Here we are again. Back in December of last year I had a miscarriage that left me reeling for months both physically and emotionally. I have written about it frequently, and had wonderful support from you ladies. Now, I find it is that time again. This past Friday, during a movie with a girlfriend I began experiencing horrible cramps. She noticed my discomfort and asked me what was wrong.
“It feels like something is tearing,” I explained of the pain.
Of course, I knew what it felt like; I’d felt it before, and those memories rushed at me. I didn’t start bleeding until the following night, which confirmed my fears. My husband and I have not been trying, per se, but have been off birth control for the past two months. We jokingly refer to my husband’s sperm as “super sperm” and he proudly calls it the “one shot, one kill” because we usually get pregnant within the first month, whether we want to or not. I had just teased him that we had hit the two month mark and I wasn’t pregnant. I told he had to step up his game.
The joke’s on me, I suppose. He is getting me pregnant I’m just having problems maintaining it. I feel so guilty, like I’m doing something wrong. I plan to research the best foods to eat and vitamins for pregnancy, but at the same time I wonder if I will ever hold a baby again. This is our second miscarriage, could it be a sign? Or is third time the charm?