Does Anyone Else Work Opposite Shift of Significant Other?

[tfjjmc]

Some days I wonder if it is worth it. I work opposite of DH, and by the time Friday rolls aroung I am exausted, and usually cranky. Does anyone else work opposite of SO? How do you manage to maintain balance? Any advice?

[Weezy6703]

I don't but just wanted to add that I couldn't! i'm exhausted and sometimes cranky from lack of help. But I won't get into that here. I do enjoy us being able to spend the evenings together as a family.

[slturner]

Kind of. For the longest time we worked exactly opposite schedules and hardley ever saw each other. A few years ago when I found out that I was pregnant with our 3rd I panicked big time!!! I didn't know how I was going to handle workng all day and then coming home to take care of 3 little ones, not to mention cooking, cleaning and doing laundry - MAN, IT MAKES ME NERVOUS THINKING ABOUT IT. Luckly before I had my dd my dh was offered a weekend shift. So now he works all weekend, but we get to see him all week:) So it was definitley worth giving up weekends. And one of the best parts of all is that now my kids get to stay home with dad. . . . . and he LOVES it!

[slturner]

As far as advice the only thing I can think of to help you maintain sanity is just to try your best to have a schedule and stick to it (dinner time, bath time, story time, bed time. . . and then Mama time;) ). Something that helped me (and still does) is having everyone one a schedule. There are no kids out of bed past 8:00 in our house. Oh - and I would always do certain things on certain days: grocery day, laundry day (depending on how much laundry you have), etc.

[MRBLayaw]

Yep. Since I quit teaching when DD was 8 weeks old, we've been working opposite shifts. We really do not want to send her (or any other children) to daycare, so it's a choice we made. DH works 6am to 3pm, and I work 5pm to 10-11pm. We've had to make certain things a priority. In the hour and a half between our jobs I get to take a shower kid-free, and he plays his computer game while DD naps or just has quiet time in her room.
We also have Sundays blocked from both of our schedules. Nothing interferes with our family day.

[Equivocal]

We don't work opposite shifts, but we may as well. I work from 6:25 a.m. until 2:30 p.m., but I am really at work from about 6:10 a.m. until 2:45 p.m. My partner takes care of Makenna in the mornings after I leave... M. sleeps in until 6:30 a.m. usually though. She gets dropped off at daycare at 7:45 a.m. and is there until I pick her up around 3 p.m.

My partner does not get home until 5:30 p.m. or later. And usually, I make dinner either right before she gets home or right after (oftentimes, she's late and I get next to no notice), then DD gets fed dinner... then, bath time... and bed for DD between 7-7:30 p.m.

My partner doesn't care for DD, if I'm here. Ever.

[wildeyes]

i work from 5am till 1:30 pm, dh works from 2:30pm till 11pm or later. he leaves pretty much when i get home. it sucks.
the thing that really helped us is a routine. i have to go to bed pretty early in order to make it through the day, and that means i book it when i get home to get it all done. if i didnt have a schedule i'd be so lost and crabby.
you have to make the time for each other. that is number one.

[liberty4all]

I am not back at work yet (just had the baby 6/9), but when I do go back, DH and I will be on different shifts. He works 5a-2p and I will be at work from noon-8:30p. In the time that overlaps, his aunt, sister or grandmother will be watching our DS. We had little choice with this arrangement because DH's job is doing so poorly now. One of us had to change shifts and me changing was best because otherwise DH was at a higher risk of being laid off sooner.

[dragondance]

Yup, we have for almost three years. :lostit: Umm we talk on the phone, and have most of the weekend together. Dh works 7:30-3:45, I work 4-12:30. We definitely like it BETTER when we have time together, like maternity leave, but it's not a big deal really.

[seahawk]

We do and I HATE it. We have no overlap at all. It just seems impossible to get anything done when there is never another adult in the house. We chose this so we didn't have to leave my son with anyone else.

I think getting someone to come and help out a little while you are home would be fabulous. When we are in high gardening season, my mom will come over a couple of times, otherwise, I would get no canning done and be the proud owner of a big patch of weeds and rotten veggies.

I haven't figured out the relationship part yet. We are always so busy getting caught up on the weekend (and I have clients in my home on the weekends) that we rarely get any quality time together. Also, sometimes I am so cranky from the stress of it, we end up fighting when we do see each other anyway. But, it is a choice we have made and until I can find a way around it, we will continue to live like this.

[keonli]

Sorry I didn't answer sooner..but I do. DH works swing shift (3rd shift) and I work first. It helps that I come home for an hour during lunch, but DH has it a lot worse than me. DS is up during the day and DH sleeps maybe 4 hours, if he's lucky. He also has a very long commute (over 100 miles in a day!). When we can, we get my mother to help out, or sometimes DH will go half an hour away to his mother's. To save on gas, this means that I won't see DS until the next day, if I'm lucky. I will go 24 hours without seeing my son sometimes, which is very hard, but I know that DH really needs his sleep and that every little bit helps. It is incredibly difficult and DH is now considering working less days than he already does.

