View Full Version : Because I don't really know where to turn...(LONG)

03-26-2011, 07:17 PM
:( I've just had a really bad day and could sure use someone to talk to?

Today my husband and I... well kind of just my husband has decided that we need to get a divorce. It's not really an out of no where but still sad. We got married at only 19 and super fast so I should have seen this coming. We've had problems for years broken up with deployments. A month ago he sorta flipped and said basically he was going to be an a-hole to me until I lost weight and changed some other things about me. And by the way he did this flip two days after we found out we were prego. When I say he was being an a-hole I mean a real a-hole! He called me useless.. said i wasn't a good mother.. called me fat, lazy, annoying, etc etc.

Since then he has been on and off with this attitude.. being seriously mean.. then super sweet. Well... last week we finally we and saw a councilor and everything was looking up but today he flipped again but this time he says he is just done being married and packed up all his clothes and left. Now i'm kind of lost about what to do. He said he was going to take all the money, cancel my cell phone and take my car. I don't really have anything to say about this because he's the only one that works but i'm scared. All my family lives 16 hours away.. I'm a stay at home mom so I have no money of my own.

What should I do?

03-28-2011, 11:20 PM
sorry i don't have any answers but i had to give you :hugs:

03-28-2011, 11:30 PM
You need to contact someone on base who can help you. He cannot take all the money and leave you helpless. He is legally required to provide for the children he has fathered. I would say that you need to immediately contact someone high up on the base. I'm sorry I don't know specific titles of people, as I am not familiar with the military. I do know that my sister went through a divorce when her husband was in the Marines and they lived on base in 29 Palms. She went to an on base attorney who represented her for free. There should be some kind of family law assistance there and they can help you and tell you your rights.

Personally mama, I wouldn't want to stay married to this man. The way he is treating you is verbal and emotional abuse, plain and simple. It is probably best for you to get away while you can. And, as I said before, you have rights and he cannot leave you and take everything away from you. Please please find someone on base who can help you through this legally.

I have been here before. My first husband was also verbally and emotionally abusive for the last few years of our marriage. I stuck it out for entirely too long before some major events happened and I realized he was never going to change and that I didn't deserve the treatment I was getting. My kids also didn't deserve growing up and seeing their mother treated that way. I filed for divorce and got child support situated and was able to move out on my own. It hasn't been easy, but my life is much better now than it was then. It takes a lot to heal from being treated like that, but the sooner you walk away the better off you will be.

:hugs: If you need anything, please PM me. I am not too far from you and I have a great group of babywearing, CDing mommy friends who also live very close to you and we'd all be more than happy to help you get through this.

03-28-2011, 11:31 PM
Go live with your family. Pack up the kids and ask for a loan to take a train or bus. Hugs mama. Sorry your going thru this.

03-28-2011, 11:35 PM
Go live with your family. Pack up the kids and ask for a loan to take a train or bus. Hugs mama. Sorry your going thru this.

If your family lives out of state you might not be able to do this until you get actual divorce proceedings in order. Also, when there is a custody dispute going on you are not legally allowed to take the kids out of the county where the case is going on.

My best advice would be to seek family law assistance on base and file for divorce yourself, before your husband does. This way they can represent you for free and he will have to find his own representation. They won't kick you out of base housing until the divorce is final and your DH will be required to pay you child support even while the divorce is in process, so you will have some income. Once you get the divorce going you can ask the attorney about getting the rights to move out of the county or state with the kids to be with family.

03-28-2011, 11:36 PM
If he treats you like that then you are better off without him. It seems that he doesn't even want to try to work it out. You can fight for your rights especially since you have a child coming. How old are you two now? I do not know him so I have a hard time judging. I really hope you two can work it out.

I am praying for you and I hope you can keep us updated. PM me if you ever need to talk. I can listen to you whenever you need to talk. :) I hate seeing a fellow mama upset.

11-05-2011, 10:18 PM
How are you doing mama?

01-08-2012, 03:50 PM
I am right there with you, My soon to be ex husband and I moved back from NC ( Camp Lejeine) he has EAS and he exploded, started smoking pot, cheating on me and started becoming emotionally and verbally abusive. But then would turn around in a second, when he wanted something from me. I left him thought, I found out he had hurt our son (who at the time was 6 months old) and I sent him to jail. Its hard getting back on your feet but you can do it. Legally he has to care for his children, so go to base legal and file for seperation.. it will set in stone child support. Then there will be a hearing most likely ( called mediation) on who has custody of the children. After that, it could take 6months to a year for a divorce per the military standards of time of seperation. It gives you time to “try to fix your marriage”