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View Full Version : "there's a reason some people can't have babies"


VinhThiMom
10-06-2008, 07:16 AM
Do people really honestly feel this way? And that American babies are more deserving of homes than babies born in 3rd world countries? Why? Because they're American? I've never heard something so ignorant, especially coming from another mother. God help me if anyone ever says that to my face, especially in front of my kids.

Deanner03
10-06-2008, 07:23 AM
:jawdrop::yikes: I can't HONESTLY believe that someone would think that! That's HORRIBLE! :hugs: mama! I think it is an AMAZING thing that you have done for those babies of yours. :thumbsup:

VinhThiMom
10-06-2008, 07:29 AM
Well, I wasn't trying to be amazing, or trying to get kudos. Just trying to become a mother and never thought babies in other countries were less worthy of a mother. And certainly never thought God was trying to tell me I shouldn't be a mother because I couldn't conceive naturally. I think He was just trying to tell me there was something else out there that was better for me. And He was right. Their names are Dylan and Maddie:
http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q71/DylanAVWright/2008/10/081005019.jpg

http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q71/DylanAVWright/2008/09/080928001.jpg

mhaddon
10-06-2008, 07:36 AM
:( The complete difference in my thinking, I guess b/c both my mom and step-mom went through so much trouble getting pregnant when I was a teenager and many different infertility meds and treatments that I've looked at some mothers that have kids and wonder why God decided to make them parents when their are obviously a lot of moms that deserve babies so much more than them. :hugs:

MyLil'Mountaineers
10-06-2008, 08:04 AM
I can't believe that someone would think babies in other countries are less desirable. I don't believe it and would probably make my opinion on the matter known if I ever heard someone say that.

Now, having been through fertility treatments and meds to get pg and having made the decision to adopt future children, I do believe that there is a reason that some women can't have children (but it's not for the reason you think). I believe that if it weren't for the strong, faithful, generous, loving, caring, big-hearted, awesome women (and men) who decide and commit to adoption, there would be millions more children in need.
I believe that God choses parents for children whether biological or adopted. And I also believe He choses things to happen in our life to strengthen us and set us on a certain path.

I hope I didn't offend anyone. This is just a thought that has/had been floating around my head and heart during my fertility treatments. I certainly appreciate, love, and am thankful for my children SO much more than I think I ever would have because of the difficulties.

bugaboo
10-06-2008, 08:58 AM
My mom kinda has that thought....she does not know why we want to go to Hungary to adopt when we can just adopt in the US for cheaper. I just tell her God has put this on my heart...I should follow what He says.

asummers
10-06-2008, 09:25 AM
I am so sorry. I have had a few people say this to me, also. I don't have children yet (23 and single), but am planning to move to Tanzania in the near future to adopt "my" little guy, who is 2 years old (I met him when he was 10 months). Your children are absolutely gorgeous and you seem like a wonderful mother. Keep enjoying those sweet faces and we can only hope others will eventually see how amazing adoption is.

VinhThiMom
10-06-2008, 10:52 AM
Amanda-ITA. I know there's a reason I couldn't bear children, and I'm ecstatic about that now! But that was definitely NOT what this person meant when she said it!

bobandjess99
10-06-2008, 11:15 AM
yes, some people do. i've been told to my face I wasn't meant to have babies because i have to use fertility drugs to get pg.
the unmitigated gall just astounds me.

SubliminalDarkness
10-06-2008, 11:19 AM
I think it's a fine line, and I think some people take what they believe for themselves and put it on people as a whole.

Now, personally, I don't agree with some of the extenuating fertility measures that exist. But I think that's mostly because I am SO pro-adoption, that I feel taking extreme measures to be physically pregnant and give birth is not really the best way to go. But I don't hold that against people who do choose that route. I just don't agree with it.

But I certainly don't think babies from one part of the world are more "deserving" than babies from another part.

My Sweet Blessings
10-06-2008, 11:20 AM
ignorance and stupidity, really. I've heard people say that before. Not to me because I am fertile, but about other people. Burns me up. You just have to accept that there are a billion idiots walking around this earth and you are bound to bump into them from time to time. Roll your eyes and move on. Letting it bother you means they win ;)

mom55
10-06-2008, 12:46 PM
I agree 110%. After a couple goes througth the whole wanting a family route and it doesn't happen - we of course have more choices to make. Never being a mother was never a choice for me.
I knew adoption was what I was suppose to do, and now I know this is what our love created.

MamaToBe84
10-06-2008, 01:50 PM
you did have babies sweetie, just a different way! God meant those babies to be yours, they were just carried by someone else. Only idiots believe what that jerk said to you.

JenS
10-06-2008, 01:53 PM
I have gotten those comments unfortunately too often. Luckily no one has said personally that I shouldn't have had kids - I would have socked em!
But the sentiment is there in regards to international adoption. It's sad to think that we live in such a sheltered world that is always looking for what they feel is the easy way out.
I don't care how you adopt, it isn't gonna be easy. Every option, including fertility treatments has it's advantages and downfalls. We chose international the first time around because that is where our daughter was and God lead us right to her at the right time. Had we not gone through treatments as long as we did we wouldn't have THIS child. Now we are doing foster care, and it is where we are meat to be at this time.
Neither one is better or worse, just different.
I for one could not turn my back on the orphan of the world after seeing the suffering they endure. Here we are lucky to live in a society that has a system (though flawed) in place to care for children in need of a home. My DD lived the first 3 months of her life in a hospital bed not because she was sick, but because there was no other pace for her.

People who think that we should bury our heads in the sand and keep our adoptions in our own back yards are IGNORANT!

Each famiy has to go where they are lead and it is no one else's business to question that.

OK, stepping back from my rant, but if you can't tell it is something that gets under my skin like nobody's business.

Foster
10-06-2008, 09:39 PM
Did you ever notice that people who say nasty things like that are also people who never adopt or foster any children? When I encounter ignorant people, I ask them what they have done lately to alleviate the plight of the orphaned. How many American children have THEY adopted Usually, there is no real answer :)

TestifyToLove
10-07-2008, 10:53 AM
There's exactly one other adoptive couple in our church of 200 people. They started a ministry for 'adoptive families' before we moved here. WE don't qualify for their ministry because WE didn't adopt through the US foster-care system.

Yeah. Floored me the first time I heard it. Still floors me.

They left (National Guard) and just came back recently to pick back up their ministry and place in the church. We have not been able to make it back to church in 6 months because our new fellow has such extreme behavioral issues that he can't sit through church without doing something catastrophic. But, I've wondered many times if we're REAL adoptive parents in their eyes now that we have adopted through the foster-care system

Same couple always made me uncomfy anyway. They want and seek out for the church to tell them what heros and martyrs they are for adopting 2 AA brothers out of fostercare. I'm not hero and I'm certainly no martyr and I don't like being treated that way. It just so happens that some of my boys needed to travel long distances to get where they belonged and into my arms. I'm just a mom, and they are just my sons. Its not more complicated than that..really it isn't.

seahawk
10-07-2008, 12:21 PM
Well, I don't think that there's a reason some people can't have babies. I feel sorry for people who suffer infertility.

I also don't think that American children are more deserving than other children. However, I do think that adoption is supposed to be to find a home for a child, not to find a child for someone. And, I don't think that is how adoption usually works.
So, that does make me prefer foster adoptions. The more children that end up in foster care in the US, the higher our taxes. Plus, children are our future and it is good for the children and the country to find homes for those children.
International adoptions didn't become so popular until there was a shortage of babies available in the US.


People who think that we should bury our heads in the sand and keep our adoptions in our own back yards are IGNORANT!

Each famiy has to go where they are lead and it is no one else's business to question that.

OK, stepping back from my rant, but if you can't tell it is something that gets under my skin like nobody's business.

Just because someone has a differing opinion from yours does not make them ignorant. I work in adoption reform, and there are many people well educated about adoption that feel that way.

I Smile Because Of Them
10-07-2008, 12:46 PM
Holy crap, I just read!! OMG! Stephanie I can't believe she's still at it. :hugs: Your babies are beautiful and God made them JUST for you! :hugs: I'm sorry people can be so stupid. It's really sad.

kristinc
10-07-2008, 02:39 PM
Holy crap, I just read!! OMG! Stephanie I can't believe she's still at it. :hugs: Your babies are beautiful and God made them JUST for you! :hugs: I'm sorry people can be so stupid. It's really sad.

Are you kidding me???? That momma is still hurling her terrible hurtful comments???

daisy0306
10-07-2008, 02:51 PM
Well, I wasn't trying to be amazing, or trying to get kudos. Just trying to become a mother and never thought babies in other countries were less worthy of a mother. And certainly never thought God was trying to tell me I shouldn't be a mother because I couldn't conceive naturally. I think He was just trying to tell me there was something else out there that was better for me. And He was right. Their names are Dylan and Maddie:
http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q71/DylanAVWright/2008/10/081005019.jpg

http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q71/DylanAVWright/2008/09/080928001.jpg

Yours children are just beautiful! I remember seeing Maddie's pics when she first came home to you, what a change! They look happy and healthy :goodvibes: :hugs: