Cross-Racial Adoptions

[z'smomma]

So I've noticed from some of ya'lls blogs that we have a number of cross-racial adoptions among us. I think that is so cool.

We were hesitant when we first started the process to go with African American because the cultural opinion on Caucasians adopting AA seemed so negative. We were open to everything else. But after talking to some AA friends and praying about it, we went ahead and opened our preferences to everything. Secretly we hoped for an AA because we love diversity and we didn't care what people thought.

And WE LOVE IT! We can't wait to expose ourselves to being the minority for awhile and attend a black church etc., when he's older. We want to give him the gammit of experiences.

So what about you? What are your thoughts on it? Will you search out those like your son/daug of a different race? Are you in a support group of mixed race families? I'm curious what other people are doing.

[duckieheart]

We are in the process of adopting with no racial preferences. So, much of what you want to know- I dont know yet! lol I do know that DH and I have already decided that if we get an AA son, we will adopt another AA child down the road (same if we were to get a Hispanic child, or any other COC). We will of course seek diversity in our outside lives, but we want our kids to feel that at least one other family member looks like them. Of course- thats all theory at this point, lol.

[TestifyToLove]

My avatar says it all. We are open to any child the Lord leads us to, race has never mattered. My family of origin became multi-racial when I was 15 and my parents began to adopt trans-racially. I now have 1 full blooded Oklahoman bi-racial brother, 1 full Jamacain immigrant brother, 1 brother half Haitian immigrant and half Kenyan immigant, 1 Ethopian American sister and 1 Caucasion with Creole blood in her sister.

It really wasn't a big deal when we went to adopt. We have 4 bio-children, who are Caucasian (with a touch of Jewish and a touch of Native American through I and DH respectively). Then, we have a Sierra Leonian-American son, an E. Indian-American son and a Hispanic son from S. California, Mexican and Mexican Indian via his birthparents heritage--though both were born in S. Cal just like him.

What the future holds for our family, I honestly cannot tell you. Dh had a Vietnamese co-worker demand to know why we hadn't adopted an Asian child. I told him to correct her next time that we HAVE adopted an Asian child. If she means Far East Asian, we might in the future but those programs, Taiwan being the exception, are generally not large family friendly anymore. I would love to return to the African continent to adopt in the future. But, I don't know where we'll go, or where another child might exist. I know we're not looking to adopt right now. We just brought one home and we haven't finalized that adoption yet.

But, we agreed when we married that rather than set a number, or even a race or country of origin, we would consider each individual child as they were presented to our family and decide if this child was meant to be part of our family case by case. Three have been definitely ours. Several others didn't come for a variety of reasons. We're still young and the future hasn't been revealed to us yet. So, we'll just have to see.

[mariewes]

We have 2 bio sons (and one on the way) and just adopted a daughter from Ethiopia. At first, we were a little nervous to how it was going to play out, because we live in the outskirts of Detroit, which is one of the largest segregated cities in the US. There is still a lot of racial tension here. So far, so good. I have gotten some really weird looks from both Caucasian and AA people...and some really nice, sincere comments from both Caucasian and AA people. We also plan to adopt again from Ethiopia so we can have 2 children share the same heritage. We are also open to adopting from other races/countries in the future. I feel the best thing for me (living in a predominantly AA town) is to not act apologetic for having a mixed family. And to make sure that I do my research on haircare and everything so my daughter will never feel cheated for having a white mom. :)

[z'smomma]

Amber-
The haircare deal is a big one. I don't want him to be teased that he has bad hair so we have an AA hairdresser friend who is our "consultant.":giggle:

Testify to love
Do you all live in a fairly diverse area? If not, do you have thoughts on your kids being surrounded by a bunch of white people? I don't know how much to be thoughtful and proactive on that. BTW, do you have a CFer in your fam? I'm a CFer.

We are looking to add another AA boy to our family so they can have fun together and relate when they need to.

[juclark77]

We are white and have adopted 2 AA siblings. We live in a mostly AA area, and everyone has been really sweet to us about our kids. A few people have even thanked us for adopting them. Really, we are the lucky ones to have 2 gorgeous and loveable children. We have to move to an amost entirely white small town, because my husband found a job there (not a lot of openings in his field where we are). I am kind of worried that it may not be the best thing for the kids. They are very young though, so we can always move to a more diverse area before they start school. We intentionally took the kids out in public when we visited the town to see how our family would be treated. We got some strange looks, mostly from old people. Overall though, everyone was really sweet to the kids. It helps that they are adorable. I read Inside Transracial Adoption and would like to recommend it. Great book. Also, Burt's Bees Apricot Oil is great in AA hair.

