This is my first post here that's all about my family so here goes... I have a 10 yo. dd, a 7 yo. dd, and a 23 mo. ds. We do the public school thing only because I don't think I could be organized enough to do HS. When dd1 was in 1st grade, between Tgiving and Christmas she went thru the whole " I want to be home with mom, I don't want to be at school". We were stern with her that she HAD to go to school. It was torture in the mornings. THEN we found out bribery works and she got rewards for being at school. Rewards dropped off and she never noticed. Everything was ok after that. FFwd to now my dd2 is in 1st grade and she started the whole thing over again (she doesn't know dd1 went thru it, too). Right after Tgiving she started crying at school. She'd poke her eye thinking she'd get to come home. There was no real harm done so I had her stay. She started wetting her pants to get me to come there. I left a bag of clothes in her locker. These 2 issues have been resolved. BUT she's a wiggler. Always has been. When she was not even a year old, she was in her bouncy seat pulling the T-strap up and down and she'd fall asleep. I catch her in the car with her hands clasped between her legs and her knees shut tight rocking to go to sleep. She sits on the couch and wiggles her bottom right and left or bounces up and down. She has done this forever but in the last 2 mo. or so it has gotten w-a-y worse. Her teacher is punishing her for wiggling so much in class - it truly is a distraction I understand, but I don't think she's doing it on purpose. I started reading up on something I considered when she was a baby pulling her strap on her bouncy seat and things are starting to click... I'll post a few links.
I *never ask her why she does this, I tend to ignore it, but the teacher can not do this. Can ANYone help me figure out how to help dd2 thru this?!? Rewards/Bribery for behaving at school didn't work at ALL, but the teacher has started having her stay after school for every min. that she's wiggly, bouncy, crying, complaining about not wanting to do something. It did work for a bit, but she still had to stay after 11 min. yesterday. :(
kelllilee
01-08-2008, 01:01 PM
I have this problem with my 2.5 year old as well. It's blaringly obvious that's what she's doing. But she only does it when she going to sleep as a "calming" method.
I really have no advice because I haven't figured out what to do about it myself. I try to tell her not to and I try distracting her, etc... nothing works. If I ask her what she's doing she gets mad at me or tells me "I'm so scratchy"
If you figure something out I"d like to know what it is! But I feel for you.
ecoria
01-08-2008, 01:50 PM
:hugs: i've not had to deal with this yet as ds is only 21 months and has only recently began exploring his penis. I know that touching is normal and expected, but i'd think by 7 you would have taught her and that she would understand that there are certain times/places this is appropriate and school is absolutely not one of them. one of the links you gave says :
"To help eliminate genital touching in public, teach your kids the difference between public and private. Try to do this in a way that makes your child feel comfortable rather than shamed, so be sure to use a neutral tone of voice for these conversations and use encouragement rather than punishment to reinforce the behavior.
If genital touching continues despite repeated conversations and reminders, parents may wish to see a child psychologist who can help parents with behavioral interventions such as setting up a behavior chart, creating social stories about genital touching, and implementing routines to reduce such behaviors."
That sounds like its probably your best bet at this point as it sounds like its gotten a bit out of control.
amielia80
01-08-2008, 01:53 PM
maybe she needs more input. My DS is a mover/wriggler too and he needs a lot of sensory input to keep him able to sit still. There is an OT at the school that works with him and they do a brushing program where they brush him with a special brush and also do lots of deep pressure massage and stuff. He even has a weighted vest that he wears when it is time for him to really sit and do some work at the desk. Maybe I am way off here as I don't have time to read through the links you posted, but hopefully maybe some of this helps.
tallanvor
01-08-2008, 03:10 PM
I don't have time right now to read through those links, but have you tried changing her diet at all? My 7 yr old has a terrible time sitting still. Always has. But once we cut out most of the refined sugar in her diet, there was great improvement. Her body doesn't process it well so we try and stick to natural sugars -- honey, molasses, stevia, maple syrup. Not a cure all, but it helps. But her wiggly-ness is one of the main reasons we homeschool.
sarahrichardson
01-08-2008, 03:24 PM
I teach, so I have a few thoughts. See if she can chew gum (I know some teachers are not going to make an exception) as that helps some kids get some "fidgets" out. Also, check into a "red dot". The occupational therapist at school should know. It helps with the wiggles. (Its used for AD/HD kids, but can help others. I use it some days) Help her point out the good in the day. Also, talk with her teacher about giving her a timer, which they agree on an amount of time (ie 10-15 min) everytime she lasts that long, she gets a sticker, chance to fidget, something. The key is having a teacher that is willing to work to fix the problem, not just punish/complain about it. If you need more thoughts, I have them, but don't want to give you a mountain of info, when you only need a molehill!
AlexandZoesmom
01-08-2008, 06:46 PM
maybe she needs more input. My DS is a mover/wriggler too and he needs a lot of sensory input to keep him able to sit still. There is an OT at the school that works with him and they do a brushing program where they brush him with a special brush and also do lots of deep pressure massage and stuff. He even has a weighted vest that he wears when it is time for him to really sit and do some work at the desk. Maybe I am way off here as I don't have time to read through the links you posted, but hopefully maybe some of this helps.
I am a school OT and sounds like your kiddo may have some sensory seeking behavior going on. I second the idea to look into seeing a private pediatric OT (or asking for a referral to OT at school) and seeing if they can asses was it going on and provide you with suggestions.
I do want to say (and please don;t take this the wrong way) please don't anyone out there just start brushing your child with any brush you find or throwing a heavy vest on them - these are very specific techniques that need to be taught and supervised by a trained profession. OK, off my soapbox now (just had to throw it in though :) )
A great resource is the book "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Stock Kranowitz. Feel free to PM me if you want to know more :)
mommyof4es
01-09-2008, 12:14 PM
Thank you all for your responses. I didn't get back to this last night because there was a nasty response and I couldn't handle it. I finally get my gumption up and it's gone. :headscratch:
I'm taking all this into acc't. For what it's worth, she doesn't actually *touch herself, I think she's using the seam of her pants, kwim? So it's not completely indecent, it's the wriggling that's getting on her teacher's nerves. Also, it's only been a few isolated incidents, with it coming out moreso in the last few weeks. It hasn't been an ongoing thing, only 1x/mo. or less till now. I'm going to fwd. along these awesome ideas to her teacher's email and see if we can find a solution that works for everyone. :hugs: thanks again everyone. :hugs:
amielia80
01-09-2008, 12:53 PM
I am a school OT and sounds like your kiddo may have some sensory seeking behavior going on. I second the idea to look into seeing a private pediatric OT (or asking for a referral to OT at school) and seeing if they can asses was it going on and provide you with suggestions.
I do want to say (and please don;t take this the wrong way) please don't anyone out there just start brushing your child with any brush you find or throwing a heavy vest on them - these are very specific techniques that need to be taught and supervised by a trained profession. OK, off my soapbox now (just had to throw it in though :) )
A great resource is the book "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Stock Kranowitz. Feel free to PM me if you want to know more :)
thank you so much for clarifying that ! I in no way meant for her to just try those protocals, I know they require alot and need to be done under the supervison of an OT trained in sensory intergration, I was just trying to give her an idea of what they do for my kiddo in school to accomidate him and maybe she could get an OT eval or something . They can make accomidations for kids and should. The teacher shouldn't just be telling her to stop when she obviously can't help it.
thanks again !!!:thumbsup:
mommyof4es
01-10-2008, 09:44 AM
thank you so much for clarifying that ! I in no way meant for her to just try those protocals, I know they require alot and need to be done under the supervison of an OT trained in sensory intergration, I was just trying to give her an idea of what they do for my kiddo in school to accomidate him and maybe she could get an OT eval or something . They can make accomidations for kids and should. The teacher shouldn't just be telling her to stop when she obviously can't help it.
thanks again !!!:thumbsup:
I got the accomodating part, too. I wish her teacher could be a bit more accomodating, but she has 20 other little ones to teach, a short amount of time, and a LOT to put in that short time. So far, so good this week - "great day" notes sent home Tues. and Weds. So hopefully Monday's 11 min. was only an oopsie incident. :sigh:
jjaelovesenglish
01-10-2008, 10:56 AM
I teach, so I have a few thoughts. See if she can chew gum (I know some teachers are not going to make an exception) as that helps some kids get some "fidgets" out. Also, check into a "red dot". The occupational therapist at school should know. It helps with the wiggles. (Its used for AD/HD kids, but can help others. I use it some days) Help her point out the good in the day. Also, talk with her teacher about giving her a timer, which they agree on an amount of time (ie 10-15 min) everytime she lasts that long, she gets a sticker, chance to fidget, something. The key is having a teacher that is willing to work to fix the problem, not just punish/complain about it. If you need more thoughts, I have them, but don't want to give you a mountain of info, when you only need a molehill!
I was thinking of this also and if the teacher is unwilling to work with you and your daughter with this maybe ask for another teacher. Sometimes teachers get so wrapped up with one issue that they don't see the whole issue and need to step back. This can be handled well, or it can be handled badly, but you can help advocate for it to be handled properly and punishment is not going to be all that successful.
mcpforever
01-10-2008, 01:28 PM
God bless you!
I taught elementary school music for 6 years and subbed for a year prior. There are LOTs of little kids, boys AND girls, that unconsciously self-stimulate. They are sweet babies and doing this makes them feel good. I hate to be a meanie, but I have a feeling that your dd's teacher is a little more hung up on it because it bothers HER and makes HER feel uncomfortable more than it disrupts anything your DD is doing. I found the best thing to do was NOT make a big deal of it and simply gently say, "We don't do that at school." Gentle persistance is all it takes. Making a big deal out of it only causes everyone stress and makes the children wonder what's wrong with that part of their bodies. (And teaches other kids that it's somehow wrong when they may not even have a clue as to what's really going on.)
My DS is 5.5 and still "exercises" as he calls it. Around 2.5-3, I used to tell him to only do it when no one else was in the room. And that it was fine and dandy for him to do it all day if he wanted to. Now, we have gently graduated to only doing it in his bedroom. Mostly because, he would be in a common area by himself and yell at me to leave when I walked into the room. LOL
There may be more to it, but I think gentle reminders at school and at home will help rather than damage by punishing. I mean, would the teacher punish her for constantly rubbing her nose or twirling her hair? These are more socially acceptable behaviors and many children do them with no comment from anyone!
Oh, and feel free to talk to the school counselor about it. They can often times help in these situations-especially to smooth things out with the teacher.
