AF back again & another friend pg. :-(

[Purple Line Design]

I hope this is ok to post here. I just need to talk. I'm down right now. . . AF came yesterday after being late for 5 days. :cry: Last month I was sure I was PG, felt different, was 10 days late, but then AF showed. :( This time I took a OKP so I know I'm actually O'ing, but it's just so hard when I keep hearing about all of my friends getting PG so easily.

I guess a little background would help... both my husband & I were virgins when we married at 26 (me) & 25 (him). I've never been on any type of contraceptive (by choice), and we've never used anything to prevent pregnancy (we don't DTD during AF either). We got PG with our daughter within 3 weeks of getting married. Yeah, we were happy newlyweds who were thrilled to not be virgins anymore...:blush:

After a normal pregnancy with no troubles, I ended up having an emergency c/s with DD due to me getting really sick and her heart rate excellerating (she was born with a 103º too). We were given the "don't get PG for 6 months afterward" talk, but AF didn't come back until 6 months were up. I nurse DD on demand, so I think that's why it helped to keep AF away for so long.

Jump to now... DD is 20 months old, still nursing on demand and we're still basically TTC w/o doing anything drastic. Just hoping DTD will work. So we just DTD whenever we can, sometimes purposely trying to do it around O'ing (especially in the past 6 months). We definitely want more - would love to have a large family. Twice I've felt different and thought I might be, but AF always ended up showing. I've been pretty regular with the exception of the past 2 months. I'm using cloth mama pads, so it's been a little interesting to relearn my cycle since sometimes it's shorter than normal, but again, the last 2 were back to the "usual" (5-7 days). I'm wondering if the change in my cycle might be because DD's nursing habits are changing just a slight bit - she's nursing less during the day (instead of 6-8 times, about 3-5) though she's still pretty regular nursing at night (lessening just a little - probably 2-3 times, instead of 3-5 times). We co-sleep and I want to do child-led weaning and I'm definitely open to tandem nursing if it came to it.

Now, left and right friends are getting PG... even ones who've had a history of problems. I'm really very happy for them, truly, but at the same time, it just hurts that I'm not. :( Especially since I got PG so quickly & easily with DD... I half wonder in the back of my mind if something in my emergency c/s messed me up somehow, but I'm hoping it's just me being paranoid. :blush: Realistically I know it's probably just related to how much DD is still nursing. But, I still really want another baby. :( I can't really talk about this to anyone IRL, 'cause no one seems to understand or they're PG and I don't want to bring it up with them. I'm hoping I'm not the only one out there like me. It's not that I'm not grateful for my DD, but I'm just ready for another little blessing like her. I know she'll make a wonderful big sister since she's already so motherly to her dolls and she shares toys (and me, lol) so well.

It's gotten to where I feel like I'm letting my family down every month when AF comes. My younger siblings keep pestering me about getting PG (I'm the oldest of nine, my youngest siblings are 13 & 9), but I keep telling them we're trying our best, but it's up to God. And ultimately, I do believe that - we're praying for more children, and I know if it's in His plans for us to have more, we will... but at the same time it doesn't make me wish or hurt less. :( I'm really struggling too with feeling like I'm disappointing my DH... he would really love for me to get PG too - he's a wonderful Daddy and although he's never said it, I know he really wants a boy. He wanted a boy to be our firstborn, but after seeing DD in the 4D ultrasound, he fell in love and has been ever since. But still, it's a guy thing to want a boy to pass on the family name and to share the manliness with... plus, I've been having boy fever since a lot of my friends have these adorable little boys. :)

Anyway, I'm just rambling now. I just needed to write and get this off my chest. I'm sad, hurting and wishing I was PG instead of being on AF. :( I just feel alone.



If this is the wrong place to post, I'm sorry. Just let me know where, and I'll delete & repost.

But thanks for reading. :goodvibes:

[Melmonkey]

Having trouble, whether getting pregnant or staying pregnant, is hard. I hope that your struggle is short and you will be moving on to the pregnancy boards soon.
I totally feel what you are saying and know that in my Christian walk that our Lord will not put us under more than we can handle. I myself had felt the way that you are now, and have come to terms with that feeling, but that said, it doesn't make it hurt any less when I find out someone else is pregnant. Dh and I have been trying for 5 years and have our first scheduled IUI tomorrow morning with two beautiful follicles that I hope and pray both implant and we will be doubly blessed for all our struggle and the children that will come will only testify how great God is!
Keep the faith and try to pray for peace!

Mel

[smblake]

Shelley, you are more than fine posting here.

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. We have been trying for a 2nd now for 17.5 months, in that time we have had 3 losses. I feel so blessed to have my ds (he was a struggle to get here as well, we lost 2 little angels before him). Dh and I too would love to have a large family, but right now I would be so happy for at least one more. I too am Christian and am trying to muster all the faith I have to trust in my Father and Heaven and believe that all of this will be for some greater purpose than I can see.

I hope that it happens soon for you - try to keep your chin up... as for other friend being pregnant... in the time that we have begun trying for #2, in my tight circle of friends 13 babies have been born, and in my family 2 and 2 more on the way in the fall - it's been very difficult, I understand your sadness :(. It doesn't ever get any easier, but I have found peace (most days anyway :giggle:).

[kristinc]

i feel your frustrations. we have been ttc #1 for almost 3 years. and in that period of time my friends had just met their spouses got married, then preg and then had a baby...so dh and i have been ttc longer than my friends have even known their spouses. it has been very hard seeing each one of them get preg effortlessly and have their babys. and we are still here, praying that we will find the money to attempt ivf #2. most days i am at peace with that fact but i can't say that i don't feel angry for being put through something that most days feels like more than i can handle. but once we actually do get preg or have a baby come in to your life one way or another all of the pain will be forgotten and you will realize how much that babe means to you. that is at least what i have to believe to get through each and every day.