View Full Version : wondering if we're making the right decision...

10-08-2008, 06:12 PM
o.k. kind of long, but please read if you are a foster/adoptive mom and lmk what your thoughts are.
I'll start off by saying adoption was always a part of our plan for our family- we just didn't know when. We had figured we would have a couple of bio kids and then try but after a yucko pregnancy/ recovery(not super bad- just not something I'm eager to do over right now) we started talking about trying to adopt our second child. After talking it over a lot with others and the social workers- we decided to keep the birth order in our fam and try to adopt one younger than our ds (though our hope is to one day adopt harder to place older kiddos- as these are the kids I work with and love!). We were basically told that there are enough babies/toddlers needing homes in our county that we would most likely be able to adopt in about a year (total shocker to us as we thought it would take way longer due to everyone wanting lo's). Anyway, we finished the classes, paperwork etc and have our walk-through to get licensed as f. parents in a couple of weeks. Our paperwork is finished for the adoption packet and we are ready to turn it in. we have both felt a tremendous peace about the whole thing and were so excited and then we got assigned to the adoptions worker that we were really hoping not to get. Basically, she was the only one who didn't come to the classes so we never got a chance to meet here but I kept hearing (mostly by accident) that she was really stressed out (had just come back from a long stress leave) and doesn't return calls etc. When we saw that we were assigned to her, our hearts just sank. I know this sounds terrible- I haven't even met her but even in her voice mail to us (yeah- she did return a call-and it was within 3 days) she wasn't that friendly. Another thing- I happened to ask around about her at my work (I work in a foster/adopt agency that contracts with the county) and everyone's eyes kind of got big when I said we got her as our worker. They told me that our boss is super close with her and that she works with our office to do home studies sometimes. Now I just feel really weird about the whole thing but I don't want to complain or have them think that I want special treatment because I work in foster/adopt too but I just feel uncomfortable knowing she's so close to my boss and that I may see her around our office and yet she's going to be asking us major personal stuff! I know my boss is a total professional and that they aren't allowed to share our info but still... am I overreacting? I know it seems dumb that I am letting something small get to me but I guess I just felt such a connection to the other workers (one in particular- but we aren't allowed to choose who we get) and they just seemed so easy to talk to. I heard that the other workers are super fast about getting home studies completed and just on top of things (the trainer for the classes said this). I want so badly to trust in God during all of this and yet, I'm starting to wonder if this is going to take even longer because of the worker we have and if my kids will be super far apart in age because we are deciding to adopt rather than try for another bio kid now. We were really hoping for our kiddos to be no more than 2 or so years apart (ds is already 16 mos). I guess I just need some support and encouragement to keep going as we want this sooooooo badly...

10-09-2008, 05:51 AM
god only gives you the children who are ment to be yours, trust in this and your child will be there. I would NOT make a fuss, just take what comes, be on top of your game get your stuff to HER in a timely manner and follow up. if at some point SHE drops the ball then you have a reason to request a change. legally she cannot let your personal info out, I think most SW are good about this even with friends , so that would not concern me. If you work in the system you know how it works you will be able to see if she is not doing her job and point this out to her supevisor , it sounds to me like she is burnt out and needs a job change, you maybe just the RIGHT person to see that this happens.

10-09-2008, 01:20 PM
I agree with the previous post. Just decide to work with her and be completely professional and timely on your end. If she gives you any reason to complain, then by all means do so.
I know how that sense of urgency is when it comes to adoption. I went through the exact same thing and felt that so strongly. That is a good thing - it gets us moving and that much closer to the child that is meant for us.