PDA

View Full Version : A couple of questions for those who have adopted


sillyutalktome
11-16-2008, 04:07 PM
I'm a planner by nature and like to have all of the facts. We had always planned on doing foster/adopt later in life but a situation has presented its self and we are considering adopting a girl. I have looked up everything I can online but still have a few questions. Since it's not 100% a possibility yet I am not ready to call a professional. We would be adopting the daughter of a friend of a friend. Someone we don't yet know and I don't want to offend her by "jumping the gun"

1) Has anyone adopted without using an agency? Even though we don't need an agency to find a child for us should we still use one for any reason?

2) If you've adopted without an agency would you mind sharing the cost roughly? I've read online anywhere from 4 to 40,000. That's a large difference. Not that cost matters, it's just I'm a planner and I need to wrap my brain around it.

3) Whether you used an agency or did it privately, from the time you were matched with your child until the time the adoption was finalized, how long was that?

Sorry for any grammatical errors. Thanks for sharing about your private lives. It's very encouraging.

crystalannski
11-16-2008, 06:05 PM
I can answer some of your questions but I'm sure it wont be of much help to you since we are adopting through the foster care system!

1) We are not using an agency.
2) It isn't going to cost us anything to adopt, (maybe a couple hundred in court fees but we get reimbursed for every penny) actually we get paid to do it! Not that we wouldn't do it regardless but it is still helpful.
3) We have had her since she was 8 weeks old, she just turned 1 on 11/3 and her adoption will be finalized on 11/25!

Sorry, I'm sure none of that helped :blush: but I wanted to share anyway! Good luck to you :goodvibes:

sillyutalktome
11-17-2008, 09:17 PM
Awe congrats! We will definitely be adopting thru foster care later on. Probably when we our children enter jr. high or high school. By then my husband's military service should be over and we would be a more stable home for them.

ashleymalefyt
11-18-2008, 10:41 AM
I'm a planner by nature and like to have all of the facts. We had always planned on doing foster/adopt later in life but a situation has presented its self and we are considering adopting a girl. I have looked up everything I can online but still have a few questions. Since it's not 100% a possibility yet I am not ready to call a professional. We would be adopting the daughter of a friend of a friend. Someone we don't yet know and I don't want to offend her by "jumping the gun"

1) Has anyone adopted without using an agency? Even though we don't need an agency to find a child for us should we still use one for any reason?
I have not adopted with out using an agency, but have done a lot of research on it. you do not need to use an agency if you've found your own child. What you do need to use is an adoption lawyer. Once you and the birth mom have made a plan you need to present it to a lawyer and have him/her draw up legal papers for your protection.
2) If you've adopted without an agency would you mind sharing the cost roughly? I've read online anywhere from 4 to 40,000. That's a large difference. Not that cost matters, it's just I'm a planner and I need to wrap my brain around it.
As far as cost goes, it really depends on the area what they're going to request. I don't think it would be jumping the gun to find a lawyer and call and ask them what the fees would be in a hypothetical situation. I would not expect more than a couple thousand though.
3) Whether you used an agency or did it privately, from the time you were matched with your child until the time the adoption was finalized, how long was that?
We are doing straight foster care, and will adopt if the situation arises, so I can't answer that one :) It has been about 6 months since we attended our first class though, and are expecting our license with in the month.
Sorry for any grammatical errors. Thanks for sharing about your private lives. It's very encouraging.

Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!

cravnp99
11-20-2008, 06:50 PM
response in bold
I'm a planner by nature and like to have all of the facts. We had always planned on doing foster/adopt later in life but a situation has presented its self and we are considering adopting a girl. I have looked up everything I can online but still have a few questions. Since it's not 100% a possibility yet I am not ready to call a professional. We would be adopting the daughter of a friend of a friend. Someone we don't yet know and I don't want to offend her by "jumping the gun"

1) Has anyone adopted without using an agency? Even though we don't need an agency to find a child for us should we still use one for any reason?

We were "Matched" with our daughter's birthmom in much the same way... a friend of a friend situation. We did an "agency assisted" adoption.. which means that we used an agency to complete services we needed done as an "ala carte" service. You will have to have a homestudy done... and while that can be done by any licensed social worker (sometimes the court will appoint one), this can be slso be done through an agency, as we did.

2) If you've adopted without an agency would you mind sharing the cost roughly? I've read online anywhere from 4 to 40,000. That's a large difference. Not that cost matters, it's just I'm a planner and I need to wrap my brain around it.

The homestudy fee was around $2,500, post placement services around $800 (this is required after the baby is placed in your home before the adoption can be finialized.) Legal fees were quoted to be around $4,000, but ended up being $7,000 (which included one medical bill & some counseling for the birthmom.) In some cases you will be asked to pay for counseling for the birthmom and/or other living expenses... but don't pay any money to the birthmom directly.. all of that should go through your lawyer. (you can get in trouble for giving money, even in the form of a gift, as it can be considered "bribery") Our baby was born in another state, so there was a $400 interstate compact fee.

Of course fees will vary depending on where you live... I'd call around and get quotes on services from lawyers & for the homestudy cost

I'd plan on around $11,000 - even for a private adoption. You can submit up to $10,000? (it might be a little more now) for the adoption tax credit, but it might take up to five years to get it back, depending on what tax bracket you are in and how much you owe in taxes each year. Our first year we got all $3,500 refunded to us, but only $500 of it was from the adoption tax credit... (You can resubmit each year, up to five years, for each adoption up to $10,000, that you weren't reimbursed for the previous years.)


3) Whether you used an agency or did it privately, from the time you were matched with your child until the time the adoption was finalized, how long was that?

We were "Matched" the last weekend in October... our little one was born Jan. 3rd., so about 2 months! We kinda knew about the potential birthmom back in July, (a month after we had lost a baby to a failed adoption plan.) but we didn't actually connect up until October. I'd recommend not getting involved until she's in her last trimester... otherwise it's emotionally draining.

Sorry for any grammatical errors. Thanks for sharing about your private lives. It's very encouraging.

sillyutalktome
11-20-2008, 08:57 PM
^^ Thank you that was very helpful

RebeccaMomof3
11-22-2008, 11:19 AM
hugs to you and the mom; I hope it all works out for everyone irregardless of the decisions.

Amber N.
11-22-2008, 02:08 PM
1) Has anyone adopted without using an agency? Even though we don't need an agency to find a child for us should we still use one for any reason?
I would use an agency that does a money back guarentee because you can lose a lot of money if the adoption does not go through...make sure that you know how much money you would stand to lose if the expectant mother decides to parent

2) If you've adopted without an agency would you mind sharing the cost roughly? I've read online anywhere from 4 to 40,000. That's a large difference. Not that cost matters, it's just I'm a planner and I need to wrap my brain around it.
We adopted transracially...agency fees 27,000...lawyer fees for termination of birth father's rights 3,000...travel expenses (2 weeks for ICPC and same day plane tickets 6,000...advertising misc 1,000

3) Whether you used an agency or did it privately, from the time you were matched with your child until the time the adoption was finalized, how long was that?
baby was born at 4:30 am...we were called at 10:30am and asked if we wanted this baby and were on a plane at 5:00 pm


:)

KittyBug
12-20-2008, 08:03 PM
We are in the middle of an adoption through DSHS. They cover all the costs which is nice, but there are a lot of hang ups too. We've had our girls since the day after Valentine's Day and were supposed to be finalized by Christmas, but have had some hang ups that are dragging things out.

sunshinek
12-26-2008, 06:08 AM
We used an agency so I can't answer your questions about a private adoption.

We were matched at the end of October and our DD was born on January 4. If I remember correctly, TX has excellent adoption laws (we are in FL and FL and TX were supposed to be the "best" as far as protecting adoptive parents).

DD's birthmother signed TPR 3 days after DD was born and then she (or any member of her family) could only contest the TPR if they could prove it was done under fraud or duress. Our adoption was finalized through the courts at the end of May.

Good luck to you!:hugs:

iris0110
01-06-2009, 05:34 PM
I'm a planner by nature and like to have all of the facts. We had always planned on doing foster/adopt later in life but a situation has presented its self and we are considering adopting a girl. I have looked up everything I can online but still have a few questions. Since it's not 100% a possibility yet I am not ready to call a professional. We would be adopting the daughter of a friend of a friend. Someone we don't yet know and I don't want to offend her by "jumping the gun"

1) Has anyone adopted without using an agency? Even though we don't need an agency to find a child for us should we still use one for any reason?

2) If you've adopted without an agency would you mind sharing the cost roughly? I've read online anywhere from 4 to 40,000. That's a large difference. Not that cost matters, it's just I'm a planner and I need to wrap my brain around it.

3) Whether you used an agency or did it privately, from the time you were matched with your child until the time the adoption was finalized, how long was that?

Sorry for any grammatical errors. Thanks for sharing about your private lives. It's very encouraging.




I have not, but my BIL and SIL just adopted a baby privately. They did not use an agency for anything. My dh's aunt is a lawyer and she filed the necessary paper work. The baby was brought to their attention by a coworker whose underage neice was pregnant and did not intend to keep the baby.

I do not know the exact cost but it wasn't much, just court fees, that may vary state to state. However I do know that BIL did some less than ethical things to ensure they got this child vs another family. BIL and SIL are not the best people, and really shouldn't have kids at all as they tend to think of them as accessories rather than human beings. Lets just say money and gifts exchanged hands in a way that should not happen. BIL does not like to think that there is anything he cannot have if he wants it, and he is willing to throw as much money around as necessary to insure that. He also is not above making threats. And he is quite proud of it.

As for time frame, the adoption was finalized when the baby was 6months old. From what I understand that is the norm here for private adoptions, wether through agencies or not. That is when the mother finalizes her decision to relinquish parental rights. However the baby was released from the hospital into their care. And they had known that they would be getting the baby from the time the mother was about 6months pregnant. So roughly 9months total. But really more like 3months from finding out they would get the baby to bringing the baby home. The rest was just paperwork in their case.

I personally hope to adopt some day, but I'm just not sure how I would like to handle it. Foster to adopt has the advantage of not being costly and of helping children who would otherwise be without families. But private adoption while more expensive has more certainty to it, and gives you a bit more control over the situation. BIL and SIL got to name their baby and make all medical decisions from birth. They also didn't have all of the hoops to jump through that states require. But what I have really always wanted to do was adopt a baby girl from China. That's my dream anyway.

ctoth77
01-06-2009, 05:57 PM
Hi, this is not in response to any of your questions, but I want to STRONGLY urge you to do your research on the lawyer you'll be using and also MAKE SURE THE FATHERS RIGHTS ARE TERMINATED ASAP!!!! We lost our ds last May (we had him from birth to 15 mos) after his Birthfather came back into the picture claiming he hadn't known about the baby. Our lawyer had done nothing to find him and completely screwed up our court case. Please don't be naive like we were and just think everything will work out great. Make sure you have a good trial lawyer and that he's doing his job and that the b-dad (and any other family...) has signed off before you get too attached! Sorry to give you info you weren't asking for, but I would hate to see anyone else go through what we've gone through.... :goodvibes:

MammaBee
01-09-2009, 10:49 PM
Hi, this is not in response to any of your questions, but I want to STRONGLY urge you to do your research on the lawyer you'll be using and also MAKE SURE THE FATHERS RIGHTS ARE TERMINATED ASAP!!!! We lost our ds last May (we had him from birth to 15 mos) after his Birthfather came back into the picture claiming he hadn't known about the baby. Our lawyer had done nothing to find him and completely screwed up our court case. Please don't be naive like we were and just think everything will work out great. Make sure you have a good trial lawyer and that he's doing his job and that the b-dad (and any other family...) has signed off before you get too attached! Sorry to give you info you weren't asking for, but I would hate to see anyone else go through what we've gone through.... :goodvibes:

Oh my goodness...A huge thank you, from all of us, for the advice. I can't imagine the pain that you and your family have gone through. My heart goes out to you. :grouphug:

sunshinek
01-10-2009, 06:42 AM
Hi, this is not in response to any of your questions, but I want to STRONGLY urge you to do your research on the lawyer you'll be using and also MAKE SURE THE FATHERS RIGHTS ARE TERMINATED ASAP!!!! We lost our ds last May (we had him from birth to 15 mos) after his Birthfather came back into the picture claiming he hadn't known about the baby. Our lawyer had done nothing to find him and completely screwed up our court case. Please don't be naive like we were and just think everything will work out great. Make sure you have a good trial lawyer and that he's doing his job and that the b-dad (and any other family...) has signed off before you get too attached! Sorry to give you info you weren't asking for, but I would hate to see anyone else go through what we've gone through.... :goodvibes:

That's is terrible. I'm sooooooo sorry for you. :hugs:

ctoth77
01-10-2009, 09:15 AM
Oh my goodness...A huge thank you, from all of us, for the advice. I can't imagine the pain that you and your family have gone through. My heart goes out to you. :grouphug:

That's is terrible. I'm sooooooo sorry for you. :hugs:

Thank you so much!! It has been very difficult, and even 8 months later we're still trying to get through it. Surprisingly, I'm still not opposed to adoption, I just think it can be a tricky thing and everyone should be very careful and informed. We blindly trusted the private agency we went through and they really screwed us. Anyway, I appreciate your sympathies! :goodvibes:

ecj0320
02-20-2009, 02:01 PM
I can answer some of your questions but I'm sure it wont be of much help to you since we are adopting through the foster care system!

1) We are not using an agency.
2) It isn't going to cost us anything to adopt, (maybe a couple hundred in court fees but we get reimbursed for every penny) actually we get paid to do it! Not that we wouldn't do it regardless but it is still helpful.
3) We have had her since she was 8 weeks old, she just turned 1 on 11/3 and her adoption will be finalized on 11/25!

Sorry, I'm sure none of that helped :blush: but I wanted to share anyway! Good luck to you :goodvibes:

So it is true that it costs very little to adopt when fostering to adopt? Or is this only possible in your State or b/c of your case?
My husband & I are looking into and are unclear about many of the expenses involved with the foster-to-adopt program. We are planning on contacting our county's social services about the foster-to-adopt program but we would like to know as much as we can before we do. We would love to hear your story and advice you can PM or email us at anytime, thanks! (p.s. if anyone else has advice/help please contact us!) :mrgreen:

crystalannski
02-20-2009, 07:33 PM
So it is true that it costs very little to adopt when fostering to adopt? Or is this only possible in your State or b/c of your case?
My husband & I are looking into and are unclear about many of the expenses involved with the foster-to-adopt program. We are planning on contacting our county's social services about the foster-to-adopt program but we would like to know as much as we can before we do. We would love to hear your story and advice you can PM or email us at anytime, thanks! (p.s. if anyone else has advice/help please contact us!) :mrgreen:
It only ended up costing us like $25 to adopt our daughter (the cost of a new birth certificate) :mrgreen: I'll PM you with some details!

kaoh
02-21-2009, 10:56 AM
Hi, this is not in response to any of your questions, but I want to STRONGLY urge you to do your research on the lawyer you'll be using and also MAKE SURE THE FATHERS RIGHTS ARE TERMINATED ASAP!!!! We lost our ds last May (we had him from birth to 15 mos) after his Birthfather came back into the picture claiming he hadn't known about the baby. Our lawyer had done nothing to find him and completely screwed up our court case. Please don't be naive like we were and just think everything will work out great. Make sure you have a good trial lawyer and that he's doing his job and that the b-dad (and any other family...) has signed off before you get too attached! Sorry to give you info you weren't asking for, but I would hate to see anyone else go through what we've gone through.... :goodvibes:

:hugs: an awful story, but you do make a very good point about being careful who you work with. I do hope you are suing the lawyer and reported him.

In answer to the original post, we adopted privately through an agency and when all was said and done paid just over $20,000. However, most agencies do ala carte, so you are just paying for what you need them for. I like the agency route (make sure its a good one) because they are in the know and cover all the bases, such as fulfilling legal requirements on finding birth fathers. Had we found a baby outside of the agency, we would have paid less as we wouldn't have had to pay the placement fee (that was the largest fee, $14k).

We've had our dd from 1 month (her initial adoptive parent backed out of the adoption at that point and she was suddenly available again, otherwise we would have had her from birth). She is 7 months now, and we finalize next week :lostit: