the guilt

[ChicanaCoqueta]

so working full-time keeps us out for the majority of our waking hours

I have to go straight home or I feel like I'm taking time away from baby. Even if I just need something from the grocery store, which is ON THE WAY. I hardly ever will stop and just prefer to get home and pick up baby to take him with me.

I feel like I should have some "me" time, but I feel soooo guilty about leaving him esp. since I don't see him most of the day.

My friend invited me to this woman's group, they only meet once/month but I felt so bad after being there for 2 hours, I HAD to get home.

How do you have your own time without the guilt and/or sacrificing baby time?

[ariatrance]

I reached a point where I realized that if I wasn't getting "me" time, then my son would never really know who I was b/c I wouldn't. A little time for myself helps keep me sane - I'm not just a worker, I'm not just a mom, I'm not just a wife, I'm not just a (fill in the blank).

I am lucky in that I get off work 2 hours early on Fridays. So I use that time to run personal errands or watch a movie at home or work on crafts/projects, etc. I know my son is fine at daycare - he's able to keep to his regular schedule and not be thrown off. Every once in awhile I will pick him up early on a Friday and we will go do something special, just the two of us, like going to the park or the toy store, whatever.

I think it just comes with time - you realize you have to have a balance or you become swallowed up and lost in the monotony. That's not life and it is certainly not the life I want for myself, my husband or my son.

You'll get there!

[Katherine]

i just don't have me time. i get the girls within a half hour of work ending - i stay long enough to pump, then get them. i never get to work earlier than 5 minutes early so i can have those few extra minutes with them in the morning. maybe when dd2 is older i won't feel so bad taking a few minutes to myself, but right now, I'm not going to spend any more time away than I have to. I've had to refuse some after-school meetings because I just can't bring myself to stay. honestly...I knew going into this that I wasn't going to have time to myself, esp. since I knew I would need to work full time. However much I might like some personal time, I don't expect it.

[frogandtoad]

I have 3 and one on the way. If you don't take care of yourself, even a few hours a week/month ... you WILL burn out and that is not a good place to be. Of course, if I can leave DCs with DH then it's not such a problem since they are with their parent (although I will say that sometimes it's better to arrange a sitter as DH can be spacey sometimes - he's getting better but it's taken 3 children ...) SIGH

Guilt is not a productive emotion IMO. Unless there is truly a problem and guilt spurs you to make a positive change to a negative problem. Your child deserves to know that s/he has other caring adult in his/her life besides mommy. I think this becomes more important as they get older. I will say that when my LOs are under 1 year old or so I tend to keep them close and do what you describe like taking them with me to appointments, on errands, etc. Some of that is due to BF'ing, but not always.

DH never seems to have a problem running errands by himself ... I figure it's okay for me once in a while also.

You'll find what works for you.

[ChicanaCoqueta]

Thanks for the encouragement and ideas. I like the idea of doing me and baby activities. I just signed up for a parent/child swim class and I'm very excited, even if it's only 30 min., it should be fun. and I'll def. look into more baby & me special time.