View Full Version : Struggling....

02-01-2009, 09:50 PM
Anyone else struggling with this? (also, I'm not sure if this is the appropriate forum.... I couldnt' find one that seemed fitting aside from this one..)

I have a 5 year old, almost 4 year old and 1 year old. My 4 year old (and my dh) has a genetic heart disease, he almost died at 3 months old and is currently still pretty sick on a ton of medications and a feeding tube.... but my girls are healthy (just a few food allergies, and some mild reflux).
I though we were done.. but lately my heart has been aching for another child. We have talked about adoption, which we are thinking maybe when our kids are older... but I want to have another baby, be prego, all that.
Some days I feel so strong that I do... other days I'm scared to death, not just about the possibly of a sick baby (the way I see it, is we all have the possibility to have an unhealthy child, we just know our odds, where as others dont... and I also feel that God has a plan and what is meant to be- healthy or sick, will be... and I wouldn't trade my son for anything), so not just the 'sick' possibility, but just being able to handle 4 and all that comes with that...... but idk.. will I just KNOW when we are done??????
I am having such a hard time making this decision...and am thinking about it constantly. It wouldn't be until at least late this year if at all....so I have time, and I know I should just enjoy things they way they are now and let it be and see how a feel in a few months.. but I feel that I'll still be wishy washy. I keep thinking about all the pros and cons and just can't come to a conclusion :(

02-02-2009, 12:44 PM
It definitely is a hard decision...It's hard to see your kids grow up and realize that one day they will be adults but as my mom always says "you'll always need me...even if you don't know it yet!" So the best advice is to do what is right for you and your family....to others me having baby #5 wasn't right but to me :wub: I wouldn't trade a single one of them for the world!

02-02-2009, 03:49 PM
Thank :)

02-02-2009, 03:52 PM
no prob! I hate to say that there is no right answer...so I'll just say that there are so many right answers that sometimes you don't know which one to choose first :hugs:

02-17-2009, 01:50 PM
i have known multiple women who just know when they are done. when they are preg. with that last baby they know. me, i don't so until i do, then i have an iud until i can decide otherwise. i just get preg. on anything else. lol maybee when they are all a little older then i will have another or decide that it's finally it. but the best way, is just to pray about it with your spouse long and hardand give yourselves time to listen to what God has to say.

02-20-2009, 09:01 AM
I don't know if you will or not. We've had six in less than eight years. The older two (of a total of eight) are three years apart. I can say that I have really hard pregnancies (surgery with each, generally bedrest and sometimes drugs and once hospitalization) and I'm not a very "baby" person. I LOVE toddlers, preschoolers, and older kids, but it takes me a little bit to look at the baby and say, "Yup, I think it's mine alrighty." Truth is, you're just probably physically and mentally exhausted.

I can say it gets easier. With this delivery I was so glad we kept going. And I can tell you I look at Abigail (resident 2 yr old) and say to her at least twice a day, "I'm so glad we have you." She brings us SO much joy.

Do I think I'll know when I'm done? I've thought, "I could stop and be content," several times. But each time we have another I think, "How could I have lived my life and missed out on you?" So I guess even though, in the past, especially when they were younger, I've wanted to throw in the towel and say, "That's it! I quit! I'm DONE!" When it has come right down to it, I'm not sure I'm willing to give up any of the blessings God is willing to give me, kwim? So, I'm guessing I'll never be ready to be done.

I'm also really blessed to be very good friends with two women in my life who decided they were done too. And then later decided they had made a mistake. I've watched both have reversals. I've watched both struggle, succeed, and struggle. And it humbles me. And I've watched them hurt a lot over having made that initial decision. I can honestly say if we ever decided to prevent more babies, I can't, at this point in my life, EVER see doing anything permanent.

But, Mama, you're at a REALLY hard place. And I can tell you that really hard places seem like you'll be there forever and they never end. I know someone once told me, "It's just for a season." And I thought, "Are you crazy?????? It's not a season!!!! It's my WHOLE life." I'm quiverfull and dh is just willing, lol, so we're looking at a lifetime of pregnancies and babies. And I thought I was going to be this drained, this exhausted until the age of 50. But, I can honestly say, most days, the rewards are FINALLY outweighing the amount of work.

We had our dd in 2001 and she died when she was just 12 days old. I found out I was pregnant again a few weeks later. Followed by two more little ones in Jan 2004 and Dec 2004 respectively. I have to tell you 2005-2006 are kind of blurry to me. But it passed. And I can tell you that life has gotten less chaotic and over time and with experience I've learned to deal with it a little more and ask for a little more grace. (And not be so hard on myself for not being able to do everything all the time.)

(((Hugs mama.)))

02-22-2009, 10:52 PM
Hugs mama! I know exactly how you feel. I have a 3 year old little girl and 4 month old twin boys. I feel like I'm meant to have one more, but I can't handle being pregnant. My body just can't handle it and all of my babies have been micropreemies and my uterus just about ruptured with my twins. The only option to have more children is through adoption. I so want another pregnancy. Actually, I think it's just a normal, healthy pregnancy that I want. But I'll never have one. I so want to adopt a child, but my dh opposes it. I'm not sure what his reasoning is, but he won't adopt. I was so scared to get pregnant after my first preemie and really wanted to adopt then. I'm not sure what we'll end up doing, but I really feel like I'm supposed to have one more child.