The Things Doctors Say

Posted 01-30-2013 at 10:56 AM by Krista

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about having babies. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise, as my husband and I are trying to conceive. Each month I hope that this will be the month that I get to laugh and cry and rejoice, waving around that stick in the air that declares, with two pink lines, that we are finally pregnant. Of course, there are days when I wonder how much disappointment I can take before I give up.

I was thinking earlier about all the reasons doctors give you for why you aren’t conceiving. I have heard several:

“You should cut your caffeine intake if you want to get pregnant.”

“You should try to lose some weight if you want to get pregnant.”

“You need to cut out all alcohol if you want to get pregnant.”

“Your husband should make sure not to masturbate if you want to get pregnant.”

On and on it goes, not to mention all the old wives’ tales. Some encourage caffeine, at least for the spouse, saying that it causes sperm to move faster. Others believe that having intercourse on blue sheets will get you pregnant. And if we add science in there too there is just too many dos and don’ts to keep up with, let alone do.

I was thinking on it today, remembering when my first doctor told me to lose weight. I didn’t, and in fact was the same size when I got pregnant with each of my daughters. It reminded me that even though we often turn to them for their expertise, looking for answers, doctors just don’t know sometimes why a woman can’t get pregnant.

My goal is to one day be an adoption counselor and help other families who are trying to add to their families. Believe me, the irony isn’t lost on me.

Filed Under: General


6 Responses to “The Things Doctors Say”

  1. chandni3 on January 31st, 2013 2:24 pm

    I’m so sorry. I’ve been there. It took us 2 years, a miscarriage and a round of clomid to get my daughter all the time charting and popping supplements and laying on my back for 20 mins and trying all the right positions. Then when she was 10 months we got pregnant after one night.
    I do think the stress of wanting to be pregnant somehow makes it harder, but of course, you can’t make yourself not want to get pregnant. Every time we conceived, even when I took clomid and with my loss, it was when we really enjoyed and had an intimate night, not a baby making night. Perhaps when a couple really feel that intimacy it makes your body more fertile? Anyway, it’s not something that can be forced, but you can help it by maybe taking a month break, doing some things that get you in the mood for intimacy, not baby making, try out something new – toy, positions. Try to reconnect as a couple – go on a date, get away, put the kids to bed early and have a candlelight dinner. Of course, none of this can help if there is an issue in the body, but I think the old hated saying of “Stop trying and you’ll get pregnant” has some truth to it. It’s so hard to not get totally caught up and lost in TTC. it’s an emotional road.

  2. Havah on January 31st, 2013 4:24 pm

    I hate to say it, but I’ll chime in with chandni3 that it *seems* that the desire for a baby can interfere with conceiving one. I know you can’t flip the switch on that desire, which is why I hesitated to comment. But … I think it’s important to raise this awareness. Everyone I know who struggle to conceive (understandably) desperately want a child. Those who TTA often seem to have “surprises”. I can’t conceive when I want to (spent a rough 10 months after m/c with empty womb)… yet my three LO’s all arrived when DH and I were “content with our family.” And I’ve heard versions of the same story from so many … including one friend whose folks TTC’d for over 5 years (10?) They finally chose to adopt instead (my friend). Two months after bringing her home, they got pregnant with her sister.
    … stress definitely seems to play a role in preventing conception, and I’ll bet it affects both mom and dad!

  3. craftinmama on February 1st, 2013 11:18 am

    I will have to agree with the PPrs. We tried for 3 years before I got pregnant with my son. It was hard…really hard. I was on my final round of clomid and was going to be sent to a specialist afterwards. I just “knew” it wouldn’t happen so I took the pills asked for a card for the specialist and was waiting for my referal to come through to make the appointment. That is when it happened. I wasn’t trying because I just “knew” it wouldn’t happen. People always told me that it would happen when I wasn’t trying and it would usually make me quite irritated because seriously when was I not going to be trying lol. But alas they were right. :)

  4. Krista on February 2nd, 2013 9:32 pm

    Thank you all so much! You are probably right and I need to put the brakes on it. We are considering stopping for three months and then revisitng. Thanks for your comments and for reading!

  5. OsMommy on February 5th, 2013 8:18 am

    We had this problem when we were ttc our son. NOTHING seemed to help. Nothing we did made any difference. I finally made the decision that once we moved into our new house and got settled that I was going to find a doctor and get an IUD put in because “I no longer wanted a child”. I was, of course, lying to myself and everyone around us but it was my way of coping with a very difficult situation… I didn’t know where else to turn or what else to do; I had to put it and my mind at rest with the situation. We moved in our new house and had quit “trying” and just had fun. Right at a month after we moved in, we found out we were expecting our miracle. :) I hated when people would tell me, “You need to just quit trying so hard to get pregnant.” but apparently it proved true. It’s hard to do and so frustrating bc that’s all there is to think about when you’re in that situation but I have to agree that the stress of the situation could be the problem. Good luck momma!!!

  6. 247mom on February 6th, 2013 3:58 am

    I would like to also suggest you look at the herbal formulas on the website you could maybe look into the ones for fertility and use those while you take some time off. Both of my “surprise” babies were conceived while I tried to get my hormones balanced and such with those herbs (thinking nothing would happen those months, since I hadn’t finished the herbs). We were told before conceiving our first that we’d never have children! After we had the first baby, didn’t have any more for 4 years, and then adopted our son! Then we had 2 more babies- the Lord is in control, not doctors :) Hope you are able to relax and enjoy your life and the family you DO have! Then either way, you can be happy.

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