Men and women are different. Now, hold on, I know you think that is a rather obvious statement, and while I’ve always been aware of that fact (growing up there were many references to the book Women are from Venus Men are from Mars) this weekend gave me a deeper understanding of the fact. As many of you know, I had a miscarriage in December, my first after giving birth to two healthy girls. Nothing could have prepared me for the bombarding of different emotions that I have gone through in such a short time: guilt, anger, sadness…just to name a few.
Now, my husband and I don’t exactly see eye to eye on this. At first, he wouldn’t even talk about our baby…and there were many times he insisted he didn’t even consider it to be a baby. I’d bonded with our little bean immediately. We weren’t trying to conceive, but I swear I knew the moment I conceived. I stopped taking birth control immediately, and was very excited about having a baby.
Well, as I said I miscarried in December, and here we are almost five months later and I am still writing about it. I still have my days where I get down in the dumps, days where I think about how far along I would be, days where I sit in my chair and do nothing but cry and eat chocolate. It seems that whereas I need to mourn, my husband just needs to forget. He does not understand how attached I felt to this baby…he doesn’t understand why I am sad. He says “women miscarry usually due to problems with cells. It’s science.” Like hearing that would make me feel better!
But, in his defense, he does not know what it is like to feel something growing inside of you. He doesn’t know what it’s like to love something before you name it, how to feel protective toward something the world deems a bunch of cells. Men and women are different, and in sometimes vital ways. I guess all we can do is keep trying to understand one another, and hope that one day we can artificially simulate the wondrous miracles that are pregnancy and labor for our dear husbands so that they can get a taste. I think it should be a prerequisite before having a child, don’t you?