View Full Version : How will I go on?

11-13-2006, 07:30 PM
So I had my blood test in early October my HcG level was a whopping 15,000! Everything was great.

I go for my first ultrasound today and doc says all he can find is a gestational sac measuring 6 weeks and looks abnormally shaped. He said that usually isn't good since I should be 9 1/2 weeks. He wants me to get my blood taken again to see if what he thinks is right, that my HcG level is going down and the inevitable (I spell horribly) is going to happen. He said the date could be way off, but with the gestational sac abnormally shaped it doesn't look good. I had one spot about the size of a quarter the other day. No signs that it was happening, and haven't had any other signs since. No cramping, no bleeding.

What am I to do? My doctor said that if the HcG does come back lower that he'd let things progress naturally to avoid doing the roter rooting. I can't take this I want a second baby so bad. I've been crying for the last 3 hours since I got home from the doctor and nothing is making this feel any better. I feel worthless as a woman, I feel I've let my husband down. What do I do?

11-13-2006, 07:39 PM

There is no way that you are worthless or that you have done anything wrong. You have NO control over anything that is going on & there is no way that you are letting your DH down.

I know how hard it is to believe that though. I have been there & it is so hard to believe the words I am trying to get you to believe, but please know that nothing is your fault.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Fuzzi Fannies Creations
11-13-2006, 07:46 PM
Hey mama... nothing I can say will make you feel better.. but just want you to know that you did NOTHING WRONG!!! I was there in March... and it is VERY hard to deal with.. but we are here for you.. just come here to vent or talk or anything..:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

11-13-2006, 07:47 PM
Please dont not feel worthless, and you absolutely have not let him down. This is beyond ANYONES control. When I had my first miscarriage I was a wreck for months. I, too, thought it was MY fault and constantly thought about what I could have done to prevent it.
Chances are extremely high that you'll get pregnant again (it can happen so fast too, I had my m/c at the end of May and was preg. again in Sept.). And everything will be fine and you'll have that little bundle.
But, I just really want to stress that this has nothing to do with YOU. Unfortunately, it's just something that happens to more people than it should. :hugs:

11-13-2006, 07:50 PM
:hugs: i agree with everyone else here, you are a wonderful mama and wife and your dh knows it, sometimes things just happen that are out of our hands, you will have many more children, my prayers are with your little bean that all is ok :hugs:

11-13-2006, 08:30 PM
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

I am so sorry. Like the other Mommas said, you are not worthless. You don't have any control over this situation, and you've been thrown into it to deal with. That said, I had 8 miscarriages before getting pregnant this time, and I felt like a complete failure with each one. I had honestly lost all faith in my body and myself by the time we got pregnant this time. If there is ever anything I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask. You'll be in my thoughts. :hugs:

11-13-2006, 08:58 PM
:hugs: So sorry mama. :hugs:

11-14-2006, 06:54 AM
:hugs: Your not worthless and you haven't let your dh down. We are all here for you if you need us.

11-14-2006, 07:37 AM
Thank you all so much! I know in my heart there is nothing I can do to prevent this. If I am going to miscarry, it's going to happen whether I like it or not, and do know that it will happen for a reason. I know that if God gave me the gift and is probably going to take it from me, then there is something wrong with the little bean, and it would be better if that little one were not brought into the world. It is just such a shock to go in anticipating seeing those first pictures of the new one, only to be told that your gestational sac is measuring smaller than I am supposed to be pregnant, and that I will likely miscarry. I know that you are only dealt what you are supposed to be able to handle, but I am so dreading the fact that I may start bleeding at any point. The fact that I have to just sit it out and wait and see, is making this much harder for me. I know that you all are here for me and that gives me the strength to go on and handle this, whatever the outcome may be.

Love you all!!!

11-14-2006, 07:41 AM
:hugs: mama we are here for you!


11-14-2006, 07:43 AM
Thank you thank you thank you! I may need you guys more than ever if I do miscarry. I am NOT a strong person, and fear what this may do to me emotionally. Let alone the thought of trying again only to fail again. Holy crap!

11-14-2006, 08:30 AM
It will be okay!! I know it is so hard to believe...but it is so painful and no one can say anything to make it feel better, but we are all here for you. I just had a m/c a few weeks ago and it hurts so much, but I have faith that I will get through it. Let us know what is going on. I am thinking good thoughts for you....:hugs:

11-14-2006, 08:41 AM
:hugs: Oh momma:hugs: I understand what you are feeling, I went throught the same feelings when I had a miscarriage, but it is not your fault if this is what is happening. You could not have done anything to cause or prevent it. I know that I was scared to death when it was happening and scared to try to get preggo again, then scared that the same thing would happen again. I have a happy healthy 5 month ond now, I had a miscarriage 7/29/05 and my lmp was 9/21/05 for my son, so it did happen quickly for me. I hope that every thing works out for you! This is a wonderful group of mommas and they will all help you through any difficult times you may face!

11-14-2006, 09:14 AM
I know! You guys are great, and I don't know what I would do without this group. I've been doing some research and it's looks like some mamas in my exact situation do come out of this ok with a healthy baby. I'm not going to get my hopes up, just to be devistated, but I need a glimmer of hope. If I do miscarry, I've already decided (10 min. ago) that I'm gonna get up and try again. I want a second baby and nothing will stop me from having it!

11-14-2006, 09:37 AM
sorry hun just dont stress over having a 2nd trust me i did that and every time i thought so i weould get my hopes up and then it not be....and i was not ovulationg to even get pregant and dr siad it was not gonna be possible again and then all the suddon when we got married in june wow bam we got pregant and now we are 4 months and 4 days due in april with baby # 2 just dont stress over it you are not doing any thing wrong mabey god is just telling you its not ur time yet....think good not bad

11-14-2006, 10:44 AM
Thanks mama!

11-14-2006, 12:03 PM
BIG Hugs to you mama!! I have been there! The same thing happened with my second loss. I had had a tiny bit of spotting (brown & "okay") a few times & I just didnt feel "right" so I asked the Dr if I could come in. He sent me for an u/s and instead of being 10wks, I was closer to 7wks (I had tested bfp when a conception would have occurred for that date so I knew it wasnt off dates). We waited a week just incase & redid the u/s showing the same. Called a missed abortion (lovely) & I had to have a D&C because after 3wks it was obvious my body didnt know it wasnt pg anymore. The same thing happened again 5mos later & then I found out I had a progesterone issue & a few other easily remedied problems. Was pg 2 cycles later with Sofia.

11-14-2006, 02:21 PM
No words except i hope all is ok....

I have been TTC for over 26 motnhs and have had 3losses in that time... , so i know how sad you feel...

11-14-2006, 02:34 PM
Hey Shannon,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You aren't a worthless woman, sometimes these things just happen.
Its amazing, really, that there are so many people on this earth, everything has to come together so perfectly for us to get here. A lot of things can go wrong, especially at the stage of pregnancy that we're in. I know that's not comforting at all, but its just not your fault.
I'll be thinking of you. :hugs:

11-14-2006, 02:40 PM
Thanks Sarah! I was hoping you'd come here to read this. I guess you are doing well, I'll just have to live vicariuosly through you!!!

11-14-2006, 03:34 PM
So far so good for me. I can't stop the nagging feeling that there is something wrong with the baby, but we'll see.
I'm not having any symptoms of being pregnant really so we'll see what the MW says tomorrow.
I'm sorry you have to live vicariously through me. I hope that you'll get pregnant again quickly so you'll be too busy to live thru me. :hugs:

11-14-2006, 07:48 PM
Oh I'm just kidding Sarah! Please let me know what you mw says tomorrow!!!! I get the results of my bloodwork tomorrow, I'll let you all know here, what the outcome is.

11-15-2006, 12:44 AM
I am sorry to hear you are going through this mama! It is good to see that you have made up your mind to continue trying no matter what! That is wonderful. I know too well about the betrayal of the body and how it can make a person feel worthless and like they have let others down. But like everyone has said, that is not the case, we have no control over what happens. Just keep your head up and stay strong mama!! Please let us know about the bloodwork tomorrow.

11-15-2006, 10:00 AM
OK so the doctor isn't in yet but I got my results:I'm supposed to be 9 1/2 wks
My HcG the first time I was tested was 15, 000 this time it was 24,432.
I don't think he checked for progesterone the first time but it is at 8.4 right now.

As I mentioned the doc doesn't come in till 1pm EST. So I guess I have to wait till then to find out what all this means.

11-15-2006, 11:18 AM
I think it is okay, since your hcg is going up. If it went down :(, but since it went up...maybe things are okay.

11-15-2006, 01:37 PM
Sounds like it may be better than what you thought? I hope it works out for you! :hugs:

11-16-2006, 07:06 AM
no actually I heard from my doctor, and unfortunately he said that although the number went up it is not nearly high enough to be a viable pregnancy. He said that it would have had to have atleast doubled by now. On the plus side he did say that my progesterone level is fine, so if everything had ben put together right, I would have had no problem. So unfortunately I am now waiting for that horrible day to come, which I can't believe will happen since I feel great! He did say that if nothing happens before monday he wants to do another u/s to see what is going on in there, and from there he will make a decision of what the next step should be.

11-16-2006, 07:08 AM
Let me just say this has happened to me twice. the first time I thought all was great went for the u/s and there was nothing there but a sac. I ended up having a dnc b/c I never miscarried on my own. The second time I went to the u/s he said the same thing. Sent me for more bloodwork and my numbers were fine and I now have a beautiful 17mos old dd here. Keep the faith. Maybe he is wrong, it has happened before..lol

11-16-2006, 07:14 AM
Are you saying that the second time your doc told you you just had a sac, went to get more bloodwork, and it turned out ok? I just had to write it to believe it. Do you remember what your numbers were? Should I ask to get bloodwork done again, I just had it done Monday when he said the numbers weren't high enough?

11-16-2006, 06:18 PM
Your Dr told you that progesterone # was good???? NO!! It has to be at least a 15 and preferably over 20 to support a pregnancy!! With my 2nd late pg mine was a 5.9 & went down to a 5.7 in 2 days!!! HCG stops doubling after it gets over a certain # (i'd have to look it up). BUT, if the first blood test was over a month ago, it definately should be much higher. It sounds like the pg ended in the past few weeks & isnt resolving naturally. I KNOW it isnt what you want to hear mama......I spent a week in the same situation TWICE wondering & trying to figure out how it could all end positively. The last thing you need is for someone to lie to you now. IF you want any info on treating/testing progesterone deficiencies, LMK.

11-17-2006, 08:14 AM
I looked it up myself and too found that the progesterone level wasn't high enough. If I don't do anything on my own this weekend, the doctor wants to do another ultrasound to see what's going on in there. I guess to see if anything has moved, or is moving in a southerly direction. (My nice way of saying getting the He&^ out of my body) I just want this over so I can heal and try again as soon as I can.

11-17-2006, 08:57 AM
Definately ask your Dr about using Prometrium after ovulation! (should be started within 48hrs after ovulation, many Drs say not until BFP but by then it can be too late). It is not "proven" to help sustain a pg (by the FDA) but it has helped MANY people, will not HURT a pregnancy & many Drs will at least let you try. (This is what my OB told me when I asked). You should take it at least until 12-13wks when the placenta takes over producting progesterone.

11-17-2006, 08:57 AM
Oh & if you need anything, PM me.

11-17-2006, 04:36 PM
I'll have to ask Robin thank you! It might be something I may need next time, right now I'm concerned with expelling what is there, and healing emotionally and physically, but I will for sure right that down to ask my doctor, thank you. And I may take you up on that pming!!!

11-18-2006, 05:43 PM
:hugs: I've been there & totally alone through it. I needed a D&C for both of mine. I just couldnt stand the waiting & it made my anxiety really bad. Luckily my Dr agreed that if I hadnt m/c'd natually by that point I probably wasnt going to. It was what I need for a "fresh start" so I could move past the loss & concentrate on what I needed to do to ttc again.

11-21-2006, 08:01 PM
So I went to the doctor again Monday and he said he'd give me one more week, if at that point I haven't miscarried on my own, he then wants to do the D&C. Come on body don't fail me now get movin'!!! I just wish something would happen, but as Robin said if I haven't yet my body may not do it on it's own. This suc&s

11-21-2006, 08:06 PM
I'm sorry mama, i hope your body does what it needs to and prevent that d&c for you :hugs:

11-22-2006, 09:05 PM
Thank you Sally, so do I, but nothing is happening, I think my body wants to be pregnant so bad it's not giving this up without a fight.

How is Danae? She looks so darn cute in your avatar, I want to eat her up!!!

11-26-2006, 07:13 PM
you know you might not have to have a d&c. there is medication you can take to help your body on it's own. I don't remember what the name is but ask them first! i hope you are well!

11-29-2006, 12:57 PM
How are you doing Shannon??

11-29-2006, 02:35 PM
I really hope she is okay! anyone have her number to call?

11-30-2006, 09:58 PM
Does anyone have this momma's number to call her? I really hope she is okay!~

12-01-2006, 06:42 AM
Hugs mama!

How are you doing? We just had our 3rd loss, first D&C in September. My body just wouldn't let go... :(

PM me if you need to talk! I hope everything is ok