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View Full Version : I hate to do this :( UPDATE: Will not be receiving my stuff now, obviously


SoftBumBaby
09-19-2006, 06:05 PM
...but I may have to give negative feedback and could use advice.

I requested baby clothes on a swap forum, for purchase or swap, weeks ago. Someone approached me (not the other way around) to swap maternity clothes for baby clothes. I got my stuff out to her immediately. Two weeks passed and I PM'd her. She said THEN (not at the time of the swap...which SHE initiated) that she didn't have the postage money (??) so she hadn't sent my stuff yet. ETA: She had received the stuff I sent her already but still she never mentioned to me that she still hadn't gotten mine out, and I guess wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't PM'd her about it.

More weeks passed...she PM'd me saying she did send the package but it was returned because she overstuffed a pre-paid bag.

Okay, fine. More weeks...and still nothing...so I have given her an ultimatum...I get the clothes by Friday or give negative feedback. She did PM me I think a week ago or so asking if I got the clothes. I haven't and I don't trust anymore that she even really sent them. I mean how can I? Or that she packaged it correctly or whatever...which isn't particularly fair. Trust me, it wasn't cheap for me to ship adult-sized clothes for her but I did it because we had an agreement.

Was this appropriate? Is this how I go about it?

I want no ill will and obviously am not going to state or even hint who the person is but at this point I'm feeling awful about this. I am very disappointed and just am not sure how to handle this. Am I handling it correctly? Giving her four more days (total of, I think, 6 weeks from our initial agreement...I'll have to go back and check) and then issuing the negative feedback? The rock and the hard place is that if I don't, just to be nice, then the next mama could get duped.

Even if I do get the clothes at this point there was considerable aggravation. In the case that maybe I do happen to get the clothes, should I let go of the whole feedback issue?

Thanks for any input.

ETA: Please note that my swapper and I didn't communicate on my thread on the forum--just via PM. So there is no way to "track back" to who she was. Just wanted to reiterate that there's no danger of her identity being exposed and I have no wish to do so. She is a nice person...but this has hurt my feelings and I am very disappointed at never receiving my stuff. I feel like I've given this plenty of time and I think I had to draw the line somewhere. :( Thanks!

Gavin&Brent'sMommy
09-19-2006, 06:13 PM
wow this is hard cause it was a trade, so not like you can ask for a refund :( I am not sure Mama, I mean feedback is about all you can do now, and it has been a long time, though I can understand circumstances arising, it's a toughy :( sorry I am no help

SoftBumBaby
09-19-2006, 06:18 PM
I'm sorry, Friday is 5 weeks, not 6 weeks. Just double-checked and I don't want to be exaggerating or anything.

Thanks, Gavinsmommy. :)

kimb96
09-19-2006, 06:33 PM
I would leave negative feedback. That's about all you can do unfortunately. I think you have been more than fair. IMO, when you hear multiple excuses for not getting your stuff, you are dealing with a scammer. Sorry you are dealing with this :hugs:

SoftBumBaby
09-20-2006, 11:32 PM
The saga continues. I can't send an e-mail to her. I get a message that she's not set up to receive e-mails or something of that nature. So I can only rely on that latest PM I sent her stating that by Friday, I'm leaving my feedback. I am so annoyed and upset with this.

SoftBumBaby
09-20-2006, 11:35 PM
I would leave negative feedback. That's about all you can do unfortunately. I think you have been more than fair. IMO, when you hear multiple excuses for not getting your stuff, you are dealing with a scammer. Sorry you are dealing with this :hugs:

Thanks, Kim. Yes, I guess I'll be doing that...and going out now and buying a bunch of baby clothes. :banghead: The whole point was to save money, not have to spend more...which makes this even more upsetting. DH and I are definitely not made of money...we have a child with autism who needs all kinds of treatments and doctors that insurance doesn't cover...that's why I'm even cloth diapering in the first place, to save money wherever I can. I spent a good amout on shipping this person's stuff--I think it was $9--but figured I was saving since she said she had "a whole bunch" of baby clothes for me. But now...I'm out the shipping money AND new baby clothes. I am so p*ssed that anybody would do this. Frankly, at this point I'm pretty sure I'll leave negative feedback even if I do, by some miracle, get the clothes, because none of this was fair and this woman offered such silly excuses for not getting my stuff out to me.

