Circ Confusion...

[pandapouch]

Help.

I'm wondering if any of you have circumsized your first son, completely hated yourself for it and regretted it, and then chose NOT to circ your 2nd, 3rd, etc. sons. ?

We had our 1st done and I have completely regretted it since the day it was done (lots of pressure to do it).

Now I truly don't want to circ DS #2 but am getting opposition about it. "He'll look diff than his brother" "what if he teases him?" "What if ds#1 feels bad that you did it to him"? etc. etc.

Have any of you faced this? How did you deal?

Any one else have any thoughts?

Thanks... :blush:

[rawheid]

We circ'd our son for our own reasons (including that DH is) there was no pressure from family. Even with DH having 8 brothers. So tha'ts a tough call. If baby #2 is a boy we'll get it done again. There was only one day that I regretted it, and it was the day that it was done. DS and I cried all day long. But by day 2 we were both ok. I know I was no help. But discuss it with your DH/SO and make the decision together

[homebirthmom]

I know of at least a handful of people in person that feel this way. (woud NOT do it again)

and personally I would have done it if my 1st child was not a girl. I had NO CLUE what it was other than a "normal" no big deal things EVERYBODY did when they had a boy.

now after all the stuff I have heard and seen go wrong, I would never ever recommend it or put my child thru this. ( I have assisted @ births for over 10 years) circs are brutal. if you wouldn't have your daughters labia cut off, I can't imagine why you'd be ok cutting off a part of your son's genitals.

[Fither]

i fall in that exact category, my husband wanted it done, i did not, i lost the battle while in labor. it sucks and i regret it but i've shed enough tears over it so i'm done.

if they ask when they're older, we'll tell the truth, it made our first son too tired and sore to nurse the day he had it done, and it made for a very stressful day for both of us. we'd never want to jeopardize nursing so we'll never do it again.

also, i think a simple explanation that we will use, "after we had it done, we thought, why on earth did we do that??" couldn't come up with a good enough reason to do it again.

honestly, i think that little boys will explain it away as just natural variation. i mean not all circ'd and un-circ'd penises look alike anyway.

[naivete]

I belong to an intactivist forum and you'd be amazed how many women go looking for information after regretting the first one, and this is one of their main concerns, how do you NOT circ a second one without making the first one feel bad?

And really it's more simple then people make it out to be. When kids are younger, they don't even notice a difference, and if they do, you just tell them "some are different, some aren't". They don't need to know about surgery and choices and regret until they're older. When they're older, I doubt they'll tease each other (Boys may be boys, but I've never met one who thought that was an appropriate thing to tease about, it's usually an embarrassing situation for both kids). That's why I find the 'locker room' argument kind of amusing, because I can't picture a single boy actually making fun of that in the locker room, plus with the rate of circ about even now, 50% circ'd and 50% not, and the rate of circ'd falling with each year, it's really not that big of a difference any more. Some are, some aren't, and I doubt many boys have the guts to talk about another boys junk in front of a crowd. and you just tell the first one, you were are first and we did what we thought was best, but reading up more on it after we decided there wasn't a reason to do it again. Just say, when we decided it for you we thought it was best because we were told all these medical reasons, but as we had more children and looked more into it, we found those medical reasons weren't as important or real as we thought they were, so we decided against it.

Parents grow in all arenas with each child and do things differently for each child, whether it's the introduction of cloth diapers, wearing your baby more, breastfeeding a second child but not the first, cosleeping, with each child we learn and are more comfortable and decide to do things a little bit different, and I don't think a kid is past understanding that.

We tend to think kids'll make a huge deal out of things, but really, I doubt a slight difference between kids will make even a tiny blip. Kids are different in all ways, this is just another slight difference between brothers.

[russianmama]

we had both boys circ'd for medical reasons......i cried with our first one when they took him away, but second time around we knew what to expect.They are how 3 and 1 and obviosly do not remember it. I have heard some stories when something went wrong, but they were some freak accidents when people had not idea what they were doing.
If both you and your hubby do not want to do it, then don't it's really nobody else's business.

[Micky]

My first is circ my second is not. Both dh and I completely regretted doing it the first time. We were close to keeping ds#1 intact but then received all these horror stories of what could happen. Dh decided we had to do it :banghead:

So far ds#1 (almost 6 years) has not noticed or said anything about differences. Ds#2 is 2 years old. The only comment #1 has ever said was that he and dh were different, even though both are circ. The differences have to do with an adult penis vs a childs not circ vs intact. Ds#1 has been the last boy in our family (extended both sides) to be circ. While I regret with all my heart circ Ds #1 I am glad that we have stop the cycle of circ in our families.

[pandapouch]

Wow - thanks every one!

I really appreciate your heart-felt responses. This is an issue that I feel will be a source of stress for a while yet. I think in my heart, I've already decided not to do it.

I did experience the blip in nursing with DS 1 and I think it contributed to me stopping the nursing at 31/2 weeks (right when he had it done, actually...:banghead: )

I also just don't think anything that can cause so much anxiety in a Mama's heart can be "right". I mean, I just would never want any one to hurt my babies... and I'm basically handing them over to be "hurt". That is so beyond weird to me and I've really asked myself "how did you do that"? for 3 years (since we did ds 1).

Now, it's a matter of convincing my hubby (who I think will be easier to convince) and not listening to negative feedback from family. Not that it's something I want to discuss anyways. PEOPLE and their need to intrude.:yuck:

Anyways, appreciate the feedback.

My midwife was saying the same thing - little kids don't generally notice these things and you can play it off as "Every one's parts are different".

Hmm... *shakes head* if only we could turn back time!

[bama]

IThat's why I find the 'locker room' argument kind of amusing, because I can't picture a single boy actually making fun of that in the locker room, plus with the rate of circ about even now, 50% circ'd and 50% not, and the rate of circ'd falling with each year, it's really not that big of a difference any more. Some are, some aren't, and I doubt many boys have the guts to talk about another boys junk in front of a crowd.

I wish you would tell my dh that. He is intact and was a football player in high school. He says it caused many many fights were he had to defend himself from needless locker room teasing. Kids will find anything to torment another about. :yuck:

[AtoZMomma]

I completely agree that if it causes this much torment in the mom, it can't be "right." Our DS is not circ. and his cousins are. Family members all had something to say right after birth, but no one has sd. anything since. If he wants to have that done when he's older, I feel good about knowing it can be his choice, and he can be old enough to get anesthesia if he wants (I doubt he'll want to though after all I've read). It seems so brutal to me, and for what? For looks?!

[AnnaG01]

My first DS is circ and this one we're on the fence like you (leaning towards NOT circ'ing)...I don't hate myself for DS1 being circ'd and I don't feel guilty, however I am thankful his turned out fine.

My husband and I both said when and if he EVER decided he wants to be circ, we'll take him and pay for it, but we're leaving the choice upto him.

[frankelmama]

We are Jewish so we do it for religious reasons, but I do have friends that have used a Moyle for a home circumcision (even though they aren't Jewish). The experience (from what I hear) is soooo much different. Our first son had his done at his great grandmother's house and was very calm and I nursed him calm right away. Our second son had his in the Synagogue and again was a calm setting that I had control of. Not really the answers to your ?, but thought it might be an alternative to you? HTH!

[Samo]

My DH was NOT circ'd when he was born, his brother was... DH had the procedure done in his teens. I am sure it was partially due to 'being different' than his brothers. he lives with the memories of before and after and the weeks it took him to recover having it done at that age. I'm sure his parents thought it was going to be ok and better for him to make his own decision on it (and a brave one at that, can't imagine it's an easy one to make!) just be prepared for that if that happens later in your son's life.

