I’m a stay at home mom, it’s partly by choice, but there is no way I could afford to work outside of the home. My husband’s job has very little stability, his shifts are constantly changing, he deploys for months on end, and we really can’t afford child care unless I got a high paying job, something not easy to find when your resume is a plethora of performance art. We decided it’s best that I stay home.
My husband feels I work hard, I do everything around the house, and I try my best to make some money here and there too, but at the end of the day I look at my life and realize I don’t do anything. A few work out of the home moms have pointed out they do everything I do AND bring home a paycheck, they accomplish something everyday, I merely do the laundry, dishes, and take care of the children. Even if I don’t watch tv all day I suppose I have that option, and that option means that I live a cushy life. I understand where these moms are coming from, I should be thankful I am home all day, after all they have to be to work at a certain time, they have to juggle career, husband, children, and personal lives, and yes I think those women who take that challenge have a very different and often times very hard situation that differs greatly from my own. I think those women do a lot, in comparison I do nothing, as so many of them have pointed out.
What is a SAHM to do? Right now I guess I will have to settle to not accomplishing anything, if motherhood is a trial and a blessing, and I do it every day, all day, why do I do nothing? What am I doing so wrong that the women who are supposed to be supporting me tell me how worthless I am?
On the flip side I’m not saying that all WOHM mom’s are like this, and that all SAHM are angels, because I know that SAHM sometimes attack the WOHM. After all those women must not love their children, they must care more about themselves. Never mind that every person and every situation is different, sides must be taken and we must tear each other down for the good of….hmmm…I have no idea what would be the good.
I am a stay at home mom, I cook, clean, and raise the children. I garden, sew, teach, make soap, spin, crochet, and a number of other things. Many moms will (and have) point out that they hold down a job and do these things as well, everything I do they view as down time or hobbies that they would enjoy doing if they had the time. Someday’s I struggle to make the time but I do those hobbies so that we need less. When we don’t need clothes because I sew them I save us money, when we don’t need toiletries or laundry soap because I make them, we save money. I know this won’t change the mind of the WOHM who thinks I’m not doing anything, I don’t even think it changes my mind. I wake up in the morning and realize that today I will not make money, today I will only clean and cook and raise…..and everyone does that….so I must not do anything.
Before we pass judgement can we first look inward and realize that our judgments do no good? Every woman and every situation is different, we cannot blanket statement each other, don’t we just want each mom to be the best woman she can be? Who are we to say that WOHM’s are better or worse? Who are we to say that SAHM’s have no struggles or live nothing but a cushy life, like the housewives of orange county?
Today you told me I don’t do anything. Today I did nothing, and today you told a momma she is nothing.