toward fixing our marriage. So how did this come about?

  3. Kabuki24 on July 20th, 2012 6:58 am

    “we always seemed to choose the “wrong” time to initiate with the other person”

    Exactly! This is especially true for me!

  4. Rdesonia on July 20th, 2012 9:16 am

    I’m happy to hear that you are trying to work things out. I agree that physical affection is not a cure but it does help you to feel emotionally bonded to your partner.

    I also tend to think that it is something that should be discussed with your partner. I tend to not like to discuss it with friends or people irl. But Dh and I do discuss our expectations. There are times when one of us is not in the mood. (Admittedly it is more often me than him.) This caused stress and hurt feelings, but now we talk. Since having dd, he will initiate it not when we enter the bedroom but hours before. He will make an extra effort to give me attention and affection when he gets home from work or just throughout the day. I’m not sure I’m suppose to know he does that but it is pretty obvious.

  5. Krista on July 20th, 2012 11:14 am

    You know, Knibert, I can’t exactly put my finger on it. I just realized that it was something I needed, that I was tired of being turned down and only having my needs met when it was convenient. He has always told me he wished I was intiate more, and it just isn’t my thing. However, recently I have begun just taking what I want…so to speak. It gets his attention, it gets him excited, and it leaves us both happy. Sometimes–and it is hard for us women–we have to stop talking and just do. Our significant others want to meet our needs, so we have to show them how!

  6. Krista on July 20th, 2012 11:14 am

    Thank you so much!

  7. Krista on July 20th, 2012 11:16 am

    You know, I think Kabuki24 that you just have to grin and bear it sometimes. I realized that too often I turned him down and he began doing the same thing to me. Not out of spite, just… it happens. With two children, work and school there rarely seems to be a “good” time for sex. As unromantic as it sounds, we have to just make time. If our partner wants to have sex and we’re not into it at the time, we should just go with it. We can definitely get into it later! :)

  8. Krista on July 20th, 2012 11:17 am

    Rdesonia, thank you for reading and sharing. I think you’re right, I am the same–I need attention before the actual act can take place!

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