[Karipooh]

My dh works from 7-3:30 and gets home at 4 pm. We eat dinner and then I go to work from 5-10 pm. We do it this way so we don't have to have anyone else watch the kids. We've been doing it for 5 1/2 years and it's the way we like to do it. I hate working out of the home, but we need the extra money. I only work part-time so I work 4 days out of the week. It gets aggrivating because I have to do all the house work and I don't have enough time to do dishes when I go to work and when I get home they're still piled in the sink. :rant: He wonders why I'm cranky all the time. He has at least had the girls clean up their messes before they go to bed and that's helped so much. I did thank him for that. Hoping he'll keep up with it. Then I come home last night and it's a mess. :foottap: Anyway, I guess you just find a way to make it work. You have to, for your relationship and for the kids. I suppose I don't have any advice, but wanted you to know that you're not alone. It sucks, but sometimes we have to endure the things we don't want to. I hope it all works out for you. :hugs:

[tfjjmc]

The first 5 years of our Marriage DH worked second shift 3:00-2:00 I worked, and still do 8:30-5:30. Well when oldest DS went to school he went to first shift so he could still spend time with him. Well after DD was born in Feb, they offered a promotion with a huge raise on 2nd shift. We need the money to pay off bills but after that I think he will go back to 1st shift. It is too hard on both of us. He gets no sleep, I get no sleep, and neither of us get anything accomplished.

[dragondance]

My brother JUST moved in with us for the summer before he stars school across town (freshman have to live in the dorms) and I have already gotten more done in two days than I usually do in the entire week, just because he's there to hold high-needs dd2 and get dd1 some food every half hour (serious grazer). I don't know what I'm going to do when he leaves, but hopefully I'll be able to get a better job then because I can actually work on my classes now and try to graduate!!!! Four online classes and it's been over a year trying to finish them :yuck:

[va703]

We work opposite shifts as of this April. DH has an 8-5 job, I work 3p-3a. If I work 2 days in a row, I don't see him for over 3 days. Thank goodness for cell phones. Lately I've worked a lot of weekends, while getting babysitting set up, so that's made it a lot worse. After this weekend I'll be working every 3rd weekend, so that will give us more time as a family. I don't get a thing done around the house (other than the important stuff, like food, laundry, errands, etc.) and we're still trying to get unpacked from moving. I've thought about having somebody come and clean the house (if I do a few hours of overtime a month it would cover it) but I'm not sure it would help.

[SubliminalDarkness]

We don't now, but we did for 3 years. He worked 7am to 3pm Tue-Sat. and I worked 3:30pm to midnight, Mon-Fri and some Saturdays for overtime.

We only saw each other on Sundays. During the week, we met up in a parking lot in between our two jobs and passed off the little one.

It was exhausting, and really hard. We didn't get time together, we didn't get time all as a family, I almost never slept.... It's not something I would want to go back to. But we absolutely did NOT want to put our son in daycare or have anyone watch him but us.

[mamaholdyou]

DH works M-F 8-5 and I was working 12 hour nights 7p-7a on Fri, Sat and Sun. Because of DD I didnt get to sleep friday except during her naps or monday. By the time I was recovered from the weekend it was thursday and time to go back to work the next day. This was making me (and therefore DH) miserable so I cut back to part time and work 4 nights in a row then 10 off. It doesnt always work out perfectly so sometimes I work 2 on and 5 off. My inlaws keep DD on Sunday and Monday nights when I'm working then DH brings her home at lunch so I actually get to sleep.

We are still working on the balance thing. I think DH thinks I'm a SAHM because I'm home during the day, during the week and gets so fussy about me being too tired to keep up with the house and the babe. I also hate switching from being a night person to a day person and am up at all weird hours of the night when I'm not working which makes him nuts.

[eljube112]

we do. he works 7-3:30 I work 4:30-12. it's hard and getting harder. we chose to do it this way though because this way we don't need daycare and E always has a parent at home. I'm exhausted though and get almost no help from dh while he is at home. Hopefully the summer will be better (he's off, he's a teacher).

ETA: We see each other about an hour a day. I think he misses me more than I miss him. I just wish he would help more, then he might see more of me! LOL!

[jessicanashville]

Dh is a law enforcement officer and he works 6 days on 2 off. 3 days 3 nights. His schedule changes weekly and daily for that matter. I just try to go with the flow but I do get grouchy because I have to do everything myself. It will never change for us though so I don't really have a choice in the matter :) Just try to take advantage of the time you are home alone alone and the kids are napping/at grandma's. You don't have to give him attention so give yourself attention. Watch your fav show, get on Ds, take a bath, call some friends....that's the part I like best...the time to myself...leave those dishes and laundry and take care of you :)


ALSO: I forgot to mention I was a single parent from DS birth so it is really not that much of an adjustment to me, I just still feel like a single parent...but I do see how it would be MUCH harder for mama's who were never is that situation :)

[EBentley]

We did until now. I'm stopping it b/c it isn't working for us. I was working Fri and Sat 7p-7a and he worked a regular day job M-F. I was exhausted all weekend, even though he parented while I slept. I felt like we were separated or divorced. We had the weeknights together, but it wasn't the same. I'm a social person, I want to be together.

Now I'm going back to work during the day M-TH and we'll have 3 day weekends together. He works from home on Fri, so it's kind of like a weekend :P It wasn't worth it to me before. Everyone who does it says they make the sacrifice, but never seem very happy. I'd rather just pay for daycare.

Although, if we have a second, I'll probably cut back to 3 days and get a part time nanny, b/c 2 in regular daycare is so expensive.

[JonsMommy]

We do right now. I work 8 to 1, and DH leaves at 2 and gets back at 11 p.m. So we see each other for about a half hour in between. Also, I do some more work from home after the kids are in bed. Luckily we both work M-F these days so we have weekends together.

Next September, though, he will be moving to day shifts and I will be changing to working out of the house more in the middle of the day (probably 10 to 4 ish, not sure yet), and the kids will be in daycare while I'm at work. Honestly I'm looking forward to it (never thought I would say that!). I think they will like daycare, and I'm ready for us all to be on a daytime schedule again. I will probably cut back my evening work a little bit. DH & I really need to start getting more sleep. Plus it will be nice to be able to run an errand or something without dragging them along.