Do you yell at your kids? (please read #43)

[Bot Girl]

That's pretty much what I want to know. If your LO is doing something wrong, do you yell at them from the other room to stop, or do you drop what you're doing, go to them, and tell them what they are doing wrong and re-direct them?

ETA: If you do yell from the other room, how many times do you have to yell? Do your kids respond/listen to yelling? Or do you find yourself frustrated b/c your kids don't listen?

[De-lovely]

I am guilty of yelling.:yuck: ....I do both but I do yell.....I feel really guilty when I do and lazy too....I am just so exhausted in my 34th week of pregnancy I can hardly do anything at all.


Oh, I just saw your ETA so ETA: I have to yell several times and eventually just get up and redirect...you'd think *I* would have learned by now....My kids listen sometimes and sometimes they dont...I get frustrated yes.....My kids are 3.5, 2.5 and 16 monthes with a new one on the way. Its not an everyday thing though.....I generally have good days.

[apmommatnt]

No yelling here..it is a waste of breath, I don't like to be talked to from another room, so I ALWAYS go to her when there is a problem. Aside from that, 1 time, when I was PG, I had approached a situation with a "yell" from another room, it was not effective at all. So, I figure, if it takes me a minute and I have to go to her, but I will get a response that is positive, do it. Peaceful Parenting is key!!!

[craftymomto5]

Absolutely. Do I feel bad about it? Not really. Does it help hmmmm sometimes. Should I do it no, but that is the hot tempered side of me I got from my dad.:giggle: I really only yell when it takes my kids being told more than twice to do something. If they are in another room and I am busy with one of the other kids then I do tend to yell from the room I am in. We only have a one floor ranch which is rather small so they definately can hear me. :mrgreen:

[lilmama2dsndd]

it all depends on what I am doing, like if I am cooking dinner and it will get burnt if I drop it or in the shower and don't want to soak the bathroom/carpet, etc then I yell. If I have already redirected them several times and they are being persistant, then I yell, but usually to go to the corner.

if I am doing something where I can stop then I will and go over to them & go over the rules again, let them know the consequences of continueing their actions and send them to do something else. But again if this doesn't work I will yell at them to go to the corner/their room/to sit down exactly where they are etc. and after a few mins call them to me and go over the rules again.

works in our house

ETA: my kids seem to realize that if I am still redirecting then they have a few more shots before really getting into trouble, but they know once I yell that it is time to stop

[Tiffer23]

I yell. I don't think it's a good thing, but there are far worse things imo as well. I try not too, but like any parent sometimes I just tire of the constant re-direction and him getting into every single thing he knows we don't want him in. Forget the fact that we allow almost EVERYTHING, he goes for the 2 or 3 things we don't. Typical kid stuff, but annoying nonetheless. And no, we can't move them, or gate the area off. Just not an option right now unfortunately. So yeah, after the entire day of "Jack, come on, let's play with this!" "Oh Jack, please don't touch that. Come here baby." etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. then yeah, he'll get a "JACKSON! GET IN HERE!"

[EvansMomma]

I yell more than I would like to.
But most times, it's just the instinctual response if he's doing osmething dangerous and I'm not really close enough to stop him. I try not to yell much, so when I do, it at least gets his attention long enough for me to get to him.

But he's 20 months old, so basically I'm talking to a wall. :)

[jls~Kain~Drake]

Depends on the situation, but pretty much ditto the pp's.

[maggie_may]

I yell more than I would like to.
But most times, it's just the instinctual response if he's doing osmething dangerous and I'm not really close enough to stop him. I try not to yell much, so when I do, it at least gets his attention long enough for me to get to him.

But he's 20 months old, so basically I'm talking to a wall. :)

Exactly, here it's more of a "Ella no!" yell when she's about to do something dangerous then an anger yell.

[mommy2abigail]

No. I always go to her, touch her and then speak. I hate yelling. I hate doing it, I hate hearing it. It is so disrespectful. If for whatever reason, I can not physically get to her in time, like she's running full speed toward the road, I'll yell so 1.she can hear me, and 2.so she doesn't get killed. However, I ALWAYS go to her, hold her and then speak softly to her and tell her I don't like to yell, but I was scared for her safety, ect. I think yelling 'trains' your kids to ignore your regular voice until you yell, kwim?

[mayrain]

I don't yell just cause I'm not a yeller.....the same thing when I have "discussions" ;) with dh, I rarely raise my voice. Not sure why, sometimes I wish I could for the shock effect. But if the kids are going to listen, they hear me just as well with my normal voice - my eldest DD says I use different intonation when I'm angry.

