PDA

View Full Version : my mom says i shouldn't let the kids watch me in the bathroom....


prd2CD
03-15-2009, 01:35 PM
i was visiting my parents and told my mom that i cannot accomplish much without the kids around. i even use the toilet with them in the bathroom. my mom said that shouldn't be and that is inappropriate. she even went as far to say , "what's your next step? letting them watch you have sex?"

uhhmmm what the ....:headscratch:

after that i felt awful and totally embarrassed for even sharing with her that they came to the bathroom with me.

i didn't think it was that unnatural to let my children in the bathroom while i am in there....

ericak95
03-15-2009, 01:41 PM
:headscratch: I would have to hold it from 6:30am until 8:00pm in my house if that were the rule. Besides, we're a family of 4 with only 1 bathroom. I do feel lucky that we have girls so I think I'm less "worried" about this issue. We have been talking about a bit of privacy here lately with our 5yr old but it's not a concern.

Erica

Frogjump
03-15-2009, 01:42 PM
Please :headscratch:

So, she never ever let you in the bathroom when she was in there when you were little?

I still walk in if I'm at my parents house, and my mom in there, and she's and my sister have both come in while I'm using it. It doesn't help that she doesn't close the door but then neither do I when I'm at home.

My son watches me and I use it more of this is what we do. Potty learning anyone?

Ah, well maybe I just don't have much modesty when it comes to bathroom etiquette when it comes to bathrooms in my home and my parents. What ever it's not as if they can see anything anyway.

Bukawww
03-15-2009, 01:42 PM
How old are your kids, mama? I always always let my pre PLers come in with me. And I like the older girls knowing that they don't need to be ashamed of potty behavior HOWEVER I also want them to learn respect for privacy and tell them to leave me be if its nothing important. I definitely don't shame them for it though...my mom was insanely modest to a fault and I spent a lot of time being ashamed of normal human behaviors including nakedness and don't even get me started on my period...

Definitely not even close to the same thing as letting them see you have sex - that was just ridiculous.

tarah1218
03-15-2009, 01:44 PM
Oh wow, I cannot believe she said that comment! I don't see much wrong with letting the child into the bathroom when you are going potty. IDK, maybe my household isn't very private, but we don't even shut the door. I do have a babygate on the bathroom door, not because I don't want my son around me while going to the bathroom, but because it is the safest option for babyproofing for us. He will play pick-a-boo over the gate while I go to the potty. I just don't see how it is innapropriate.... even now, my mother and I will walk in on one another, it just isn't a big deal and is no way like having sex. I can see how some might see it wrong if you had a teenage boy doing it but not a child IMO. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed at all, she just has different personal boundaries and didn't seem to convey that for her it is not an okay thing but for you it might be...Idk, maybe she just said the wrong thing without realizing it?

alanapaige
03-15-2009, 01:45 PM
oh my lol. then i must be horrible. i shower with my kids, use the bathroom around them. my dd even knows where my pads are lol and gets them for me when im using the bathroom. i dont see anything wrong with it. im very open with my kids and i dont want them to feel weird or ashamed about that kinda stuff.

luvmybaby333
03-15-2009, 01:47 PM
I guess it depends on the age of the child in question AND the comfort level of you both. I'd prefer not to have my 6-year-old in the bathroom with me, and I stay out of the bathroom while she's in there (unless it's necessary.) But that's just my comfort level with HER in particular. We showered together up until last year, so I don't think nudity is such a terrible thing... I just don't feel comfortable with her anymore. (She's nosy and she makes hurtful comments because I don't look like a princess from a Disney movie :laugh: )

I use the bathroom with the baby watching all the time, though. I'd never get to otherwise.

Also: how are young children supposed to learn if they don't watch SOMEBODY?

nakedbabytoes
03-15-2009, 01:47 PM
for a while there, I hadn't used the bathroom alone for 4 years! Now that we have a little one again who can open door knobs, I can't be anywhere alone for more than a minute without a door flying open and a big "heyo" from my little red head!
Using the bathroom is not like having sex!
If anything, it takes the mystery out of PT and making that transition is natural since they have seen that it's no big deal & how it's done.
I don't mind usually and I've never thought it was weird or wrong. And I have boys. I think that this might be a generational thing. Forgive your mom for being judgemental, it's probably just a different parenting style from a different era.

alanapaige
03-15-2009, 01:48 PM
How old are your kids, mama? I always always let my pre PLers come in with me. And I like the older girls knowing that they don't need to be ashamed of potty behavior HOWEVER I also want them to learn respect for privacy and tell them to leave me be if its nothing important. I definitely don't shame them for it though...my mom was insanely modest to a fault and I spent a lot of time being ashamed of normal human behaviors including nakedness and don't even get me started on my period...

Definitely not even close to the same thing as letting them see you have sex - that was just ridiculous.

i also agree with this too tho...once my kids are older ill prolly be like come on now...cant i pee in private lol

daisy0306
03-15-2009, 01:49 PM
ummm... I think that having my kids come into the bathroom helps then learn where pee/ poop goes. Besides, I'd rather DD comes into the bathroom with me than have her screaming bloody murder outside the door....

linz2491
03-15-2009, 01:49 PM
yeah thats alittle rediculous! My 2 younger dc are always with me in the potty whether I want them there or not (NOT!) ds1 is too old at 8. totally not even close on the same level as sex!

prd2CD
03-15-2009, 01:50 PM
Also: how are young children supposed to learn if they don't watch SOMEBODY?

that's exactly what i said to my mom and that is when she came in with the sex comment. :banghead:

i told her that, yes, they are even in there when AF is in town. she was totally aghast and reacted like that was the most horrible and outlandish thing she has ever heard.

my LO's are 44 mos and 20 mos.

katbet2004
03-15-2009, 01:52 PM
I think it comes down to how old they are. I have a little man who will be 3 next month and he still comes in and asks me what i m doing. But there will come a point where its just like.GET OUT! LET ME PEE IN PRIVATE! lol...even now, i sometimes lock the door, and he will bang and bang till I come out.

prd2CD
03-15-2009, 01:52 PM
So, she never ever let you in the bathroom when she was in there when you were little?



she swears she shut the door everytime and we learned the potty by books and her teaching, not by watching. :banghead:

Frogjump
03-15-2009, 01:55 PM
she swears she shut the door everytime and we learned the potty by books and her teaching, not by watching. :banghead:

I'm sorry but :giggle: :lostit: :giggle2:

That's just silly

prd2CD
03-15-2009, 01:59 PM
Oh wow, I cannot believe she said that comment! I don't see much wrong with letting the child into the bathroom when you are going potty. IDK, maybe my household isn't very private, but we don't even shut the door. I do have a babygate on the bathroom door, not because I don't want my son around me while going to the bathroom, but because it is the safest option for babyproofing for us. He will play pick-a-boo over the gate while I go to the potty. I just don't see how it is innapropriate.... even now, my mother and I will walk in on one another, it just isn't a big deal and is no way like having sex. I can see how some might see it wrong if you had a teenage boy doing it but not a child IMO. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed at all, she just has different personal boundaries and didn't seem to convey that for her it is not an okay thing but for you it might be...Idk, maybe she just said the wrong thing without realizing it?
thank u :hugs:

for a while there, I hadn't used the bathroom alone for 4 years! Now that we have a little one again who can open door knobs, I can't be anywhere alone for more than a minute without a door flying open and a big "heyo" from my little red Using the bathroom is not like having sex!
If anything, it takes the mystery out of PT and making that transition is natural since they have seen that it's no big deal & how it's done.
I don't mind usually and I've never thought it was weird or wrong. And I have boys. I think that this might be a generational thing. Forgive your mom for being judgemental, it's probably just a different parenting style from a different era.

yea probably. thank u:hugs:

ummm... I think that having my kids come into the bathroom helps then learn where pee/ poop goes. Besides, I'd rather DD comes into the bathroom with me than have her screaming bloody murder outside the door....

i know, that's what happens here! they scream and cry and flip out!

prd2CD
03-15-2009, 02:01 PM
I'm sorry but :giggle: :lostit: :giggle2:

That's just silly

:giggle: i know.


it's like...mom...really.....:rolleyesout:

TalkinBoutMyGirl
03-15-2009, 02:25 PM
Moms..they are just so off the wall sometimes aren't they..lol Oh wait..I'm a mom now. Hope I stay relatively normal lol

kocho
03-15-2009, 02:36 PM
I honestly think that our parents forget what it's like to have small kids hanging on their legs once we've grown up. My Mom isn't too bad, but the inlaws seem to think kids are just little adults. lol And it's funny because we were watching home movies the other day and DH was acting just like my wild 3 year old!! We all know where she gets it now!! lol

tmrobinson
03-15-2009, 02:37 PM
Seriously? On the rare occasion I manage to get the door closed dd stands on the other side knocking and saying "who is it" the whole time. She just learned to flush the toilet and will sit (with clothes still on) on her own potty next to me. Hopefully we'll start potty training this summer so I think it's good for her to see/learn.

prd2CD
03-15-2009, 02:38 PM
yes they are off the wall sometimes...sheesh:rolleyes:

Elena"s Mom
03-15-2009, 02:41 PM
Totally silly of your mom.
Should I cover my DD's eyes when we are walking the dogs?
I think the worst it can do is show your kids what toilets are for LOL! I am totally potty shy (like I have never used the bathroom with the door open even with DH), but I have always let DD in there with me.
S3x and peeing are 2 completely different things. I would never let DD watch me have s3x and I think it's weird that anyone would even put the 2 on the same level :headscratch:

jpicasso
03-15-2009, 02:43 PM
Were an open door family, and both DH and I grew up that way as well. I don't see anything wrong with it, heck, I've gone to the bathroom with DS in the carrier :blush: Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. In the end, it's your family and you have to do what work for you, not her :2cents:

dragondance
03-15-2009, 02:44 PM
What did kids do before PLing movies, eh? :giggle: We all hang out in the bathroom :giggle: shower sometimes, all that good stuff. I am just teaching dd1 that we make sure the door is closed and our clothes are on when people are over though :giggle: as she would totally be a nudist if she could.
Oh, and we co-sleep for the first several months so technically they have probably seen us DTD too but they won't remember that :giggle2:

raindrop_333
03-15-2009, 02:48 PM
Oh please. I can't believe she asked if the next step would be to let them watch you have sex. Melodramatic and snarky, much? :rolleyes:

Sometimes I ask my 4 year old to give me some privacy, but I usually don't mind. We aren't weird about those kinds of things, and in turn our children don't make a huge deal about nakedness. Lili is starting to learn to respect personal boundaries though (ie, when her father is showering, etc).

motherculture
03-15-2009, 02:50 PM
I think it is very normal. I have a 4.5 year old who likes me in the bathroom with him so I don't think to shut him out when I go. it is a family home and doors around here are often open. don't feel embarrased.

3GirlieMommy
03-15-2009, 03:11 PM
I think it's a generational thing really... and a personal preference. I have a friend with triplets who doesn't like to go to the bathroom with her kids if she can help it- she gets shy and whatnot. I've never cared one way or another. I think I remember seeing my mom nude for a few years and then it just stopped. Now she's shy around me but I think it has more to do with low self-image because she's not a size _ kwim?

3GirlieMommy
03-15-2009, 03:18 PM
BTW I LOVE your avatar PRD2CD! It is beautiful! :)

mommy2my2babies
03-15-2009, 03:18 PM
Thats crazy! My kids (3 y/o dd and 21 m/o ds) come in the bathroom with me pretty much everytime I am in there. I cant hardly ever get in there without one of them. I see nothing wrong with it! DS follows DH when he does, but DD does not. She understands that it isnt appropriate.

tasbaby
03-15-2009, 03:52 PM
We have one bathroom and 4 people. Sometimes privacy is nice, but it's not always possible. Even if it's possible at home, what are you supposed to do with little ones when you are out in public? Hold it? I don't think so! Just today I took my 4 year old potty at Costco. The only problem with that is that he went first then I went quickly while he was pulling his pants up. When he's done, he'll open the door whether I'm done or not. Hi everyone in the Costco bathroom. Don't mind me while I stand here and pull up my pants in front of everyone! :blush:

tusheez
03-15-2009, 04:00 PM
i dont see the big deal
the only things my kids dont see me do is use tampons, or have sex (well they have walked in before but they were really young)

Primm_n_Proper_Baby
03-15-2009, 04:01 PM
She's not in the right telling you what's appropriate for your family IMO. :hugs:

We have 2 sinks, a toidie, and bath tub in our bathroom...perfect, lol, for our family. At night we usually have someone in the tub, a couple at the sinks brushing, etc and someone using the toilet. IDK, everyone and every family has different levels of 'ok' in regards to nudity and such.

OT a bit...Olivia (19 mos) has been comming in the bathroom from day one with me... the bathroom door is rarely shut in our house. She now though tries to help me pull up my pants when I'm done. :roflmbo:

Primm_n_Proper_Baby
03-15-2009, 04:04 PM
Were an open door family, and both DH and I grew up that way as well. I don't see anything wrong with it, heck, I've gone to the bathroom with DS in the carrier :blush: Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. In the end, it's your family and you have to do what work for you, not her :2cents:

:giggle: all the time here, too! Mei Tais rock.

Liddle1
03-15-2009, 04:07 PM
I'm 28 and my mom to this day still never shuts the door LOL...

I think it's totally appropriate up to a certain age. After potty training and when they start noticing differences in the nether regions etc I think it's time to shut the door :)

Kimmyann
03-15-2009, 04:34 PM
For me sure I would love a minute or two of some private time in the potty but its also a safety issue. My 2 year old climbs on the table, counters ect...when left alone for 2 seconds. When he is in the bathroom with me I know where he is and what he is doing without worrying about what he is getting into.

Rollins4
03-15-2009, 04:44 PM
I have usually all four plus the dog and sometimes the cat,, and then DH standing there (if he is home) telling me about his day:lostit:

We are pretty open in our house,, like another Mama, we have set limits and DH is really modest, so they no, "helping" Dad,, not so much. My DD knows about AF so all the bathroom stuff is really no big deal. Keep doing what works for you Mama!!:thumbsup:

mbsr76
03-15-2009, 05:01 PM
Oh please. If I avoided the bathroom because my son wanted to be in there with me, I'd need to wear diapers because I would never be able to use the potty.

When my kids are older and IF I feel like I need privacy, then I'd tell them that. I mean sometimes when you're poopin' you just don't want an audience. But for now, I've always got at least two extra little eyes in there with me, and I never have to flush the toilet myself.

My son sees me naked all the time, is that bad too? We shower together, and he's always pointing at my boobs when I'm feeding his baby sister. Sometimes he even points right at the nipple and says "Can I have?". I guess your mom would probably have a fit in my house.

lovemyryley
03-15-2009, 05:31 PM
that's exactly what i said to my mom and that is when she came in with the sex comment. :banghead:

i told her that, yes, they are even in there when AF is in town. she was totally aghast and reacted like that was the most horrible and outlandish thing she has ever heard.

my LO's are 44 mos and 20 mos.

My kids are always in the bathroom with me too. Ry (4.5) calls it the red pee when AF is around lol. We went to get their hair cut last weekend and he had to use the bathroom and I had to too. Well he looked in the toilet after I peed, gasped jumped back and yelled "YOU HAVE THE RED PEE!!" i had to explain to him that we don't talk about things lke that in public lol.

justlindsay
03-15-2009, 06:22 PM
Ya, My son is almost 6yrs (and my dd is almost 4yrs) and this isnt an issue at all. We just go with the door open, Im not gonna lock my kids out, screw dat! LOL

justjess
03-15-2009, 06:32 PM
i have all boys so they dont come with me to the bathroom, although they did when they were really little like to young to know anything. when my DH is deployed i do leave my bathroom door open while i'm in the shower and only my 15 month old comes in and peeks behind the curtain to make sure i'm still there. the older boys now know better then to see girls naked. i've tried to teach them not to look even if its in front of them. they also notice when girls wear clothes that are not on the modest side and they offer up the info like "mom that girl needs to cover up her girl parts!!!"lol its all in the name of decency in this house!

Mama2acrew
03-15-2009, 06:33 PM
:::shuddering::: Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking of what my LO would do if he WASN'T in the bathroom when I went... I swear, he would have the house tore down around the bathroom!!! FWIW, all my kids wonder in and out... I never get to go alone. If I lock the door (when daddy is home), they stand outside and talk to me while I am in there.

quietasariot
03-15-2009, 08:13 PM
Um, it might sound weird but after 5 years of knowing my MIL she will just march in to the bathroom and go pee if need be. LOL. My daughter(s) both hang out in the bathroom with me sometimes (usually it's the baby, older DD doesn't really care about how cool the potty is anymore :P).
Peeing =/= sex. LOL

nataliedan
03-15-2009, 08:21 PM
How else are they suppose to learn what that thing in the bathroom is for??? I think it's fine....sex on the other hand is something they learn in school and DO NOT need a demo for least I didn't hee hee

kitty1163
03-15-2009, 08:22 PM
I wouldn't get to go from 8 am until 6 pm if I followed that rule.

LambyPants
03-15-2009, 08:43 PM
My younger kids BARGE in on me when I go. they don't care I don't care. I walk around in my bra and underwear in front of all my kids. Sometimes I even will dash through the house in just my underwear and one arm covering my boobies *gasp*. My kids aren't bothered by it cuz they are used to it, and we don't make no bones about the human body. I am a little more conservative when my step daughter is around, but that's only because her mother is uptight and it makes her uncomfortable, so I respect that, but she's getting to where it doesn't bother her so much if I'm mostly dressed...i.e. pants and bra or longer shirt and underwear.

Mom2KG
03-15-2009, 08:50 PM
The other day I went to the bathroom with one tied on my back while the other one counted my toes. While all 3 dogs watched. :blush:

Twinvillageiowa
03-15-2009, 09:52 PM
I wouldn't let a 15 year old in with me but little kids just sort of want to be there. I mean, not like they want to watch you, but the thought of you being alone without them for more than 1 min. is just too much for them. I don't even bother to close the door anymore!

Ready2Bmommy
03-16-2009, 07:41 AM
:eek: I cannot BELIEVE she said that to you!! :eek:

squintz22
03-16-2009, 07:49 AM
I'm the oldest of 4 girls - we had ONE bathroom growing up. Needless to say, we didn't have too much privacy! In fact, we weren't ALLOWED to lock the door when we took a shower, because my little sister often had to come in and go to the bathroom. (She's a LOT younger than me.)

But holy cow - I almost always have company in the bathroom. I'd rather my little ones were in with me than getting into something or screaming outside the bathroom! I do try to shut the door when AF is in town, but even then it doesn't always happen. #3 can now open the gate and the door, so unless it's locked, he can walk right in. And for some reason, I don't really like to lock the doors. I don't feel safe or something...:dunno:

My older girls are 5 and 6 and are starting to request privacy, mostly from the boys - which is good. Of course - they also don't shut the door though!

prd2CD
03-16-2009, 09:59 AM
The other day I went to the bathroom with one tied on my back while the other one counted my toes. While all 3 dogs watched. :blush:

:roflmbo:


thank you thank you alllll you mamas for the GREAT support and responses!!!! i feel soooo much better now with all of the support!!!!! i love everybody's reply and would love to quote all of you to give a personal response but my DS is now climbing the kitchen coutner.


:grphug:

gotta run!!!!

my2sweets
03-16-2009, 10:19 AM
...

OT a bit...Olivia (19 mos) has been comming in the bathroom from day one with me... the bathroom door is rarely shut in our house. She now though tries to help me pull up my pants when I'm done. :roflmbo:


My 20month old always tries to help me wipe :roflmbo:



I've also held my girls in one arm while taking care of business when they were little. Actually some days the girls need a little extra cuddles so they sit on my lap while I go:blush: dd1(4) knows that my period comes once a month and that I have pubic hair because I'm an adult. I dont want her to be shocked when this stuff happens to her like I was...We're just not a modest family when it comes to this area of life :)