Losing a Friend

Posted 12-21-2012 at 09:13 AM by Krista

The world we live in lately seems to be one tragedy after another. The day after the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting there was a shooting in a hospital near me. There have been stabbings in a school in China. There is no question that the world seems to be spinning out of control right now.

Sunday this fact hit me a little harder than it had in hearing all of the previous events. It hit a little too closer to home. A friend of mine, a friend I have even written about in this blog, killed himself. I can barely type those words without blinking at them. It doesn’t seem real. It doesn’t even seem possible. In the back of my mind, I still question it.

Ryan was one of the brightest men I ever had the pleasure of knowing. When I say brightest, I mean he literally shone. He was full of smiles and big bear hugs and laughter. He loved to laugh. He loved to hunt, and garden, and cook.

I hadn’t seen or spoken to Ryan in a little over three months when I got the news. He just seemed to disappear. We went from seeing each other about once a week to once every two, and so on. He became slow in returning phone calls and texts until he stopped altogether.

I did try to find out what was going on, but I was so hurt by his distancing that I just assumed it was me, and stopped trying. I put it from my mind. To find out he is dead…I feel like maybe I could have made a difference if I tried harder. I feel like he needed a friend, and I wasn’t there for him.

There are too many thoughts and feelings consuming me right now to put them all here, but your prayers for him and his family would be greatly appreciated. It is never good to lose someone, but around the holidays is the worst, I’m sure. And may God protect our hearts that, in times like these, never seem to get a break from the sadness.

Filed Under: General

Comments

2 Responses to “Losing a Friend”

  1. pioneergirl on December 21st, 2012 7:47 pm


    {{{hugs!!}}} One of my best friends shot himself during my senior year of high school. That same year, my brother died at 20 of cancer. The next year, my dad died of pneumonia. I definitely know how it feels to have one thing happen right after another! And I also understand the guilt feeling. All I can say is:

    1. I am praying for them, and for you.

    2. Please don’t make the same mistake I did. Let yourself feel. It doesn’t matter what it is. Sad, angry, guilty, whatever. Let yourself feel it without holding back. It hurts, but it doesn’t hurt as bad as if you kept it all inside. And trust me. It will come out one way or the other. Best to do it in a way that you have some control over.

    I can sit here all day and say it wasn’t your fault (which it wasn’t), but if you are anything like me, those words won’t do much. I just pray one day you will be able to get to a point where I am now and you can look back and say “It wasn’t my fault. I love him. I miss him. But I am okay.”

    Peace and love this Christmas season!

  2. lilac0226 on December 25th, 2012 8:30 pm


    So sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately when someone is struggling with life to that degree often they are the only one that can truly help themselves and they don’t know how to. I will pray for you and your friends family. My husband lost his best friend 3 years ago and we all wish we had tried harder but when people have a good life and are surrounded by people that love them and make the choice to end their life I just don’t think there is much anyone can do. My husband’s best friend was an amazing man, funny, had a beautiful daughter, a good paying job, but I just don’t think he was ever fully comfortable in his own skin, he had struggled with drugs when he was younger and sadly even with successes in life he was still unhappy. Again sorry for your loss, I just wish these people could for a moment see themselves the way everyone else does so they might see all they have to live for.

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