[EvansMomma]

No. I always go to her, touch her and then speak. I hate yelling. I hate doing it, I hate hearing it. It is so disrespectful. If for whatever reason, I can not physically get to her in time, like she's running full speed toward the road, I'll yell so 1.she can hear me, and 2.so she doesn't get killed. However, I ALWAYS go to her, hold her and then speak softly to her and tell her I don't like to yell, but I was scared for her safety, ect. I think yelling 'trains' your kids to ignore your regular voice until you yell, kwim?

I had never thought of it that way.
I'm a hot headed quick tempered type anyway, BEFORE the kid came along with the sleep deprivation...lol
It's a daily challenge to not yell, but I try.

[Bot Girl]

No. I always go to her, touch her and then speak. I hate yelling. I hate doing it, I hate hearing it. It is so disrespectful. If for whatever reason, I can not physically get to her in time, like she's running full speed toward the road, I'll yell so 1.she can hear me, and 2.so she doesn't get killed. However, I ALWAYS go to her, hold her and then speak softly to her and tell her I don't like to yell, but I was scared for her safety, ect. I think yelling 'trains' your kids to ignore your regular voice until you yell, kwim?

ITA. I can only think of a few times when I've yelled. I think it's useless.

[ahava'smama]

Never!!

[CrunchyMama0607]

Guilty :blush: but only if shes about to hurt herself & i wouldnt be able to get to her in time. AKA going after a fan or electrical socket (99% of ours are plugged now) I try my best to explain to her what shes done wrong and etc. :)

[haynmama]

Unfortunately, yes I do yell. If they're outside and they gotta come in for dinner, I'm not gonna walk out there. I yell for them to come in. Not all the time, but it happens. I know it's useless. :blush: If say, my DS is playing around and we gotta go to school, I'm gonna have to yell for him to hurry up.

[Jewelgurl137]

I yell whenever my kids are doing something that could end up in them getting hurt, and I also yell when I can't stop what I'm doing to redirect them. :blush: They hear me and know that they are in trouble once I start yelling. LOL!

[kymdenise]

I'm a yeller.. I feel terrible, and it is balanced by lots of love and laughter, but yup.. Im a yeller. There are no excuses, and I get angry with myself every day about it. :sadno:

[Manna00]

I HAVE yelled, but don't consider myself a yeller--DH is VERY quiet and I was brought up by TWO yellers.. so I've had to break a lot of habits living with a sound-sensitve DH. The only thing I've ever yelled is "WAIT".. rather than "no".. "wait" got DS's attention quickly and we avoided a major accident.

[haynmama]

I yell whenever my kids are doing something that could end up in them getting hurt, and I also yell when I can't stop what I'm doing to redirect them. :blush: They hear me and know that they are in trouble once I start yelling. LOL!

I hear ya!

[massbb2]

I'm surprisingly calm, but yell at certain instances (like when they're about to run across a busy street). I get in their face and yell repeatedly to scare the crap out of them.

Normally, I redirect. But, I've been told by DH that I'm a pushover...:blush:

Brenda

[mommypatton521]

depends what she is doing I do both

[odenata]

I don't like that I do, but sometimes I lose my temper. (I almost never yell from another room - I always try to go over to her.) My parents both yelled, and I think it really had a negative impact on me emotionally, so I'm trying hard not to yell. What I do now is when I want to yell is I get very close to her and gently whisper, which gets her attention and seems to work much better. It also has the effect of calming me down.

[odenata]

I HAVE yelled, but don't consider myself a yeller--DH is VERY quiet and I was brought up by TWO yellers.. so I've had to break a lot of habits living with a sound-sensitve DH. The only thing I've ever yelled is "WAIT".. rather than "no".. "wait" got DS's attention quickly and we avoided a major accident.

I like that - I try not to use "no" too often, and "wait" would probably get DD's attention better, anyway.

[debdebdebby13]

I have a 15 month old so, no, I don't yell. I'm not a yeller anyway, just not my personality. I will get a little louder and a little deeper when I'm trying to get her attention, but its in no way a yell. Yelling scares her anyway, even if I'm just shouting at DH from another room because she's on the changing table or in the tub and I need something she bursts into tears, so yelling is out.

[lilyfish]

What the pp said about yelling training your children not to respond to you until you yell -- wow, good point.

