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reithegenki
01-19-2012, 06:46 AM
I am having some massive anxiety over what to do with my DS while at the hospital. I hear they are pretty strict about visiting hours with toddlers and don't want them in the room during serious labor/birthing even during the day.

I have never been away from my DS. I don't have a single human in the world I trust aside from my husband to watch him. My mom has MS and can't watch him, my MIL is a closet alcoholic and we won't trust her to watch him, my BFF lives nearly two hours away, is a single guy who has never baby sat for a moment and is prone to over reactions. My brother/SIL live an hour away and both work jobs that they can't leave early from or call into easily.

The lack of babysitting aside - I have been away from my DS for short periods of time (I think three hours max?) and I always have near panic attacks and can't enjoy myself during that time. My DH has always been home with him and I'm not actually worried AT ALL. My DH is the most responsible and perfect father I have met. I just get chest crushing anxiety when I am away from my son. I'm sure it's some sort of issue with me, but it doesn't really matter.

I am concerned that I am going to go into labor, the hospital isn't going to let DS be there AT ALL, and I am going to end up having complications from having panic attacks during labor. Also I am just plain concerned about the babysitting issue, but I am mostly worried about the actual issue of what the hospital will do.

Having a home birth is NOT an option under any circumstances.

People with 2+ kids already: what have your experiences been with older sibs at the hospital?

PS: He wouldn't be traumatized by the experience of being there. I am a very chill laborer. No yelling, gasping, screaming. Just breathing, chit chat, and some passive whining about the pain. The birthing suites at my hospital are huge and very comfy with TV and recliners for family.

Sent from my iPhone. Autocorrect hates me.

srpettitt
01-19-2012, 07:06 AM
We've never done the kids at the hospital thing, so I can't really comment on that. Because of that I've never asked about the hospital's policy where I'm giving birth, but theirs seems a little extreme to me! I mean I can understand if there is a kid running wild in the delivery room while the Dr. and nurses are trying to deliver the baby it could be a big problem, but still...

The one thing that stuck out to me though was that I would NOT want my husband to be responsible for watching my kiddos while I'm in labor...I NEED HIM! He needs to be there for me and me alone at that point. Would the hospital be more chill if your son had a specified caregiver during your labor/delivery...would your mom be able to be responsible for your son if you and your husband are also in the same room? I would also ask you Dr. or midwife about it. They've delivered plenty of babies at that hospital and have seen what other families do. Hope you find something that you can feel comfortable with. Worrying about your son while in labor would be totally distracting and I'm sure it wouldn't help baby to come any faster.

reithegenki
01-19-2012, 07:14 AM
We've never done the kids at the hospital thing, so I can't really comment on that. Because of that I've never asked about the hospital's policy where I'm giving birth, but theirs seems a little extreme to me! I mean I can understand if there is a kid running wild in the delivery room while the Dr. and nurses are trying to deliver the baby it could be a big problem, but still...

The one thing that stuck out to me though was that I would NOT want my husband to be responsible for watching my kiddos while I'm in labor...I NEED HIM! He needs to be there for me and me alone at that point. Would the hospital be more chill if your son had a specified caregiver during your labor/delivery...would your mom be able to be responsible for your son if you and your husband are also in the same room? I would also ask you Dr. or midwife about it. They've delivered plenty of babies at that hospital and have seen what other families do. Hope you find something that you can feel comfortable with. Worrying about your son while in labor would be totally distracting and I'm sure it wouldn't help baby to come any faster.

That's a good point about my husband.

The thing is I don't want anyone else in the room. My mom nags, nitpicks, and is really judgmental. She huffed and threw her hands up when I got my epidural last time and said loudly "I can't believe you're just giving up." and stormed out of the room. This was after 20 hours of natural labor. I hadn't wanted her in there in the first place, but I gave in to make everyone happy. I don't want to do that again this time.

I don't want a single person in there aside from me, DH, and DS.

Seems like I am stuck.

I'll talk to my midwife. I have my first appointment and get to meet her on the 26th. I'm concerned since she is part of group health (a huge insurance/provider corporation that operates more like the DMV than a doctors office) and they have a bad reputation for not caring about anything but getting stuff done as fast as possible. I wish I could go to my old midwife, but they don't accept my husband's insurance.