:banghead:

orangemnms
09-21-2006, 06:32 AM
:hugs: Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience Momma! What size baby clothes was she sending you? Maybe we can help fill in a little? We all know that DS Mommas ROCK (well, most of them, :laugh: !)

SoftBumBaby
09-21-2006, 10:36 AM
Awwwwwwwww, thanks. I'm not sure what I have left to swap. Well, I do have three adorable medium-sized covers that I don't really use much...they're beautiful...a purple sun-motif one, one with planets and one with...I don't even remember, I'll have to go check. I'm sorry to have whined...I'm not looking for freebies or anything, just so so disappointed. However...the mama did contact me late last night and there may be some sort of a resolution, anyway. Just not sure what to do about feedback b/c I hate to have other mamas deal with this but OTOH...I hate to be mean. This is a tough situation since feedback is permanent. You know?

Knittress
09-21-2006, 02:11 PM
Awwwwwwwww, thanks. I'm not sure what I have left to swap. Well, I do have three adorable medium-sized covers that I don't really use much...they're beautiful...a purple sun-motif one, one with planets and one with...I don't even remember, I'll have to go check. I'm sorry to have whined...I'm not looking for freebies or anything, just so so disappointed. However...the mama did contact me late last night and there may be some sort of a resolution, anyway. Just not sure what to do about feedback b/c I hate to have other mamas deal with this but OTOH...I hate to be mean. This is a tough situation since feedback is permanent. You know?

If you receive the clothes, leave a neutral feedback with something along the lines of:
Problematic Trade. Poor Communication. Did receive after 6 weeks.

orangemnms
09-21-2006, 09:47 PM
:hugs: Momma! I certainly didnt mean to even imply you were looking for freebies! I just know I have TONS of kids clothes sitting around I would love to see go to good use in home #2 (or 3 or more LOL!)

I think the PP had some great advice concering your transaction!

atannouri
09-21-2006, 10:33 PM
that's why I'm even cloth diapering in the first place, to save money wherever I can.
:preggo:
Have you heard of EC'ing or Elimination Communication? I started researching whether to CD or use 'sposies and found out about EC, which is why I decided to CD and convinced my hubby that we should. Go to DiaperFreeBaby.org to learn more, they have great articles. The more I read the more I want to do EC, which btw will save you even more money than just CD alone.
:flowers:

j9_shooter9
09-22-2006, 12:23 AM
I have baby clothes too. I don't know if you have a boy though. PM me if you're interested.

I had a similar experience (VERY similar) although it wasn't a trade. She held me off long enough though to where I couldn't file with paypal. I left negative feedback and then another mama did too. She was banned from DS, but I never got my "BRAND NEW MUTTS" or my $. It sucks!!!

Sorry mama!

SoftBumBaby
09-28-2006, 04:28 PM
Thanks, ladies, for the offers. They are so generous. I am so scared to trade, buy, sell, do anything right now...I just get a bad feeling in my stomach...I'm going to hold off swapping for now through DS or anywhere else. I know that's silly but...I don't know. Just for a while, anyway.

An update...I did finally leave negative FB. It's been 45 days now. I had warned the mama in advance and she asked for "a few more days" (as if 30 plus weren't enough?)...she said she'd send more clothes Priority...we're even located within miles of eachother from what I can gather, but still nothing, so...I posted my FB. I feel awful about it. Totally awful. I have a huge knot in my stomach. I never, ever thought I'd have to leave negative FB. I hate the thought of how it would make the other person feel. But, flat-out honesty time here: the mama told me she had at least two other mamas who never got her packages...yet, I don't see any FB from them. That means...many mamas don't leave FB if it's negative. And when they don't leave the FB, that means that other mamas--like me, in this case!--have NO warning and go ahead into a purchase or swap, and never get their stuff. That is SO unfair. So I had to be the one to swallow hard and do it, for the next mama.

I feel totally terrible. I'm going to stay away from DS for a while. :cry:

SoftBumBaby
10-07-2006, 09:49 PM
Update...the momma finally got in touch w/me saying she'd had computer issues. I told her exactly like it is...she misled me saying she could swap in a couple days, but it was 2.5 weeks; she put the stuff in too small a box and it got sent back; etc.; etc. She argued with me, saying it was *my* post office that was to blame even though she had previously told me she had at least two other mamas who never got her stuff either. (scratching head) Unless all three of us are in the same town, I don't see how that's possible. Anyway, her stance is now that I "wouldn't work with her" (I DID work with her...I just thought 7 weeks was plenty of working-with time and I'd had it!) and that I'm "rude" so even though she got MY stuff in ONE WEEK, hello, she's going to give me a neutral rating.

That's fine. I don't care that much about what sort of rating she gives me. She's going to give me neutral for getting upset after two freaking months? Her story changes every five seconds, too. I have warned mamas and that is enough for me. It's something I wish other mamas had done for me. I know why mamas don't leave negative FB--they fear retaliation. And they're right--look what's about to happen to me. Negative because I was "rude" by being flat-out honest with her after almost two months and by the way, never receiving the package.

So...you mamas who are scared to leave negative FB are right; the person will retaliate. But I don't plan on swapping, buying or selling from here anymore so I was willing to stick my neck out for the next mama. Next time I'm just going to save my pennies, buy new and have at least some sort of guarantee that I might actually get the product. I never did...and now, obviously never will...because how dare I complain after a mere two months.

p.s. I did tell her it was completely unprofessional for her not to make good and sure I got my stuff after she had misled me and held me up for more than two weeks instead of a couple of days at the very beginning, and that she might have overnighted the package. She claimed that would have cost $50 (?? Is it being overnighted from Mercury?) and that I was being rude. Apparently, rude is the issue here. (still scratching head) I hope she thinks of me every time she puts on the clothes that I got to her as fast as I possibly could. Ohhhhhhhhh, am I ever ticked right now.

Hayley
10-07-2006, 10:12 PM
don't leave ds over this please! we like you!

cowmommy
10-07-2006, 10:12 PM
:hugs: that's a stinky situation I hope she doesn't leave negative. neutral will not count against your rating. Just don't let this one experience mess with you DS experience just B/S/T with mamas with a lot of food FB to know that you're gonna get your stuff

Gavin&Brent'sMommy
10-07-2006, 10:13 PM
wow Mama :( I'm sorry that this happened to you and I hate that it soured FSOT for you :hugs:

daniels_mami
10-07-2006, 11:01 PM
im so sorry this happened to you, ppl can be mean!

gilbertkimber
10-08-2006, 07:16 PM
I was going to leave after a similar situation, but now I am just more cautious and I have had positive experience since then which has made me feel better! Please stick around. I am sending you a PM.

SoftBumBaby
10-08-2006, 09:33 PM
Thanks, all. I just feel so bad and so frustrated. This probably shouldn't be affecting me all that much--I mean it isn't like I spent $500 or something. I guess it's just the first time this has happened to me and it was really sad to keep going out to the mailbox every single day and seeing nothing. And then to be told I'm going to get a bad review for not being patient ENOUGH...oh man, that was the icing on the cake.

Thanks so much for all the kind words. I'll get over it, I just wanted to vent, and get advice, and to warn other mamas in the future, I guess.

serendipitylove
10-08-2006, 10:35 PM
Hey, I have a few baby things I could send you. You don't have to pay shipping or trade or anything, I don't mind, it wouldn't be much but sometimes every little bit helps :)

StaceyM
10-09-2006, 05:34 AM
I'm so sorry this happened to you momma. Things like this make people only want to buy/trade with people with large feedback which ruins things for all of us newbies. I can only do so many FFS to build my feedback before I go broke KWIM?

greenkmt
10-09-2006, 05:46 AM
You know, it is situations like this that make B/S/T so hard (bang head) why are people that way? Sorry Mamma... What do you have boy or girl?