[kaoh]

We are open to any race, so we don't know what the race of our child will be. Within our family, we have a lot of support for it - my SIL is AA, and so my nephews are biracial. My adopted brother and adopted sister are Native Americans. And in the community I live in I see a fair number of interacial marriages and transracial adoptions.

I read an article recently that talked about adoption trends, and I was surprised to see that a fairly large number of AA boys are being adopted out in Canada because they can't find placements for them here.

[monami7]

We get a ton of support on line. We have a daughter from haiti who will light up any room she is in. We think she is going to be some sort of performer! LOL We are hoping it is not stripper following her current idea of fun!!! Anyway she is amazing and we have a Chinese daughter who sits there and laughs at her all day. They play off each other and if someone gives or says something to Lilly (AA) she says and Rory! So no one can forget they are sisters!
We are taking the approach of following their lead. We expose them to everything. Any Haitian thing we can get our hands on! And we all went to the Asian American day at the local college. We don't see color at home but we want to make sure that they know that everyone is equal. Hopefully we are doing OK. They are young though. i know the questions will come.
Heidi

[greenMImama]

well we were open to lots and lots of races and this was what we were given:
http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa218/greenMImama/Simonsfun026.jpg
We jsut adore him, he fits so well into our family.

Everyone can't believe how much he looks like my DH, he really does. So our dilemna is what to do if next time we are chosen for a diff race, it's only a dilemna because we are pretty sure 2 is a good number for us but we like a lot of the PP didn't want a child with diff colored skin to feel outnumbered, so we wanted to adopt 2 that were of similiar features, like it would be fine if one was from China and one from Korea, just as long as they are diff. from us in some similiar ways. DOes that makes sense?

[z'smomma]

Suzanne- I know the struggle. I think 2 is perfect for us too! He's so stinkin cute. My thoughts are that you go with what you got for number 2. If not, you may feel you need a 3rd to relate to the 2nd. Although some families do fine with a white and another race child. They are both adopted and that is a huge bottom line for them.

[TestifyToLove]

Do you all live in a fairly diverse area?
We didn't when we brought our oldest DS home from W. Africa. We lived in a town that was 96%. It wasn't a big deal until I looked around and realized he couldn't find anyone who looked like him, which was a BIG deal considering before he boarded that airplane everyone looked like him.

So, we moved. We've since moved again and live in a metropolitan area. It just so happens we live in the area of the city where the largest Middle and Upper Class minority population congregates. I've been told over and over again that while race relations are terrific in our town, just 20 minutes down the road is bad news for minorities of all types. So, we're very fortunate where we are.

The one place where we do not have diversity is at church. For years, we went to large, mega-style churches to ensure there was racial diversity. But, we were annonymous and unknown, as were the children. When we moved here, we lamented and struggled but ultimately decided that it was better for the children to be loved and welcomed rather than merely reflected. Now, we are the only variety in the church, but the children are known and adored and every one fo the children are thriving with this arrangement.

If not, do you have thoughts on your kids being surrounded by a bunch of white people? I don't know how much to be thoughtful and proactive on that.

Honestly, its my opinion that this point in time that its better to have real relationships and not merely seek out relationships based upon skin color. So, when we have relationships because they are part of our lives, then terrific. But, we don't create unrealistic and artificial situations just because we're trying to color match the kiddos.

I'm really of the opinion that its more important to teach my children pride in who they are and confidence in themselves regardless of their skin tone than to set up a situation where everything matches. I've been concious to make sure my decorating matches the diversity of our family. I've been concious to make sure my children know and interact with people of different ethinicities and backgrounds, even if they don't match their own per se. but, I realized a LONG time ago that I cannot teach my more colorful sons what it will be like to be a man of color in this world. I can't teach them because I am not, nor will I ever be a minority much less a minority man. But, I also don't HAVE to teach this to my sons. For while I never will be, they will not avoid it. They will be minority men in this society. And, they will have to learn to operate in this world, interact with others and cope with how others percieve and interact with them.

When this world becomes too difficult to face, I can provide a refuge from the storm. But, no matter what I do while they are children, they are always going to fall under the umbrella of my White Priviledge, so I cannot truly show them what the real world will be like. They won't avoid it. And, they will find their feet in this world. With confidence, pride and knowing who they are and what power they hold, they will forge their own way to figure out to make it though that maze.

BTW, do you have a CFer in your fam? I'm a CFer.

Yes, our youngest son, Hispanic and adopted through the US foster-care system is DDF508 with a significantly complicated GI presentation and a typical classic CFer respiratory presentation, along with liver failure related to combination of prolonged TPN and CF itself.