Sent from my iPhone. Autocorrect hates me.

regenolds
01-19-2012, 08:31 AM
Would you consider a doula for you and then your hubby could be there with your son AND for you? Sometimes insurance will pay for some of it.
Or are you part of any moms groups that you could get to know a mom better and form some trust before the summer? Or a church? Lots of moms in my church always want to be helpful and I'm sure someone would love to help you out if you seek out a friendship. That's hard for me to do too but I'm just trying to think of some ways.
Or even get some counseling if you think this is a big problem? I definitely worry when i go out without my kids but i've never felt panicky just that we were separated. And July is still a long ways off. Your son will be older and you might not feel like this anymore.

pharmmama
01-19-2012, 08:41 AM
My hospital had 2 rules- Nobody under 12 allowed except the babies siblings and no more then 3 coaches/visitors in the room at one time. I am lucky that I have lots of trusted family that can watch my other 2 kids for me when I go into labor this summer. If I didn't I would probably ask my OB if they had any ideas, and consider finding a good babysitter/nanny to help out. I'd have her watch the kids a few times regularly before labor to get them used to each other and then they would be fine when I went into labor. You can advertise or check locally (ask friends with kids for suggestions), or go thru nannies4hire, sittercity, or care to find someone local.

just1more
01-19-2012, 08:57 AM
Well I guess I will share what we have done and it works for us. With my 2nd dh and my 6yr old were there, #3 dh,my 8yr old and my 2yr old were in the room, #5 my 11yr old was just there until right before I delivered the rushed my to the or thinking id need a section. I didnt think I go that fast so hubby stayed at home while I labored. He got there right after they took me out of the room. I like to labor alone, im not a screamer, my pain limit is super high. with my last it was a non medicated forcep delivery and it didnt hurt at all. This time we do more of the same Ill take my 13yr old, and Ill labor until its time to call hubby to come up to the hospital.

srpettitt
01-19-2012, 09:38 AM
:hugs: It sounds like it is just a tough situation. I do like the doula suggestion, though! That leaves somebody to help you AND somebody to help your son.

mabelinoad
01-19-2012, 10:45 AM
Well I guess I will share what we have done and it works for us. With my 2nd dh and my 6yr old were there, #3 dh,my 8yr old and my 2yr old were in the room, #5 my 11yr old was just there until right before I delivered the rushed my to the or thinking id need a section. I didnt think I go that fast so hubby stayed at home while I labored. He got there right after they took me out of the room. I like to labor alone, im not a screamer, my pain limit is super high. with my last it was a non medicated forcep delivery and it didnt hurt at all. This time we do more of the same Ill take my 13yr old, and Ill labor until its time to call hubby to come up to the hospital.

i just had a :giggle: at myself when I read your post. It sounded like 'with my second dh....my third dh...my fifth dh'....I thought "wow, 5 different husbands in such a short amount of time!!" :lostit:



OP,
I'm sorta/kinda in the same boat. Well we have lots of awesome family, and my kids have stayed the night elsewhere twice since being born(they're now almost 4 and 2 1/2) for like anniversary or whatever. That never bothers us. But...we may be moving across the country in April, and won't have any family to watch the kids:banghead: we have no choice but to have them in the room. And if it ends up in Csec(bcz htis is a VBA2C) I am terrified to be alone in the OR without DH. Ugh. I just feel like, the hospital can't kick out your own kids if they have nowhere to go!

Mamata3
01-19-2012, 04:08 PM
With my first birth (I already had a step son) I went into labor in the middle of the night and we had a neighbor come watch ODSS while he slept at home. DH left me to labor because it took a long time and he came back when it was time to push, then he left again to be with ODS. I stayed in the hospital alone for the 2 day except for when they brought me food and came to visit. We had just moved to new England from California 2 months before so we didn't really know anyone but them. I was used to being away from him at the time because we had just got full custody so he was gone every other weekend before that. So that was not an issue for me. When I went into labor with YDS we lived in San Diego (where I was from) also went into labor in the middle of the night so had my mom come sleep at my house while the kids slept. DH stayed at the hospital till I delivered (6 hours or so) then went home with the kids and I stayed in the hospital alone for the remainder of the stay he came and got methe next morning when I went home.

With THIS baby we have nobody! We live in Japan and out of the 4 good friends that I might trust with my kids 2 have moved and the other 2 are moving before I have this a baby. And DH may be deploying this summer :( so we are trying to get me moved back to California before the summer starts because I have no flipping clue what I am going to do with my kids!!!!

I know that's not really advise for you but I do have some,lol. Ok so if you have you MIL or mother go to the hospital with you guys they can stay in the waiting room (while you,DH and DS are in labor room) and when it's time to get things moving you can have DH take DS to the waiting room so he can be carried for while you do your birthing business lol. I think that would be the easiest and the most minimal time away from him :)

Mamata3
01-19-2012, 04:10 PM
With my first birth (I already had a step son) I went into labor in the middle of the night and we had a neighbor come watch ODSS while he slept at home. DH left me to labor because it took a long time and he came back when it was time to push, then he left again to be with ODS. I stayed in the hospital alone for the 2 day except for when they brought me food and came to visit. We had just moved to new England from California 2 months before so we didn't really know anyone but them. I was used to being away from him at the time because we had just got full custody so he was gone every other weekend before that. So that was not an issue for me. When I went into labor with YDS we lived in San Diego (where I was from) also went into labor in the middle of the night so had my mom come sleep at my house while the kids slept. DH stayed at the hospital till I delivered (6 hours or so) then went home with the kids and I stayed in the hospital alone for the remainder of the stay he came and got methe next morning when I went home.

