Am I the only one who, as an adult, notices my parents contradicting things they taught me as a child? For example, my mom used to say “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.” She is the first to break this rule, but then, that isn’t exactly recent. I wrote recently about family drama going on between a cousin, my mother and my sister. I have tried to stay out of it, but it has just caused my mother and sister to accuse me of not being on their side.
I do not have a great relationship with either of them, which is what is making this so hard. I have tried to put the past away and focus on the present, but for my sister, this is particularly hard. She wants to keep reminding me of everything I did to her to ruin her life (her words, not mine; and, for the record, I disagree that I have done anything especially horrible, more like normal big sister stuff) and because of it we really don’t get along. She also knows that I disagree with her lifestyle choices, so she is always super defensive around me.
My mom and I actually did not speak for an entire year when I left home. After that, we have gone to ignoring the past as best we could. Even nearly eight years later we tread carefully when we speak of anything about it. During this whole incident she came to question my love for her, and it felt like time had been swept away, eight years of hard work gone and down the drain. Without going into all of the details I will say that I feel shocked and hurt. Most of all, I realize that I have to stop working so hard to have relationships with people that don’t seem to care as much about having one with me.
Maybe that seems dramatic, but I don’t think so. There are times when I think that we put too much emphasis on blood relationships. Just because you happen to be biologically related to someone doesn’t mean that you will get along or even like one another. That is a hard adult lesson to learn I think.