I think at some time, we all struggle with who we are. While DH is a nit picker and notices every minute detail, I am a “whole picture” type of person. So, most of the time, I take what I’m dealt and know that tomorrow’s another day. It’s not very often that I sit down and really analyze who I am. But with my mom’s death, and realizing that there’s basically a non-existent relationship with my dad, I’ve spent a lot of time soul searching and I’ve figure out a lot of stuff about myself.
I’m a giver. Since I can remember, I’ve spent my money on other people. I remember being probably 10, and having some money. There was a single guy at our church with a baby, and you could obviously tell they weren’t well off. I spent every bit of my money on stuff for that baby. Another example, my dad’s girlfriend, whom I cannot stand, just had her daughter drop off 4 of her grandkids and leave them with nothing. I went to Walmart and bought 2 booster seats for the youngest, so they would be safe. Every vacation we ever went on when I was a child, I spent my money buying gifts for other people. My heart is broken for the less fortunate, and those in need.
I hate confrontation. I have never talked back to either of my parents until just a few weeks ago, at age 29. I would rather suffer through, than to confront someone and tell them how I feel. I hate being emotional, but I cry when I’m angry. I don’t want people to think I’m weak so I keep it all in, and more often than not, I joke about it.
I love to laugh. I am constantly making jokes, and I find myself absolutely hilarious. Thankfully, most other people do as well. Otherwise, it would just be awkward. I’m the person that laughs at inappropriate times. I know it’s wrong, but I really just can’t help it. Seeing someone fall (as long as they’re ok) or a fart in a quiet church set me off. Sometimes I snort. I was Valedictorian of my high school class, and voted most likely to succeed AND class clown.
I’m overweight and I have been my entire life, but I don’t have bad self esteem. My weight isn’t indicative of my worth. Sure, I’d love to be skinny, but my life doesn’t revolve around how much I weigh or what size clothes I wear.
Even though I try really hard, I don’t have a lot of patience. I envy those parents that have 6 kids and the patience of a saint. How is that even possible?! I want things done how I want them done and when I want them done. I don’t want to have to tell you 12 times how to do it, and I want it done the first time.
I love God, coffee, newborn cloth diapers, flip flops, fires on a cool fall evening, friends, family, my dogs, my husband, and my babies. I hate socks, cats, people who lie, bugs, the fact that life is unfair, cancer, and real shoes.
I like to think that all this soul searching will eventually pay off. Sometimes I discover stuff that I wish I could bury back down and never think of again. Sometimes I discover stuff about myself that explains a lot about why I do what I do.
Who are YOU?