I don’t know about you, but I let a lot of people have power over me. I don’t do it intentionally, and truth be told, the people probably have no idea. I am huge on holding onto guilt. I just can’t seem to let go when I’ve made a mistake. I will say something that comes out differently then I thought and then feel just awful about it that I will obsess for days, wondering if I should apologize and if that person is mad at me. Odds are if I do ever mention it the person is surprised I even brought it up.
There was a situation recently where my husband and I ran into a guy I used to work with. We hit it off right away, and invited him to dinner. Before long, we were seeing him two to three times a week, and going on vacation together. This was in the time frame of a few months. Then, all of a sudden, he stopped answering texts, returning phone calls, or coming over when he said he would.
My feelings get hurt really easily, and I am a paranoid person by nature. I have spent a lot of time analyzing his sudden departure. I thought we’d all gotten pretty close. He and I particularly seemed to always have something to talk about, and he and my husband often went out for a beer or spent an afternoon playing video games.
Recently, he began texting me, only to stop when I suggested we all meet up. Finally, I sent him a text asking him what had happened, even though I acknowledged that he probably wouldn’t respond. I hate myself for thinking about it, for questioning every word I said, every little thing I did. It shouldn’t bother me like it does, but…
I guess the issue is that I have this need for approval, and when I don’t get it I feel like there is something wrong with me. As I lay in bed last night, unable to sleep, my mind began to turn over the situation again. Then I realized that I was giving him power over me, even if he didn’t realize it. What does it matter that he decided not to be our friend anymore? What does it matter if he can’t be bothered to respond to a text? It was a couple of months of my life, and I had fun. There is an end to all good things. It’s sad that it ended like this, but such is life. I am going to try to get better about letting things go, not being so hard on myself, and more than all the rest not giving people power over me.