As some of you may remember from my previous articles, my husband and I have been actively trying to conceive. I experienced a miscarriage last December, and while we have not been trying to conceive since that time, we have been off birth control and with a mindset of “whatever happens, happens.” Nothing has happened, and I have been charting my BBT and my ovulation for the last five months. If I don’t get pregnant this month, which I don’t expect to, I have an appointment with my OBGYN.
This is the same track we were on when we were trying to start a family. Those scared feelings are coming back in an eerie feeling of déjà vu. Infertility is definitely not something I want to relive. I have enough self esteem issues without feeling like I am the reason my husband and I can’t conceive. But that has to be the answer; it was the first time around (I wasn’t ovulating) so it makes sense that it would be this time, too.
I know that things are different this time around. At the end of the day, no matter what’s wrong, regardless of whether or not we can have another child, we have two beautiful daughters that we adore. If we can’t conceive this time, at least we know that we have our girls. At times it feels almost selfish to worry about it, but I do. Part of me doesn’t even want to know what’s wrong if it can’t be overcome.
For anyone else taking this journey right now, know that you are not alone. For those of you reading my story and others, please send us your thoughts, prayers, and of course, lots of baby dust!