[zionnecherub]

Yes:thumbsup:


My DS1 is circ'd and DS2 is not. I wish I didnt circ ds1, but I did and it is all over with, he is fine (I am not going to beat myself up over it). We decided to not circ ds2 because...Well the main reason is because DH left the decision up to me and I saw no real good reason to do so. It wasnt covered by insurance anyways. We got all the crapola from family members on how strange, and my inlaws offered to pay for it since it wasnt covered.

My boys look different down there, but its no big deal. Why do it? :headscratch:

[skyericsson]

Our first and only ds is just as he was born ~ intact~ if we ever had another boy he will stay intact as well. For us, there was way too much risk and no benefit to circ. Dh is circ'ed as many of our dh's probably are (different times) He said no way! to circing ds. Also we do have TWO jewish conservative friends(couples) back east who said no to circ and they have each 2 sons.... go figure, they still practice there faith and have not been removed from there Synagogue or their religion but did get a bit of flack at first from their families now no one says anything to them about it :)

anyway you do what's best for your son.... NOT anyone else.

[RetroBaby]

My oldest DS is regretfully circ'd and my youngest is not. DS1 has asked why his brother's penis looks different than his and we explained to him that when he was born we had some skin snipped off ( :cry: ) of his penis. He said "Oh" and then moved on and hasn't questioned it since.

[frogandtoad]

Honestly, this is a boundary issue. If you are not going to have it done, just don't bring it up. If someone asks, politely respond "That's really none of your business." (Because, really, it isn't.) If they continue, just politely tell them, "I won't discuss this with you" and change the subject. Usually they will stop with the first response unless they are "one of those" *really* difficult people, then leave.

Other mamas have already commented on how to handle questions from DS regarding "differences".

[me_n_my2kiddos]

We had DS#1 circ'd but did not have DS#2 circ'd. I wish we had not had DS#1 circ'd, uncirc'd was so much easier to care for (no special care really compared to caring for a circ'd newborns penis).

[pandapouch]

Agreed. Just thought I'd let you all know that my dh and I have decided NOT to circ our 2nd son. :goodvibes:

I feel so relieved to know that I won't have to deal with this issue or fear once he's born.

We had a talk and DH agreed that having a home-water birth, nursing, practicing Attachment Parenting, and all the like makes NO sense (to us anyways) if we're going to allow our son to be harmed in the first few weeks of life.

Just an opinion... but it makes sense.

[pandapouch]

My first DS is circ and this one we're on the fence like you (leaning towards NOT circ'ing)...I don't hate myself for DS1 being circ'd and I don't feel guilty, however I am thankful his turned out fine.

My husband and I both said when and if he EVER decided he wants to be circ, we'll take him and pay for it, but we're leaving the choice upto him.

Awesome. I agree.

[graymojo]

I have one DS and everyone said he'd look different in gym class etc. Luckily we have a great ped. He gave me literature about both sides and told me it was up to me and didn't try to sway me one way or another. Though, he did bring up a good point. I told him about the looking diff argument and he said that it's a bad reason to base my decision on. I mean, when he's in hs and the issue is drugs or alcohol are we going to encourage him to go along so he's not different? He wasn't telling me this to sway me, but simply to state that I needed to find my own reasons for doing or not doing it and not just because someone is worried that he'll be different.

[LibertyChic]

I had both my boys circ'd (now ages 15 and 11). The first one was taken away from me, and brought back after it was over for me to nurse him. I recall him being fussy and not nursing well that first day.

My second, I insisted on being present (different Dr. too, as we had moved). He was numbed first, which caused him to cry for just a minute. Then he calmed right down and just layed there for the actual circ. I don't recall any real fussiness with #2.

We plan on circ'ing this one too. I'd rather not, but hubby wants to. I'm sure we'll discuss it more before he is born, and DH will be open to listening to both sides of the argument, but I'm not going to have any major regrets if we go ahead with it. It's such a personal choice that no one should judge you either way, whatever you choose.