O.K. so I had my first in Nov. and I LOVE being a mom more than I ever thought I would, and I want more so badly. I just can't figure out how we can afford it. Right now we live in a 2 bedroom apartment and I have money for my Mat leave but I'll have to make plans for when it is over in Oct. Right now we can't afford a mortgage on anything decent and its so discouraging. How do you mamas with lots do it?
mommyfrog
03-20-2009, 02:06 PM
The only way we can do it is to give up almost anything new. We have used cars, clothes, furniture, bikes, etc.....The only thing we buy new is socks and underwear and sometimes shoes if I can't find a really nice pair used when someone needs them. None of my kids have ever complained and are never made fun of at school. Nobody can tell their clothes/shoes are used. I find them all the brands their friends are wearing at a fraction of the cost and they all look the same after they've been washed a few times. If I had to buy everything brand new, we would have stopped at two for sure, possibly one!! We also don't go out to eat very often and don't buy stuff like pop, chips, or sweets very often which are not good for the pocketbook or body.
Judesmommy
03-20-2009, 06:34 PM
The only way we can do it is to give up almost anything new. We have used cars, clothes, furniture, bikes, etc.....The only thing we buy new is socks and underwear and sometimes shoes if I can't find a really nice pair used when someone needs them. None of my kids have ever complained and are never made fun of at school. Nobody can tell their clothes/shoes are used. I find them all the brands their friends are wearing at a fraction of the cost and they all look the same after they've been washed a few times. If I had to buy everything brand new, we would have stopped at two for sure, possibly one!! We also don't go out to eat very often and don't buy stuff like pop, chips, or sweets very often which are not good for the pocketbook or body.
Thanks for responding I've been really trying to cut back on shopping these days, especially buying new. I just bought my son's first high chair for $30 and at first I felt disapointed because my friends have the latest and greatest, but mine has all the same functions but doesn't look as fancy, and it's not like my son cares so why do I? I really want more kids and hubby is supposed to be getting a raise soon so maybe we will be able to figure it all out :)
BlsdMama
03-21-2009, 10:20 AM
Obviously, I don't know your income. But I'd say the first step would be to make a budget within the means. Obviously you don't need to budget for a family of ten when you have a family of three. :thumbsup: We've found as our family grows, dh has gone up in income. Also, we've found things we previously thought were NECESSARY, are not. I found cloth diapering in 2000 with Baby #2. I found "fancy" cloth diapering in 2001 with Baby #4. I gave up fancy cloth diapering for prefolds in 2004. I had my prefolds changed to prefitteds in 2007. I thought disposables were necessary. I was wrong. I thought AIOs and fitteds and "cute" diapers were necessary. I was wrong. I thought strollers were necessary. I was wrong. I NEVER imagined not owning a crib. I was wrong. My first two children had completely color coordinated clothing. They matched all the time. They never, ever, ever, wore anything that wasn't namebrand. I was wrong. I thought (according to my mother) that you redid the "colors" in your home a lot. After all, gasp, what would you do if your bathroom stayed decorated in blue for five years? Yeah, I was wrong. I thought I needed to own 4 pairs of pants, 15 shirts, 6 pairs of shoes. I was wrong. I thought I needed a nice car. I was wrong.
Turns out I do quite well with recycled clothing. I drive an older 15 passenger van, but Bessies treats us good. :) I still like my children looking somewhat cohesive when we go out and about (it's less overwhelming to the eyes and we get enough attention as it is) but apparently my children can look VERY nice by wearing matching Target polo tops and cute little trendy skirts I make out of fabric that's on sale. It looks boutique, but it's cheaper than Wal-Mart, lol.
As time goes by, we spend less and less on what we thought were necessities. And we have fewer toys than we did than when we had one. It saves space, clutter, and allows the children to use their minds and imaginations more.
I will say that we have not given up everything new. But, I have been able to do trades for a lot. Garage sales - oh my. If you're careful and picky, your kids still can wear namebrand, like new clothing. Here's the deal. You will quickly learn to be careful. Good stuff will stay for good. Every day stuff will stay every day. When you have six children and you realize they EACH have two feet.... Um, no, you won't want them to each own five pairs of shoes as you would actually have to have space and organize shoes for eight people... That's EIGHTY shoes. You'll be surprised how much you pare down as you have more kids.
