Hard Lessons

Posted 08-8-2012 at 11:15 AM by Krista

Am I the only one who, as an adult, notices my parents contradicting things they taught me as a child? For example, my mom used to say “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.” She is the first to break this rule, but then, that isn’t exactly recent. I wrote recently about family drama going on between a cousin, my mother and my sister. I have tried to stay out of it, but it has just caused my mother and sister to accuse me of not being on their side.

I do not have a great relationship with either of them, which is what is making this so hard. I have tried to put the past away and focus on the present, but for my sister, this is particularly hard. She wants to keep reminding me of everything I did to her to ruin her life (her words, not mine; and, for the record, I disagree that I have done anything especially horrible, more like normal big sister stuff) and because of it we really don’t get along. She also knows that I disagree with her lifestyle choices, so she is always super defensive around me.

My mom and I actually did not speak for an entire year when I left home. After that, we have gone to ignoring the past as best we could. Even nearly eight years later we tread carefully when we speak of anything about it. During this whole incident she came to question my love for her, and it felt like time had been swept away, eight years of hard work gone and down the drain. Without going into all of the details I will say that I feel shocked and hurt. Most of all, I realize that I have to stop working so hard to have relationships with people that don’t seem to care as much about having one with me.

Maybe that seems dramatic, but I don’t think so. There are times when I think that we put too much emphasis on blood relationships. Just because you happen to be biologically related to someone doesn’t mean that you will get along or even like one another. That is a hard adult lesson to learn I think.

Filed Under: General


3 Responses to “Hard Lessons”

  1. omahonycm on August 8th, 2012 12:49 pm

    I was only just speaking to a friend about how hard it is to get to the point when you see your parents not as “Mom” or “Dad” but as humans – with failings and faults and needing things from you, rather than the other way away. It can happen at any age. For me, it was fairly recent, for a friend of mine, in high school. Whenever it happens, it’s not easy. At one point, your mother was everything to you – your whole world – the way I am to my 2 year old. And as we grow, things change. I don’t have any answers or solutions, just a mutual feeling of sadness.

  2. mibarra on August 13th, 2012 2:55 pm

    I always say family is a privileged, not a right. Even your family has to behave in a way that maintains your respect for them if they want to keep it. :)

  3. abunchoflemons on August 14th, 2012 8:09 am

    Yea my mom wouldn’t have let us go t our grandparents the weekend b4 school…she’s trying to make me feel bad not letting her have my oldest right b4 school after just having a big weekend.

    Or being very judgemental after teaching me not to b. Like when friend with long hair (boy) came to ask if my eldest to go to playground with him….my mom was like u gonna let her go with him?, & I said first his mom is outside & she’ll b there. I will be along in a few too ( not that it would b a big deal if I wasn’t feeling well) the playground is literally 3 houses away. I used to go with & to friend’s houses myself.

    I have gone with kids of neighbors with mine to the playground…..I know my neighbors.

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