My DD is 4 and has been in public preschool since Jan 06.
Just recently we had an issue at her old school that made me transfer her with 3 weeks left of school! Her vice principal at the time basically taught her how to lie!! (pm for full details very long)
Anyway about a week after the switch she started blantanly lying to us. I mean like say she comes to me and askes me for something and I say no. She will walk in to he other room where DH is and say mommy said I could have such and such. Usually this is after one parent says no. She goes to the other and even if that one says no she lies to the first parent. :banghead:
I seriously don't understand why she does it. She has never been sucessful in this! I have tried talking to her about it. Talking to dh about it to where she would hear it and she will pipe in and say the reason is because she likes being bad! Why I ask and I get a I don't know. She is rewarded for good behavior not bad!
She also throws horrible temper tantrums. Throwing things, stomping, screaming, throwing herself down, etc. They have gotten worse since about the same time. She did have them about 6 mos ago but we worked through it and it was down to just a few a day but now wow! I tried the bear hug that we did before and it makes it worse now. Oh yeah the 6 mos ago was when we really started working on her to get them down. She has had tantrums most of her life. And we think they got worse because of communication issues...large speech delay. She is now normal...no speech delay so that isn't the issue anymore.
I have tried ignoring her..hard to do when she is screaming right in your ear, time out, just talking to her calmly and keep talking over the screaming. But nothing has worked. Oh and i have taken privledges away. Doesn't phase her and when she wants one and we remind her why she can't she just has another tantrum because of that!
Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
MCR
06-02-2007, 02:59 PM
Our oldest Ds tried the ask the other parent and say they said Yes already thing. No one taught him to do it, he thought of that brilliant plan on his own.
We put a stop to it by, when we told him No, we'd add, and don't ask your Dad/Mom either, she'll tell me and you will sit time out.
He gave it up pretty quick.
The tantrums, we had to deal with till he was about 6 or so, real doozeys too, he would go off over the littlest thing.
When he saw a friends child having one it seemed to click with him, I said, "thats what you look like when you do it" He was horrified and the tantrums slowed to almost stop.
I don't think she could really be telling lies at such a young age, not ones she has made up on her own really, it's more like wishful thinking.
Choose2bgr8
06-02-2007, 05:27 PM
I would suggest parenting books. I am an addict.
1. The Five Love Languages of Children
http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Children/dp/1881273652/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-0044918-6966542?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180823001&sr=8-1
2. Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp/1930429002/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-0044918-6966542?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180823035&sr=8-1
and because I think this is THE most helpful book EVER EVER EVER and suggest it to everyone I know, meet or walk by on the sidewalk, lol
The Way They Learn by Cynthia Tobias.
http://www.amazon.com/They-Learn-Cynthia-Ulrich-Tobias/dp/1561794147/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-0044918-6966542?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180823134&sr=1-1
This is my arsenal (parenting books, I love the audio books and would check your local library). These books are how I deal with 2 spirited strong willed, homeschooled girls.
I hope that helps. PM me if you need to vent.
mommy2kaitlyn
06-03-2007, 03:06 AM
Our oldest Ds tried the ask the other parent and say they said Yes already thing. No one taught him to do it, he thought of that brilliant plan on his own.
We put a stop to it by, when we told him No, we'd add, and don't ask your Dad/Mom either, she'll tell me and you will sit time out.
He gave it up pretty quick.
The tantrums, we had to deal with till he was about 6 or so, real doozeys too, he would go off over the littlest thing.
When he saw a friends child having one it seemed to click with him, I said, "thats what you look like when you do it" He was horrified and the tantrums slowed to almost stop.
I don't think she could really be telling lies at such a young age, not ones she has made up on her own really, it's more like wishful thinking.
Thank you for your reply! Your idea about time out for the going to other person is great! Thanks!
I so hope she would come to that conclusion about the tantrums.
Well I am not sure about her not knowing she is lying. It is a very long story but she was taught how to lie by her former vice principal. I asked her if she was lying to me when she told me what the vp told her to say and she broke down crying and said yes and that he wouldn't believe her and that she was to tell me that what he said is what happened. (gosh i hope that mades sense). I did talk to her that lying is not okay and did not punish her for that because I felt it was provoked. kwim?