With THIS baby we have nobody! We live in Japan and out of the 4 good friends that I might trust with my kids 2 have moved and the other 2 are moving before I have this a baby. And DH may be deploying this summer :( so we are trying to get me moved back to California before the summer starts because I have no flipping clue what I am going to do with my kids!!!!

I know that's not really advise for you but I do have some,lol. Ok so if you have you MIL or mother go to the hospital with you guys they can stay in the waiting room (while you,DH and DS are in labor room) and when it's time to get things moving you can have DH take DS to the waiting room so he can be carried for while you do your birthing business lol. I think that would be the easiest and the most minimal time away from him :)

I mean cared for not carried for. Lol

Buffy1023
01-19-2012, 05:58 PM
With DS I was super nervous that DH wouldn't get home from work in time and I would be home alone with DD. DD was never with anyone other than me, dh, and my mom and dad(who live 5 hours away) At the time (11-09) my hospital let siblings visit, but no other children. Since then, they are a strict no children at all hospital. (make sure you check, because this has happened at most hospitals in my area within the last year)
That being said, I asked what to do with DD if I went into labor by myself. I have also asked this recently with this pregnancy. I was told to bring the children to the hospital, they could stay with me until it was too intense and then they would be cared for by nurses. This makes me feel a little better because I am sure a few nurses can care for my children.

With DS luckily Dh got home in time. I called my parents early in labor and my neighbor (who I have gotten really close to and has three kids of her own) came over for a few hours until my parents arrived. I also went to the hossy pretty late, so right after I left, my neighbor put dd to bed.

So there are a few things to consider when your anxiety hits. If all else fails, take him to the hospital. Also, I would invest in a portable dvd players, esp. if he isn't used to watching movies. Will be a big treat (hopefully) and keep him occupied for the big moments.

Try not to stress too much, it will all turn out great in the end!!

b bright
01-19-2012, 06:28 PM
I didn't read all the responses but would you labor at home for as long as you can and then head to the hospital. When you realize you are in labor call the person you trust most and see if they can head that way ASAP. If they can't try calling a 2nd option. If it comes down to it, would you trust Someone to watch your son in the waiting room for just the actual delivery part? I mean, what would they do if you just showed up with you and your son. Tell you he has to wait by himself in the waiting room?!? Over my dead body! Lol.

reithegenki
01-19-2012, 11:07 PM
Thanks for the suggestions and stories.

I really didn't want to tell anyone aside from my husband that I was even in labor until after the baby came. Last time was a nightmare of everyone getting mad at me during labor because we forgot to tell someone or we didn't update them enough. I actually got *****ed out on the phone while I was in transition. Not okay.

I don't bond with strangers easily. A doula is out of the question. Even if I liked her 6 months isn't long enough to bond enough with someone to want them within miles of me during labor. That aside, our insurance doesn't even cover prescriptions let alone a doula.

I don't often complain about my financial situation, because we make do, but just to give you an idea. We have a $150 a month food budget for a family of three. There is no money to hire a doula or babysitter available in our budget unfortunately.

It looks like I will have to suck it up and have my MIL come to the hospital (:yuck:) and watch him in the waiting room for the pushing. Luckily I pushed DS out in less than five minutes. Hopefully that happens again.

Oh well :) It's a better solution than just freaking out. Who knows maybe the nurses will be nice and just let him stay. They're very hands off at my hospital anyway. (i.e. I didn't see my nurse more than five or six times in the twenty hours I was in labor and only saw my midwife once before pushing)

Sent from my iPhone. Autocorrect hates me.

b bright
01-20-2012, 12:00 AM
Have you thought about finding a doula who is "in training" to become a doula. They technically aren't a doula, but are there with you for free because they have to do it in their training. It might be worth a shot??

BuggaBuggaBoutique
01-21-2012, 02:34 PM
It's always very hard for us. I usually deliver 2 hours from where we live and it's impossible to find someone to watch the girls...I have no idea what we will do this time at all.

ea17
01-21-2012, 10:29 PM
We had my parents watch ours and come when I was getting ready to push, and they waited outside. Since you still have time, maybe start seeking out a babysitter for this purpose. You could have them come to your house and just have playtime together with your son while you were there. Gives you a little break and lets him get used to someone else!

Crazydayz
01-23-2012, 09:58 AM
My children were in the room with me while laboring up until push time. I am also pretty chill during labor. (Maybe because I knew my kids were there and didn't want to scare them?) They just played games most of the time. My hospital rule was no kids unless immediate family/siblings. So there were no problems there. I thought that rule was pretty normal. When it was time to push my inlaws came and took the kids to the waiting area. I requested just the kids to come back when baby was born so we could all bond before grandparents or anyone else. It was very nice.

I am sure that is what we will do this time as well. Of course unless baby is born in the middle of the night. My poor ds is so worried about that. He wants to be there when baby is born. Or at least right after.