I am breathing a sigh of relief to see that I am not the only flawed mama here...

I try really hard not to yell, and never from another room. However I yell more than I want to--ideally I never would. I do speak more loudly when asking one of the kids to do something, but I also enunciate more clearly--I just want the kid(s) to know I am addressing them and asking them to do something. I try to do a lot of redirecting and gentle, simple explanations of why something is not OK. I say no more than I would like to (boyfriend has trained me to do that because he does it to his daughter.. believe me, I've had to school him on a LOT of stuff re: parenting like slapping hands and stuff like that.. finally teaching him to be gentler)... but usually just try to say "that's not okay" instead of no... (so often it comes out as "no, that's not okay"... damnit!) I think i will try WAIT ...

and sometimes I just get frustrated. Today, Katty was just being mean to Jed. She could be playing in a palace filled to the vaulted ceilings with diamond-encrusted toys and if Jed is holding a freaking acorn she will bolt as quickly as she can to take it from him. She will overturn their music table so it is upside down and push it along as if it is a walker just so Jed cannot stand at it. She's very "mine mine mine", grabby, and rude. I don't know why -- Jed always plays very nicely (is too young to be grabby or conceive of something as "his"), and I go out of my way to give them equal amounts of attention/affection. Today while I was cooking breakfast she PUSHED Jed hard onto the floor when he tried to stand at the gate to the kitchen! He cried and I said "Katty, please don't do that -- that hurts Jed!" and gave her and Jed each a slice of nectarine to get her mind off of things. ...so she took Jed's nectarine, ate both slices, and did it again. I asked her again to please not push Jed, that it's not okay and he doesn't like it. He was crying so it should have been obvious, right? Not to a 20-month-old, it would seem. I looked away for a minute to put cheese in the eggs for breakfast. She pushed him yet again and when he tried to crawl away she would not let him--she was yanking hard on his clothes and trying to use her weight to push him onto the floor! He was sobbing! I finally yelled "Katty, STOP!!! YOU. ARE. HURTING HIM!"

There's only so much I can take sometimes--especially when I'm in the middle of cooking breakfast! I try really hard not to yell though.

[urchin_grey]

No, no, no. And I'll tell ya why... ALL my mom did when I was growing up was yell. Seriously. I didn't realize how bad it was though until we spent 3 days visiting (we live 3+ hours away so we don't visit often) and I swear, I was overstimulated and had a headache by the end of the visit (and I never get headaches). It was constant yelling, 3 TVs on, stereo/computer blasting music, etc. ALL. FREAKIN. DAY. Anyway, getting off topic... :giggle:

I've found that, personally, my DS responds way better when I speak to him in a normal tone of voice. He's so sensitive anyway, I can't even say "NO" to him without him disolving into tears so I'm definately not about to yell at him.

[RetroBaby]

I very occasionally will yell at my older kids. :blush: Not when they were toddlers, though. And I only yell now if they just won't stop fighting or some other crap that I've just reached the end of my rope about. :banghead: I am pretty much a single mom 5 days a week and I just get SO tired of being the only parent. :( When I was a kid my best friend's mom was the worst yeller. It really sucked going over to her house. If any little thing bugged her mom, she'd go into full tilt yelling mode. :yuck:

[BeBe123]

Not really. There's no reason to. But i have yelled before...when it was a very unsafe situation. Yelling isn't bad...but i feel that it dosen't do anything to help the kids. And plus...it makes them start yelling too.

[Persikka]

I'm guilty of yelling. :blush: I try HARD not too - but i seem to have a pretty low thrushold with dd#2 before i'm yelling... and i KNOW it's out of control (we both are by that point), but it's almost like a train wreck i don't know how ot stop with her. Hence why were are seeking out what's going on there - cause it's not just me she is like that with - i just react the most.

With my ds - it's usually more of a "omg - i dont want you hurt" (cause he's gotten onto the table top again in the 90 seconds i was in the bathroom) "yell" then an angry one.

[jenn5388]

it's kinda funny.. DH isn't a yeller at all.. Never has been, I remember when we used to get into a fight (which was really rare to begin with) and he would say something in a louder voice, I'd start crying..

Now look at who is constantly Yelling at her kid.

Figures right??

Nope, not proud of it, She doesn't listen either way really, but It makes me feel better to yell.

That sounds pretty bad. lol I do try and control myself sometimes, but sometimes, There's no control. I do sometimes tell her I'm sorry.. Normally when what she was doing wasn't really all that bad, I just was having a very trying day with her.

I'm really surprized to see so many fellow yellers around here. I figured everyone was going to say NO WAY NEVER. .. made me more comfortable to post.

[zionnecherub]

I was brought up in a yelling home, and I was gone as much as possible, because it was so miserable. I HATE yelling. But that is just the way it is around here :( I yell after I SAY something once or twice and get no response. If I had just one kid, I probably wouldnt yell.

[redneckdiapers]

um my baby no but my 13 yr old son....heck yeah.......
I don't like to but it does happen.:banghead: :banghead:

[myheartshaper]

I have a very soft (some call it a baby voice) normally. I have to train myself to use a very firm tone and raise the volume of my voice when I am trying to get DDs attention. Or a client, etc.... I will yell-sometimes in anger, sometimes in fear of her hurting herself, sometimes b/c she's on the other side of the house. I think there are times when yelling is necessary why else would all people be able to raise their voices?? We yell and scream when our fav team/actor does something we like...when we're scared we might yell...

I say it's natural. I agree about not making it a habit. Who wants to be spoken to in a say, the same voice that you use at a football game? That would be unneccessary. :O) Let your child hear you yell a few times they'll learn there are variations to the speaking voice and when Mom yells, it means you'd better stop and come running. Even animals have different calls for their babies to keep them safe or tell them to stop or come. Yelling is not meant to be nice, it's an extreme for our vocal chords and conveys a very narrow range of emotions/ideas.

Woooohooo!!!! Sorry, I was yelling...:giggle:

[homeschoolingmama]

When my oldest ds was a toddler, I had a hard time with yelling. Praise God, I do not have that problem anymore (it is hard, but I am living proof that you can move past being a yeller!!!!!)
I generally call my children to me when they are having a problem and deal with them that way. I teach them to come to me and say "yes ma'am?"... I find that calling them to me allows them time to prepare their hearts to hear what I have to say, whereas if I go to them while they are in the middle of doing something, it is hard for them to break their attention away immediately and concentrate on what I am telling them (I am like that too... if they come and talk to me while I am working on something, I often have to ask them to start again because I was focused on what I was doing and missed part of what they said!). I have learned to speak loudly, firmly and *calmly* I find it makes a world of difference.... I realized with ds that I tended to act like I was not in control of the situation, instead of realizing that I was the Mom and I didn't have to compete with him for control, I just had to take it. For example, he used to ask for things that he wanted (very demandingly, but not ugly.. kwim??) and I would find myself responding to him as though I was pleading with him or arguing with him not to ask me for that. I had to really work hard to realize that I can just say "No baby, that is not an appropriate movie for us to watch" or "We are going to do that on another day" and it didn't have to be a big thing. You wouldn't think that would be such a big realization, but for me it was a *wow* moment....

:goodvibes:

[AmandaMacK]

Im a yeller, I really need to stop lol. But unless I hear ear piercing cries then I get up, normally they are just arguing or jumping around on the furniture. If I got up every single time they yelled , screamed, did something , argued or whatever...Id never get to sit down lol

[SandyG]

its not so much of a yelling but a higher pitch voice , it changes when im mad and he knows it. even my face looks like im mad . i tell him he will get a time out or taz taz (meaning a spanking) if he doesnt obey me. it depends on the 'infraction' i guess :D

[crystalkicks]

The only time I have to yell is when Im nursing the other lo....of course thats when dd takes off to cause the mischief...she's a smart bunny!!!

[iris0110]

I try very hard not to yell, but when I am having a bad day it can be hard. I do try not to yell from the other room, because I can't see what is going on so I don't know who is doing what. I call them out to me and then try to get the story or I may just call back something like "if you can't play nicely together you will have to seperate for a while." Usually the yelling hits when I have told one of them over and over not to do something and then they do it again (especially bad with Tharen right now, the more often I tell him something is wrong the more fun it is for him). Still it usually only happens rarely when I am having a very rough day, but I still feel bad about it. We are working on some new things, now that Tharen is older and Kearnan is doing so much better. Some more positive discipline techniques, so I don't feel like everything has gotten out of control so much. I never had this problem when I worked day care, I just don't understand it. :headscratch:

[BeBe123]

. i tell him he will get a time out or taz taz (meaning a spanking) if he doesnt obey me. it depends on the 'infraction' i guess :D

:mad: :cry:

???? Ever hear of gentle discipline???? And what's with giving spanking a cutesy name?? There is nothing cute about it!

Sorry mama...just alittle rant. Nothing personal!

[waddlewades]

I really try not to but I'm only human

[Bot Girl]

What the pp said about yelling training your children not to respond to you until you yell -- wow, good point.

I am breathing a sigh of relief to see that I am not the only flawed mama here...

I try really hard not to yell, and never from another room. However I yell more than I want to--ideally I never would. I do speak more loudly when asking one of the kids to do something, but I also enunciate more clearly--I just want the kid(s) to know I am addressing them and asking them to do something. I try to do a lot of redirecting and gentle, simple explanations of why something is not OK. I say no more than I would like to (boyfriend has trained me to do that because he does it to his daughter.. believe me, I've had to school him on a LOT of stuff re: parenting like slapping hands and stuff like that.. finally teaching him to be gentler)... but usually just try to say "that's not okay" instead of no... (so often it comes out as "no, that's not okay"... damnit!) I think i will try WAIT ...

and sometimes I just get frustrated. Today, Katty was just being mean to Jed. She could be playing in a palace filled to the vaulted ceilings with diamond-encrusted toys and if Jed is holding a freaking acorn she will bolt as quickly as she can to take it from him. She will overturn their music table so it is upside down and push it along as if it is a walker just so Jed cannot stand at it. She's very "mine mine mine", grabby, and rude. I don't know why -- Jed always plays very nicely (is too young to be grabby or conceive of something as "his"), and I go out of my way to give them equal amounts of attention/affection. Today while I was cooking breakfast she PUSHED Jed hard onto the floor when he tried to stand at the gate to the kitchen! He cried and I said "Katty, please don't do that -- that hurts Jed!" and gave her and Jed each a slice of nectarine to get her mind off of things. ...so she took Jed's nectarine, ate both slices, and did it again. I asked her again to please not push Jed, that it's not okay and he doesn't like it. He was crying so it should have been obvious, right? Not to a 20-month-old, it would seem. I looked away for a minute to put cheese in the eggs for breakfast. She pushed him yet again and when he tried to crawl away she would not let him--she was yanking hard on his clothes and trying to use her weight to push him onto the floor! He was sobbing! I finally yelled "Katty, STOP!!! YOU. ARE. HURTING HIM!"

There's only so much I can take sometimes--especially when I'm in the middle of cooking breakfast! I try really hard not to yell though.

Have you tried time out w/ her? It works for my DD, and then after her time out she has to say sorry, and hug whoever/whatever she's hurt.

She kicked a dog once, and got time-out, then had to hug and say sorry to the dog. It seems to work well for us to make her say sorry, and give a hug. I guess it helps her understand she did something "not nice"

[Bot Girl]

If I may be so bold... To all the mamas who yell, and don't like it:

I've found (and I know that every family is different, and this may not work for everyone) that if DD doing something that I don't want her to do, and I walk over to her, and tell her what I DO want her to do, she goes and does it.

For example: She's bringing all her toys/blankie into the kitchen while I'm trying to cook, and don't want her under-foot. Instead of saying, "Don't bring your toys in here." I say "Take your things into the living room, and wrap your baby up for a nap." She'll go do that.

I read somewhere once that children do not understand don't. They hear do. Ever notice a mom say, "Don't do that," and the LO goes and does exactly that thing that his/her mom just told him/her not to do? They think they are being told to DO that thing.

I know this may be unsolicited "advice" but it's some knowledge that's really helped me be proud of my parenting skills, and I hope it can be usefull to some others. :bolt:

[EvansMomma]

If I may be so bold... To all the mamas who yell, and don't like it:

I've found (and I know that every family is different, and this may not work for everyone) that if DD doing something that I don't want her to do, and I walk over to her, and tell her what I DO want her to do, she goes and does it.

For example: She's bringing all her toys/blankie into the kitchen while I'm trying to cook, and don't want her under-foot. Instead of saying, "Don't bring your toys in here." I say "Take your things into the living room, and wrap your baby up for a nap." She'll go do that.

I read somewhere once that children do not understand don't. They hear do. Ever notice a mom say, "Don't do that," and the LO goes and does exactly that thing that his/her mom just told him/her not to do? They think they are being told to DO that thing.

I know this may be unsolicited "advice" but it's some knowledge that's really helped me be proud of my parenting skills, and I hope it can be usefull to some others. :bolt:

That's a great idea!!
Makes a lot of sense too.
I mean, Evan is still a bit young - but he understands what I say to him.
I'm going to try this today.
:goodvibes:

[EvansMomma]

Oh and since BotGirl gave some advice - here's mine...lol
When I feel like I maybe woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and my temper is shorter than usual, and I'm just snapping a lot....I go to www.enjoyparenting.org and read through some of the archived emails. Scott Noelle sends out daily emails with just little tidbits of WONDERFUL parenting thoughts and advice.

He makes me take the time to stop, realize that Evan isn't doing anything to purposely get me going, and I find ways to enjoy his "rambunctiousness"...lol

Just a thought, it's a really great website, and you can sign up for the daily emails.

:)

[jennsmile]

:thankyou: I used to not yell as a mom. Then lived with some family while we built our house and they yell. I got back in the habit. And DS#2 is pill. We are working on it. It is hard. Sometimes I have to yell over them. For the most part we don't yell. I can tell when I am tired and hungry. :blush:

Jenn

If I may be so bold... To all the mamas who yell, and don't like it:

I've found (and I know that every family is different, and this may not work for everyone) that if DD doing something that I don't want her to do, and I walk over to her, and tell her what I DO want her to do, she goes and does it.

For example: She's bringing all her toys/blankie into the kitchen while I'm trying to cook, and don't want her under-foot. Instead of saying, "Don't bring your toys in here." I say "Take your things into the living room, and wrap your baby up for a nap." She'll go do that.

I read somewhere once that children do not understand don't. They hear do. Ever notice a mom say, "Don't do that," and the LO goes and does exactly that thing that his/her mom just told him/her not to do? They think they are being told to DO that thing.

I know this may be unsolicited "advice" but it's some knowledge that's really helped me be proud of my parenting skills, and I hope it can be usefull to some others. :bolt:

[jenn5388]

If I may be so bold... To all the mamas who yell, and don't like it:

I've found (and I know that every family is different, and this may not work for everyone) that if DD doing something that I don't want her to do, and I walk over to her, and tell her what I DO want her to do, she goes and does it.

For example: She's bringing all her toys/blankie into the kitchen while I'm trying to cook, and don't want her under-foot. Instead of saying, "Don't bring your toys in here." I say "Take your things into the living room, and wrap your baby up for a nap." She'll go do that.

I read somewhere once that children do not understand don't. They hear do. Ever notice a mom say, "Don't do that," and the LO goes and does exactly that thing that his/her mom just told him/her not to do? They think they are being told to DO that thing.

I know this may be unsolicited "advice" but it's some knowledge that's really helped me be proud of my parenting skills, and I hope it can be usefull to some others. :bolt:


Onky problem is, my daughter doesn't like to be told what to do AT ALL.. she brings everything into the kitchen I ask her (not yell, ask her) to take the items into the living room and give her some kind of Option, like Oh your baby looks cold, you should go wrap her up with that blankie, she says NO!! and then decides to throw a fit. lol

I don't believe for a second that they don't understand Don't. what happens is they just don't listen to you when you say Don't. and even if they weren't even really wanting to do something, you telling them not to is going to make them wanna do it even more. They are children after all. They are going to push every button you got. they are going to do what they wanna do when they wanna do it, and you saying don't or no might work, and it might not. lol
I see the same reaction in children when they hear the word No.. Is that one that can't understand too? Must be because I'll tell miranda no and she'll do it right then, right in front of me. ;)

just my :2cents:

[Bot Girl]

Onky problem is, my daughter doesn't like to be told what to do AT ALL.. she brings everything into the kitchen I ask her (not yell, ask her) to take the items into the living room and give her some kind of Option, like Oh your baby looks cold, you should go wrap her up with that blankie, she says NO!! and then decides to throw a fit. lol

I don't believe for a second that they don't understand Don't. what happens is they just don't listen to you when you say Don't. and even if they weren't even really wanting to do something, you telling them not to is going to make them wanna do it even more. They are children after all. They are going to push every button you got. they are going to do what they wanna do when they wanna do it, and you saying don't or no might work, and it might not. lol
I see the same reaction in children when they hear the word No.. Is that one that can't understand too? Must be because I'll tell miranda no and she'll do it right then, right in front of me. ;)

just my :2cents:

Like I said - I know it won't work for everyone :goodvibes:

Good luck finding what works for you, mama!

[heluvsme]

Great advice! I can't remember where I heard this, but one mama said when she catches herself raising her voice she immediately drops down to a whisper. Now when she whispers, the LO's know mama means business!

[AmandaMacK]

If I may be so bold... To all the mamas who yell, and don't like it:

I've found (and I know that every family is different, and this may not work for everyone) that if DD doing something that I don't want her to do, and I walk over to her, and tell her what I DO want her to do, she goes and does it.

For example: She's bringing all her toys/blankie into the kitchen while I'm trying to cook, and don't want her under-foot. Instead of saying, "Don't bring your toys in here." I say "Take your things into the living room, and wrap your baby up for a nap." She'll go do that.

I read somewhere once that children do not understand don't. They hear do. Ever notice a mom say, "Don't do that," and the LO goes and does exactly that thing that his/her mom just told him/her not to do? They think they are being told to DO that thing.

I know this may be unsolicited "advice" but it's some knowledge that's really helped me be proud of my parenting skills, and I hope it can be usefull to some others. :bolt:

Good advice. I read in Happiest Toddler on the Block that you can use "reverse psychology". For instance the more you tell ds not to do something, the more he does it because you dont want him to. If you tell him, go ahead pull that down, he doesn't want to do it anymore because you want him to. (make sense?) I know it wouldn't be good for every situation ie: touch the fire, but on small stuff that's not dangerous it might work. It worked a couple of times on my boys, but they caught on quickly and thought "yay mommy said yes!" :banghead:

[Bot Girl]

Good advice. I read in Happiest Toddler on the Block that you can use "reverse psychology". For instance the more you tell ds not to do something, the more he does it because you dont want him to. If you tell him, go ahead pull that down, he doesn't want to do it anymore because you want him to. (make sense?) I know it wouldn't be good for every situation ie: touch the fire, but on small stuff that's not dangerous it might work. It worked a couple of times on my boys, but they caught on quickly and thought "yay mommy said yes!" :banghead:

:laugh: touch the fire hehehehehe. I agree that might not be a good idea!:laugh:

[bigoldmomma]

i tell him he will get a time out or taz taz (meaning a spanking





i am the kinda of mamma that believes an occassional spanking is ok.
and yell yes both my dh and i yell when neccessary. do i feel guilty no i don't.
i don't belittle my children, nor beat my children.do we yell constantly? no we do not. we nicely request something they don't listen most of the time.
the first time we yell they will stop.
the teens mostly get grounded. the younger ones mostly time out.
the baby listens after we give her a serious look.
if you shelter your child from everything. when they are adults they won't really know how to react to other peoples negative responses.
that said my teen and preteen girls may get in trouble maybe twice in a year.
the 2 middle children more often but not alot.
the baby,pretty much when starts being mean to her brother.other than that she rarely does things most toddlers would do.
all of my older kids are very respectful with everyone and extremely well mannered. why? because we discipline our children and teach them.
will this work for everyone? absolutely not. every family is different and as parents we have the right to raise our children the way we see fit as long as parents aren't abusive in either way (physically or mentally)
so there for who am i to judge anyone on parenting unless i know they are abusive i have no right to judge. its not my place.

[mom2~3offspring]

I yell dont do no good.. i dont spamk but ill give a swat on the butt to my 6 yr old if she tell me No and litteraly wont listen..

About gental diapline.:spit: ya right my 6 yr old was really spoiled by me and still is actually it was just me and her the first 2 yrs of her life she knows she has me wrapped.. Im actually thinking about asking her doc where i could get advise about punishment.. We dont spank time outs she dont care she like to sit.. we take things dont phase her, I cant get her to do chorse, if i ask her to pick the few toys she brought out most the time well all the time she throws her self on the floor and screams as loud as she can crying saying (why do i have to do everything)... So its left me clueless and very worried my 2 youngest will pick up on it! So ya i do lose it at time and yell , feel very bad about it to!!!

[AmandaMacK]

I tried spanking my oldest, uh...that just taught him to spank my youngest when he does something wrong. Kind of funny watchin it tho lol. We try time out but that never works, they just sit in their room throwing things, screaming and hollaring for 30mins plus and by that time he has forgotten why he's in there. My 4yr old doesn't understand alot of things so he kind of loses site as to why he is being punished. My 2yr old knows exactly why and when he comes out and you ask him why he was in time out, he normally says "poured tea on floor" :lol can you tell what he does alot!

[mommyfrog]

I'm one that yells from the other room. Then if they don't stop I do something I swore I'd never do before I had kids. I count to three!! I never get past two and they run off "Okay, okay, okay." I wonder what I should do if I actually get to three?!!! Actually my four year old has been testing that lately, so off to the naughty spot (corner).