[z'smomma]

Testify to love. Awesome. So what I'm hoping for in my family dynamic. Thank you so much for your insight. So neat to hear your perspective.

Our church is diverse but not super mingled together in diversity. The Chinese hang with the chinese and so forth. But we have made it a point to make friends with those we "click" with in other races...both. We were led that way, not through anything we've done. We have to be intentional but some things you can't help, right? And you are right, real relationships are way more important than relationships of skin color.

Thank you.

[mom2jpd]

We have 2 bio boys and adopted our daughter from China. We have many friends who have cross-racial families so my daughter is used to seeing families that look like hers. We are in a very diverse university town, so there are all races around us. I don't at all worry about the looks we get. When we are out in public it is so obvious that we are totally smitten with her that I think that is what comes across to people. I know that absurd comments might come at some point or another, but we plan to react with kindness.

[Teakafrog]

We were open to any race when we adopted, we figured God would give us the child we were supposed to have. Our DD is AA, and is the most beautiful baby ever! When we adopted, we lived in a large, diverse city. We have since moved to a more rural area, and there is definitely a difference--we get a lot more attention here. But she's just our daughter--always has been, always will be. The biggest challenge right now is her hair. I am becoming very good as fixing it, but I don't have all the people around to ask for help that I did in the city. But it really hasn't been as issue yet. She's only 3 now, so things will surely come up as she gets older, but we'll just deal with it the best we can then.

[tink]

We were open to any child and were placed with our DD who is AA/CC and is VERY fair. I was prepared to be the obvious family when we were out and about, but we are not. I would however enjoy having some friends that have adopted transracially. So, for those of you who have obviously adopted transracially, how do you feel about folks coming up to you to speak about adoption etc?

We live on the suburbs of Detroit too.

[Passelofkids]

We have adopted several children and have a mixture: Irianian, AA, Hispanic and mixed. Plus Caucasian and bio kids. We dont point out the color differences, it doesnt make the person. We dont seek out friends or situations because of a adopted child. We have gone to Pow Wows and different festivals but because its fun not because of heritage.
We are a family from choice; skin color has not impact.
When we go out we do get looks and even some comments, mostly because of the number of kids. I just keep my head up and smile and keep walking and my kids have learned to do the same. I dont mind people asking me about my family, I welcome it, my kids know they are adopted.

[queenjane555]

We were open to any child and were placed with our DD who is AA/CC and is VERY fair. I was prepared to be the obvious family when we were out and about, but we are not. I would however enjoy having some friends that have adopted transracially. So, for those of you who have obviously adopted transracially, how do you feel about folks coming up to you to speak about adoption etc?

We live on the suburbs of Detroit too.


I'm in a (southern) suburb of Detroit too! Small world...

I havent adopted yet, but am fostering an AA baby boy that i hope to adopt (court date is in august to determine if we get to keep him or if he goes to a family member...mom's right already terminated)...and have been really surprised at how many people assume he is my bio child. I have yet to have anyone ask if he was adopted. At first, i felt compelled to explain he was a foster child, but that freaks people out or somehow invites them to ask intrusive questions, so now i just let them assume. One lady even said "Oh, he looks just like Mom!" smiling at me....weird! As far as i know he is not biracial, but i havent met his bio parents.


Katherine

[JeDeeLenae]

I haven't adopted, but I just wanted to keep track of the discussion, because it's soooo cool to see. As much as people say "no one wants a _____ baby" it's nice to see so many who don't feel that way.

My kids currently have different skin tones, and my 3 yr old already asks what color he is. I tell him we are all different shades of the rainbow. He's currently hoping for a brown baby sister like his little cousin, but I told him we shall see.

Anyway, carry on. :)

[TestifyToLove]

Okay, I do have a funny story to tell on my Dd. Right after we brought oldest ds home, we started going to a homegroup where the lead couple was bi-racial. They had 2 bi-racial little girls. So, daddy was dark, mommy was pale and the girls were in-between.

Dd#1 got it in her head that because mommy was so pale and girls were brown, she must have adopted them. She was SO sad when I explained that their daddy was dark and therefore the girls were a combination of their mommy and their daddy. She thought she'd found another family that was like hers finally!

[Passelofkids]

I forgot to say, my kids do notice the stares and when they say "They're staring" I just tell them its because you are beautiful and they cant help but stare. :hugs:

[queenjane555]

I haven't adopted, but I just wanted to keep track of the discussion, because it's soooo cool to see. As much as people say "no one wants a _____ baby" it's nice to see so many who don't feel that way.


