My best friend has been ttc since Oct 06 (she told me at my wedding). The decided this Jan to do some testing. So far they have done the dye flush thing, hormonal blood counts and sperm counts. So far everything has come back normal. Looking for suggestions for her on where to go from here. Also advice for me on things to do to be supportive.
Also I know her mom has had her try a bunch of herbs the only one I know the name of is kelp since I could get it for not much and ship to her.
Update from this last Friday:
They did a sperm count on her DH over the summer and it came back with low motility, low count and low something else. So they went ahead a proceeded onto the specialist. They redid the count with the specialist and he said the same thing with one exception. They also did a morphology of the sperm (aka looked at its anatomy) and said every single sperm in the sample had both a mutated head and tail.
So from this they said he could see a urologist to make sure that there isn't something correctable (prolly not though) and that makes it almost a 100% no baby naturally ever.
They told them the only way they could conceive would be through IVF where they actually puncture the egg and put the sperm in it. She said it is the most high risk and most expensive.
So now the ? becomes where do they go from here? Obviously she is crushed, it took her a week to tell me this and we're besties and she cried her heart out the entire time.
Has anyone faced this? They didn't find any problems with her reproductive system....
Ugh so much to consider and I know they don't want to use anyone elses swimmers, if they can't together then it adoption...
Its a ton of rambling on my part, I've been her cheerleader telling her that it would work out all along and she would get preggers:cry:
And I guess advice on what to tell people, b/c people knew they were trying and she can't bring herself to tell them its not happening ever, especially her family (also my family) b/c they already don't like her DH....
Thanks in advance!!
Melmonkey
04-19-2008, 07:50 AM
Just listen to her when she calls for a shoulder to cry on, or if she is frustrated with all the issues that she is having. It is hard to find and worth more than anything to find a friend that will listen and just offer a hug, not unsolicited advice.
Tali218
04-27-2008, 02:27 PM
I agree with Melissa. Just listen to what she has to say, you don't have to have an answer for her every question. I have IF issues and it took a really long time for me to have my dd, it finally happened after going on injectables and doing IUI. But when I was going through everything the thing that bothered me the most was when people would complain about their kids or if they were pregnant, when they complained about how they were feeling. It was hard to hear because it was something that I wanted so badly and I didn't understand what they could possibly have to complain about. Sorry this is so long (I guess I vented a little!). HTH.
uoducks
04-27-2008, 11:55 PM
Hi,
First, she should definitely check out Resolve.org . Wonderful support group of other women with the same trouble as her. Very popular site too.
IVF worked for us the 1st try. Our infertility issue is with me, and probably caused by endometriosis. I ovulate, regular periods, tubes clear, still couldn't get preggers.
I live in Beaverton and we used OHSU fertility clinic in Portland- http://www.fertilityoregon.com/
If she has any questions about IVF...feel free to contact me at
laurafuller1@gmail.com
laj
05-01-2008, 12:58 PM
I agree with Melissa. Just listen to what she has to say, you don't have to have an answer for her every question. When I was going through everything the thing that bothered me the most was when people would complain about their kids or if they were pregnant, when they complained about how they were feeling. It was hard to hear because it was something that I wanted so badly and I didn't understand what they could possibly have to complain about. Sorry this is so long (I guess I vented a little!). HTH.
That's exactly what I was going to say. It's an extremely emotional thing to go through and I don't think that people know what it's like unless they've been there themselves. I'm sure that everyone is trying to help, but I think the best thing for you to do is to just be there to listen, unless they ask otherwise.
Is your friend seeing an RE or just her regular doctor? Hopefully they're seeing an RE and can get everything tested and just go from there. DH and I are "unexplained", which I found to be hard because since there wasn't anything in particular to fix, we ended up having to go through everything waiting/hoping for it to work. We finally got pg with our boys, but it took almost 6 years. It was the worst thing I've gone through (the IF), but it has given me an appreciation for my children that I probably wouldn't have had if they would have come easily. Best of luck to your friend! :hugs:
sblakeley
10-20-2008, 08:31 PM
:bump:
earthmamatobe
10-21-2008, 10:25 AM
I have nothing to add to the PPs except have they considered a sperm donor?
~mypreciousbabies~
10-21-2008, 05:39 PM
Oh no! I am so sorry for your friend! I'm not sure what to do, but :hugs:
kristinc
10-23-2008, 07:44 PM
Hi:wave: I just wanted to say that DH & I are dealing with a a similiar problem, well maybe a little bit more severe. DH is completely missing both vas deferens (the tubes that carry sperm out of the body) so there are no swimmers at all, not even 1 in his fluids (i don't want to be too gross:blush:). So they had to go in to both of his boys surgically and take slices of his testicle out so that they could harvest some sperm so that we weren't forced to go straight to donor sperm. Now even though we were beyond devastated upon getting this diagnosis, once you grieve the loss of "normal conception" you realize that you do have options out there. If their only infertility issue is male factor then the chances that IVF will be successful for them are pretty high. They will require ICSI....the proceed where they inject the sperm directly in to her eggs, but it isn't risky. It is a procedure that they do in the lab...and it gives them more control over fertilization. The lab will prob also do IMSI for them which involves putting his sperm sample under a microscope and picky the ones that look the best and then fertilizing the eggs with them. Poor head and tail morphology can be completely corrected for with ICSI. The head is the part that dissolves the eggs so that the sperm can fertilize it and the tail is what propels the sperm to the egg and neither one of those processes is necessary b/c ICSI accomplishes both. IVF is a very expensive and very stressful process, so for that she will need your support. Getting infertility diagnoses is shocking and heartbreaking b/c you realize that something that is meant to be some loving and private is now going to happen in a petri dish and then in stirrups with strangers in the room:giggle: But once you overcome that mental bump in the road you just come to terms with the fact that you were meant to have your babies in a very different way than others. Please feel free to have her contact me to talk or whatever. I meant some very nice people after getting DH's diagnosis in Jan and they were my should to cry on and when i was done crying they told me how it wasn't the end of the line. Also you can direct your friend to ivfconnections.com. There are a pretty big group of use there with the severe male factor issues so it can be a great source of info and comfort for her to see that others have been there and have overcome those huge hurtles to have a successful pregnancy via IVF w/ ICSI.
TLeonard
10-23-2008, 08:06 PM
I would suggest looking into accupuncture and laternative medicine there are sometimes answers there that Western medicine can't or won't embrace.
mbillitto
10-24-2008, 10:19 PM
I am so sorry for your friend. The infertility diagnosis is heartbreaking. I just wanted to second much of what Kristen mentioned. IVF with ICSI is not a high risk procedure. IVF connections is also a wonderful place filled with lots of support, love, and information.
We have the Male factor IF and our only options were IVF with ICSI. We have 2 beautiful children as the result of that. If male factor is the only problem your friend faces, she will probably fair quite well with IVF! Many prayers and best of luck to your friend!
sblakeley
10-27-2008, 05:02 PM
Thanks and Kristin I forwarded all the info you typed to her!
smblake
11-16-2008, 04:17 PM
I have a friend who's dh doesn't produce any sperm, they have two beautiful sons via adoption. They declined sperm donor based on religious beliefs and are very pleased with their beautiful family. She is a huge supporter of adoption and goes around to many high schools encouraging pregnant girls that there's another option if they want it - at one of them, a teenage boy asked "Why don't you just divorce your husband and remarry so you can have kids?" Her answer "I married him, NOT his sperm!!!"
cakeums
11-16-2008, 06:58 PM
I have an old friend from a multiple miscarriages board who, after getting pregnant and miscarrying twice, went through testing and found out that statistically speaking, she shouldn't have ever been able to get pregnant at all! Her DH was given pretty much the same diagnosis as your friend's. The doctor was shocked that she had gotten pregnant twice, and wouldn't have believed it if it wasn't on record. They were debating over whether to go the IVF/ICSI route when she got pregnant again. They did a protocol of progesterone and low-dose aspirin for her since she had miscarried twice, and their son was born in the spring of 07. She was well aware that she was extremely lucky for things to have turned out the way they did.
My point isn't to trivialize the importance of infertility treatments, just to let you know that there's hope both ways. As others have said, your friends would likely fair well with IVF/ICSI but if money is a factor that will make them wait a while before they can go with the treatments, there is still hope that she could get pregnant on her own.
