adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

[jewelzbird]

So in further talks this weekend i have started to see that where i once thought my hubby was on board with the idea of adopting in talks before we had our son....I am now realizing that was in his mind more of a thing we might do if we could not conceive. I know I am not alone here mamas! Adoption is not just for those with fertility issues! RIGHT? I mean there are a lot of children that need parents and I for one have never had any issue loving a child that was not of my own blood. So it has always seemed obvious to me that I would be a prime candidate for adoption. Yes the financial issue is tough, the red tape, the hoops you jump through...all crazy i am sure! But in the end you have done a wonderful thing and your life is better for it, right? Just looking for some words of wisdom from your collectively wise wise mama minds!
I do have to say that at the end of our talk the hubby did say he married me knowing I wanted to do this and will give it some thought. I know how it is...He just looks at our boy (who by the way looks JUST like him!) and does what all parents do...wonders how he could ever love another one as much as he loves this one. You just do! Your heart grows with each child and always finds room to love the next one just as much...adopted, biological...or whatever!

[TestifyToLove]

We had 3 bio-children when we started our first adoption of their older brother. We've since adopted 2 more and are expecting the second of 2 more bio-children as well.

We actually gave birth to the first 3 before our first adoption because it was easier to give birth than adopt when we were 22 and had little funds. We wanted to be parents. So we gave birth while waiting to reach the point where we could adopt. The 2 born after we started adopting were both surprises.

But, there was a point when I thought Dh had walked away from our committment to adopt, and my heart was broken. I had to wait long years for his heart to turn back to adoption. And, in the end, he did it when I had surrendered and least expected. One day, he just said out of the blue, "Where are we on this adoption thing?" Um...waiting for you to say we can do it!

9 months after that fateful conversation, my precious oldest ds stepped off of an airplane into my arms forever.

[ThreeUnderThree]

We have three bio-children and have begun the process to foster children and ultimately adopt. For us, we were fortunate enough to be able to bring children into this world. Ultimately, though, there are lots of children already here that need a great foster or forever home and I KNEW that no matter how many bio-children we had that someday I wanted to experience this as well. Took a while for DH to be on board - he kept using the words "someday" or "when the kids are older" but I kept letting him know gently that this was something I felt very passionately about and he eventually decided he wanted the same thing. Good luck - remember hubby's are typically just a little slower at coming to decisions - we get to rely on our hearts and emotions but they typically have to work it all out logically before they reach "our" conclusion :-)

[newmommy13]

i'm glad to see this post! i think it is a common misconception that adoption is only for people who can't get pg. we have one 4 month old and though my heart has always been open to adoption, after dd's traumatic birth and 9 months of hyperemesis has solidified this decision. though i could probably get pg again i can't physically take the sickness and emotionally i couldn't take the possibility of another traumatic birth/extended hospital stay for my LO. i hope to foster then adopt, hopefully a sib set! :)

[BabyKaykes]

I think people just don't think about it. When I was pg with my 2yo I was nanny to a 4yo and 19mth old (I'm Black and they were both ultra platinum blonds with blue eyes). At a swim class one summer a woman actually came up to me with an attitude and asked WHY I adopted if I knew I could have my own kids.

It's a blessing for anyone to have the love in their heart to have a house full of their bio-kids AND want to adopt others. I hope we can manage it one day.

~KayCee: one who can get pregnant but can't manage to make it to term, and one of four adopted kids to a couple who already had 4 of their own.

[lyra1977]

OK, this might seem non-PC and I don't want to make people flame me for this, but this is the way I really feel. I think that if you CAN have bio kids, you shouldn't try to adopt babies and take them away from the couples waiting out there who can't have bio kids. I think it's great if you are fertile and adopt older kids, but my heart is selfish in this and I want the babies for myself and other infertiles. I apologize if I just offended anyone, please don't yell at me. There is just something so special about parenting a baby and I think that anyone who wants to do so and can provide a stable home should have an opportunity, and so infertiles need priority to make that happen.

