Would you hold you child back in school?

[mhr1406]

My son Alex is 7 and has SID and Apraixa. He has had therapy since just before he was 2 then went into early intervention at 3 and is now getting special ed services in the first grade. He is very far behind the other children in his regular class. They want the children to read at a level 17/18 and be writing in paragragh form by now (there is 1 week left of school). He is at a reading level 7/8 and is barely able to write 1 sentence at a time. I met with his teachers wednesday and they left it up to me to decide if goes to the 2nd grade. I know he is not ready so I said no he needs first grade again.

Alex is taking it well and is only worried about whether he will be able to move up in Cub Scouts with his friends there. So I think he is fine with things.

I am just a little concerned that he may get bored 6 weeks into the next school year. Maybe I just needed to vent I don't know....He already has to struggle so much I just feel bad being the one to hold him back a year.

If you were faced with the decision to hold your SN child back in school a year would you?

[ladylee]

School psych here - sorry, must chime in. My undergraduate was also in speech and hearing sciences. I have learning disabilities myself and have a special needs child, so I feel like I do understand on a personal level. My child has SID and Aspergers. Please read everything...it's long. I understand both sides of the issue.

I can go on all the research studies about how it is not good to hold a child back, especially if they are already on an IEP. The studies highly show that if it's better in the short term, that the long term consequences are not so good: significantly higher drop out rates, self esteem issues, etc. Has he been evaluated further by the psych???

Even if he says he is fine with it, he may not be. Imagine if he is held back and continues to struggle due to his disability. He will start to feel stupid. I have seen it MANY times in my field...many.

If he already has a group of friends that he is attached to, then I also wouldn't hold him back.

I would possibly hold him back if you are absolutely certain that his reading difficulties are not caused by his disability. If it is, and he doesn't improve a lot and is still below the kids that were supposed to be one grade below him - imagine the hurt. if you believe that he can improve significantly, then it may actually help his self-esteem. In this situation, I am very hesitant to say that would be the case. I am sure your child has at least average intelligence but he may not understand that just because you have learning difficulties, you can be smart. Most kids I see really don't understand that because they don't feel that. You are lucky your child is young enough so you can (probably already have) start instilling that in him.


We had a situation this year where a parent strongly wanted her child with Aspergers held back. Since he was in a new school environment, we weren't as concerned. He was in the 4th grade so we asked him, too. We made it known that he was smart so he didn't feel like that he was being held back due to his intelligence. I didn't agree with it at all but we went with parent wishes because I believe you give parents information but they have the right to choose. Well, this child is doing so well! His self esteem his so much higher. His disability is different, though.

There are individual situations were I have seen holding children back can be a good thing. If the child has frequent absences and missed a lot of the information, then I am for holding back DEPENDING on the child. We like to get the child involved in the decision making process so they have ownership, even at a younger age.


This whole issue of holding back hits home for me. My son is very young for his age. He has been in preschool for two years. He is academically advanced but socially immature both due to his age and Aspergers. He will never be like other kids. He has the SID issues as well. We ARE holding him back after his first year of kindergarten and have talked to him about it many times. I read a research study that shows it's better to NOT put them in kindergarten rather then have them repeat kindergarten.

BUT

That research doesn't change our decision because I read another study that shows, if they repeat in a different type of setting (i.e. private vs public) then it can be better. My son will be attending part time kindergarten in a private school this coming year and then will be full time kindergarten the following year in the same private school. It's easier to explain to him why he would be repeating, though, because he already wants to be the oldest. He is currently the smallest and youngest:( His disability is different as well. He is already socially challenged by his disability and is also very young. He made the cut off by two weeks. He was really bored in preschool as he did that for two years and we couldn't afford a Montessori. I wasn't about to home school him because he wants to go and not be at home.

The SID doesn't make things easy as you know. I would make sure that they are doing EVERYTHING they need to do in the classroom setting. If his sensory issues are auditory and visual, that could also be affecting his ability to advance in reading. I hope that they are doing what they need to do and are putting him with the right type of teacher. I am sure they are considering that. I noticed working in the schools and having the job that I have, not enough is being done to help kids with SID issues. That combined with Apraxia (which most likely affects phonological processing and lexical development), he is probably struggling significantly.

It's not all doom and gloom. You already have your child in cub scouts and that is such a good thing for self esteem. Whatever you decide, pump up that self esteem. I would ask for a meeting with the team at the school before school starts. I would also discuss ways to help his self esteem with his teacher (as a preventive measure). He may need more verbal praises than the average child. He also should be given special tasks in the classroom like doing errands or whatever is most appropriate for him, ESPECIALLY if he is held back.

Whatever you decide to do, you may always second guess yourself. It's tough. Every child is so different. Whatever you do decide, please don't beat yourself up when you second guess. As parents, we always second guess. As parents with children who have special needs, that happens even more and with greater intensity. The emotions run much higher as well.



http://www.apraxia-kids.org/

There is a part on this website regarding the relationship between reading development and Apraxia.

[jess71903]

I can see both sides as well. I was a school OT and we usually had parents fighting the teachers and therapists AGAINST holding a kiddo back, so this is new to me :). What I have seen is a kid who is behind his or her peers and feels like the dummy for that. If they keep getting pushed on each year, they remain behind. I had one little girl, though, who was held back and just flourished in the following years. She was with children more on her level and she wasn't so behind anymore. I think if you can keep him with the same group in Cub Scouts, it would east the transition, because he will still be with the same group in the non-academic setting.

[my4blessings]

I think if he is fine with it and understands, you should hold him back. As a teacher, putting a child in a grade that he/she is not prepared for may lower the child's self esteem, because he will be struggling with the material. The further up in school he gets, the more he may fall behind. The children (kids are cruel at that age) may alienate him, because with him struggling more and having IEP options, he will take up more of the teachers time. The teacher will also become frustrated. A 2nd grade teacher is there to teach 2nd grade material, not 1st grade. If your child is in Special Ed, or has a para professional, it would be different, because there would be more time to try and catch him up. I agree with pp, it is odd to find a parent who isn't fighting against their child being held back. Usually parents gawk at the idea. I applaud you for really considering what is best for your child! :thumbsup:

eta- This is not only coming from an educator, but also the mother of a SN child with Aspergers Syndrome, who understands the struggles in school. :hugs:

[ladylee]

Again, it depends on whether or not he is behind due to an actual learning disability. The National Association of School Psychologists have looked so much into this issue and the research almost always backs up. A lot of the research is longitudinal!

Your child has Apraxia. Most children with Apraxia will have difficulty writing as it involves motor planning. You can't compare your child to other children. Holding him back is not going to cure his writing difficulties, which are most likely due to his motor planning difficulties. Extensive OT and Speech will be the key. I would encourage you to get OT and Speech not only in school but also outside if you are not already doing so.


I can see both sides but I have also worked in high school setting where I have seen the ramifications of holding children back, especially ones with disabilities. Initially it may seem like a good idea BUT most of the time it isn't. I have had long conversations with many high school kids and they have told me that it made them feel stupid to be held back because they still struggled when they felt like they should have been ahead. I have heard only a few state that they were glad they were held back and it did help them. See - there are some who do say it helped them. That is why the decision is so difficult, although I have my STRONG opinions.


A teacher is there to accommodate for all KIDS. A 2nd grade teacher is likely to have special needs kids in the classroom, dx or undx. It is the teachers responsibility to accommodate for all kids and not expect all the kids to be at the 2nd grade level. Some teachers are better at that then others. That is sad that teachers do get frustrated but you CAN'T expect some children to be at the exact same skill level as others. It is so hard for teachers to do because kids come with so many different skills. I do believe all teachers should have an aide - you guys work so hard.

Also, teachers are going to be expected to accommodate kids with special needs more and more as the traditional pull out model is starting to move toward full inclusion. It will happen eventually, so regular ed teachers will need to be more versed in special ed.

Many teachers usually want to hold kids back because most of the time they feel that those students will catch up. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. I have found that a lot of times teachers disagree with administrators and school psychs on this issue. I don't work with kids directly like teachers do at all. I highly respect teachers and many are my friends but there are just so many variables.

I had an undx reading disability, expressive language disorder and ADHD - inattentive type. I saw that the teachers got frustrated with me. I knew all the information other kids did but just couldn't get my knowledge out in spoken or written word. It was so frustrating. It was frustrating to see all the other kids who really seems to have no reasoning skills get better grades then me. They tried to hide it but I felt it. It ruined my self esteem. Holding me back may have not made a difference. I was a young kindergarten student, though, so perhaps it would. I still would have struggled regardless because my ADHD was so bad. The teachers would have been still frustrated with me (I think teachers are a little better at not showing frustration levels today than back then). So, I honestly believe that holding me back would have caused my self-esteem to plummet even more because I would have still struggled, still been undx and still been made to feel dumb. Those classmates probably would have treated me the same way.

Again, it all depends on whether or not your child has a disability that constitutes having an IEP. I will always go back to that. It sounds like your child does.


Most school districts now don't encourage parents to hold their kids back anymore. I have worked in three states and they are all the same. Teachers are becoming more educated in the research studies and longitudinal data.

If your child is not on an IEP, that would be the first thing to do: an evaluation. If your child does get on an IEP, then holding him back would be not good. An IEP is an Individual Educational Plan, so both the regular ed and special ed teacher help the child meet the goal (yes, both - although the special ed teacher is case manager).



You know your child. If you strongly believe that holding him back is the best thing, then do it. Everyone will have their own opinion depending on their background, experience and area of specialty. Your child could be the few that does really well with retention. So, if you do strongly believe as a parent - the one who really knows your child - do it.



Google it! Research it. You will find a lot of information even on the net.

Have you talked with the school team at your school? What about school psychologist? Principal? Special Ed Teacher? I would ask for a team meeting if you haven't already. If you did have a team meeting, who was there? Was it the whole team??

Please everyone, don't be made at my LONG post or take anything I said personal. I just have to chime in on a personal and professional level.

[mhr1406]

Thank you all so very much! It is very interesting and helpful to read these repsonses :hugs: :goodvibes:

Alex does have an IEP and I have been meeting regularly with the entire team of teachers that work with him. The meeting wednesday with 3 of his teachers was about what to expect next year and they all agreed that with his personality that moving up to second grade would not benefit his self esteem right now at all.

He has been redistrcited to a new school next year so he will be changing schools no matter what grade he goes into so I thought that it may be a good thing since there will be a new group of friends anyway. hopefully that would cut down on friends moving up to 2nd and asking why he is not with them. Our Den leader is a special ed teacher at the school he is transferring to so hopefully she will make sure he is able to up with the other boys to a Wolf in cub scouts.

He is getting OT, ST and ALP reading help at school. Our finances do not make it possible to have private help outside of school. I am also helping him at home with tips the teachers send for me and Hooked on Phonics (the repition of this program actually does well with his apraxia). He has had a evaluation with a psychologist.

[escapethevillage]

I had learning disabilities in school. (I couldn't learn to print)

So, in fifth grade they asked me if I wanted to repeat the grade. I said "yes sure".

I still couldn't learn to print. I never did any better in school. Grade wise, it didn't make a bit of difference for me. I was always a C/D student.

BUT.. I made friends the next year. I was finally in a grade with kids who were more my maturity level. I wasn't the "stupidest" kid anymore. (Richie Freer was) It was amazing for my self esteem.

In high school, I took typing and my grades improved dramatically. (God bless typewriters) At 44, I can write, but not very well. So, holding me back did nothing for me academically. But socially it was where I should have been all along.

[ladylee]

My opinion of your situation as changed. Since he will be changing schools and if the program they are using at school does help him, then in this situation it could be a good thing. I do tend to agree with you now. It sounds like both the team and you did agree. It does depend on the child. If he was to remain in the same school, I would feel a bit "iffy" still but wow...everything sounds great, really. The team knows him as well as you, so you can feel good about your decision.

Thanks for the additional information:)

The thing that helped me the most was learning how to type as well. I still can't write a sentence using paper and pencil. It is HORROR for me but I can type like mad. It was the only way I made it through college and my biggest lifesaver.

Do you have insurance?? That is the only way we can afford therapy outside of the school setting. I guess it depends on your insurance.

[mhr1406]

ladylee- thanks for the link to apraxia kids (one of my fave sites for apraxia info)
That website has been very helpful to us for the many years we have known about Alex's dx. I actually printed lots of the info about how it affects reading and writing to give to his teachers once he started kindergarden and first grade in case they were unaware of what apraxia is. So they would be informed enough to know how to guide him in class.

We do have insurance but it only gives us a contracted rate for therapy which is like $80 an hour and our budget can't handle that once a week. We are hoping to put our tax rebate check toward few sessions if we can though

[ladylee]

You are doing just fine, mom!! You sound like you know your stuff and it sounds like you are making the right decision for your son:)

Oh...and if your son does get bored the first six weeks of school, that could be a good thing. It may provide him just the boast of self confidence that he needs. I wouldn't worry about that unless you worry about behaviors.

[mhr1406]

Thank you:goodvibes: I know my son pretty well but as a parent faced with a decision like this it was difficult to not second guess myself.

I have a huge fear of not doing the right thing or not getting Alex enough support after seeing how my parents treated my little brother. My brother has dyslexia and they refused to get him help because they said he was "just lazy" and they also blamed the right handed teacher that taught their left handed son to write backwards (Aaaack!!).

:giggle2: Nice to hear that boredum could be a good confidence booster. In this situation I agree with you

[ladylee]

Thank you:goodvibes:
:giggle2: Nice to hear that boredom could be a good confidence booster. In this situation I agree with you

Cute, very cute!!!

You're great:)

Darn, did I sound rude or are you just playing???

[mhr1406]

I'm sorry :blush: what I meant was usually boredum is not a good thing

I did not think you were rude you have been very helpful