Okay, my high functioning autistic son is driving me crazy recently. He'll be five next month and it's like he's testing his limits majorly. I love him dearly, so don't get me wrong, but I just need to figure out how to get him to do things that I ask him to do without being so defiant.
I ask him to pick up his toys, he refuses. I keep telling him to. He used to pick them up no problem. So, I tell him that if they aren't picked up when the clock says a certain time (he can read time) then I was going to start picking the toys up. Every toy I picked up would be taken away. He flips out because I said that, but he still won't help clean up. He just is in meltdown, screaming mode.
So, at this time frame, all of his cars (his favorite toy) is taken away, along with some blocks, and also I've taken away his privilege of playing a racing car game. He's just not understanding that his defiant, resistant behavior is why things are being taken from him. I just can't seem to get it through to him.
He's constantly yelling at me to do the things I ask him to do. It's not like these things are new. We've always had the kids help clean up. Is it just his age? Anyone know of a way to help him get it? I'm about at my rope's end with this.
BeedieWeedieB
02-14-2008, 11:19 AM
Sorry mama, my boy isnt that old just yet but we get that too a lot of the time. He too was one who loved to help clean and pick up when he was younger. Problem is he just doesnt get the cause and effect of just about anything. It is so hard and frustrating. We still try and do it and just earlier today toys that werent picked up got taken away, from both boys. He is like this about all things though too. I know with thomas he likes reasons, explanations and the logic behind things, so if it is because mom and dad say so that just doesnt cut it. I did explain it to him the other day about if there is too much on the floor you can step on them and get hurt or break them and it helped a little. I do think the age is part of it too though.
GL mama
allycat
02-16-2008, 09:33 PM
I've noticed that if I keep a low voice, get down to her level, and give her specific and broken down instructions, she will be more likely to pick up. My dd gets very overwhelmed when I say pick up your toys or pick up your room. It is too much for her. Now I'll say something like put these stuffed animals in the toy box, or put these shoes in the closet. She will then come back to me and I give her more instructions. It seems tedious, but it really works out much better for us that me getting frustrated and her not picking anything up. She has actually gotten more willing to pick up, since we have been doing this for awhile.
bug2003
02-19-2008, 02:08 PM
I've noticed that if I keep a low voice, get down to her level, and give her specific and broken down instructions, she will be more likely to pick up. My dd gets very overwhelmed when I say pick up your toys or pick up your room. It is too much for her. Now I'll say something like put these stuffed animals in the toy box, or put these shoes in the closet. She will then come back to me and I give her more instructions. It seems tedious, but it really works out much better for us that me getting frustrated and her not picking anything up. She has actually gotten more willing to pick up, since we have been doing this for awhile.
Yes, I do that. I specifically tell him which toys to clean up and he knows where they go. Then when/if he does that I tell him the next one. Recently, though, he's just flat out refusing to do any cleaning.
Zaxmama76
02-25-2008, 09:20 PM
:banghead: my son is 5 and ASD (high functioning) also... and he does this too.. part of me appreciates the fact that this is most likely a normal childlike reaction.. so sometimes its anuphill battle but when I have the energy I will do something silly.. like put on a song he likes and say something like.. I bet we can pick up everything before this song ends!! lets sing and dance while we do it... or...Mama is gonna win at putting all the toys away!! whoohoo look at me go!! he is usually reluctant at first but I act like such a moron and pretend like its so much fun eventually he will jump in and say NO Zacky wins.. and start putting things away right with me.. mind you this is on a good day. and somedays.. I just let the house be messy and choose my battle elsewhere.. ifykwim. :) Good Luck Mama!!:goodvibes:
beautiful8
02-26-2008, 08:31 PM
can you....delveop a reward system?
that seems to work well with my DS who is 10. Granted it doesnot work all the time but many times it does.
One thing that is for sure, I know with my son who is Asperger's, you cannot *make* him do anything, it becomes a battle of the wills.
What we do do is forced choices.
For example,
He can either help clean for 30 minutes, then get 30 minutes of nintendo time, OR if he puts up a fight, he'll have to do an extra chore and get less nintendo time.
Also,....we use scooby loops here as a means of *positive reinforcement*
Scooby lopsare those stretchy nylon hose type craft lopps you used to make the cheesy pot holders out of as kids. You get them and wear them on your wrist and whenever you catch your LO doing something positive (even if it's waiting patiently in a line, or choosing not to fight with a sibling etc.) they get one :)
Also, do you have a set time for chores? Or is this overall just whenever cleaning up needs to be done?
Amanda2319
02-27-2008, 04:09 AM
My 5 y/o DS is HFA, and we just went through a similar situation. Instead of taking a toy away, we would tell him "if you clean up this racetrack, Daddy will take you outside to wash the car with him." He really needs an activity motivator to get a task done. Since he loves doing things outdoors, most of our positive reinforcers are outside activites, and so far it's working well.
Also, I realized that telling him 10-15 minutes ahead of time helps. He does not appreciate changes being sprung on him, he likes to prepare himself.
If all else fails, I put on a pair of bunny ears and sing the Barney clean up song, lol. Usually if I act like a nut he starts laughing and joins me:)
Primm_n_Proper_Baby
03-28-2008, 02:12 PM
First of all - I think 4 is the hardest age! Not two! At four independence rears it's head bigtime!
It's so hard to disipline a kiddo that looses it at everything and to maintain your cool - I live here, too. Patrick just turned 5 and will often throw things, cuss, spit, scream, threaten any time he's asked to do something. This is primarily due to the transition though, not really the task.
I'm sure you already do these things (so please don't be offended by me suggesting them - I walked out of a doc appointment one time when she asked me if I'd ever gotten down to P's level and talked to him. I was going "nope, never thought of that one!" and just left.)
1. give 3, 2, and 1 min warnings of cleanup time/dinner time/leaving the house time/bath time (is this your life, too?) :)
2. baby steps in the task - my kiddo is really smart and it's hard to balance between "he knows exactly how to do this" and "he's stuck because of the transition/overwhelming tasks involved (planning skills)." Just remember to give the "stuck" mentality priority over the "smart" mentality.
3. It's draining, but give him small tasks like - "pick up all of the red toys", or if he can handle the cognitive challenge do something like "lets pick up all of the large red toys that go in the closet."
4. Redirect - when that impending blowup is just on the cusp, "find" a toy that you are just facinated with. So while he's taking in that deep breathe to scream at you - you shout "OH, MY GOODNESS! Look at this! This must be for a **enter something it's NOT**" My kiddo loves to correct my wrong statement and forgets about his blowup.
5. Call his bluff. During one of our "always need to loose it transtions out of the house" I got down to his level and said "I don't believe you NEED to throw this fit, you're stuck, but you CAN stop." "Go get your squishy ball and come back to put your shoes & coat on."
6. TAKE A BREAK - I know this can be impossible, but you need it. It's so draining doing constant prompting and redirecting and the only way to get that energy back is to get a break from it. I need to follow my own 'preaching' here :).