[cravnp99]

OK, this might seem non-PC and I don't want to make people flame me for this, but this is the way I really feel. I think that if you CAN have bio kids, you shouldn't try to adopt babies and take them away from the couples waiting out there who can't have bio kids. I think it's great if you are fertile and adopt older kids, but my heart is selfish in this and I want the babies for myself and other infertiles. I apologize if I just offended anyone, please don't yell at me. There is just something so special about parenting a baby and I think that anyone who wants to do so and can provide a stable home should have an opportunity.

There are some agencies that have this same outlook... so in the case of people who are able to have bio children, they are expected to adopt older children, not an infant. But I don't know if all agencies are that way or not.

I understand what you are saying, but I don't know if it is realistic to put those parameters on adoption... after all, most of the match-making is due to the preferences of the potential birthmoms... so if she picks a family with bio children, then that's her business.:2cents:

[ChocolateMoose]

Karen...

I completely understand your stance if you're only looking at domestic adoption of caucasian children...there is a ton of demand and very few available children.

But there are so many children in foster care, domestic adoption of minorities, and international adoption where babies really need good homes and the demand is very small compared to the need.

[ChocolateMoose]

Oh...and back to the topic...(LOL)...

I always thought we'd adopt and have our own, but recently discovered that DH only wanted to adopt if we couldn't have our own!

I would love to be a foster mom or do an international adoption, but DH would obviously have to be on board with that....so I'm waiting and praying to see where we go next.

[JeDeeLenae]

I have 2 kids, and one on the way, and ideally, I will have 4 kids. I would LOVE to adopt baby #4, whether he/she is a newborn, a toddler, or in elementary school. I've often considered adopting older kids, but I don't want to adopt an older kid that might feel like I expect them to help out with the younger ones in some sort of way, or feel that is why I adopted them.

I don't think adoption is just for people who are unable to have their own biological children. I think it's for people who want to open their arms and love a child that may otherwise grow up in the foster system or not in a loving home.

[lyra1977]

Karen...

I completely understand your stance if you're only looking at domestic adoption of caucasian children...there is a ton of demand and very few available children.

But there are so many children in foster care, domestic adoption of minorities, and international adoption where babies really need good homes and the demand is very small compared to the need.

OK, you're totally right about that, good point. In our case, we are open to minority babies and the baby we just lost was a minority baby, so I wasn't thinking about that as a factor. There are more babies available overseas, but my DH and I aren't good candidates because I have a chronic health condition that requires daily medication and our social worker told us that excluded us from consideration for many countries that won't take adoptive parents on daily meds. So, you're right, I'm just talking about domestic infants. Sorry, again, I didn't mean to offend or be insensitive.

this is just a very personal topic for me right now and I'm sorry, I'll stop posting on this thread now

[lyra1977]

[QUOTE=ChocolateMoose;4130885]Oh...and back to the topic...(LOL)...
QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but exactly how was my post off topic? I thought I was responding to the topic.

[RJmomof2]

I am fertal murtal but I still want to adopt

[jewelzbird]

I think she meant that she had gotten off the topic she meant to post about...her plans for adoption...

But hey Karen I am glad you posted on my thread! no flames coming from here at all...or anywhere so far that i see! You make a good point. And I did think about that issue before. There is still a part of me that can remember the fear and pain of infertility issues. It took us a year to get pregnant..not long to you maybe...but for that time I was afraid it might never happen. I have seen the pain in friends with trying trying trying, them fertility drugs, invitro, the whole long journey. It is not something to throw flames at for sure! And you wanting a newborn is totally understandable! Thank you for your honesty. It had to be said. i am sure many have thought it before your post. I have to agree, and maybe it is self serving here, that there are plenty of children that need homes and if anything probably a need for more parents to adopt than less. But I validate your position and feel for it very much! And I would not adopt a healthy white newborn baby, which are in high demand.

