How should I deal with this problem??

[AshKat]

Another thread made me think of this, and maybe it's time I ask for outside advice.

First - I am American and so are my children (my youngest is a dual citizen of the UK and US). This is important:giggle2:

My 5 year old dd has always taken flack for being American. It got so bad at one point that kids were physically abusing her. The physical abuse stopped when me and my DH told her to fight back. Well apparently my dd packs quite a punch! She hasn't really taken any physical abuse recently (and any that she does get is promptly repaid).

My problem is the verbal abuse now. Just Tuesday I caught 4 kids in my neighbor's garden tauting my dd. They were jumping on a trampoline while my dd was sitting on the path right next to the trampoline. These 4 children were pointing singing at my child "I don't want to be an American Idiot".

This sort of stuff happens a lot. Since I live on military housing, there are literally dozens of kids here. As soon as I show up they scatter and I can never find the parents.

The time on Tuesday was at my neighbor's who happens to be my friend. I did tell her what was going on. The mother responded in the same way I would and I find no fault with how she handled things. However, I don't know how to manage the other children.... I actually don't know what to do!

You see, I know what prejudice feels like - I grew up in a country that was not tolerant to my religion. The one church we had was constantly blown up, graffitied, you name it. Top that off with the fact that there were not very many white people around AT ALL.

I don't want my daughter to go through that.

Any ideas?

[FancifulFanny]

I'm not sure mama...but (((hugs))). Clearly those kids don't get the point of American Idiot and too bad they're only proving themselves narrow-minded and ignorant, even though they are children.

Maybe can you take it up with some sort of committee to see if tolerance classes can be taught?

[missemily]

One would think that since alot of military families are moved around alot including oversees their offspring would be more understanding, but I guess not in this case. I have a problem with neighborhood bullying somewhat like this and someone suggested that I follow the kid home to speak to their parent(s). It's not fair for your child to not be able to play freely. Even if you 'catch' one of them at a time, I'm sure it will help somewhat.

[AshKat]

There are no American military around us. My husband is Irish in the Royal Navy. The adults are generally tolerante, but as we all know, children can be CRUEL.

[Trishalynn]

well taunting is only fun to the taunters if they get a reaction out of it. I would just be telling dd not to react to them, but just turn around and walk away, play some where else or go home. They're getting what they're looking for if you go outside after them or if she gives them the reaction they're looking for. Are the kids the same age as her? cause they're awfully young to even think of saying that to some one else? I imagine they've heard it from parents or older siblings/friends etc.. I know its not fair that she should stop what she's doing or to even have this happen. But if they find that what they're saying isn't getting them a reaction out of either of you anymore they're likely to stop. thats my :2cents: hope it helps!

[AshKat]

On this particular occaison, Katie (my eldest) was just sat on the path. She wasn't reacting really other than a beat-dog look.

I've tried telling her not to react and to walk away, but she's desperate for attention from these children.

Also, the children involved were all older. I know my neighbour well enough that she doesn't say things like that - she is a very tolerant person. There was one ring-leader (an older boy) that was instructing the other children to point while they were chanting "I don't want to be an American Idiot" over and over.

My neighbour's dd was involved but was just following suit (I know, not a good excuse). I know my neighbour's children and they are both REALLY sweet girls - the only two that I really trust Katie around. Also, I stood at my gate for about a minute and a half so that I knew exactly what was going on - I was about 5-7 feet from the trampoline, none of the children noticed me until I piped up and said that that was no way to treat anyone.

It bears mentioning that my neighbour has a HUGE backyard that all the neighbourhood children frequent. She has a mini-amusement park in there!

It also bears mentioning that there is a huge misunderstanding of Americans over here. The media is horrible for this - so much of the population believes some pretty nutty stuff.

[elioraimmanuel]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Mama, I am so very sorry for the cruelty of the children. My DH is English (and was in the Royal Navy) and we've visited only to be barraged w/questions about..."How could Clinton have behaved that way etc?" I responded by saying, "I don't know and I didn't vote for him." When what they see of America consists of Jenny Jones and Jerry Springer, they are bound to think we are horrible.

I can only suggest that you teach your daughter that America stands for faith, family and freedom, regardless of the liberal media. My kids are picked on horribly because they are faith-filled, homeschooled kids whose mom stays home. I have taught my kids to completely ignore these kids, don't allow these awful children to get a reaction. I want my kids to keep their dignity and extend forgiveness.

We have literally prayed for God to remove the mean families from our neighborhood and He has. The ones who have stayed, finally gave up on the taunting, but we still pray for them!

I am so sorry for the pain your kids are experiencing! Forgiveness will prevent them from becoming angry and bitter.

[sourpatch_babe]

:hugs: mama. I don't know what to suggest, because my first instinct would be to give my child a 2x4 and tell her to go to town on them (I know, violence is not the answer. But I've been working on getting my temper under control) I would suggest following one of the children home and speaking to their parents. Maybe if they get in trouble at home it could make them think twice.

[AshKat]

I'm starting to second the 2x4 idea. Just joking... well, half joking.

The media is horrible here - not only is it the US daytime TV, but it's also the news! I actually saw a news blurb that started "The dumb Americans..." of course I switched channels then.

Now, once people have gotten to know me, they've become really friendly with me, and I am not knocking the British really - I love my friends here. I do not know 3 of the children, so therefore I do not know thier parents. I don't know if thier parents believe crap like this.

I just want my little girl to grow up knowing that she's a great person, and not to judge others based on things that cannot be controlled (such as race, religion, nationality, etc.)

[angeldelight]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Mama, I am so very sorry for the cruelty of the children. My DH is English (and was in the Royal Navy) and we've visited only to be barraged w/questions about..."How could Clinton have behaved that way etc?" I responded by saying, "I don't know and I didn't vote for him." When what they see of America consists of Jenny Jones and Jerry Springer, they are bound to think we are horrible.



I think its a little off to say people from the UK this Americans are ''horrible'', i think you may find its like 2% of the population here as visa versa. Just because we live and meet people all around the world dosnt mean that that is everyones opinion as you have a DH that obviously isnt of that description.

As for this topic {{hugs}} its very hard with children if it wasnt about where you come from, it would be the colour of your hair, different clothes people wear. Some parents just dont seem to teach their children whats acceptable and not acceptable. Children get bored very quick so im sure if its ignored they will soon stop or perhaps you can talk to their parents?

[AshKat]

I realize that not all, or even most British are this way - but the numbers are astounding, and you wouldn't know it unless you were on the "other" end like myself or my daughter. There is a general negative opinion of Americans. Through the media which bleeds to the people. Even the prime ministers have noticed it - many things have not been given the British public support needed - the public british opinion of Americans is pretty negative.

Just the flack my daughter is taking should be an indicator. The sh!t I have taken is another indicator - but I grew up all over the world, it doesn't really bother me.

How do I fix this problem with my daugter??? I can't fix public opinion, but I want my dd not to suffer over this.

I don't think you can compare it to cruelty for hair color etc. either. This sort of cruelty falls past that 'line'. They were singling her out for her nationality. Just the way she was sat there looking beat attests to just how often this happens to her. I don't want her to think that it's normal.

[AshKat]

Oh - and it's been a year and a half. I think that if it hasn't stopped now, then it's not going to stop anytime soon.

[mihrimah]

Oh man- this is a scary thread! I am so sorry that's happening to your daughter! I have no advice, but I really hope you find something that works!
We are moving to Scotland next summer, and I never thought about this issue!! My DD will only go to school there one year I think, before we come home, so hopefully she won't have to deal with it too much.

[AshKat]

I must emphasize - I have lovely friends here. I love it here. There are some issues with media and the portrayal of Americans (and just about any other immigrant as well, just like the US) that DO cause backlash. I have experienced it and so has my daughter. I am NOT having a british bash fest here -this is my home. I want to deal with this in a constructive way. As people have met me they have become brilliant. I can't think of one person here on the military block that has met me, talked to me, and didn't like me. I have taken abuse in town, but to me these people mean nothing to me.

I'm guessing that I'm going to have to go well out of my way to chase kids home and inform thier parents of what they are saying to my dd. Maybe if the parents see what harm is being created they will talk to thier children - maybe if they have these negative veiws they will reassess thier own opinions.

[AshKat]

Oh man- this is a scary thread! I am so sorry that's happening to your daughter! I have no advice, but I really hope you find something that works!
We are moving to Scotland next summer, and I never thought about this issue!! My DD will only go to school there one year I think, before we come home, so hopefully she won't have to deal with it too much.

I hope you love it! There will probably be *some* issues, but I guess you just have to be vigilant. It is an absolutely GORGEOUS country. Why are you moving here? Do you know whereabouts you are going to?