so her class has this color chart for misbehavior. green is good, yellow is maybe one reminder or so to follow the rules, and 5 min lost of recess, orange is a few reminders of the rules, half lost recess, and red is no recess and a phone call home. dd1 has been on orange twice so far (in less than a month of school) and the first time she was cutting her nails with school scissors, and yesterday she was crawling on the lunch table.
i find i have issues with her listening at home too. today we were sitting in the driveway waiting for the bus and i had to tell her at least 5 or 6 times to sit back in the seat. (car was not moving, maybe 500ft from the road) and a few reminders not to do other stuff (playing with the dust on the dash, sticking the straw in the air vents, etc)
i dont even know where to begin with this girl. i find myself yelling at her for the same things all the time, and i dont wanna be that nagging parent. at almost 7, she should understand that what i tell her to do is not an option. if i ask her, then she has a choice, but if i say go do or stop, then thats what i mean.
i am beginning to wonder if she has add or something, because she just doesnt listen. it took her 3 hours yesterday to do her homework, with help, and it was work she knew/understood what to do (copying 2 letters 5x for handwriting practice, drawing pictures of rhyming words, a math sheet with patterns on it, and a journal entry, and some reading) so its not a schoolwork issue... it's a listening issue.
last year she went into bridge (class for those not quite ready for first grade) and she did well, but this year... ugh.
insight? direction? i am really frustrated.
UPDATE
i got her of the bus, and on her chart where she gets a stamp for green, today there was written "i would like to set up a conference to discuss mic"s behaviors in school. i will tell her something then she acts as if she didnt hear me and will go on and do what she wants. when are you available?"
this is EXACTLY what she does at home. it just doesnt stick in her brain.
mommyof8
09-25-2008, 07:09 AM
my 2nd grader has the same issues. I just make sure to point out that they are HIS choices and HIS choices are not good ones therefore HE loses something...
IE:him-mama can i have a quarter for a cookie at lunch?
me-what COLOR were you yesterday?
him- yellow
me- was that a good choice or a bad choice?
him- bad
me- do bad choices get rewards?
him- no
me- so do you get a cookie today?
him- no
me- what do you need to do to get a cookie tomorrow?
him- stay on green today
you can use whatever works for your child but I know for mine it is treats. He LOVES treats. I can get him to do ANYTHING for a treat. We have 1 bad day a week (usually monday) but then he remembers he gets a cookie for being on green...
SubliminalDarkness
09-25-2008, 07:15 AM
Well, I have my own first grader, and I've taught after-school care for first graders as well. And... well, it all sounds like REALLY normal first grade behavior. I agree with you that it's unacceptable, but it's really really normal.
I agree with the PP in that you need to set boundaries and devise some kind of system that works for her, something that she values. For my DS1, it's usually his toy of choice at that point in time. It gets taken, but put in a place where he can still see it, but not have it.
wildeyes
09-25-2008, 07:46 AM
see tho, i have set boundaries, and she just doesnt remember them. her most famous excuse when she misbehaves is "i forgot"
i took her favorite blankie away when i told her to stop roughhousing with her (baby) sister, and then the baby got hurt (minor), and she "forgot" i told her to stop. so i took the blankie away. i doubt she remembers why i took it. i set up some chore charts/rewards system, and she really doesnt seem to care.
i am glad to hear thats normal behavior tho...
Minniebees
09-25-2008, 07:55 AM
My first grader doesn't listen either. I think she's so busy talking, or thinking of what she is going to say, that she doesn't listen. It's pretty typical at this age. I've been working on teaching her the art of listening, because it is something you have to learn.
I think it's probably a phase. I know it's frustrating, though. I must tell my dd to put her shoes on 10 times before we actually leave for school, and yesterday she walked out without them on. Hello! First grade is cute, though. She's becoming such a little person now that she can read, add, subtract, etc. she told me the other day: "Mama, it's like I know everything!" No self esteem issues there, lol.
wildeyes
09-25-2008, 08:02 AM
My first grader doesn't listen either. I think she's so busy talking, or thinking of what she is going to say, that she doesn't listen. It's pretty typical at this age. I've been working on teaching her the art of listening, because it is something you have to learn.