[TestifyToLove]

First your social worker was not honest with you. I take daily meds for my thyroid condition and that doesn't exclude me from ANY international adoption programs. My weight disqualifies me from Korea for anything but a special needs child through Holt. And, my number of children in my home disqualifies me from several programs. But, my taking daily meds for my thyroid has NEVER been an issue in any of our adoptions.

Further, if you are talking about domestic caucasian adoptions, I really don't think its your place to say whether someone can put their hat in the arena or not. Domestic infant adoptions is almost entirely operated by birthmothers CHOOSING who adopts their children. And, I think who they want to adopt their child should be left up to the individual expectant woman, not someone desperate to adopt.

The fact is that there are far more families seeking to adopt than domestic healthy caucasians infants available for adoption. On one hand, this is a good situation for pregnant women, as it gives them lots of choice for their child. On the other hand, allowing fertile couples to seek to adopt as well really isn't going to make much of a difference for the rest with their hats in the pile.

We happen to adopt special needs and older children intentionally. We would do that whether we were fertile or not, as this is where we feel called to stand. However, if you forced families to take the children we take simply because they are biologically capable of having children, you would destroy the lives of children AND families.

The bottom line is that no matter how anxious someone might be to have a child, at the end of the day adoption is NOT about finding a child for a family. Its about finding a family...the right family...for a child. Adoption is about finding the best interest for the individual child. And, being infertile doesn't somehow give anyone the priority of being best interest, just as being fertile does not make a family the best option for a special needs child.

[misslissa]

I was adopted from Korea 26 years ago. DH and I have 2 biological children...we DO NOT have fertility issues. We are in the process of adopting a little boy from Korea with minor special needs. I think the Bible calls us to take care of orphans. There are not nearly enough infertile couples to adopt all the children who need homes. Healthy, caucasian, infants are a different story and we did have thoughts about not taking a baby away from an infertile couple. But there are hundreds of thousands of other orphans who need homes. Adoption is not just for infertile couples.

[cravnp99]

First your social worker was not honest with you. I take daily meds for my thyroid condition and that doesn't exclude me from ANY international adoption programs. My weight disqualifies me from Korea for anything but a special needs child through Holt. And, my number of children in my home disqualifies me from several programs. But, my taking daily meds for my thyroid has NEVER been an issue in any of our adoptions.

Further, if you are talking about domestic caucasian adoptions, I really don't think its your place to say whether someone can put their hat in the arena or not. Domestic infant adoptions is almost entirely operated by birthmothers CHOOSING who adopts their children. And, I think who they want to adopt their child should be left up to the individual expectant woman, not someone desperate to adopt.

The fact is that there are far more families seeking to adopt than domestic healthy caucasians infants available for adoption. On one hand, this is a good situation for pregnant women, as it gives them lots of choice for their child. On the other hand, allowing fertile couples to seek to adopt as well really isn't going to make much of a difference for the rest with their hats in the pile.

We happen to adopt special needs and older children intentionally. We would do that whether we were fertile or not, as this is where we feel called to stand. However, if you forced families to take the children we take simply because they are biologically capable of having children, you would destroy the lives of children AND families.

The bottom line is that no matter how anxious someone might be to have a child, at the end of the day adoption is NOT about finding a child for a family. Its about finding a family...the right family...for a child. Adoption is about finding the best interest for the individual child. And, being infertile doesn't somehow give anyone the priority of being best interest, just as being fertile does not make a family the best option for a special needs child.

