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View Full Version : Tired of the demand for nursing, please tell me I am not the only one.


misidawnrn
10-04-2010, 08:44 PM
I am nursing adopted DD and have been for 20 months now (on the 6th). Sometimes I feel like just cutting her off cold turkey or me doing the weaning. I went into the nursing with her with the attitude that I will let her wean when she wants to but the screaming for me to "sit down, ninny!!!" is really grating on me. Don't get me wrong, I love love love nursing her and snuggling with her and having her sleep on my chest still but she has gotten to where she will only nurse in one position, wants to switch sides when she wants to and demands to NOW! and then only for a second and switch back and then will suck until my nipples fall off! and scream if I put it away. Sometimes I feel like a mama dog that gets up and walks away from her still attatched pups in the weaning process.

I have never nursed this long before. I weaned DS at 10 months and DD-6 didn't nurse (also adopted but from surrogacy, but not nursed)

Please tell me I am not the only one that feels this way with nursing a toddler. I won't wean her and will let her wean herself but I am just venting I guess.

mari.b
10-04-2010, 10:25 PM
I feel like that ALL THE TIME! DS is 17 months and is constantly nursing! He does the side switching thing and is constantl playing with my other nipple and it gets really uncomfortable sometimes! He still doesn't sttn and has to be nursed to sleep. There are days where I am like "this is it, I'm weaning this kid!" but I love it so much at other times and would never do that. So vent away bc you are not alone!

And btw, you are awesome for nursing your adopted DD! I love hearing those success stories!

RobynJ
10-04-2010, 10:29 PM
I nursed DS until he was just over two. I think those feelings are completely normal.:goodvibes:

chippybug10
10-04-2010, 10:30 PM
I feel like this as well, and feel really guilty for it. It's mainly because I'm preggo again and my milk has mostly dried up, so DS really isn't getting anything from me but comfort. It's god awful grating sometimes, especially when he's in a smacking mood.

MamaWillow
10-04-2010, 10:54 PM
I hear you mama! DS is 22 months and sounds so much like your DD. Constantly switching sides and VERY demanding when he wants to nurse. A couple of months ago I was having the exact feelings that you are, I wanted to just be done and that's it. My feelings kind of come in waves; I will love nursing for a long while, then it starts to wear on me and I freak out and want to quit. I am always glad I push through and keep on going. The way he nurses now I feel like if I to CLW he will still be nursing in kindergarten. Let's hope not!

Your feelings are totally normal. It's hard having a little person demanding so much of you and being so annoying but also loving it in some deeper way at the same time!

CEVmommy
10-06-2010, 12:17 PM
I have had those feelings too. I have successfully imposed some limits on nursing for my older child. She has to use manners to nurse, and she can only nurse at certain times of day now. You may find it useful to read Mothering Your Nursing Toddler.

Lovely
10-06-2010, 12:22 PM
I'm only planning to nurse to one year old...this is one of the reasons why. I don't want to feel negatively about it--and wonder if it could turn into a control issue (we deal with these with ever kid in the family, lol). However, I think you should do what you feel is best.

isaacsmum
10-06-2010, 12:57 PM
I'd say it's normal. My DS turned 2 in Sept, and I'm certainly feeling this way. He nurses pretty much on demand when I'm home with him, and still nurses some at night since we co-sleep. I go back and forth between wanting to do child-led weaning and just cut out the nursing altogether. He's pretty demanding about wanting to nurse right away when he wants to, and doesn't like to go to bed w/out it. Maybe I'll work on nursing manners like PP mentioned. Right now, I'm just trying to get him to develop some patience and find a soothing activity to replace the "na-na's", but mostly I'm just going along with it. Some days are better than others.

MyPreciousKid
10-06-2010, 11:19 PM
I nursed my adopted daughter to 21 months. And about age 18 months she started being the same way. I also started setting limits and where and how she could nurse. As a mom I knew I had to teach her manners and care for others. So it could start there. And once I set limits I gradually dropped one more daily nusring until we were only nursing once a day, then slowly stopped that. It worked very well for me.

Kay Green, My Precious Kid

BeastMasterMama
10-07-2010, 01:29 PM
I nursed my adopted daughter to 21 months. And about age 18 months she started being the same way. I also started setting limits and where and how she could nurse. As a mom I knew I had to teach her manners and care for others. So it could start there. And once I set limits I gradually dropped one more daily nusring until we were only nursing once a day, then slowly stopped that. It worked very well for me.

Kay Green, My Precious Kid

I did kinda the same thing with DS.

I also agree-- these feelings are normal, you're not a bad mother and you shouldn't feel guilty!! I try to tell myself the same thing! My son is 2 1/2, he still nurses once every day or two. I'm pregnant, so I haven't had any milk for about a month. Before my milk dried up, I was SO DONE nursing... I was still doing it, but I would distract, distract, distract as often as I could and sometimes flat out said "No." DS would often cry and scream, and all I could do would be to walk a little ways away from him and sit down and wait for him to calm down. He always did. Sometimes Daddy could step in and offer a bike ride or something else...

Anyway, after my milk dried up, he started asking much less frequently, and suddenly I felt like I couldn't let him wean!! :cry: SO, I started letting him nurse when he asked, but only for a minute, and he somehow has understood this restriction and doesn't complain (too often) about it. I usually give him a few warnings that it's almost time to be done, and then I count to 10 to give him every chance to anticipate the end. Then I offer him some water, which is usually what he wants in the first place...

So you are definitely not alone. It's okay to say no to a toddler when your sanity is at stake. They may not like it, but they will deal with it, esp. if you're there for them in every other way, just not in the nursing dept!
HTH!

Oh- and DS would wiggle his little butt around and just yaaannnk on my nipples... as soon as he started to do that, I would tell him "you have to be still if you want to nurse." If he did it again, I'd say, "if you wiggle around any more, you will have to stop nursing," and if he did it a third time, I pulled him off. I would often let him go back to nursing in a minute or so if he really wanted to, but most times he was fine with it-- he was just nursing out of boredom. Now he only gets one warning, then he has to stop. Otherwise it was just too painful for me.

VeganCupcake
10-07-2010, 03:48 PM
I agree that it's completely normal to feel the way you do, but I would also recommend teaching your DD some nursing manners and seeing if that improves the situation before you decide to wean.

Mama'sPocket
10-08-2010, 12:49 AM
It is totally normal to feel that way. I nursed my first until she was 4, my second until he was just over two, and my third is still nursing at bedtime, but I am pregnant and totally dry, so not much there.

With all of the kids I reached a point around 1 year to 18 months where I stopped nursing on demand and instead starting feeding them on demand. I started using that demand to nurse as a cue that they needed to eat or needed to cuddle with mom, but not going straight to nursing unless I felt it was right for both me and my child. Sometimes I was able and willing to sit down. But sometimes I just needed to give the child a snack and keep going with life.

I have also found that I move more towards a schedule/routine of nursing around that time. I guess what I am saying is that I am totally a slave to the nursing for the first year. If baby wants to nurse, they get to nurse. But after a year I begin transitioning them to a place where I am more free. I love to nurse my kids and don't feel the need to wean at one year, but I also don't have the same patience to nurse a kid that demands it. So I try to nurse them first thing in the morning, which is my favorite time and then in the mid afternoon and normally before bed. It doesn't happen immediately, but it over the course of about three month it does happen. I just gradually distract them more and more and then eventually start saying that it isn't time.

Toddlers are able to understand the concept that it isn't time and can be distracted quite a bit, so I would try that some and see if it improves things.

cheechako
10-08-2010, 05:32 AM
It is totally normal to feel that way. I nursed my first until she was 4, my second until he was just over two, and my third is still nursing at bedtime, but I am pregnant and totally dry, so not much there.

With all of the kids I reached a point around 1 year to 18 months where I stopped nursing on demand and instead starting feeding them on demand. I started using that demand to nurse as a cue that they needed to eat or needed to cuddle with mom, but not going straight to nursing unless I felt it was right for both me and my child. Sometimes I was able and willing to sit down. But sometimes I just needed to give the child a snack and keep going with life.

I have also found that I move more towards a schedule/routine of nursing around that time. I guess what I am saying is that I am totally a slave to the nursing for the first year. If baby wants to nurse, they get to nurse. But after a year I begin transitioning them to a place where I am more free. I love to nurse my kids and don't feel the need to wean at one year, but I also don't have the same patience to nurse a kid that demands it. So I try to nurse them first thing in the morning, which is my favorite time and then in the mid afternoon and normally before bed. It doesn't happen immediately, but it over the course of about three month it does happen. I just gradually distract them more and more and then eventually start saying that it isn't time.

Toddlers are able to understand the concept that it isn't time and can be distracted quite a bit, so I would try that some and see if it improves things.


That is a good idea!!

jlcohen
10-08-2010, 06:56 AM
Right around 20 months old is about the same time that I reached my capacity for on-demand nursing. DD's issue was more on-demand nursing at night time but day time wasn't much better. Some days it seemed like she was nursing more than a newborn. So that's basically when I cut off the night time sessions. The first few nights were a bit rough but I offered lots of cuddle time instead. Once we got night time under control, the day time sessions seemed to follow on their own. She's 2 now and we nurse 3 times a day --- when she wakes up in the morning, after nap and then before bed.