sometimes i feel like i am just the wrong mom for my son micah. we butt heads so often, and he's only 16 months old!!!! i lose my patience with him, yell and even smack his bottom occasionally. i don't do this with jonas. why???? :cry: micah is so much more defiant, that's for sure, or a better way to say it is strong willed and determined. focused. he cannot be distracted from something. at least not easily. sigh. i need to adjust my attitude. gather my patience. and relax and go with it. he's just being a toddler, right? i am rambling now, but thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
meco
02-23-2007, 11:55 AM
You did nothing wrong. Children have different temperments. I am sure you are a wonderful parent. Some kids are more spirited than others. Mine sure is! :) This is his natural personality. You are doing great. The swats may be less helpful. It is a way for you to release anger, but no other real benefits. Whenever I get extremely irate, pushed to the edge, I do a "break, brain, breathe, balance" thing I heard (I stop/walk away/whatever, put my hands on my head and massage, breathe deeply and balance myself before I come back). That helps a lot!
I love the Aware Parenting site. I got my mantra from there: "REVISE YOUR EXPECTATIONS. Young children have intense feelings and needs and are naturally loud, curious, messy, willful, impatient, demanding, creative, forgetful, fearful, self-centered, and full of energy. Try to accept them as they are." It helps me to remember this!
http://www.awareparenting.com/twenty.htm I love this page!
She has some great advice at the bottom here:
http://www.awareparenting.com/articles.htm
I really found this valuable.
I hope things start to work out. They always get bad before they start to get better.
Oceanwaveshimd
02-23-2007, 12:18 PM
My 16 month old son is NOTHING like my dd was at that age. I was just talking to my dh the other day and said when dd was this age she was a flower girl in our wedding and had to endure about 4 fittings for her dress (it was a replica of mine). I cannot imagine ds even GOING to ANYONE's wedding at this age. DD was so much more mellow. DS literally bounces off the walls. I find I have to cut shopping trips short, cut visiting relatives short and try desperately to find outlets for his endless supply of energy. We also butt heads frequently. He yells at me when I ask him to take smaller bites of food. Insists on following me everwhere and now is in the "Ill do it myself" stage. I frequently lose my temper but I have been doing better. I just keep reminding myself that I need to get used to it. That this is him and his personality, kwim. Good luck mama ((()))
If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me!
Tiffer23
02-23-2007, 01:36 PM
I think sometimes we butt heads with the kids that are most like us. Maybe Micah is so similar to you, you drive each other crazy. Doesn't mean you don't love him, or he doesn't love you. :hugs:
zonapellucida
02-23-2007, 01:46 PM
bwwaahhhaahhaaaaaa ahhhaaaaaa I am the wrong person to be a parent so I should jest bow bow out now
mistylaureena
02-23-2007, 01:49 PM
bwwaahhhaahhaaaaaa ahhhaaaaaa I am the wrong person to be a parent so I should jest bow bow out now
:headscratch: are you being sarcastic or serious??
Merolu
02-23-2007, 02:10 PM
sometimes i feel like i am just the wrong mom for my son micah. we butt heads so often, and he's only 16 months old!!!! i lose my patience with him, yell and even smack his bottom occasionally. i don't do this with jonas. why???? :cry: micah is so much more defiant, that's for sure, or a better way to say it is strong willed and determined. focused. he cannot be distracted from something. at least not easily. sigh. i need to adjust my attitude. gather my patience. and relax and go with it. he's just being a toddler, right? i am rambling now, but thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
i could have written that myself, word for word. I felt like I was at my limits. I couldn't click with him, KWIM? We were never on the same track and he was so bull headed and knew exactly what he wanted... It took until about 3 weeks ago before things changed. He's finally communicating well enough that he doesn't get so frustrated and I have found a pattern of discipline that really gets through to him. I'm not a spanker, I hate it, but I found myself falling back on it as a last resort.
i don't have any sage advice for you, but I can offer you the comfort of knowing you aren't alone. I feel the SAME way.:cry:
titania
02-23-2007, 05:17 PM
I think sometimes we butt heads with the kids that are most like us. Maybe Micah is so similar to you, you drive each other crazy. Doesn't mean you don't love him, or he doesn't love you. :hugs:
yes, i have said that he is just like me and i am in soo much trouble!! :lostit:
thanks for the support ladies. meco, i will check those sites out. :thumbsup: and no, i don't normally spank him, i just have a few times, and then i spend the rest of the day feeling terrible about it. i try to be mindful of my temper and keep it in check, but sometimes that little guy is more than i can handle! i'm glad i have you ladies (well, most of you anyway) to come to for some understanding and a reality check. :hugs:
inspiredbyfinn
02-24-2007, 07:49 AM
What a blessing Micah is! It sounds as though he currently may have as much to teach you, as you have to teach him!! How wonderful for you both - Embrace the lessons :goodvibes:
FancifulFanny
02-24-2007, 08:13 AM
:hugs: Is he perhaps too much like you? I know that's how it is with my ds and me. I read Parenting the Strong-Willed Child and it really helped. I'm reading The Explosive Child right now...and praying for an early spring so he can get out of these same four walls and get out some of that energy.
Hang in there. I know how you feel.
I do this one from the site the pp mentioned (without knowing of the iste) and it helps BOTH of us. Sometimes a laugh and a giggle make the whole day brighter.
16. DEFUSE THE SITUATION WITH LAUGHTER.
Example: If your child is mad at you, invite him to express his anger in a playful pillow fight with you. Play your part by surrendering dramatically. Laughter helps resolve anger and feelings of powerlessness.
Mommy2JJ
02-24-2007, 02:04 PM
You described my son exactly except he is 20 months. It's hard he is soooo strong willed, defiant, busy, and spirited. It's hard sometimes, very hard and somedays I think what am I doing wrong?? I always feel like it's my fault....but the kid can't even lay still for a diaper change without a battle!!
Someone reccomended the book "Parenting the Spirited Child" and said it helped them a ton....I am waiting for mine still.....don't order from Amazon!!
rizomomof4
02-24-2007, 02:10 PM
mama my dd that is 5 is the same way !! OMG me and her can really go at it she is by for my wild child i like to call her :hugs:
nikkiof5
02-24-2007, 02:15 PM
:headscratch: are you being sarcastic or serious??
