A girlfriend of mine and I were talking tonight about the man she plans to marry. I think he is a wonderful, funny, quirky guy. I also don’t think he is the one for her.
She is very religious—he isn’t. She is very hardworking, goal-oriented, and motivated. He thinks it’s OK to just get by. She loves long, serious talks about the things that matter, she loves to debate. He has limited interests.
Now, let me reiterate something: I think he is a great guy, who will make some girl very happy, I just don’t think that girl is my friend. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I know that I could be wrong.
Tonight, she commented on the fact that they have run out of things to talk about, and how she wished he would focus on getting a job.
I took a deep breath and decided to go for it. “Do you think…are you sure he’s going to make you happy? Do you think…do you think maybe you should wait for The One?” (Admittedly, I took a big risk telling her that I didn’t think he was The One.)
She turned to me and said, with rancor in her voice, “Krista, let’s face it: I am twenty-seven years old, I’m not engaged. I’m an old maid.”
I was shocked by her response. An old maid?!?! Aren’t we beyond this type of thinking? Didn’t women fight for rights so that we wouldn’t have to have a man to support us, or to fulfill us? Of course they did, but some core beliefs still remain.
My friend wants to get married and have children, and so she would rather take the one that’s here now than risk being alone. After all, what if The One never materializes? What if he doesn’t exist? What if The One is a myth we fabricate from childhood?
They say that you have to be happy with yourself first in order to be happy in a relationship, and that you need to discover that you can support yourself instead of having to rely on someone else. Yeah, try telling that to a woman whose biological clock is ticking, who sees every day that goes by as a step closer to reaching her expiration date.
The real question is: by marrying someone you are 100% happy with, are you risking problems down the road? Is the opportunity to have a wedding and children worth the risk? Of course, every couple has problems and opposites attract, but it’s
my personal belief that you should get married because you want to spend your life with them, not because you see it as your last chance.
What are your thoughts?