I think it's probably a phase. I know it's frustrating, though. I must tell my dd to put her shoes on 10 times before we actually leave for school, and yesterday she walked out without them on. Hello! First grade is cute, though. She's becoming such a little person now that she can read, add, subtract, etc. she told me the other day: "Mama, it's like I know everything!" No self esteem issues there, lol.
ok.. well then how do I cope with it till the phase passes?? i find myself getting snippy with her, and i dont like that in myself.. how do you keep your cool? some days i make her cry cause i can be pretty mean, and i dont like doing that, plus it doesnt help, it just makes her feel like crap.
Butterfly Designs
09-25-2008, 09:18 AM
so her class has this color chart for misbehavior. green is good, yellow is maybe one reminder or so to follow the rules, and 5 min lost of recess, orange is a few reminders of the rules, half lost recess, and red is no recess and a phone call home. dd1 has been on orange twice so far (in less than a month of school) and the first time she was cutting her nails with school scissors, and yesterday she was crawling on the lunch table.
i find i have issues with her listening at home too. today we were sitting in the driveway waiting for the bus and i had to tell her at least 5 or 6 times to sit back in the seat. (car was not moving, maybe 500ft from the road) and a few reminders not to do other stuff (playing with the dust on the dash, sticking the straw in the air vents, etc)
i dont even know where to begin with this girl. i find myself yelling at her for the same things all the time, and i dont wanna be that nagging parent. at almost 7, she should understand that what i tell her to do is not an option. if i ask her, then she has a choice, but if i say go do or stop, then thats what i mean.
i am beginning to wonder if she has add or something, because she just doesnt listen. it took her 3 hours yesterday to do her homework, with help, and it was work she knew/understood what to do (copying 2 letters 5x for handwriting practice, drawing pictures of rhyming words, a math sheet with patterns on it, and a journal entry, and some reading) so its not a schoolwork issue... it's a listening issue.
last year she went into bridge (class for those not quite ready for first grade) and she did well, but this year... ugh.
insight? direction? i am really frustrated.
sounds like you dd is in my ds class..LOL but its my ds doing those things....i have no advice just :hugs:
mommyof8
09-25-2008, 10:04 AM
ok.. well then how do I cope with it till the phase passes?? i find myself getting snippy with her, and i dont like that in myself.. how do you keep your cool? some days i make her cry cause i can be pretty mean, and i dont like doing that, plus it doesnt help, it just makes her feel like crap.
Just yesterday mine was testing how far he could push me. I just told him to SIT (right where he was standing) and walked int he other room, I counted to 10 and came back. Then I calmly explained to him that what he was doing was frustrating mama and if he didnt get a grip he would be spending the next 20 minutes (treat time) in his room. It amazes me how quickly he responds when I threaten to take a treat away.
The ONLY thing that gets his attention is treats (cookies, candy, fruit snacks, granola bars, etc). I once took ALL of his toys away and it didnt phase him, we took his tv away and he didnt care, we have made him sit in time out for HOURS (until he could respond w/ an answer other than I dont know) and he didnt care.
You HAVE to find her trigger. It is obviously not the blankie or she would have changed her behavior and asked for it back.
Another thing we do is we have a chart here...every day when I sign his school behavior chart he has to color the square on the home chart the color he was at school that day. At the end of the week he gets rewards for the # of greens he had during the week.
kaspears17
09-25-2008, 12:49 PM
Here's what I do and it takes time, but when DS is doing something he shouldn't do, I tell him once then 'make' him do it. It's hard to explain, for example, he won't put his shoes on. I tell him "put your shoes on." He doesn't. I stop what I'm doing, take his hand and lead him to his shoes. "Now, put your shoes on." and stand there while he does it. example: "Stop blowing bubbles in your milk" Tell him once, then take the straw away. Then, no more straws for the week, "no, you blow bubbles when you have a straw, so you don't get one." Whatever it is that is distracting him, I remove from the equation, then repeat what I need him to do. Yes, this is hard, and yes it's irritating, and slow but he's learning to do what I ask immedately, and I'm not nagging or repeating myself 15 times. He tried the "oh, my brain forgot." So I told him to make sure his "brain" remembered next time. That's not really a good reason in my house. It may seem harsh, but I don't accept that answer. or "i don't know." but that's another story altogether.
It's hard at school to, but I have told the teacher that if she physically needs to get braedon off something (lunch table, desk, stage, etc) she can pick him up and put him on the ground and repeat, "We do not climb on furniture." Usually they would get a prize at the end of the week for being on "green" the whole week. As school wore on, I think he got more used to the idea of how to behave and peer pressure of everyone else getting a prize that he calmed down a lot. First grade is a lot different from kindergarten, so there can be a big adjustment to little kids.
Good luck mama. It's a tough phase.
tallanvor
09-25-2008, 01:28 PM
I would try a diet change. Try for 6 weeks to take out anything artificial -- colors, flavors, and preservatives. While it is normal to an extent, there is a line where it becomes excessive. I am not saying that in this case that her behavior is excessive. I am simply addressing what you said about wondering about it being ADHD. If it is, you will most likely see a difference by taking out the artificial stuff. Also, try to not have foods with artificial sugar -- stick to natural sugars or plain refined sugar -- no high fructose corn syrup, Splenda, Equal, etc. While many debate whether or not it affects those with ADHD, I know it makes a huge difference in my oldest daughter's behavior (who has been diagnosed with ADHD) while it doesn't make much difference at all in my son's behavior.
wildeyes
09-25-2008, 02:19 PM
bump for update
kaspears17
09-25-2008, 02:53 PM
UPDATE
i got her of the bus, and on her chart where she gets a stamp for green, today there was written "i would like to set up a conference to discuss mic"s behaviors in school. i will tell her something then she acts as if she didnt hear me and will go on and do what she wants. when are you available?"
I just wanted to add that for a long time, I had to get right in DS's face, like 1 foot away from him, make sure he's looking at me, say what I needed to say, and have him repeat it to me, then tell me what it means in his own words, just to make sure he was actually listening.
Lovemy4guys
09-25-2008, 04:41 PM
I would make sure she is focused on you and what you are saying by getting down on her level and making her keep eye contact while you are explaining what you expect of her, then ask her to tell you what she thinks you want from her so you know she understands. Giving instructions in steps works better for us rather than a long checklist all at once. I find that if I tell dh #1 the "why" and don't just bark out orders all the time I get better results. Also, I try to make sure I compliment / thank him when he does comply without problems. HTH!
Minniebees
09-25-2008, 07:57 PM
ok.. well then how do I cope with it till the phase passes?? i find myself getting snippy with her, and i dont like that in myself.. how do you keep your cool? some days i make her cry cause i can be pretty mean, and i dont like doing that, plus it doesnt help, it just makes her feel like crap.
You have to make her stop and listen. Every kid is different, so with my ds I have to say "where's your mama?" And then I get his attention. With my 1st grader, I say in an authoritative voice "C- stop. Look at me." And then I tell her what I want. You have to snap them out of whatever is going on in their heads and make them attend.
Do you use a token system? We do marbles, so if I tell her to do something and she does it right away, she gets a marble in her jar. If she earns 20 marbles, we go toy shopping at the end of the week for something small. She can also get marbles taken away for bad behavior or not listening. You could try that.
So, let's say she gets 2 marbles if she doesn't get in trouble at school. because that's a big deal, so she gets double. She gets one marble for getting her shoes on without you having to ask twice. She gets a marble taken away if you have to ask 3 times, and so on and so on. You can choose any reward you want, like TV time, go out for ice cream, extra story at night, etc. It works like a charm, but the key is, you have to be consistent, when you first start make sure she gets the reward for a couple of weeks so she feels like the goal is attainable, and make sure they payoff is something she really wants.
Wendylady
09-25-2008, 10:21 PM
I find that if I tell dh #1 the "why" and don't just bark out orders all the time I get better results.
Just wanted to quote that because I found it an amusing typo. :giggle:
