Marriage is not easy

Posted 10-30-2011 at 06:45 AM by blairmarie333

I just celebrated my three year anniversary. I got into a little argument with my husband the night before and didn’t speak to him for 3 hours. This is a long time for me (I am a talker.) I posted a thread about our fight and there were a few other wives that commented and many said that they knew how I felt and were sorry I was having a bad day.

Marriage isn’t easy, is it? I love my husband very much, but sometimes I just don’t like him. We fight about silly things and sometimes we fight about important things. We usually always have to compromise and sometimes neither of us is truly happy with the resolution but we do it for our marriage and for our children. I am sure he would say the same thing, but would probably tell you I get my way more often than he does (which is probably true.)

I remember back to when we were dating and before we were married, it just seemed so much easier. It seemed like we were happy all the time and our fights only lasted a few minutes. You can’t tell what your future will bring and what struggles will come your way. You just have to have faith in your marriage and the decision you made in your partner.

I wish that marriage had a preview trailer. You know how you see a movie trailer and decide if you think it looks like a good movie? They should have that for marriage. You can see a few frames of the next couple years to decided before you get married if it looks good or not. I think the divorce rate would be much lower if you had to watch your own preview before getting hitched.

Even though my husband and I argue and have had some rough times, I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. If my trailer included a glimpse of my current life, I know I would want to watch the whole movie.

Filed Under: Mommy Talk


10 Responses to “Marriage is not easy”

  1. Angel894 on October 30th, 2011 12:49 pm

    I don’t. Honestly, if I had seen some of the things we have dealt with in a trailer, I would have ran. I am glad I didn’t. It took a while to get to this point, but I honestly couldn’t imagine going through any of this without my husband. But who I was then and who I am now are different. Who I was valued different things. It’s like that song “the Dance” by Garth Brooks –
    “And now I’m glad I didn’t know
    The way it all would end the way it all would go
    Our lives are better left to chance
    I could have missed the pain
    But I’d of had to miss the dance”

    Life is hard and the outcome is not always what we desire, but each step makes us who we are.

  2. Jill on October 30th, 2011 2:44 pm

    Angel894 beat me to it. There are some things? I could never imagine going through, but once we were committed, it was ’til death’, and you know, some of those fights? You’ll never remember them. I try and use the 5 rule. Will it matter in 5 minutes? If not, don’t fight about it. Will it matter in 5 months? 5 years? 50 years? Some things? Just don’t matter. Some do. The thing is? You won’t know what will matter by a flash through a tv screen or a peek in a crystal ball-you have to live through it. The thing about marriage is, that it’s supposed to be ‘forever’… and taking a sneak peek is kind of missing the whole point. Then again, I’ve been married for 10 years, and I remember fairly clearly being married for 3 years and thinking I had it all figured out. Not even close. Just hang in there. :-)

  3. mom-of-QTs on October 30th, 2011 2:52 pm

    You know, I was just thinking a little while ago about how difficult living with each other is sometimes but how I couldn’t imagine living without my husband. We have now been married 4 1/2 years, have been pregnant 5 times, and have 3 living children. My husband can be difficult sometimes but, really, I think I am more of the difficult one. I am a stay at home mom and having three children under the age of 3 1/2 is really hard, frustratin, exhausting, and any other word you can think of. I am constantly at my limit and usually in a pretty bad mood when my husband returns home from work after 7pm. Since I am always so exhausted and frustrated I am usually yelling and screaming at my husband. Not something I am proud of, and I really do try not to do it. It’s just so easy at this difficult stage in life. All that said, my husband gave me a really nice birthday surprise last night (a surprise visit from a friend he invited into town and a nice dinner). He’s been sneaking around today too, I think they just left to get me a really nice birthday gift. It just amazes me how my husband can still love me so much and still want to do nice things for me even though I am so difficult to live with and we get into so many fights, even silly fights. Marriage isn’t easy, but it sure is amazing and I would change having married my husband, and when I did, for anything!

  4. oneinthebag on October 30th, 2011 9:07 pm

    People do not admit it freely, but marriage is HARD WORK! I never imagined I’d have to compromise this much. Not saying I’d want it any other way, but it is important to recognize the difficulties along with the blessings of having a partner…

  5. shouldbedoinglaundry on October 31st, 2011 2:24 pm

    I was just telling a friend the other day that the only roommate I ever got along with was my husband! Yes, marriage can be hard work especially once the kids come. It makes it difficult to remember who you are as a couple and not just as mom and dad. We’re working on that but it can be tough.

  6. qsefthuko on November 1st, 2011 2:07 pm

    I’m with the first person. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t have gotten married. Then I wouldn’t have had all the good times, and the 3 wonderful children we have. Sometimes the hard times were so hard I just wanted to walk away. If I had had even a glimpse of those then I wouldn’t be where I am now nor who I am now. I like where I am and who I am today. Things aren’t so easy right now money wise but we are happier than we have ever been before. So I think it is better not to know ahead how hard things may get. Except knowing if the man you are going to marry is going to be a wife beater. Sometimes you don’t know til after the fact. Happened to my mother.

  7. blairmarie333 on November 1st, 2011 2:41 pm

    Well, you are all thinking the trailer would be only of the bad times. What if the trailer was of your fights and then of a few clips of the love of your child(ren)/good times as married couple?

  8. my5sons on November 1st, 2011 4:44 pm

    There’s no doubt…marriage IS hard work. I think sometimes Hollywood does a major disservice in that the perfect relationship is always about romance, mushy feelings, and happy endings. Real life just isn’t that way. Some days I DO feel amazingly close to my husband and the romance factor is high…other days we get on each other’s nerves and can barely deal with each other. I definitely would NOT want to see a preview of my marriage, the good AND the bad. I think it’s better that we don’t know. We can enjoy the good times and fully appreciate them all the while knowing the bad times are inevitable, but the commitment we made to each other will sustain us even when the romance and feelings aren’t there. If there is one thing that marriage has taught me, it’s that love is not a feeling, it’s a choice. :-)

  9. Angel894 on November 2nd, 2011 3:42 am

    I see your point there, but love now is different than love then. Love means something different now and is shown in different ways. I am not sure I would have understood or wanted it when we were first starting out. I just think that life is a surprise for a reason.

  10. pinktree on November 3rd, 2011 6:19 am

    I agree with all of you so far. I wouldn’t have wanted to see my preview either. It would have scared me off. My life is far different from what I supposed would happen. Better but different. I was SOOOO in love and enjoying that, I wouldn’t have wanted anything to ruin that. It’s such a special time. Yes you hit reality hard eventually but that’s just the process of love. It changes and matures over time. Feelings are relative but commitment is a choice. The whole marriage process grows us up.

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