She will say she didn't so something she did, etc. :(
We had a very rough morning with her but after we all napped she did much better in the afternoon at wal-mart. She got to ride on the bob the builder thing which she hasn't been able to in weeks as that is only when she is good. And I got to tell her see when your good you get to do fun stuff. She said yep I will be good now. We will see how long that lasts. She did announce in the van before going in that she was going to be good. And she did start but I reminded her and she picked to be good.
Anyway Thank you for the reply. I will start doing time outs with the asking the other adult thing. I only knew to stick to our guns and say no.
:hugs:
mommy2kaitlyn
06-03-2007, 03:07 AM
I would suggest parenting books. I am an addict.
1. The Five Love Languages of Children
http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Children/dp/1881273652/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-0044918-6966542?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180823001&sr=8-1
2. Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp/1930429002/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-0044918-6966542?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180823035&sr=8-1
and because I think this is THE most helpful book EVER EVER EVER and suggest it to everyone I know, meet or walk by on the sidewalk, lol
The Way They Learn by Cynthia Tobias.
http://www.amazon.com/They-Learn-Cynthia-Ulrich-Tobias/dp/1561794147/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-0044918-6966542?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180823134&sr=1-1
This is my arsenal (parenting books, I love the audio books and would check your local library). These books are how I deal with 2 spirited strong willed, homeschooled girls.
I hope that helps. PM me if you need to vent.
I will check them out. I am not one that usually reads parenting books just because I am not for one to be told you have to do it this way or else but if it is talking about how they learn and explaining things I am all for that :)
Thanks!
LeighaGrace
06-03-2007, 06:47 AM
I am at my wits end.
My DD is 4 and has been in public preschool since Jan 06.
Just recently we had an issue at her old school that made me transfer her with 3 weeks left of school! Her vice principal at the time basically taught her how to lie!! (pm for full details very long)
Anyway about a week after the switch she started blantanly lying to us. I mean like say she comes to me and askes me for something and I say no. She will walk in to he other room where DH is and say mommy said I could have such and such. Usually this is after one parent says no. She goes to the other and even if that one says no she lies to the first parent. :banghead:
I seriously don't understand why she does it. She has never been sucessful in this! I have tried talking to her about it. Talking to dh about it to where she would hear it and she will pipe in and say the reason is because she likes being bad! Why I ask and I get a I don't know. She is rewarded for good behavior not bad!
She also throws horrible temper tantrums. Throwing things, stomping, screaming, throwing herself down, etc. They have gotten worse since about the same time. She did have them about 6 mos ago but we worked through it and it was down to just a few a day but now wow! I tried the bear hug that we did before and it makes it worse now. Oh yeah the 6 mos ago was when we really started working on her to get them down. She has had tantrums most of her life. And we think they got worse because of communication issues...large speech delay. She is now normal...no speech delay so that isn't the issue anymore.
I have tried ignoring her..hard to do when she is screaming right in your ear, time out, just talking to her calmly and keep talking over the screaming. But nothing has worked. Oh and i have taken privledges away. Doesn't phase her and when she wants one and we remind her why she can't she just has another tantrum because of that!
Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
I hope I don't get flamed. The Mother's Almanac is a wonderful book on raising kids. It is kinda old. According to that book and by what I have seen, 5 year olds lie. Like they just figured out what that's about and sorta test drive it. Just show it's wrong and by age of 6 it usually passes. I walk away from tantrums. I have left a child in the floor at WalMart. Announced I was going home, started walking. Said child got up, quieted down and followed behind me. I walk away at home ,too. No attention for tantrums. I don't get to have them neither do you. I have gone outside, locked myself in my room,whatever. Once I am out of site the tantrum stops. I know this sounds harsh. I was just always afraid I would go nuclear if the screaming continued "in my face" so to speak. Please don't flame me. I never left the tantrum haver unattended. Just made her think she was. Good luck!
Choose2bgr8
06-03-2007, 09:40 AM
I will check them out. I am not one that usually reads parenting books just because I am not for one to be told you have to do it this way or else but if it is talking about how they learn and explaining things I am all for that :)
Thanks!
I have disagreed with a lot of paretning books on different things. I am not one to be told what to do either, but I needed help with my youngest dd especially. She knows JUST how to push my buttons. I generally take what I think would be right for my family and leave the rest. :lostit:
