I am so very tired. I haven't had a full night sleep since November. The last 2 months of my pregnancy I had a cold and a cough that kept me up at night. The last 2 days leading up to the delivery of my twins, I slept maybe 2 hours each night. Since my twins were born, I get up at least 3 times a night with them and I know this is completely normal.
I tried getting them on the same nap schedule but that hasnt worked so I have at all times at least 2 kids with me. I have an older boy who needs my attention too. Any time I put one baby down to nurse the other, the first one gets upset. Even if they have just nursed and have a full tummy. I can't stand the crying anymore too. I can't seem to keep any body happy. I cant even have my lunch w/o someone screaming at me wanting to be held or to be nursed even tho, 5 mins before this, they were completely fine sitting in the bouncy seat or swing. I have cried so many times in the past 2 weeks or so. When is this going to get easier? I have one friend who has twins but she didn't nurse them and she doesn't have any other children so she is somewhat of a support but not really. I feel my milk supply is slowly going down. The middle of the night feedings are fine. I have lots of milk then. In the mornings, I have milk but by noon, I feel empty and it seems thats when they want to eat alot. I have made the mistake of giving them bottles b/c it seems I can't give them what they need/want.
It doesn't help me in the evenings when my dh is home and he is trying to help. I hand over one of the boys to my dh and he holds them but lets them cry. Sometimes he tries to put a pacy in their mouth but they end up crying even more. That really gets on my nerves when he just lets them cry when he is holding them. I hear enough crying during the day, I don't need to hear more at night. I end up going to pick them up b/c he doesnt try to get them to stop crying. He knows I don't like it, but doesn't do anything about it.
I so need a break. I don't see one in the near future either. :cry:
luvmygirls
02-17-2009, 12:19 PM
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Ok, would it help to pump? I have twins who are now two, and I was only able (mentally, at least) to physically nurse them for the first month. Then I broke down, crying, lack of sleep, depression, etc. I found that when I went to exclusive pumping it helped tremendously. I was able to feed both LOs at once without having anyone crying in the background (for the most part) and it helped to eliminate some of the anxiety I was harboring. Honestly mama it gets easier!! Please hang in there! And, is there ANYONE that can come over maybe twice a week to just help out? Another set of hands is so helpful sometimes. Again, :hugs: and remember to just breathe. Your only one person ;)
starbuckmom
02-17-2009, 12:25 PM
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Ok, would it help to pump? I have twins who are now two, and I was only able (mentally, at least) to physically nurse them for the first month. Then I broke down, crying, lack of sleep, depression, etc. I found that when I went to exclusive pumping it helped tremendously. I was able to feed both LOs at once without having anyone crying in the background (for the most part) and it helped to eliminate some of the anxiety I was harboring. Honestly mama it gets easier!! Please hang in there! And, is there ANYONE that can come over maybe twice a week to just help out? Another set of hands is so helpful sometimes. Again, :hugs: and remember to just breathe. Your only one person ;)
Yes, I have tried pumping. I pump when they are down for nap but it seems as soon as I am done pumping, someone gets up and wants to eat and I get frustrated b/c they get frustrated that I am empty from just pumping. They are impatient waiting for a let down.
No, I really don't have anyone who can come. I wish I did. My mom is 2 hours from here and can't physically come all the time. Her health isn't the greatest.
esaesa
02-17-2009, 12:52 PM
I found that trying to get them on a schedule in the early days just frustrated me. I got them on a very loose schedule around 4 months. Now, at 11 months, I can tell you when naps are and can just now lay them down to go to sleep on their own.
It is so hard being a twin mama, I can't imagine having other dc who needed my attention too. Go easy on yourself. Consider speaking to health care professional about ppd. Suggest that your dh walk the babies around the house. (it drives me nuts when dh lets mine cry too - DO SOMETHING! I think)
It will get easier - you will adjust and get in a routine and they will eventually sleep more and they will need less and less of you. Once they start noticing each other and especially playing together, there is a lot more time for mom.
Sometimes a foot or back rub for one baby while nursing the other helped.
have you tried white noise - plug in the hair dryer on cool while they are crying.
hang in there. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but just do the best you can. :hugs:
momof6plus3
02-17-2009, 01:11 PM
Hang in there mama! You can do it. I hear you and I have been there. I have triplets and when we brought them home the next oldest was 3 yrs old. I was able to pump and (only 1 latched on, they were 32 weekers) nurse for only 3 months and then had to give it up because of the shear stress of it. It is so time consuming and I have no help either. My mom is close but also has heath issues and mil is close but had surgery on her shoulder and then her wrist, she has been no help and still isn't.
I can only tell you what helped me, most of what I needed was "mental" not as much as physical. Although getting more sleep with most def. help you lots. Drink lots of water and make sure you are eating good foods. Sleep when you can, even if it's only a 15 min. nap. Get dh to watch them all for you to nap an hour here and there and forget about housework for a while. If at all possible (when dh is home, maybe weekends) take a baby into a bedroom and close the door, put on some relaxing music or watch a favorite tv show, put up your feet and just let them nurse. I say one baby simply because juggling 2 little bobbly heads is frustrating enough. Just get comfortable with one and the more you nurse, you know, supply and demand. I used to make my older kids watch them long enough to have these little sessions and it was the only thing that kept me hanging in as long as I did. It was hard after nursing a singleton to 22 months, everything is so different when you have more.
When they get stronger and more able to support themselves, (you will get used to slinging them around with one hand when they are older) I would get into the habit of tandem nursing using the football hold. I bought a double nursing pillow and it wasn't that great, pillows work as well. Have somebody hand the babies to you and help get them latched on until you get used to it. Be thankful that they do latch on and eat well for you, mine didn't and it was really hard. Have you tried a sling? I was able to carry one with me a lot during the day and they were satisfied and got more one on one time. I wouldn't mess with pumping but that's jmo. I would sleep while they are napping and then nurse them when they wake up, putting it in a bottle isn't helping. Some mamas are able to lock themselves away and take the babies to bed for the weekend and just have a nursing marathon, that brings in more milk. I was never able to do that having older kids to take care of but if you could manage it it would work wonders. Ok I am starting to ramble now. I hope that something I said can help or at least give you some encouragement.
Amy
It does get easier,you will have new challenges as you get a handle on the old ones, there is hope :) I made it through the first 4 months and then it was pretty easy for a while. Now at 18 months I am losing my mind again.
luvmygirls
02-17-2009, 01:15 PM
Would you consider exclusive pumping? I was disappointed but it saved my sanity.
esaesa
02-17-2009, 01:35 PM
wanted to add that you may consider co sleeping. I was adamantly against it before birth, after they were born it just happened and it bought me a lot more sleep. I had to wake a little bit but not as much. I put a mattress on the floor for those nights when they wanted to nurse all night.
starbuckmom
02-17-2009, 03:43 PM
Thank you all for your kind words. Right now I have one up and one twin down for a nap and my 3 year old resting too. The one who is up has been up since around noon. Over tired and can't get to sleep. I was so hoping for a nap today but it's not going to happen.
I don't know if exclusive pumping is going to work for me. I can try. I do tandem nurse especially in the mornings when they both wake at the same time and then in the evenings to get thru the crazy time before bed. I use a boppy and pillows and that works for us. I have gone thru around 15 movies doing this! I have borrowed movies from my mom b/c I have watched most of mine!
The babies usually get up 1-2 times each in the night. Co Sleeping isn't going to work with us. They get their nursing done w/in 15-20 mins at night so I am not up long. I get the one up who starts crying first, nurse him and then get a snack and then get the other one up. Its just easier this way.
I have an appt the 27th with my ob for a 2nd post partum check up but it's mainly to talk about birth control. I am going to talk with her about postpartum depression and see if thats whats going on. I didn't have it with my ds1 so I don't know all the signs. I am sad all the time and cry very easily. I haven't been happy for a few months now. I don't know what's going on. I am usually a very happy, love life, laugh all the time person but I am not now. I hate it and wish I could stop it. I want to be happy again. I want to be able to enjoy my kids and I can't right now.
I hope it gets better.
cammiesue
02-17-2009, 09:01 PM
:hugs: Those first few months are the hardest IMO. I tried pumping but gave up after a few months - I found it was so much more difficult for me to pump - took so much time. For me just nursing was easier.
For us getting my boys on the same schedule is what saved me. I know that it is best to feed on demand - but for me I was so stressed and was ready to throddle someone - so I put them on a schedule of eating every 3 hours. If they were sleeping when it was time to eat I would wake them up. Now at 6 months they are a breeze. I tandem feed them in the morning because I have the most milk then and don't have to really help them with a latch. Then during the day I feed them one at a time. When they were younger I would put one either on the floor under a play gym, or in their crib - somewhere safe for them and away from me and the nursing baby - that way I could nurse and not be worried about comforting the cying one. Then I would switch them. Thankfully I had a pedi who let me know that it was okay for the boys to cry - she gave me a cut off of 20 minutes- that really did help me - it gave me permission to let them cry. Although usually I would have to go to the other side of the house and turn on some white noise so I couldn't hear the crying. Now though my boys rarly cry - only when something is wrong or they really need me.
mammaof??
02-21-2009, 02:32 PM
Oh mama! I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling and just want you to know that it does get better. I am right there with you even with this second set of twins. I feel like there's not enough of me to go around, with the 4 week olds and the 2 year olds (also twins) getting info mischeif. then there are the older 3... I can only say, hang in there.
I hate to hear the babies cry- OMG it kills me, but honestly sometimes it has to happen. you can't be everywhere. i usually have one baby in a sling. i try to feed them together always. maybe waking up the sleeping baby or making sure you just grab both if one seems hungry will help. and try to let go of everything except feeding yourself and your older child and the babies. everything else can wait.
if no one in the family is close, can you find a mama's helper or a doula to come in and give you a break? at least an hour or two every couple of days?
i wish i were closer to you. don't hesitate to talk to people. i am happy to give you my phone number if you want to have someone to call that's been thru it. i am serious.
:hugs: :bighug:
Michele
starbuckmom
02-21-2009, 02:45 PM
Thank you Michele for the help. I can only wonder how you survive with 2 sets of twins and 3 older children. I figure if you can do it then I can too! Things are getting better. Its funny, I think the twins have switched places b/c Riley used to not sleep as well and Jonathan would now it's reversed! I don't mind as Jonathan is more laid back than Riley so when Jon is up, it's still quiet and he just hangs out either in the bouncy seat or sling. Jon just likes to hang out and check out his surroundings. Makes it easier for me.
I still haven't been able to take naps yet. I am getting used to that. I just try and get more sleep at night. Going to bed earlier helps. I have also found that if I eat little meals thru the day instead of breakfast and then lunch, I am not scrounging for food just as someone wakes up wanting to eat. My fav snack right now is whole wheat crackers with Laughing Cow cheese. Oh, and a glass of water next to me at all times.
I am glad I can post my frustrations here and be heard and get some positive feedback and advice. I appreciate that!
Thanks mamas :bighug:
autumnlily
02-24-2009, 10:08 AM
I think I could of written your first post word for word when my twins were just under 2 months. I had a 2.5 year old at that time too.
The hubby letting them cry (simply because it doesn't rattle his nerves - wish it could be easy for us too) agitated me to no end. I finally asked DH to take them for a walk - outside of the house. I couldn't be bothered with bundling them up... so we stuffed soft warm blankets behind them and swaddled them in their miracle blankets (and hats) and I shove him out the door. I just needed 30 minutes without kid noises. The toddler was usually dropped off with the neighbor kid or out with dad at this time.
Also, my Grace's cry was/is the hardest for me to listen too. Not because I feel sorry for her - but because I know it is a simple thing she needs but I just can't muster up the energy to do it. And her pitch is ear piercing. I found "wearing" her to be a life saver. I have a Beco Butterfly and maya sling. Even the Bjorn was great. She just needed to be worn and oh my it helped keep her quiet. See if DH will wear one of the babies when he gets home at night (I suggest Bjorn for dad).
Also, until they go to bed earlier in the day - I suggest trying to take the twins for a walk around 7 or 7:30 and let DH take care of DS. The fresh air will help you and the babies sleep better. Even a 15 minute walk. Again skip the gloves, shoes, buntings, coats - and just swaddled them and tuck blankets around them... make it as quick and easy to access your stroller and the door.
Tell DH the most helpful thing for you at the moment. If it is to console a baby so he doesn't cry... say, "honey, please just help Baby not to cry... I need a few moments without crying in the house". or, "can you take him outside or upstairs until he calms down".
I often had a friend or family member with me at least 4 hours a day for the first 2 to 3 months... I would have lost it otherwise. Seriously, the neighbor boy (11 years old LOVED to play with my toddler and he would come straight over after school for an hour or two... it was free and so helpful, because 4 to 6 pm was the hardest part of the day for me).
I found the shower to be a safe and relaxing place to scream or cry or just let the hot water pound my back for 15 minutes. I sent my toddler to parents, friends or neighbors houses 3 times a week (sometimes it was only an hour or two and other days - it was overnight).
Sanity came when the twins finally starting going to sleep before 9pm. In the beginning we always put the toddler to bed first and then the twins. My hubby became the sole evening person for my DD and they have an incredible bond because of it. Now (starting around 8 months) we put the twins to bed first and then the toddler and everyone is in bed by 7:30pm... life is SO MUCH easier. It's awesome to have an end in sight for the end of the day.
Sorry for the ramble - but I'm sure you can relate to a twin momma's "mommy brain"!