What we've gained from being a big family FAR, FAR outweighs what we've given up. We've given up a lot of our materialistic based ideas and what we've gained is a really close knit family unit and our kids have their priorities straight.
And it wasn't a "conclusion" we came to but more of an evolution of a family philosophy. Someone said once that a woman told them that she just simply didn't have the patience for many children. And the someone told the woman, "When I had one child, I had the patience for one child. And when I had two children, God gave me the patience for two children. He doesn't give what you don't need and He'll supply what you do need, when you need it."
I guess it's a little like stepping out in faith. I don't question how many children we have and I just trust when God gives us another that it will all work out as He sees fit. After all, I believe He is the giver of life and He purposefully CHOOSES to bring another little person into this very specific family, well, I can also assume He sure knows a lot better than little 'ole me. :mrgreen:
Judesmommy
03-22-2009, 02:19 AM
Obviously, I don't know your income. But I'd say the first step would be to make a budget within the means. Obviously you don't need to budget for a family of ten when you have a family of three. :thumbsup: We've found as our family grows, dh has gone up in income. Also, we've found things we previously thought were NECESSARY, are not. I found cloth diapering in 2000 with Baby #2. I found "fancy" cloth diapering in 2001 with Baby #4. I gave up fancy cloth diapering for prefolds in 2004. I had my prefolds changed to prefitteds in 2007. I thought disposables were necessary. I was wrong. I thought AIOs and fitteds and "cute" diapers were necessary. I was wrong. I thought strollers were necessary. I was wrong. I NEVER imagined not owning a crib. I was wrong. My first two children had completely color coordinated clothing. They matched all the time. They never, ever, ever, wore anything that wasn't namebrand. I was wrong. I thought (according to my mother) that you redid the "colors" in your home a lot. After all, gasp, what would you do if your bathroom stayed decorated in blue for five years? Yeah, I was wrong. I thought I needed to own 4 pairs of pants, 15 shirts, 6 pairs of shoes. I was wrong. I thought I needed a nice car. I was wrong.
Turns out I do quite well with recycled clothing. I drive an older 15 passenger van, but Bessies treats us good. :) I still like my children looking somewhat cohesive when we go out and about (it's less overwhelming to the eyes and we get enough attention as it is) but apparently my children can look VERY nice by wearing matching Target polo tops and cute little trendy skirts I make out of fabric that's on sale. It looks boutique, but it's cheaper than Wal-Mart, lol.
As time goes by, we spend less and less on what we thought were necessities. And we have fewer toys than we did than when we had one. It saves space, clutter, and allows the children to use their minds and imaginations more.
I will say that we have not given up everything new. But, I have been able to do trades for a lot. Garage sales - oh my. If you're careful and picky, your kids still can wear namebrand, like new clothing. Here's the deal. You will quickly learn to be careful. Good stuff will stay for good. Every day stuff will stay every day. When you have six children and you realize they EACH have two feet.... Um, no, you won't want them to each own five pairs of shoes as you would actually have to have space and organize shoes for eight people... That's EIGHTY shoes. You'll be surprised how much you pare down as you have more kids.
What we've gained from being a big family FAR, FAR outweighs what we've given up. We've given up a lot of our materialistic based ideas and what we've gained is a really close knit family unit and our kids have their priorities straight.
And it wasn't a "conclusion" we came to but more of an evolution of a family philosophy. Someone said once that a woman told them that she just simply didn't have the patience for many children. And the someone told the woman, "When I had one child, I had the patience for one child. And when I had two children, God gave me the patience for two children. He doesn't give what you don't need and He'll supply what you do need, when you need it."
I guess it's a little like stepping out in faith. I don't question how many children we have and I just trust when God gives us another that it will all work out as He sees fit. After all, I believe He is the giver of life and He purposefully CHOOSES to bring another little person into this very specific family, well, I can also assume He sure knows a lot better than little 'ole me. :mrgreen:
Awe so sweet and touching, thank you for sharing, it really gives me hope to the future. I love my baby boy so much and I have such a yearning for at least one more.
sunnygirlmomof6
03-22-2009, 11:48 AM
Obviously, I don't know your income. But I'd say the first step would be to make a budget within the means. Obviously you don't need to budget for a family of ten when you have a family of three. :thumbsup: We've found as our family grows, dh has gone up in income. Also, we've found things we previously thought were NECESSARY, are not. I found cloth diapering in 2000 with Baby #2. I found "fancy" cloth diapering in 2001 with Baby #4. I gave up fancy cloth diapering for prefolds in 2004. I had my prefolds changed to prefitteds in 2007. I thought disposables were necessary. I was wrong. I thought AIOs and fitteds and "cute" diapers were necessary. I was wrong. I thought strollers were necessary. I was wrong. I NEVER imagined not owning a crib. I was wrong. My first two children had completely color coordinated clothing. They matched all the time. They never, ever, ever, wore anything that wasn't namebrand. I was wrong. I thought (according to my mother) that you redid the "colors" in your home a lot. After all, gasp, what would you do if your bathroom stayed decorated in blue for five years? Yeah, I was wrong. I thought I needed to own 4 pairs of pants, 15 shirts, 6 pairs of shoes. I was wrong. I thought I needed a nice car. I was wrong.
Turns out I do quite well with recycled clothing. I drive an older 15 passenger van, but Bessies treats us good. :) I still like my children looking somewhat cohesive when we go out and about (it's less overwhelming to the eyes and we get enough attention as it is) but apparently my children can look VERY nice by wearing matching Target polo tops and cute little trendy skirts I make out of fabric that's on sale. It looks boutique, but it's cheaper than Wal-Mart, lol.
As time goes by, we spend less and less on what we thought were necessities. And we have fewer toys than we did than when we had one. It saves space, clutter, and allows the children to use their minds and imaginations more.
I will say that we have not given up everything new. But, I have been able to do trades for a lot. Garage sales - oh my. If you're careful and picky, your kids still can wear namebrand, like new clothing. Here's the deal. You will quickly learn to be careful. Good stuff will stay for good. Every day stuff will stay every day. When you have six children and you realize they EACH have two feet.... Um, no, you won't want them to each own five pairs of shoes as you would actually have to have space and organize shoes for eight people... That's EIGHTY shoes. You'll be surprised how much you pare down as you have more kids.
What we've gained from being a big family FAR, FAR outweighs what we've given up. We've given up a lot of our materialistic based ideas and what we've gained is a really close knit family unit and our kids have their priorities straight.
And it wasn't a "conclusion" we came to but more of an evolution of a family philosophy. Someone said once that a woman told them that she just simply didn't have the patience for many children. And the someone told the woman, "When I had one child, I had the patience for one child. And when I had two children, God gave me the patience for two children. He doesn't give what you don't need and He'll supply what you do need, when you need it."
I guess it's a little like stepping out in faith. I don't question how many children we have and I just trust when God gives us another that it will all work out as He sees fit. After all, I believe He is the giver of life and He purposefully CHOOSES to bring another little person into this very specific family, well, I can also assume He sure knows a lot better than little 'ole me. :mrgreen:
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU!!
It is amazing how after each new addition, you can find more things that you DON'T need to survive. We get a lot of hand-me-downs from family and friends, and I try to pay it forward by ging clothes are things we outgrow to families that need them. The MORE kids you have......the LESS material things you need. Isn't amazing how God always provides??? I am richly blessed with 5 and one on the way and I don't know when we will be 'done'.
faiths13
03-28-2009, 11:00 PM
I have found that there has always been a way to get by. You can always cut back on things you dont need, but you know, you start off slow and if you have another boy, then he can wear his brothers clothes, and use the other things he doesnt need anymore. Sometimes it can be hard, but you just find ways to make it work. We dont own a house we rent (we actually lost our house last year) and we found a decent size house that we can afford. It just seems that things always work out when they need to. gl!
bdhutier
03-28-2009, 11:12 PM
Such great advice ! I totally agree with everyone, it's really hard to explain but when you NEED something it always works out and you get it and everything else just isn't important. I have learned that so often what I thought was a need was really a want. We also shop at thirft stores and use hand me downs, i always don't plan my meals but I try to buy the same things each week so I always know that I have to make our meals and we stay away from prepared meals.A bag of beans is cheap and goes a long way. I think it's great that you want more kids, so much of what children need costs no money only time.
