My little sister, who got married in August of last year called with some exciting news. She’s pregnant!! Now, at first I wasn’t sure how to feel about her news. Of course, I was happy for her, but choked too because they weren’t planning on starting a family for at least a year. It was a blow, too, because I have been trying so hard to get pregnant.
Also, she smokes and takes a high dosage of anti-depressants, so I worried about her being able to kick those habits. Another factor is that she and I haven’t been close in many years, and so I worry that I won’t get to see my niece or nephew very often. There are a lot of things that went through my mind when she gave me the news.
What has surprised me is how excited I am about being an aunt! I can’t wait to see her and the baby grow, I can’t wait to go to the baby shower or hear that the big day has finally arrived! It’s all so very exciting! I feel so protective of this baby growing inside of her, and of my sister. I worry that she isn’t getting enough to eat—she is already twenty pounds underweight—I worry about her anxiety levels. I have been showering her with love as best I can and I only hope it’s enough.
We spend the day together today and I had a blast. She got the news from the doctor three weeks ago and she hasn’t even taken a pregnancy test yet! When I heard that, I whipped one out and gave it to her. She was so excited, and we both waited anxiously, bending over to peer at it and wait for those two pink lines to appear. She kept picking it up and holding it to the light, even though I told her not to do that until it was finished. I love sharing that moment with her.
It’s funny, but since I have let go of my own anxiety about whether or not I will have another baby, I have found that I am excited at the prospect of my other friends who have been TTC getting pregnant. I think I can feel joy for them that before would have been jealousy. I am still following doctor’s orders, and I do have the desire, but I had to let go of the grief I was feeling each month when my period came. I am so glad I did, because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to truly share this time with my sister feeling such excitement and love for her and her future.