As many of you know from my previous blog posts, I am trying to lose weight. Weight has always been a struggle for me. I grew up in a family of food lovers coupled with unhealthy eating. We often had fast food, to the tune of four times a week. Pizza on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning doughnuts from Krispy Kreme. My dad liked to tell me, “If you eat that, you’ll get fat.” It wasn’t until much later that I realized that he only said it so he could have my doughnut!
Regardless, there is truth in it. As a kid I was an avid bookworm. My bad eating habits coupled with hours spent lying practically motionless in my bed as I read helped me to pack on the pounds. Although I wasn’t the only one eating badly I was the only one gaining weight—for whatever reason, my dad didn’t seem to count. Thus, I became the “fat” one, even though, technically, I was never more than fifteen pounds overweight. This gave me a skewed vision of myself and how the world saw me. After all if my family saw me as “the fat one” surely everyone else must.
None of my friends or teachers could tell me differently. I had that label, at least in my mind, and the mirror seemed to reflect accordingly. When I got married I began gaining weight in earnest. It was, in part, due to the fact that I was married, taken, and no longer felt I had to worry about things like that. It’s a trap I see many a newly married couple fall into. Also, because I had PCOS, and part of the symptoms meant that my body was having trouble processing how to lose weight, so even when I exercised and ate right I still wasn’t shedding pounds. This can be very discouraging and cause you to stop caring, which happened to me.
After I had a baby my body did begin allowing me to shed some weight. Now, another child later, I am trying to watch my calories (I journal every day) and exercise. I just realized that my jean size hasn’t been this small for seven years! Isn’t that amazing? One thing I can’t stand, though, is my “ideal” weight of 112 pounds. Because I am 5’2 that is how much my doctor says I should weigh. I am struggling to get healthy, fighting to lose that unhealthy weight, but one thing I can tell you is that I will never, ever be 112 pounds! That was my size in jr. high school. I’ve had two kids and will never be that size again!
So for those of us who want to focus on being healthy, not skinny, forget those numbers and concentrate on getting fit! Who’s with me?