Everyone asks how I am doing all the time and if I am okay. I always say "oh I am fine" etc. As many of you know this pregnancy has had many scary false alarms. I have also been incredibly sick. So since I never feel like I can tell people IRL how I really feel I just need to say NO I am not okay and am so tired of being sick. I can barely get myself from the bed to the sofa. I struggle to do the basic needs of DS. Changing diapers and getting meals is horrible. Even if they are per made. Heck I never do anything not pre made. I could never stand in the kitchen that long. I just had to fight myself to stand at the microwave to re-heat yesterdays chili for me and DS. We share from the same bowl because I cannot let him make a mess I will need to clean up. He watches endless TV because it keeps him busy. He just plays in the living room while I lay on the sofa hating myself for it. I feel like a terrible mom!!! I keep telling myself it will be over soon but than I will have a newborn and that is going to be hard too. Granted I don't think it could be this hard but its still daunting. My house is trashed because DH really just cant do it all. He is working, studying for his real estate license and doing ALL household and outdoor chores along with doing all care for DS when he is here. I can't afford to pay anyone to help. We will be without a check for over a month with DH switching jobs. I am completely at the end of my rope today but I just don't feel like I can tell anyone. My friend that would help just had a baby and although she has watched DS a few times while on her maternity leave I don't feel good about asking her to do anymore than I have to. My mom is on the road with my dad (he is a truck driver). She will come to stay with me when I really need her but I don't feel like I can ask her yet as I will need her even more in a month or two. I can't ask her to be away from my dad for three - four months. She stayed with me for four months when I was preg with DS but it was hard on everyone. I LOVE that she helps me but its hard to have someone here all the time. Literally 24/7 in my tiny house.
I wish I could just say to those IRL how hard this is and how I just don't know how much longer I can handle it but I just don't feel like I can. DH tries to understand but I know he is tired and struggling too. I feel like we are so close yet so far away from having this LO.
04-21-2012, 10:44 AM
so sorry mama. It's got to be so hard. You feel free to vent here all you want, we understand!!!
04-21-2012, 11:01 AM
:hugs: This too shall pass.
04-21-2012, 11:08 AM
:hugs: I totally know how you are feeling! It's normal, I was that way with my first 2. I really don't remember the first half of my pregnacy with DS( he is my #2)
I had a really hard day yesterday emotionally so don't feel to bad about yourself. It comes with the territory. It's just hard when we don't feel good, that's what makes it hard on everyone.
Again lots of :hugs: coming your way.
04-21-2012, 09:17 PM
Ddc I confess my ds has watched wayyyyyy too much tv this pregnancy while I layed on the sofa. It won't kill him. Promise. Do what you can. Praying for you!
04-21-2012, 09:40 PM
Yep it's like that here. I try and get outside as much as possible but I'm just so tired. I feel like crap half the time. DH treats me like I'm already broken and darn it I bet I would have more energy if he would just put out already!!
04-21-2012, 09:51 PM
Same here. Way more tv for both my kids than I want :(. Not happy about it but my energy is not there and there are sooo many hours before bed time.
04-22-2012, 08:27 AM
Thanks ladies. Yesterday was such a hard day physically and emotionally. I have A LOT of pain with this LO. My swollen arm hurts like crazy and now I have this weird thing going on with the right side of my vagina that is much like my arm. It is swollen with the veins protruding. Its really strange and very painful if I have to stand or walk. I got a prescription for some cream to numb it but I haven't tried it yet. I also have to do the sitz baths. I HATE those. I hated them after I gave birth last time and I really hate it now. It doesn't fit on our tiny toilet right so I have to lift the seat and set it on the rim of the bowl. That makes my legs hurt. Its just so frustrating. I hate whining about it because I feel like if the baby comes early I am going to regret it so much. I would not trade this pain for a premature baby.
DH keeps telling me we should never have another baby which brakes my heart really. He doesn't understand how it can hurt so much to think we wont have anymore when I am so horribly miserable but I have always wanted a big family. I can't deal with this being my last baby. I would happily adopt but hes not too sure he wants to. <This is a whole other issue but it plays into my misery over the whole thing......
agh I refuse to be miserable today. It is DS birthday an I just want to enjoy it as much as possible. Hard to believe two years ago I was in labor.
04-24-2012, 08:41 AM
I could have written this post, I am miserable....Im still having morning sickness, and NO ENERGY....all i do is lay on the couch all day long, I cant do anything, and I hate that...its so not me...I know this will be over with soon, and as soon as the baby comes out, Ill be back to myself....just take it easy and do what you gotta do...don't be so hard on yourself.
04-24-2012, 02:21 PM
Okay, I feel a lot better about the days of movie watching here. I am actually starting to feel better with only mild nausea all day and I was feeling bad about the movies. So glad I'm not the only one. It seems so many women say how they love being pregnant, well not me!
Here's my vent: The hardest part for me is that my dh has absolutely no idea what it's like and is a bit judgemental about the state of the house when he gets home. He is trying to be more undrstanding and has always helped with the kids when he gets home. But he also thinks I am being lazy and a wimp if I complain about being in pain (sciatica is really bad), sick, or tired . . . He has actually told me he thinks I make things up. Like; the other day we were at a hotel for breakfast and he had gotten some yogurt for the boys. My ds1 opened his and I could smell the 'diet' chemicals. I said so and dh said I could not smell it and I just make things up. It irked me that he doesn't believe me. He also claimed when I was in labor with ds2, I was exagerrating and overreacting about how much pain I was in. When we got to the hospital I was 8cm, so I had not been exagerrating, but now I wonder if he still thought I was . . . :banghead: The worst part is he will NEVER truly understand. Ah well, that's my vent. My dh is really a great hubby, but sometimes I just need to vent. :)
04-24-2012, 03:28 PM
So sorry mama! You sound just like I did with my last pregnancy. I was miserable from beginning to end and I felt so bad about how much TV DS watched and the amount of takeout was ridiculous. But you know what? He doesn't even remember it. He was perfectly happy then and perfectly happy now. This pregnancy has been a little easier but now I have two to care for and it is just SO hard so give yourself some slack. The thing is you are not running at 100% so once the baby gets here you actually WILL be better if for no other reason than you won't feel like you're at death's door every minute. I found dealing with a newborn and a toddler so much easier than being pregnant with a toddler. At least I could cook and get off the couch on my own LOL! It will get better.