:goodpost:

[addiesmommy]

I have 2 bio kids and we're adopting right now. I "can" have bio kids obviously but it's not easy for me and they are huge. One about died and left me with alot of emotional distress over becoming pregnant again but honestly NONE of that has anything to do with my desire to adopt. That takes me to Karen's post. I realize you weren't trying to be offensive and I choose not to be offended but you will want to be careful saying that to other people because it is offensive and it comes from a place of complete misinformation on the amount of orphans. I'm not just talking about international either. In Ethiopia alone there are 4.6 MILLION orphans. We were called twice in the past 2 years from an agency I have no contact with to adopt a newborn biracial baby from Florida. My pastors had adopted thru this agency twice and they knew we were interested in adopting so they gave them our name because they are having such a hard time finding homes for healthy, biracial newborns. There are so many children that need families that you shouldn't see someone adopting a baby as a threat to your ability to adopt. You need to seriously look into a different social worker because I'm afraid she's giving you ALOT of bad information.

This is where our desire to adopt was birthed. In the sheer number or orphans.

[jewelzbird]

I am so clueless as to why biracial newborns would be less desirable to couples. Maybe I am being offensive now if that is your situation... but I would be honored to take a biracial baby and I am as white as they come. To be honest that is one of the perks of adoption in my mind...getting a child that looks like one I could not even dream of being able to make myself. They are so beautiful!

[MyLil'Mountaineers]

I am able to have bio children but it takes us forever (I am pg now after almost 2 years of TTC). We had started the adoption process right before we got pg (go figure). We will pick up after the baby is born.

As hard as it is for us to get pg, it is a real possibility that this will be our last bio child. We could but the stress is just way too much.

jewelzbird~ I don't understand, either. But you have to remember that what's right for one family is not right for another. There might be legit reasons other than they just don't want a baby of a different race.

[tink]

I am so clueless as to why biracial newborns would be less desirable to couples. Maybe I am being offensive now if that is your situation... but I would be honored to take a biracial baby and I am as white as they come. To be honest that is one of the perks of adoption in my mind...getting a child that looks like one I could not even dream of being able to make myself. They are so beautiful!

Because there are many shades of biracial children, and some look full African-American and not biracial. So, if potential adoptive parents are not comfortable parenting a child that looks African-American, it is wise not to parent a child that is biracial, and that is why many do not choose that route. We did though, and we are happy as clams, and feel honored as well!

[newmommy13]

i think it is sad that a baby gets adopted or doesn't get adopted based solely on the color of their skin. maybe i am naive but the thought just makes me sick. i know it happens and it really is a clear indicator of where the emphasis is in our society.

[tink]

Yeah, I agree. however, I am happy that prospective adoptive parents do some bit of soul searching to determine whether or not they are up to the task of transracially adopting. Not everyone is up to being a sometimes conspicuous family.

[mhaddon]

DH and I will have 3 bio and have discussed adopting in the future as well. He was very against it before we had our first, but now he seems interested in the idea. I have a few very good friends that were adopted and one that works with adoption now and I know she would help us through the process. I know God has blessed us with the ability to have children, but I also know that their are many children that need a loving home.

[mhaddon]

i think it is sad that a baby gets adopted or doesn't get adopted based solely on the color of their skin. maybe i am naive but the thought just makes me sick. i know it happens and it really is a clear indicator of where the emphasis is in our society.

My DH's great aunt could not have children and adopted her second son in the 50's. He is bi-racial although they did not know it at the time. Now DH's family (back then) was racist, but he is very sucessful and the family accepted him w/o any problems. I think many time families are so worried about what everyone else will think and who cares? Start doing geneology and you'll find some interesting things that your family doesn't talk about ;)

[elabela]

Yeah, I agree. however, I am happy that prospective adoptive parents do some bit of soul searching to determine whether or not they are up to the task of transracially adopting. Not everyone is up to being a sometimes conspicuous family.

I totally agree. Adopting can be a hard enough journey, and adopting transracially when you aren't ready or prepared or willing to do the even more work that it can be, is not a good thing. It's sad that more people aren't willing/able to(although I think a lot more would if they could get over their initial fear or feelings of incompetance as parents).

Our adoption will be transracial simply by the fact that the country we are adopting from is a different ethnicity. We chose the country for very specific reasons though, so it works well for us and our little ones.

[elabela]

I wanted to add to see if anyone else is in our situation, because I get frustrated sometimes by the comments people make to hubby and I.

I have always planned to adopt, I actually had no plans to marry(as in, I really DIDNT want to get married. EVER!) Not sure what happened there?! lol

I planned to adopt on my own, and not marry. So obviously, THAT didn't work out exactly as planned, but dh has always known that I planned to adopt, we talked about. He didn't know much about adoption, so I asked him to do his own research(while we were still dating, but talking about marriage) to see if it was something he would like to do. He did and wholeheartedly 'jumped on board' the adoption train(yay!) It helps that we have really supportive and diverse families too, in our situation.

Now come to find out, that it is VERY unlikely that we could have bio kids in the first place. So it's a good thing our plan was already set in place.

But I am having issues dealing with peoples reactions to "we are adopting"

I get the "oh, I am so sorry!" ??? or "I didn't know you couldn't have children" or
"but you can have kids, WHY would you want to adopt?"(I'm not eating rat poison people, I am giving a child a family! geez)

but I'm never sure how to respond because while they are right, that we can't have kids, that isn't what made us decide to adopt, and I find it sad/frustrating that people can't imagine someone choosing adoption as their first choice.

I don't really know what I'm looking for with this post, I think it's more a vent than anything. sorry guys, I'm just feeling kind of.. blah right now about people.

But again, we have awesome families/friends, for which we are so thankful.

[TestifyToLove]

The arguement that a family has decided they cannot be a conspicious family and therefore chooses to not adopt trans-racially is a nice idea. The sad reality is that often families will adopt "anything but black/AA". And I gotta tell you, if you are willing to adopt any race composition but black/AA, then yeah you are being racist.

[addiesmommy]

And I gotta tell you, if you are willing to adopt any race composition but black/AA, then yeah you are being racist.

:werd:

[elabela]

The arguement that a family has decided they cannot be a conspicious family and therefore chooses to not adopt trans-racially is a nice idea. The sad reality is that often families will adopt "anything but black/AA". And I gotta tell you, if you are willing to adopt any race composition but black/AA, then yeah you are being racist.

:yeahthat:

I love the argument that "well we are willing to adopt Asian, or South American or etc... just not Black, that means we're NOT racists"
:puke:

[tink]

The arguement that a family has decided they cannot be a conspicious family and therefore chooses to not adopt trans-racially is a nice idea. The sad reality is that often families will adopt "anything but black/AA". And I gotta tell you, if you are willing to adopt any race composition but black/AA, then yeah you are being racist.

Totally agree.

[avidreader]

i wanted to add to this that we are able to have bio kids (well, at least we were able to have one- we haven't tried to get pregnant again and there is always a possibility of secondary infertility) and we would love to adopt. I was always pretty sure that I would onlt be interested in adopting older harder to place children (this is the population I work with and am very passionate about!) until we had ds. I realize now that for us and any child that comes into our family, it would be best to keep the birth order (at least this is how we feel now). So I contacted the county thinking we were totally going to get shot down asking about adopting a child under the age of one and she told us that they are definitely still in need of families and if we are patient, we would be able to have an infant placed with us (in the foster to adopt program). that being said, I did still feel a weird twinge of guilt about what if I'm taking away the opportunity from someone else to have a baby when they aren't physically able to conceive and I am. What it came down to for me is that I believe in a sovereign God and am putting this in His hands. We will go though the process and be open to whatever child younger than my son is available and see what happens. I also felt like crap because I got really excited about the info from the social worker and told a friend whop just adopted her first after years of struggling to conceive. I think I may have hurt or offended her that I wanted to adopt a baby knowing I most likely could add to my family by getting pregnant. Anyway, I hope the way I phrased things didn't offend her or minimize all that she went through to be become a mom. I guess I just never thought before that it could be such a sensitive subject or that some moms who are unable to conceive would be hurt or feel threatened by moms who can wanting to adopt babies as well. It does make some sense to me though.

[nitareality]

People always assume DH and I couldn't conceive, therefore adopted, then had surprise babies. We adopted before having our bio kids (not something I'd recommend for different reasons, but it is what it is) and our choice to adopt had nothing to do with any plans for bio kids.

[Ladycop79]

I have dreamt of adopting my entire life and I know that it has always been in God's plan for me. Meeting DH and knowing that he felt the same way concreted our beliefs. We are starting the adoption process now and will dive head first once DH gets back from Iraq next year. We conceived very easily with DS and presume that we would have no issues with conceiving again. But when people ask when we are "starting on #2" and we excitedly say that we will start the home study process next year, they ALWAYS ask "Oh, are you two having problems?" <big sigh>

As far as those that think that adopting when you can have your own bio kids is taking away kids from those that are dealing with infertility, just consider this:

It is estimated by 2010, that there will be 50 MILLION orphans in sub-saharan Africa ALONE. That is 50 millions babies (of all ages!)without mommies and daddies. I only wish that there were enough couples dealing with infertility that are willing to adopt from Africa to bring these children home...

[christinewith4]

I always wanted to adopt those teens you see in foster care that all they want is a family b/f they turn 18 and are dumped by the system....:cry:

Especially, since I was one of them....

I NEVER had issues getting pregnant, but we have all boys here, so I have thought about looking for twin girls!:giggle2:

[momof2jmwjaw]

We are planning to adopt down the road when we are finacially able. We have two bio children and are done having bio children. We could of had more if we wanted but we really want to adopt someday. I never thought that it was just for people who couldn't have bio children. I told SO when we were prgnant with our second and we was totally on board with it. I had a tubal ligation done during my csection because we knew this is what we wanted. We just talked about it more today and plan to start putting money away.

[Kori]

I'm so hoping to adopt from Africa after Korea. I wonder what the age limits are there. DH will be getting old by the time we're ready.

[MammaBee]

We are looking at adoption, and have a 7 month old bio-daughter. We have ALWAYS wanted to adopt, to have one bio and one adopted child. I cannot honestly add another human being to this already stressed world when there are SO many needy children out there... we would like to try for South America, where we will be living for the next few years.

[livingtoglorify2]

Sounds like you have as issue of the way each of you look at adoption. Your dh is not alone... most people see adoption as a solution for couples who want to have babies and "can't" biologically. You on the other hand (which I agree with) see adoption as a solution for a child who needs parents/family. I think this idea is actually one that is coming around a little bit in certain circles today but for the most part our society has presented adoption solely as an alternative to biological birth. Perhaps the two of you can (when the time is right so he doesn't feel pressured) discuss your own views on adoption, what it means for your family, what it means for the child, the addition of another child into your family period (this would include birth), etc. This might help you understand one another more and realize that it isn't really that you disagree but that your preconceived ideas on this issue have you looking at it in a totally different way. This is probably going to be necessary in order to come to a comfortable agreement in a direction for your family to move. :) Good luck. And no, you are not alone in feeling this way about adoption!

[ColdBabe]

We are in the same boat as many of you. We have 2 biological boys but I have always wanted to adopt. My DH was hesitant at first, but when a little girl we knew was placed into the foster care system, he decided that it was time. I'd love a big family and we both hope to adopt more.

[crystalannski]

We adopted before having our bio kids (not something I'd recommend for different reasons, but it is what it is) and our choice to adopt had nothing to do with any plans for bio kids.
I'm just curious, why do you recommend not adopting before having bio kids?

[bugaboo]

I want more kids (and can get prego as quick as we can rip each others clothing off) however...I do not want the kids coming out of me (pregnancy is NOT for me).

Now, DH (and all my stupid IL) EXPECT, and I mean that completely, my husband to have a son to carry on the family name...blah blah blah. DH, currently, thinks that the only people that usually (not should or should not) are those that cannot have them biologically.

I am slowing working on this (have two year before we officially start the process). And hope this issue is resolved in that time. I have always wanted to adopt children (if I could one from ever continent).

So, after all is said and done. If you can have...have. If you can adopt...adopt. If you can do both...then DO IT.

[YnotBhappy]

Only for fertility challenged? Nope! The number of children without parents will weigh holes in this argument so big there will be nothing left to argue. And if you think you could never love an adopted child the same...you can.

As Paul Simon would say:
"Too many people on the bus to the airport...
too many holes on the crust of the earth.
Creation groans everytime it registers another birth.
But down among the reeds and rushes a baby boy was found;
his eyes as clear as centuries, his silky hair was brown.

Never been lonely. Never been lied to.
Never had to scuffle in fear
Nothin' denied to
Born at the instant the churchbells chimed and
The whole world wisperin'
Your born at the right time.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g131/highchairtheology/IMG_5555b.jpg

[jewelzbird]

LOVE that song! Nice one mama!!

[negrapy]

i think it is sad that a baby gets adopted or doesn't get adopted based solely on the color of their skin. maybe i am naive but the thought just makes me sick. i know it happens and it really is a clear indicator of where the emphasis is in our society.

:CAUTION: soap box sociologist with terrible spelling

okay off topic but in my field :giggle: its not the color of their skin its the system supported by almost every level of goverment and society in this country (and this country is not alone by far) I wont go into all the programs and studies that highlight this issue - even some of them purport to be championing the cause of equality and trying to make skin color a non issue but by dividing continously groups based on it they do the exact opposite

its a left over hideous creation of darwinism in the social sphere - RACE DOES NOT EXIST BIOLOGICALLY - ethnicity does NOT exist biologically -

the idea of it being in the blood needs to be thrown out! And every international adoption agency i have looked in to supports this false ideology
:banghead:

It doesnt make someone racist to not adopt a child that looks signicantly different (i hate this term by the way - since its continues give credence to the idea that race is concrete physicality)

In my case my relatives actually believe that race does exist and there is something in the blood - it would be mean to adopt a child into a family that is against accepting them based on what they think is their nature :banghead: Or worse some people probably have been informed that the "other" is so culturally different that it will be too hard (not thinking of older childern here just infants) however culture is not in the blood either no matter what we see on tv - infants who grow in the US to a US family will be practically from the US as well - even our friends who try to raise their childern to be from the home country are failing - socialization through culture

:blush: back to your regular scheduled reading

[CMHmommy]

[QUOTE=newmommy13;4117848]i'm glad to see this post! i think it is a common misconception that adoption is only for people who can't get pg. we have one 4 month old and though my heart has always been open to adoption, after dd's traumatic birth and 9 months of hyperemesis has solidified this decision. though i could probably get pg again i can't physically take the sickness and emotionally i couldn't take the possibility of another traumatic birth/extended hospital stay for my LO. QUOTE]

After ds #1 I thought I was done (same reasons as above) but deep insided I knew I wanted a bigger family. Now expecting ds#2 I am TERRIFIED of the delivery (last labor was natural in less then 4 hours with complications and extended recovery) I am afarid we wont make it to the birthing center or have someone to watch ds#1. Not to mention at 26 weeks I am still suffering hypermesis.. trying to take care of myself, my family and a 2.5 yr old.... I can't say I will do this again. But I know that bigger family is still in my heart. But I wonder what the odds of a family choosing us to adopt just because I don't WANT to get PG again.

[rredhead]

I chose adoption over pregnancy. I have never wanted to be pregnant and hope never to be so. Ironically, I developed a health condition that would make pregnancy difficult, though not impossible. So, it was really a good thing that I had my mind made up on adoption. Adoption has its downsides, but so does pregnancy. I'm so happy with our decision not to go the bio route. I love my son, and no one thus far has said anything about him not being really "mine" or being a part of the family or whatnot.

[jewelzbird]

I LOVED being pregnant and had a wonderful birthing so I would enjoy going through it again...I just think adoption is very special too!!