Sugar and Spice and Not Always So Nice

Posted 06-21-2011 at 01:57 PM by whitneywalters

I am sure that everyone has heard the old saying about little girls, you know the one. What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and everything nice. Now, if only that were true all the time I know my life would be a whole lot easier.  I am due with my fourth child and my third girl, she will be making her grand appearance into the world sometime this July. I love being a mommy of many girls but I do have to say it has presented some unique challenges.

Let me start out by telling you a little about my girls, just to give you a better understanding of what I have come to know as a mother of daughters. My oldest daughter, Destiny, will be four in August. We knew from the moment she was born what her personality was going to be. She was a very challenging baby, very demanding and from a very young age was very dramatic. She was not even a year old when she developed her love of shoes and all things glittery. She loves nothing more than babies of all kinds! She has more dolls then anyone I know and she loves and cares for each and every one of them. Her second favorite thing in the world is dress up. She loves pretty dresses, pearls and over sized shoes. She spends the majority of her day playing princess or some other fantasy game. She is also very smart,  can be very sweet, very loving and very charming but she also knows how to push your buttons, throw a major fit and is more emotional than any other child her age that I have ever met. While she enjoys playing outside she is not rough and tumble at all. She likes to swing and play but would rather pick flowers or have an outdoor tea party.

My middle daughter, Kairi, will be two in July. She was a very mellow baby from the very beginning, always able to keep herself entertained, pretty much only cried when she needed something or when she had an ear infection. She is most definitely the polar opposite of her older sister. She does not like hair bows, girly things or pretty dresses.  She would rather be nude and barefoot than anything else. She loves the play in the dirt and sand and is more rough and tumble then her sister ever has been. Even though we are entering into the terrible twos, she is still pretty mellow. The differences between these two is pretty unbelievable at times.

While I do not know what the youngest will be like yet, I am sure she is going to be very different from the other two as well.

One of the challenges I have come across with my girls has to do with social situations and making friends. Destiny is a social butterfly, has been since she was about a year old. She loves people, she loves large groups and activities. She thrives in her Sunday school class and loves being the center of attention. When we go to a play area or a park, it does not take but a couple minutes and Destiny has found a friend to play with.  Kairi on the other hand does not do well in crowds, she is most happy being around the people she knows best. Large group activities make her anxious and clingy. While she likes playing with other kids, she likes it best when there is only a few other children, instead of the large groups that her sister likes. When we go the park, she is most happy to play alone in the sand or be pushed in a swing. Once and awhile she will play with another child but that does not happen very often. She is more open to playing with other kids when we go to the indoor play areas but if the play areas get to busy she will either come sit with me or find an area that is not swamped with kids and play over there. Due to this difference in social situations it can be difficult to make plans. While we know Destiny would love going to a town wide family event, we know Kairi won’t and while Kairi would rather play at a park that is not overly used, Destiny would rather go to the one that everyone in town uses. It is taking some time but we are finding ways to balance the differences between them. Like going to the park with less people but inviting someone that Destiny already knows and plays with so she has a friend or going ahead and going to the town wide events but asking a grandparent to come along so if Kairi does start to get anxious some one can take her to a quiet area and the older kids can still play.

I am also finding that the way they interact with each other can be a challenge. I am used to sibling fights. My oldest son and daughter are only fifteen months apart and being that close in age means that they do a lot of fighting and arguing with each other. The fights between the girls are very different. They usually end up fighting over a doll or stuffed animal. Destiny does not like to share the dolls, even though some of the dolls are Kairi’s dolls, Destiny wants to mother all of them. Kairi likes to cart around the dolls but she does not interact with them in the same way that her sister does. Destiny gets really upset with  Kairi when it comes to dolls, she does not think Kairi takes care of the babies right so of course that means no sharing can take place. Destiny is not really one to push or hit her sister, usually she will take the doll  if she can get it away or have a melt down.  Kairi will push and pull hair when she gets mad at her sister. We are working on teaching them both the best way to end a conflict but trying to get through to a two year old when it comes to stuff like this is not an easy thing.

I know that as the years go by and my girls get older the challenges we face will be on a whole different playing field. I know there will be many arguments between them and many tears shed. My hope for them is that they will be able to over come each fight with a better understanding of each other and even though they are so very different that they will grow to be wonderful friends.

Filed Under: General, Mommy Talk


4 Responses to “Sugar and Spice and Not Always So Nice”

  1. mommyto2girls on June 23rd, 2011 6:25 am

    Love the post! I have 3 girls also ( 6, 4 years and 2 months) and yes they ALL three are as differant as can be! my oldest is my girly girl, and my MDD is my tomb boy…we’ll see where YDD fits in there ;)

  2. Lilymomma on June 25th, 2011 1:07 pm

    Fun blog! I have 3 girls (and 1 boy), too. All are very opposite! It’s fun to read about others with similar family make-ups!

  3. badhayrday on June 27th, 2011 3:04 pm

    It sounds a lot like my house except I have 1 girl and 2 boys (dd is in the middle) and expecting another girl in September. All of my kids have such a different personality. DS1(4yr) is very meek and mild and calm and entertains himself very well and even in large group settings still prefers to play alone. He is a big people watcher too. DD(3yr) is definitely in charge and if things aren’t going her way everyone knows about it. She is very sweet and loving and loves mothering her dolls along with her two brothers, loves everything girly and sparkly but also wants to wear all her dress up clothes out in the mud. She never stops talking and meets no strangers. She has a horrible temper too. She loves to be the center of attention and has no quiet voice. She is wild and crazy and a lot of times out of control but I wouldn’t change her a bit….well maybe her temper:) DS2(23mo) is very social and loves to snuggle with anyone who will hold him. He plays well alone and also with others. He’s not huge on sharing right now. He’s laid back like DS1 but very outgoing like DD. He is a huge flirt and is always trying to kiss the little girls in the nursery at church. I can’t wait to meet DD2 and learn about her unique personality. Thanks for this post:)

  4. edition-of-one on July 19th, 2011 10:57 pm

    I sometimes try to remind myself to keep an open mind about my kids – allow them to change daily. And myself too.

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