I think there definitely is this misconception that "no one wants black children" or that there arent families who have been waiting a long time to adopt such a child. I think its true, that if you are adopting an infant privately, and want to adopt an African-American baby, your wait will be shorter....but its not like there are black babies in orphanages with no one to adopt them. Infants of any race generally do not "wait" in foster care adoptions....perhaps a very medically fragile infant may wait for a family. And while there are many many black boys listed on photolistings, i have been waiting for almost two years to adopt such a child (a boy 0-10 of any race and willing to consider many issues, or a girl 0-3---due to bedroom space--heck i've even inquired on teenage boys and gotten nowhere!)

There are alot of misconceptions in adoption...that you can't adopt a young child from foster care or that all children in foster care have major issues (the baby i'm fostering and hoping to adopt is 100 percent healthy), that if you want to adopt a white baby privately you will wait years and years (while thats true for some, many people adopt in two years or less....sometimes alot less!), that ALL adoptions cost thousands and thousands of dollars.

In the year (plus) i was with my previous agency, i was not approached about one single child needing a family, and of the hundreds of boys i sent inquiries on (from photolistings all over the state), i only heard back a few times, and only seriously considered (as far as i know) once or twice. I discovered toward the end of that year, that my social worker may have been sabotaging the placement of AA boys with me...i had inquired on one boy on a national photolisting (he was however in my state), and began an email discussion with his "Wendys Wonderful Kids" recruiter about him. She contacted my worker to get my homestudy...and my worker told her that i was only interested in Caucasian children! wtf?! I was soooo hurt and confused and offended, and yet no one seemed to care (the worker denied it, the state photolisting rep blew it off, and the WWK worker seemed to regret opening her mouth to begin with as this was a collegue of hers)....i kept thinking of all those boys i thought i had a shot with, wondering if my worker told their workers "oh she REALLY wants a white child!"...which wasnt true. Ugh. I felt sick.

So i switched agencies, and they were much more positive, matched me very quickly (though that boys' parents' rights have yet to be terminated so they are now looking at other kids for me), were happy to foster license me (my first agency balked at that), and one month after i was licensed received placement of a three week old baby. His mother's rights were terminated a few weeks ago and i will find out in August if we get to keep him forever. So i have had a much better experience with this agency!

I guess thats my longwinded way of saying there are SO many factors that go into placement of kids, that "parental desire" is just one of them. I know MANY MANY people adopting from the state who have waited at least a year to be matched (and then of course some who are matched immediately, go figure), and they, like myself, are willing to adopt an older/school aged child with some "issues".


Katherine

[tink]

I'm in a (southern) suburb of Detroit too! Small world...

I havent adopted yet, but am fostering an AA baby boy that i hope to adopt (court date is in august to determine if we get to keep him or if he goes to a family member...mom's right already terminated)...and have been really surprised at how many people assume he is my bio child. I have yet to have anyone ask if he was adopted. At first, i felt compelled to explain he was a foster child, but that freaks people out or somehow invites them to ask intrusive questions, so now i just let them assume. One lady even said "Oh, he looks just like Mom!" smiling at me....weird! As far as i know he is not biracial, but i havent met his bio parents.


Katherine

I am in Shelby Twp near M-59, we should do a play date if you're close! DD is 12mo. Or come out to the babywearing meeting on the 14th in Auburn Hills!

[queenjane555]

I am in Shelby Twp near M-59, we should do a play date if you're close! DD is 12mo. Or come out to the babywearing meeting on the 14th in Auburn Hills!

I'm Downriver, so thats a little far for us...where is the babywearing meeting? (i mean, is it sponsored by a certain group or something?) :goodvibes:


Katherine

[TestifyToLove]

Our social worker actually wrote our homestudy wrong this time. She put that we were approved for and seeking a Caucasion only, male child, 0-4 without any special needs.

What we were actually seeking was 0-7, any race, either gender and a whole host of special needs. Our agency director caught the mistake when she was proof-reading our homestudy while on the phone with me and asked why we weren't open to any race, considering we already had 2 different minority children in the family. I pointed out that it didn't even make sense and she changed it immediately.

What we adopted was a 6 year old Hispanic boy with Cystic Fibrosis, liver and spleen damage (will need a liver transplant in the coming years), major bowel issues, not potty training and mental retarded.

Had our agency director not caught the mistake, we might have really struggled to find a child, as our homestudy approval would have NEVER matched the children we inquired on.

[mama_times5]

How fun to stumble on this thread! First of all, TestifytoLove congrats on your new pregnancy!!! I'm just a few weeks ahead of you.

For those mamas wanting to learn about AA hair...I highly recommend:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptionhair_skincare/
It was a tremendous resource for me getting started w/ Sophie's hair and yes it is a big deal, not even for her sake yet. The AA comunity has been so very postive towards our family b/c of her nicely styled hair (by me). "If I care enough to learn about and do her hair, I must love her. If I didn't, why would I adopt transracially." At least, that's what we've gotten. When a stranger lays eyes on us, a look may go from a frown to overwhelming admiration when they ask who her hairdresser is and I can answer "me". I had no idea!

We want to adopt another AA child/baby, but keep getting biological blessing keep "sneaking up" on us.

Regarding the need for adoptive parents of AA children, I suppose it must vary on the area. There is still a great need where we are, although you may be right in that the babies don't wait long. The organization that connected us with our dd is set up just to connect families open to adopting AA and biracial w/ agencies and lawyers across the country in need of such parents:

Special Link
1201 Haywood Road
Greenville, SC 29615
Phone: (864) 233-4872

When dd was born, we were the only family on Special Link's list open to an AA girl. We actually started the adoption process and 7 weeks later had three day old Sophie. This was after two matches where the bmoms decided to parent at the last min. I know it isn't always this way, but our local agency also has such a hard time placing AA that their fees are 1/2 that from any other race!?!?

Our experience has been so overwhelmingly positive even in a very Southern town w/ remaining racial tension. The impact our family's racial make-up has had even on relatives has been precious.

Sophie is having a hard time understanding that all brown kids aren't adopted. We're still talking though and she'll get it eventually. She doesn't really care now, but does make these assuming comments of her new friends. BTW we have chosen public school for now, not a popular choice among friends, largely for the racial diversity. It's been fun!

[tink]

I need to add how much I like the Mixed Chicks line!

[queenjane555]

mamatimes4...your avatar pic is adorable!!

For anyone interested in adopting an AA baby with some special medical needs, please check out:

http://www.spence-chapin.org/asapwaiting.html

spence-chapin is a reputable, nonprofit agency in new york (i believe they can place children in families in other states), they operate on a sliding scale, for our family, adopting a special needs baby would only be $1000! That would definitely be doable for us (whereas $10K, not so much!)...and the babies currently listed seem to have issues that dont seem *that* severe to me. I would inquire but have my hands full with current foster baby who will likely be adoptable, and i cant imagine having TWO babies right now! but its something i'm keeping in mind for the future. From what i've been told, sometimes their listed babies only get one or two families inquiring, but you really need to CALL and bug them, and send your homestudy, and call back, etc...if you just fill out the online form, you might not get "attention", at least thats what i've been told by one of their adopting parents. The babies on that page are adorable, i'm in love with "Jayla"...check it out! :thumbsup:


Katherine

[TestifyToLove]

I have 2 brothers adopted via Spence-Chapin. They can only place special needs children outside of NY state. But, special needs is a very varied list.

4.5 years as the mother of an African son and it happened for the first time today. My son got inspected and judged on whether we're caring properly for him as a minority with Caucasian parents. After inspecting my son from top to bottom while he stood in line at Starbucks with Dh, the man informed A as he walked out of the store that he liked A's dreds.

A was so tickled he was grinning from ear to ear. And, since I taught him how to maintain his own dreds a year ago, that's some well deserved praise for the kiddo. All I do with his hair anymore is inspect it and see if he's doing it properly.

It was a weird feeling to realize the man was inspecting A to determine whether we've done a good job with him. An even weirder feeling to know we passed the inspection. (Good thing the inspection wasn't close enough so he could smell A. I still can't convince the child that deordorant is not optional for him, but I don't take the blame for that one. I try, he hides his and tells me he used it! Guess that's the hazard of raising a 12 year old.)

[addiesmommy]

We are adopting from Ethiopia right now. We have 2 bio children who are caucasian. I'm a stylist (professionally) so I'm excited about doing her hair. :) We're hoping to travel by the end of the year to bring her home.

[z'smomma]

Allison/Mama_4times
Thanks for all the great details. I already applied to be apart of the great hair group! And the link for the adoption agency...GREAT. We are thinking of starting the process for a second baby. We'll check them out!

I love all the info and thoughts!

[Kinrice01]

I have completely enjoyed reading this thread. We too, are open to any race for our adoption!

[mariewes]

We are adopting from Ethiopia right now. We have 2 bio children who are caucasian. I'm a stylist (professionally) so I'm excited about doing her hair. :) We're hoping to travel by the end of the year to bring her home.

We just adopted from Ethiopia in April! How old is your little girl you are bringing home?

[mama_times5]

I've been an advocate for domestic adoption after our (private) experience, yet I've started wondering if future adoptions would be more likely for our now larger family internationally...with the right country. Does anyone know if Ethiopia or any other predominantly black countries are friendly to larger families adopting?

mamatimes4...your avatar pic is adorable!!


Thank you Katherine!

Allison/Mama_4times
Thanks for all the great details. I already applied to be apart of the great hair group! And the link for the adoption agency...GREAT. We are thinking of starting the process for a second baby. We'll check them out!

I love all the info and thoughts!

You are certainly welcome! The group is high volume email, but if you go to digest you don't get the pictures mamas share of new hair dos! I'd definitely suggest setting up a folder/filter.

[Passelofkids]

When we first started fostering children, I had no idea how to do AA hair. Once we took a child that was AA I took her to a AA hair supply store and just asked someone to help me. I found most AA people were very helpful and wanted to help us take care of her hair.
Once we adopted our girls I had no problem taking care of their hairand there is tons of info online. Once I started its very easy and I can do most anything I want, sometimes I get lazy and will pay someone, but mostly do it all myself. My husband has even had several AA women approach him to have me do their girls hair! But I dont do others hair, I have enough to do...lol
Heres my Tori.
http://www.sellersourcebook.net/users/541/auctions_004.jpg

[queenjane555]

I have a question about little girls hair (i dont have girls...yet!!)...is it uncomfortable to sleep on all those beads? I think its beautiful, but thats something i've always wondered.


Katherine

[gracej1234]

We are in the process of adopting either an AA baby or a bi-racial baby. We are using a non-profit clearing house called Special Link. I wanted to post this out there since several of you are thinking of adopting again. It's a wonderful organization specifically set up to help babies (primarily AA or bi) find permanant homes after they are born before the state comes in and takes over (which is 72 hours after birth.) This organization works with all sorts of agencies in all states to help place as many babies as possible into homes. If anyone is interested, their web address is www.speciallink.org.

We have two bio sons (caucasion) and look forward to adopting. We don't care about race and have talked a lot about how we will try to incorporate that into our family...we'll expose them to the other culture but we don't want it to be such a huge focus that our children feel very different from each other. We do intend to either adopt twins or adopt again at least once so that we have multiples of each race in our family.

I'm glad to find a support system here online to bounce ideas and thoughts areound.

[Passelofkids]

I have a question about little girls hair (i dont have girls...yet!!)...is it uncomfortable to sleep on all those beads? I think its beautiful, but thats something i've always wondered.


Katherine
Tori will tell you the beads arent uncomfortable its the tight braids. It only takes a day or 2 and then it doesnt hurt anymore. She takes tylenol and puts cold cloths on her head. My other girl we had never had a problem. One of the AA ladies told me Tori just had a tender head.
Her's itches to but there are creams you can put in the hair that stops it.
What I like is onces I get it all done I dont have to do anything with her hair for a couple months except wash and grease.
And you do put a dew rag on at night so it doesnt get fuzzy or grease all over.

[mama_times5]

We are in the process of adopting an AA baby or a bi-racial baby. We are using a non-profit clearing house called Special Link.

We used Special Link and had a wonderful experience. Love Carri! :wub: Glad to see the website, as my link wasn't working...so I just posted other contact info earlier in the thread.

I wish you the best!

[TestifyToLove]

Allison, Ethiopia discussed limiiting family size except for special needs, siblings and older child adoptions. But, its my understanding that it never came to fruitition as the large family adoptive list I'm on said that large families who were discouraged a year or so ago when the rumors were rampant should re-apply and should find no problems at this point.

I can't tell you the state of any other African nations in regards to large families as I dropped out of keeping an eye on the situation when we started a foster-adopt situation. I know when Ghana opened it was large family friendly but I don't know if it still remains so. The only other significant program on the continent is Liberia but its my understanding its currently closed.

I have spoken directly with 2 orphanages in South Africa who have stated that now that the US is Hague compliant, they think it will be 18-24 months before South African re-opens to US adoptions, as it will require agreements between adoption agencies in both countries to be hammered out. South Africa was always large family friendly. And, I know since they closed, they have had significant trouble finding homes for orphans domestically and abroad.

I can also tell you that some children are coming home from Uganda that don't appear to be the least bit concerned about family size. And, Zambia is in flux, but if they allow adoptions to work, they aren't restricting based upon family size. My understanding is that its been approximately a year and as of this week, the government officials are allowing adoptions to flow again. But, that might change with the next handful of children permitted to leave if the government closes it yet again. Its a constantly changing situation there.

Oh, and least I forget! Sierra Leone is now open. There is one agency involved there now. They were not there previously, so they carry no baggage of the corruption from the past. Sierra Leone has NO problems with large families. What I don't know is the process and the personnel in-country with this agency to know whether I would trust their process or not.

[addiesmommy]

We just adopted from Ethiopia in April! How old is your little girl you are bringing home?

We're not sure. We're waiting on a referral but we've requested a girl 0-18 months but specified that we'd like her to be as young as possible so I can try to breastfeed.

[Passelofkids]

Allison, Ethiopia discussed limiiting family size except for special needs, siblings and older child adoptions. But, its my understanding that it never came to fruitition as the large family adoptive list I'm on said that large families who were discouraged a year or so ago when the rumors were rampant should re-apply and should find no problems at this point.

I can't tell you the state of any other African nations in regards to large families as I dropped out of keeping an eye on the situation when we started a foster-adopt situation. I know when Ghana opened it was large family friendly but I don't know if it still remains so. The only other significant program on the continent is Liberia but its my understanding its currently closed.

I have spoken directly with 2 orphanages in South Africa who have stated that now that the US is Hague compliant, they think it will be 18-24 months before South African re-opens to US adoptions, as it will require agreements between adoption agencies in both countries to be hammered out. South Africa was always large family friendly. And, I know since they closed, they have had significant trouble finding homes for orphans domestically and abroad.

I can also tell you that some children are coming home from Uganda that don't appear to be the least bit concerned about family size. And, Zambia is in flux, but if they allow adoptions to work, they aren't restricting based upon family size. My understanding is that its been approximately a year and as of this week, the government officials are allowing adoptions to flow again. But, that might change with the next handful of children permitted to leave if the government closes it yet again. Its a constantly changing situation there.

Oh, and least I forget! Sierra Leone is now open. There is one agency involved there now. They were not there previously, so they carry no baggage of the corruption from the past. Sierra Leone has NO problems with large families. What I don't know is the process and the personnel in-country with this agency to know whether I would trust their process or not.

Do any do escort? How do fees run?

[JeDeeLenae]

I have a question about little girls hair (i dont have girls...yet!!)...is it uncomfortable to sleep on all those beads? I think its beautiful, but thats something i've always wondered.


Katherine
I used to get beads all the time when I was younger. It only hurts when it's freshly done, because of the tight braids, but they loosen up after a day or so, and all is good. It's not uncomfortable to sleep on at all. There are a number of things you can do to keep them from getting fuzzy, like wearing underwear (yes, I did this as a little girl) on your head, wrapping with a scarf, using a doo rag, etc. Also, there are "braid sprays" you can spritz on the scalp to help with itch relief.

Carry on, sorry for interrupting, again...

[speechjane]

We have a fabulous little girl from China and wouldn't change that for the world...but I do worry about how she will feel about her Chinese heritage as she grows!

[ammcmaho]

I have always wanted to adopt. well since I was around 10 and saw something on 20/20 or another show about the babies in Romanian orphanages. DH is from India and so our DD is sorta mixed. I think that we'd try to adopt from India. Since DH is from India I think this would be best for our family. DH is not yet on board and I wouldn't look to do this for a few years since DD is only 4 months now, but I know it takes a process.

[dmagsam]

I was glad to see this thread. I haven't posted here before and just recently discovered the diaperswappers website when I was researching CD (which I'm definitely interested in!). We are in the process of adopting--actually, we just became active with our agency on Tuesday and were told about a potential birthmother match the same day! They had been waiting for us to come on board because none of the other currently waiting couples in our program would accept a biracial baby with AA heritage. We haven't heard anything yet--but hopefully we will hear soon what the mother thought of our profile. We are open to any race or race combination and are excited about the possibility of adding diversity to our family. We are both CC and race doesn't matter to us. We live in a diverse area and don't really care what other poeple think about a mixed family, although we haven't figured out exactly how we'll respond to the questions that are sure to come.

[blueyed_boys]

I think this is a great thread.. We havent adopted but my parents have adopted 10kids 8 of them are AA.. :)

[tink]

[QUOTE=dmagsam;4048318]We are in the process of adopting--actually, we just became active with our agency on Tuesday and were told about a potential birthmother match the same day! They had been waiting for us to come on board because none of the other currently waiting couples in our program would accept a biracial baby with AA heritage. QUOTE]


This mirrors our matching situation! Best of luck to you! How exciting!

[wacasterba]

I just love this chatter..such beautiful families. we ourselves have adopted two bi-racial children and a caucasian child also. ages 4, 4, and 2. soon as the last adoption was final we got pregnant! we just had mr samuel and he is 4 weeks old! i hope the Lord calls us to adopt again!!!

[TestifyToLove]

Do any do escort? How do fees run?

Last I heard, some of the Ethoipian agencies are still permitting escort. As for fees, I really can't tell you current fee schedules. My parents adopted from Ethiopia 8 years ago and paid less than $10,000 for their adoption, escort included. But with so many agencies there now, I think the fees vary widely now. The Ethiopiaadopt yahoo group used to have a file comparing the fees of all the known agencies. I don't know if they have maintained it or not.

When we went with foster-adopt 18 months ago, I kept keeping fully informed of African adoptions.

If we're blessed to adopt again, that's something I'm going to have to catch back up on, since I know in my heart if we adopt again, we WILL return to Africa. Not as sure on what country though.

[addiesmommy]

I'm not familiar with any Ethiopian adoption agencies that allow escorts. Mine doesn't for sure but none of the others we looked into allow it either.

[TestifyToLove]

I'm not familiar with any Ethiopian adoption agencies that allow escorts. Mine doesn't for sure but none of the others we looked into allow it either.

Their website is old, but AFAA still states they do escorts to Ethiopia. Since I'm not aware that Ethiopia ever changed the requirements to make travel mandated, agencies now may be encouraging parents travel, but that doesn't mean escort isn't still possible.

Illien adoption's website is much more frequently updated, and their Ethiopian program has only been open about 2 years. According to them and dated for 2008, travel is encouraged but escort is still an option.

That's just the first 2 I checked, since I remembered they had actively utilized escort options a year ago.

[countrymom]

We (CC) have adopted 8 AA children and never have regretted it. We used to live in a very "white" community, but last year moved south to a more diverse community and we love it. It has been good for the children to have friends, teachers, doctors, church ppl that are good role models for them that share their ethnicity.

One of the first things AA women check out is my 6 girls' hair dos. They love it that I do all the hair and it seems to be a huge deal (which it is). My AA neighbor says she knows I love my kiddos by looking at their hair!

Placements for us were pretty fast, even the 2 babies we adopted last (one was 2 weeks after homestudy was done and one "fell" into our laps 10 months later). But, we did insist on AA adoptions after the first adoption (sibling group of 5) because we wanted all the kids at home to be "the same". Our 4 bios were grown up and out on their own then.

[shrijnana]

This is a great thread. I'm new to DS and just wanted to intorduce myself. I'm Shrijnana, mom to Maia. She was born in Awassa, Ethiopia. Nice to meet all of you!

[avidreader]

great info mamas- we are so hoping to get to adopt but we know it will likely be a long rough journey as we have decided to go through the county training. We have always said we would love an ethnically diverse family and want to remain open to any child that comes our way. I know dh and I both are secretly hoping for an AA child but I know we don't want to be partial either and want to be open to what God has for our family. I have loved reading all of your thoughts on this!

[heythereheather]

We are foster parents, and are just a few months away (hopefully) from adopting an absolutely precious AA baby girl. She's been with us since she was 1 month old, and she's about to turn one.

We plan on adding at least one more child to our family, and we'll do foster care until that happens--foster until a child needs a permanent placement.

I was clueless about hair--I have two older boys, who are 6 1/2 and 4, so I'd never had to do more than the occasional comb-through of hair. We have good friends and neighbors, though, who help me out. I think it's important to be in the culture, not just learning it all on my own from the internet . We live in a very diverse area, though (Bay Area, CA), so that helps. But I am someone who normally wants to do it myself, make my own decisions. I purposely seek out others, ask their opinion, and be part of the culture with our DD.

I think that came out wrong, after reading some more of the replies. There is nothing wrong with getting the info online! However, we live in an area where we are already in close relationship with others who already know what they're doing, and though it's hard for me (I'm independent), I challenge myself to ask questions and ask for help, rather than figure it out on my own. I hope that makes sense!

[z'smomma]

I know dh and I both are secretly hoping for an AA child but I know we don't want to be partial either and want to be open to what God has for our family. I have loved reading all of your thoughts on this!

That was the case with us. Secretly hoping. I just was drawn to having a "diverse" family and it seemed God knew our heart and gave us what we had wanted! So, hope!

[heythereheather]

That was the case with us. Secretly hoping. I just was drawn to having a "diverse" family and it seemed God knew our heart and gave us what we had wanted! So, hope!

The same was/is true for our family, too.

[ColdBabe]

We are currently fostering to adopt a girl who is half CC half AA. So far, even though we are in a very white, very conservative community, we've gotten nothing but positive comments.

One of the first things AA women check out is my 6 girls' hair dos. They love it that I do all the hair and it seems to be a huge deal (which it is). My AA neighbor says she knows I love my kiddos by looking at their hair!
.

I'd love to pick your brain. Luckily I've had long hair all of my life and know how to braid and twist, but I'd still love more ideas. FD has a head full of perfect ringlets, and I can't say I'm not a little jealous!