[ginafer]

If I may be so bold... To all the mamas who yell, and don't like it:

I've found (and I know that every family is different, and this may not work for everyone) that if DD doing something that I don't want her to do, and I walk over to her, and tell her what I DO want her to do, she goes and does it.

For example: She's bringing all her toys/blankie into the kitchen while I'm trying to cook, and don't want her under-foot. Instead of saying, "Don't bring your toys in here." I say "Take your things into the living room, and wrap your baby up for a nap." She'll go do that.

I read somewhere once that children do not understand don't. They hear do. Ever notice a mom say, "Don't do that," and the LO goes and does exactly that thing that his/her mom just told him/her not to do? They think they are being told to DO that thing.

I know this may be unsolicited "advice" but it's some knowledge that's really helped me be proud of my parenting skills, and I hope it can be usefull to some others. :bolt:


My experience has been the same. Not so much because they don't understand 'don't' but because they have no directional. IME, if I tell one of my boys 'don't do that' then they don't know what to do otherwise and may end up doing exactly what I just told them not to do. Especially when they are young. However, I can use 'don't' but then I have to give a 'do' command immediately following. I just rather give them a 'do' command instead. Does that make sense? Example. We were at the mall and DH is loudly telling the boys not to touch. Then he complains that they won't listen to him and only listen to me. Instead, I tell the boys to come here, or give them some other directional and they do it. (usually I tell them to put their hands in their pockets!) The difference is, telling a young child, 'don't do ...' IME confuses them because they don't know what you want them to do instead.:headscratch: So better to give them something to do.:2cents:

[Bot Girl]

My experience has been the same. Not so much because they don't understand 'don't' but because they have no directional. IME, if I tell one of my boys 'don't do that' then they don't know what to do otherwise and may end up doing exactly what I just told them not to do. Especially when they are young. However, I can use 'don't' but then I have to give a 'do' command immediately following. I just rather give them a 'do' command instead. Does that make sense? Example. We were at the mall and DH is loudly telling the boys not to touch. Then he complains that they won't listen to him and only listen to me. Instead, I tell the boys to come here, or give them some other directional and they do it. (usually I tell them to put their hands in their pockets!) The difference is, telling a young child, 'don't do ...' IME confuses them because they don't know what you want them to do instead.:headscratch: So better to give them something to do.:2cents:

Makes sense to me :thumbsup:

[milkmommy]

No, no, no. And I'll tell ya why... ALL my mom did when I was growing up was yell. Seriously. I didn't realize how bad it was though until we spent 3 days visiting (we live 3+ hours away so we don't visit often) and I swear, I was overstimulated and had a headache by the end of the visit (and I never get headaches). It was constant yelling, 3 TVs on, stereo/computer blasting music, etc. ALL. FREAKIN. DAY. Anyway, getting off topic... :giggle:

I've found that, personally, my DS responds way better when I speak to him in a normal tone of voice. He's so sensitive anyway, I can't even say "NO" to him without him disolving into tears so I'm definately not about to yell at him.

We are living the same life...:lostit:

Seriously, all my Mom did was yell when I was growing up. I like my house quiet and peaceful. If I get down at my child's level and speak in a respectful tone of voice to her, I find it to be very effective.

[ginafer]

We are living the same life...:lostit:

Seriously, all my Mom did was yell when I was growing up. I like my house quiet and peaceful. If I get down at my child's level and speak in a respectful tone of voice to her, I find it to be very effective.

Yes, same here but probably more! I usually describe my childhood as growing up in a traditional dysfunctional family!:blush: It is taking all of my mental efforts to reverse lots of the damage done. Eighteen years of training I guess just might take eighteen more years to correct:( ! I sure hope I don't screw my kids up while trying to undo the damage. But seriously, yelling in anger and yelling because you aren't taking the time to parent can be totally different. I find that if I don't have the computer on or something else going on I don't yell at all. It is when I am busy or occupied that my tolerance level is super low that I find myself totally out of bounds.:cry: That is why I like the idea of tomato staking. You have your kiddos near you all day long so you have opportunities to train them up, teach them good behaviour and so forth. Besides if they are in the same room as you there really is no need to yell! And having them there while you fold clothes or do dishes or make lunch means they can help and you have good one-on-one time to talk and teach.:goodvibes: It sounds really great but I almost can never do it perfect. So I get online at night for my alone time while everyone is sleeping.:thumbsup: