View Full Version : A few questions

02-13-2012, 09:14 AM
I started EC with my 3rd DS when he was 10 months, he did phenomenal, seriously way better than I was expecting considering we just up and started out of the blue.. He did so well for a few weeks, and as he got closer to the 12 month mark he just stopped. He wanted nothing to do with his potty anymore and just constant refusal. I didn't know where to go from there so we just stopped.

Now, with DD, I started when she was 4-6 weeks. She did really well, and it was mostly just upon waking, sometimes before bed, but at least she was getting used to it so I was happy. I find it a lot harder to EC with them in cloth (DS wasn't wearing cloth at the time) since I can't tell when they're dry.

Anyway, last night we were visiting family, she was wearing a disposable and we were leaving so I was going to change her. She was pretty dry so I figured I'd try her over the toilet (never done that before) and she peed as soon as I cued her. When we got home an hour later, she woke up and was still dry, so I tried her over the toilet again, and again right away she peed when I cued her. I'm ecstatic.. but I've NEVER noticed her letting me know she needs to go. I have a general idea of what I should be looking for but I've never noticed anything.

So I guess what I'm asking is what should I be looking for from DD in terms of telling me to potty her?

Also, DD is going on 10 months and I'd like to be prepared for a potential potty strike (is that what DS did?) so how can I avoid that, etc..


02-13-2012, 03:35 PM
Awesome job!!

Some babies just don't cue a lot. Some things to watch for might be: http://ecisfun.com/babys-cues-and-signals/

When dd was wearing an AIO, I would honestly just stick my thumb or finger in her diaper to check for wetness. I figured if it was dry, no big deal, if it was wet (or poopy! lol) then who was I to complain about my thumb getting a little messy when she was SITTING in it?! Better to get a little wet and be able to change her asap than for her to sit in it even longer just because I was concerned about a little wetness getting on me!

she also rarely wore pants at home ;) and even when out if she was in a dress it was still super easy to check her.

To avoid potty strikes I think the best thing we can do for our babies is to NOT praise them a ton when they are going often and easily. I know, it sounds backwards, but if we praise a lot then they start to get used to it or do it for the praise. We want them doing it for themselves - not us. I think I've written novels on this topic before so I'll see if I can link to another post instead of retyping :giggle:

Best of luck! It sounds like you two are really getting some good communication down!

02-13-2012, 07:49 PM
Here's a thread on potty pauses :wub: http://diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1077876&highlight=praise

Excerpt from The Diaper Free Baby by Christine Gros-Loh found on page 158-159:

The Perils of Praise

By the way, I want to make one little comment about how important it is to allow this pottying experience to belong to your child and not to you or anyone else. You'll notice that throughout the book, I have encouraged you to acknowledge when your child is going to the bathroom. This is a really important part of maintaining your child's bodily awareness and cluing him in to the fact that he's going to the bathroom.

You're probably very delighted for your child - which is a really good, in fact, a wonderful, thing! Your warmth and enthusiasm make the potty process pleasant and positive for your child. But I have never told you to say "Good Boy!" or "Good job!" or to offer any sort of general praise like that. I've noticed that many EC'ers avoid the use of praise or rewards because they want their children to know that this accomplishment is theirs and theirs alone. They don't want to inadvertently encourage their children to use the toilet for external validation (such as a reward or to please the parent.) And just as we usually don't reward our children for eating or sleeping, going to the bathroom in the potty is another matter-of-fact process (especially if you're been doing it all of your life.)

That said, I am not at all saying you should stifle your positive feelings. Acknowledging your child's accomplishment, perhaps by saying how good it must feel for her, or by expressing delight for her that she's gotten the hang of this concept, will leave the whole experience right where it belongs - with her. (By the same token, this is why it is so important to remain unemotional, matter of fact, and supportive if your child has a miss.)

Critics of EC sometimes wonder if children will eventually regress because they stop wanting to please the parent. The truth is, however, that with EC, from the very beginning, the emphasis is on the child achieving it for herself and no one else. Keep your comments in the realm of affirming, positive reinforcement rather than praise.


and here's my big long rant on praise in general :giggle2: http://diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=866983&highlight=perils+praise

I'm just copying my old ramblings now :giggle: "Another thing that I believe can cause regressions is over-praising. If the parents do a HUGE song and dance routine for every pee in the beginning, many things can happen - 1. the child loves that, so only wants that, and eventually won't pee in the potty unless they get it. They just don't understand why last week it was so Amazing and this week it's whatever.
2. They are doing it just for the parent, not for themselves, so they're not invested in it. So they might innocently say, "hmm, what will happen if I Don't do what mom wants?"
3. They might deviously think, "hmmm! I wonder what mom will do if I pee on the carpet instead!"

and many more.

But if we let the child lead - and BE there to HELP them - and let them own the process (no over the top praise, just accurate acknowledgment of what they're doing - and the fact that they are doing it to benefit themselves, not you) kids can learn and retain pottying skills really early, really quickly and really easily!"

and one more..... "I agree with Jessica I think you need to establish the cue sound, or word at his age, so that you have a way of talking about the actual elimination. I think you'll need that before you can expect him to understand what a potty is for.

I think it's awesome that you want to try!

and it's great to have an open-bathroom-door policy. You can even cue each other when you go, so that he understands that THAT is the communication. The act of peeing and pooping has a word, or sound, that can then be transferred to "and this is where we put it" If that makes any sense!

I'd be careful about over-praising, too. I agree that you want it to be a good place to be, but if you praise excessively you can send him the wrong message. - That you are wanting him to do this to please you. That's not true. You arep doing this to help him stay more comfortable and clean. People poop and pee all the time without being praised up and down for it. Accidents are no big deal, and "Catches" are great, but not the climax event of the day, either. (well, they might be! But we don't need to go overboard!)

I know I"m in the minority on this point - but that's ok. I obviously still believe in praise and affirmation - I just think specific things work better than generic overboard praise. "does that feel good to stay dry when you use your potty?" rather than "good job - you sat still." - and we don't want the backlash later when they start testing everything we say - then it could become, "I know mom wants me to sit here cuz she goes bonkers every time I do, but what will happen, what will she do if I decide not to!?" Kids like to see what we'll do, so it benefits us to not show how much we're frustrated when we have misses, too!

I hope some of that made sense.

Have fun!!"

here's a great article on praise and the dangers of generic praise -- http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

:wub: I'm sure this is wayyyyyyy too much info, but oh well ;-) only read what you want to! haha!! :hugs: and yeah, seriously - have fun!! :yay:

02-14-2012, 03:13 PM
Thanks so much!! So useful! I'm off to read :D

02-25-2012, 10:41 PM
Yes, try cloth without a cover and you can easily tell when it's wet by feel. If you want to avoid getting her pants wet, but want to keep her legs warm, you can put her in baby legs type leggings or use wool pants that double as a cover.

In my experience, ECing is often more about the timing rather than the cues (especially if your baby starts to hold her pee and can wait instead of going at any particular moment). It sounds like you are already doing the timing thing, i.e. offering the potty before you leave to go someplace, after she wakes up from naps etc. You can also try after she eats/drinks, before she goes to sleep, etc. and basically whenever it's been awhile and she hasn't gone yet.