The world we live in lately seems to be one tragedy after another. The day after the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting there was a shooting in a hospital near me. There have been stabbings in a school in China. There is no question that the world seems to be spinning out of control right now.
Sunday this fact hit me a little harder than it had in hearing all of the previous events. It hit a little too closer to home. A friend of mine, a friend I have even written about in this blog, killed himself. I can barely type those words without blinking at them. It doesn’t seem real. It doesn’t even seem possible. In the back of my mind, I still question it.
Ryan was one of the brightest men I ever had the pleasure of knowing. When I say brightest, I mean he literally shone. He was full of smiles and big bear hugs and laughter. He loved to laugh. He loved to hunt, and garden, and cook.
I hadn’t seen or spoken to Ryan in a little over three months when I got the news. He just seemed to disappear. We went from seeing each other about once a week to once every two, and so on. He became slow in returning phone calls and texts until he stopped altogether.
I did try to find out what was going on, but I was so hurt by his distancing that I just assumed it was me, and stopped trying. I put it from my mind. To find out he is dead…I feel like maybe I could have made a difference if I tried harder. I feel like he needed a friend, and I wasn’t there for him.
There are too many thoughts and feelings consuming me right now to put them all here, but your prayers for him and his family would be greatly appreciated. It is never good to lose someone, but around the holidays is the worst, I’m sure. And may God protect our hearts that, in times like these, never seem to get a break from the sadness.